Lets take a walk on the Dark Side of the Moon

[Master Holton]

 
 

Proudly presents...

 
 

The Holocron: 6th Release

 
 

Table of Contents

 

1. Introduction
2. Sith Lord voting results: Joe the Plumber becomes Joe the Dictator
3. Anthony is back...
4. ... and Dilber is on his way.
5. What it means to be Sith - A Treatise on our Meriotocracy
6. ATTN ODN

 
[hr]
 

Introduction

 
Welcome to another edition of the Holocron. The pride of the Sith, envy of the cyberverse, arguably the best news release out there (sup PNN, Don't Panic, Schatt?). We're happy to announce that this is a special election edition of the Holocron and our 6th overall release! You will notice we are using a different graphic from our last release, all credit for this masterpiece goes to our all-powerful Emperor Rayvon. Thanks for donating your art fair Emperor! :wub:
 
Please enjoy yourself and feel free to critique or compliment.
 
 
/s/ Holton - Voice of the Order

 [hr]
 

Joe Stupid embraces Joe the Plumber and transforms into Joe the Dictator

 
 

 
This past week the New Sith Order saw rise to an unprecedented set of happenings. Lord Rabonnobar stepped down from the Darth Council in order to pursue a greater understanding of the Dark Side. In true Sith tradition, the empty seat did not pass long unnoticed. Alas, your's truly was barred from challenging for the position as I was too new to my new position of Master. However, two very capable members of the Order stepped up to fill the hole left by Lord Rabonnobar. Youwish959, Imperator Emeritus, became the first former Emperor in the history of the Sith to issue a challenge and make a return to active government. KainIIIC, former Sith Lord, also stepped up to challenge for the seat. Following shortly behind, and needing a little encouragement, Joe Stupid issued his challenge a few hours after his opponents.
 
The chatter within the Order was explosive. Not only did we have a 3-way challenge, we had a 3-way between Joe, Kain, and Youwish. Each a legend in their own right, the competition and debate was fierce. Youwish withdrew from the challenge in order to fill the role of Master in the Council of Inquisition, another first in the history of the Sith. Leaving Kain and Joe to battle it out for the seat. Everyone in the Order agreed that either candidate's victory would equate to a victory for the Sith, however only one could be left standing at the end of the day.
 
KainIIIC campaigned upon his past and his skill, promising tax cuts to all major Sith corporations and lowering the minimum wage laws. Joe Stupid campaigned as the common man, the "approachable" candidate. Joe the Plumber's grassroots campaigning strategy payed off for him in the end. Though the vote was close, Joe stupid won out by a mere 4 votes.
 
The Holocron would like to thank all three candidates for their amazing debate and service to the Order. We hope you decide to run again Kain!
 
Congratulations to our new Sith Lord, Joe Stupid. The Holocron dutifully collected comments from across the cyberverse and the people all unanimously agree on the positive nature of Joe's ascendancy:
 

<+The_Wu> you know those girls on facebook that post things like "I had a bad day" and you ask why and they're all like, "I don't wanna talk about it."? Joe's like one of those girls. He says stuff without saying stuff. And should never wear colored jeans.

<@Pollard> again?

<&tito[NG]> why aren't i the new sith lord?

<&ncc[NG]> My thoughts are you need to find something for Kain to do too. 
<&ncc[NG]> Like I said, we're open to guest workers. :V

<@esial> We're doomed.
<@esial> Quote that

<&Mompson> It's interesting for sure.  I'll have to come by again and congratulate him.

<+CodyHaner> Joe is a slut who wears Seafoam-colored Jeans

<Wenulu> holton does he hate you?

<SlimCad> um that's a good thing?

<+ReytheGreat> he's gay

 
Clearly, this is the dawning of a new age for the New Sith Order!
 
o/ Joe
o/ NSO
 
[hr]
 
 

 

The Return of Anthony

 
The subject of much mourning in the Order since his departure, Anthony, has finally been reincarnated. Truly the epitome of what it means to be Sith, Anthony has a long history with the Sith. Serving as Sith Lord for many years and eventually going inactive and deleting from our lives, but never from our hearts. Anthony was often the subject of conversation in the Dark Army as he influenced an entire generation of Sith but wouldn't be present to help mold our new recruits into a true Sith. Fortunately, as of March 4th, 2013, our beloved Yankees Fan has returned home to continue his glorious reign of lulz and suggesting we fight our own recruits. The mighty Anthem of Anthony will resound throughout the halls of Moldovistadt for many generations to come:
 

Our "Anthony", who art in GOONS,
Hallowed be thy Name. 
Thy medals come. 
Thy will be done, 
in #jrcom as it is in #Dominion. 
Give us this day our daily target lists. 
And forgive us our minor problems, 
As they will be destroyed soon. 
And lead us not into inactivity; 
[For thine is the kingdom, The power, and the glory, 
For ever and ever.] Amen.

[hr]
 

Dilber is Coming

As many of you may know by now, our Dark Lord and Savior is returning to the greatest country on earth before summer ends. Pepper your angus, this will be the biggest thing to hit CN since Karma.
 
[hr]
 

What it means to be Sith - A Treatise on our Meritocracy

 
When the first Dark Lord saw what had become of the Cyberverse, he wept. The bastions of strength he had known in his past lifetime were suffering from disrepair and incompetence, and the people were complacent with their lot. On March 4th, 2009 the New Sith Order was founded in opposition to everything the world at the time stood for. PZI sentencing, chasing players from the game, allowing your friends into positions of power rather than the best man for the job being chief among these. We were a haven for those seeking shelter from the outdated practices of the time and for those whom the Sith's philosophy resonated with.
 
The Order was founded on the idea of pure meritocracy. The strongest and most competent members would be our leaders, and the rest of the members would constantly strive for improvement in order to challenge these leaders. Moldavi thought this ideal was best represented by the Sith, a religious faction from a galaxy far far away. To further aid in this strive for pure meritocracy, the New Sith Order instated the Challenge system. Our system has seen many incarnations throughout the years, but the basic tenet has remained true: Anyone of competence may challenge their direct superior for their position. The first Dark Lord recognized that he alone could not decide the outcome of the challenge as this would stain it with his own bias, corrupting the purpose he had designed the Challenge system for. Therefore, it was decided that the Sith would choose their leaders using a meritocracy based on common consensus. Once the challenges are issued, a period of endorsements occur. If the challenger accrues the requisite endorsements, the challenge will proceed to the final phase: Voting. 
 
It is here that the Sith separate themselves from the rest of the world's alliances. Our system is not a democracy, as we do not hold regularly scheduled elections. Each Sith is indoctrinated in our ways from the moment they apply to our great Order. Our consensus-based meritocracy is based purely on the skill of the two candidates. Each member takes the time to separate out their emotions and their personal bias, as much as humanly possible, to vote based on who will do the best job. This is what makes the Sith unique. We choose our government based on merit, not on personal preference or popularity. Every single one of us is committed to this ideal, and we all strive to weed out those weak enough to succumb to their emotions during a vote. 
 
We often repeat the line "The Strong Survive", but what this means is not always clear to outsiders and newcomers. The phrase "The Strong Survive" is not a dividing frame of thought, we do not throw the weaker members of our Order to the wolves to fend for themselves. Instead, the phrase is meant to inspire unity within our halls. The Strongest members will rule our Order, but the even the strongest individual is weak while standing alone. In our unity, we are Strong. A unified alliance will survive and thrive, a weak alliance will break apart and die. This is indisputable fact.
 
o/ NSO
 
The Strong Survive.

[hr]
 

The Callout

 
Hey ODN, get ready. We're coming for you in 5 days time. The fallout will be massive, the casualties innumerable... See you there ;)

[hr]

Thanks for taking the time read through our Holocron! Any feedback, critiques, or suggestions for future Holocrons are always very much appreciated. That's it for tonight. o/

[Katy Perry]

I consider Joe's appointment to be a valid CB. I can't promise I will waste as much time writing the DoW as you clearly did on this.

(Congrats, and be sure to beat ODN.)

[Dilber]

There is always supposed to be a feature on me, so I accept this as an official publication.

[Yevgeni Luchenkov]

The presence of Dilber saves the publication.

[Neo Uruk]

Make sure to follow me, yo. I'm bout to hit up Worldstar!

Edited May 27, 2013 by Neo Uruk

[Gofastleft]

I am not sure America can handle Dilber's return. 

 

o/ NSO

[Lord Valleo]

Nice job Holton o/

[Mompson]

Congrats Joe.

[Biohazard]

Lack of poetry causes me to dislike this.

 

But nice work Holton. :p

[HappyTheHobo]

The goal of this letter is to bring about the demise of New Sith
Order's capricious taradiddles just as Charter 77 brought about the
demise of communism in Czechoslovakia. Permit me this forum to rant.
New Sith Order should take a step back and look at everything from a
different perspective. Excuse me; that's not entirely correct. What I
meant to say is that New Sith Order's manifestos have an unsavory
historical track record. I submit that everyone should stop and mull
that assertion. Then, people will understand why New Sith Order has
made it known that it fully intends to project a stream of tyrannical
images of death, sex, disaster, material goods, celebrities, and other
fixtures in a mock-Olympian firmament. If those words don't scare you,
nothing will. If they are not a clear warning, I don't know what could
be.

New Sith Order can't throw away its integrity and expect the world to
respect it for it. You may have detected a hint of sarcasm in the way I
phrased that last statement, but I assure you that I am not
exaggerating the situation. I've known a number of honorable people who
have laid down their lives to call a spade a spade. Without exception,
these people understood deeply that if New Sith Order doesn't realize
that it's generally considered bad style to silence any criticism of the
brainwashing and double standards that it has increasingly been
practicing, then it should read one of the many self-help books on the
subject. I recommend it buy one with big print and lots of pictures.
Maybe then New Sith Order will grasp the concept that its pals have been
waxing stridently about Stalinism, New Sith Order's obiter dicta, and
why New Sith Order should wreck our country, derail our civilization,
and threaten the human race with extinction. Meanwhile, I, speaking as
someone who is not a snarky scatterbrain, have been uplifting
individuals and communities on a global scale to work together towards a
shared vision. What do I hope to achieve by doing such a thing? I
hope to achieve widespread recognition that after hearing about New Sith
Order's pharisaical attempts to make conditions far worse than could
ever have been the case without its vengeful efforts, I was saddened. I
was saddened that it has lowered itself to this level.

New Sith Order's plan is to meddle in everyone else's affairs. New
Sith Order's expositors are moving at a frightening pace toward the
total implementation of that agenda, which includes manipulating the
public like a puppet dangling from strings. To those unconscionable,
acrimonious pronks who think that New Sith Order holds a universal
license that allows it to raise extortionate demands, know this: It
can't possibly believe that we have no reason to be fearful about the
criminally violent trends in our society today and over the past ten to
fifteen years. It's poxy but it's not that poxy. Although I can find
only circumstantial evidence of misconduct and rule violations, New Sith
Order does not appeal to most people as being the most endearing or
public-minded of organizations. Maybe its image would improve somewhat
if it stopped trying to encourage people to leave their spouses, kill
their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become
spleenful lotharios. Couldn't you figure that out for yourself, New
Sith Order? If we let New Sith Order take a condescending cheap shot at
a person whom most cheeky luftmenschen will never be in a position to
condescend to, who's going to protect us? The government? Our parents?
Superman? Probably none of the above. That's why it's important to
highlight all of the problems with New Sith Order's infernal
commentaries.

I have seen what New Sith Order is capable of, and I am afraid. I am
very afraid and I am very angry. New Sith Order's propaganda machine
once said that New Sith Order would never inure us to lousy, ill-bred
Leninism. So much for credibility! Of perhaps even more concern is
that New Sith Order's biggest lie is that people prefer "cultural
integrity" and "multicultural sensitivity" to health, food, safety, and
the opportunity to choose their own course through life. Sure, it might
be able to peddle that boatload of parisology to the hayseeds, but I
don't know if it is consciously and purposely evil or merely laughable.
I do know, however, that the claim that the key to living a long and
happy life is to take the robes of political power off the shoulders of
the few honest people who wear them and put them upon the shoulders of
dimwitted crooks is illusory. A person could write a whole book on that
topic alone. In order to be as brief as possible, though, I'll state
simply that it seems clear that the people New Sith Order attacks
deserve compassion, not insults, put-downs, or stereotypes. But we
ought to look at the matter in a broader framework before we draw final
conclusions on the subject: We see that there are three fairly obvious
problems with New Sith Order's reports, each of which needs to be
addressed by any letter that attempts to turn random, senseless violence
into meaningful action. First, the vastly inflated humanitarian
forecasts of New Sith Order's paroxysms are unrecognizable when compared
to their inevitable outcome. Second, New Sith Order's grievances are
attributable to an ignorance born of fear. And third, New Sith Order
plans to prevent me from sleeping soundly at night when you least expect
it. I'd like to see it try to get away with such a plan; that should
be good for a laugh. You see, most people have already observed that
the baneful nature of New Sith Order's inveracities is not just a rumor.
It is a fact to which I can testify.

I beg of you: Use your head for something more meaningful than being
a delivery system for New Sith Order's vindictive viewpoints. Use it
for thinking about how some of the facts I'm about to present may seem
shocking. This they certainly are. However, New Sith Order has a
near-legendary lack of common sense, decency, and manners. I trust that
I have not shocked any of you by writing that. However, I do realize
that some of my readers may feel that much of what I have penned about
New Sith Order in this letter is heartless and in violation of our
Christian duty to love everyone. If so, I can say only that it's
amazing to me that New Sith Order's apologists actually suspect that New
Sith Order has achieved sainthood. Not only must such people be
mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration, but New Sith Order
cannot be tamed by "tolerance" and "accommodation" but is actually
spurred on by such gestures. It sees such gestures as a sign of
weakness on our part and is thereby encouraged to continue promoting a
herd mentality over principled, individual thought.

It has been proven time and time again that New Sith Order's orations
are a house of mirrors. How are we to find the opening that leads to
freedom? Personally, I don't believe the answer has anything to do with
yahooism. Rather, I believe it involves New Sith Order's tendency to
talk about you and me in terms that are not fit to be repeated. New
Sith Order sometimes has trouble convincing people that the world can be
happy only when its coalition is given full rein. When it has such
trouble, it usually trots out a few puerile guttersnipes to constate
authoritatively that New Sith Order's expostulations are intelligent,
commonsensical, and entirely consonant with the views of ordinary
people. Whether or not that trick of its works, it's still the case
that New Sith Order's ideological colors may have changed over the
years. Nevertheless, its core principle has remained the same: to
infantilize and corrupt the public. If you don't believe me then note
that we must transcend traditional thinking. This call to action begins
with you. You must be the first to lead it to resipiscence. You must be the one to show pluck and optimism when presented with threats and terror. And you
must inform your fellow man that the world would be a much better place
to live if New Sith Order just stopped trying to create division in the
name of diversity. Why do I tell you this? Because these days, no one
else has the guts to.

If we contradict New Sith Order, we are labelled covinous
ninnyhammers. If we capitulate, however, we forfeit our freedoms. New
Sith Order, already oppressive with its stultiloquent communiqués, will
perhaps be the ultimate exterminator of our human species—if separate
species we be—for its reserve of unguessed horrors could never be borne
by mortal brains if loosed upon the world. If you think that that's a
frightening thought then consider that New Sith Order has written
volumes about how might makes right. Don't believe a word of it,
though. The truth is that the biggest supporters of its heinous
manuscripts are hypersensitive loonies and recalcitrant peddlers of
snake-oil remedies. A secondary class of ardent supporters consists of
ladies of elastic virtue and cosmopolitan tendencies to whom such things
afford a decent excuse for displaying their fascinations at their open
windows. I've heard New Sith Order say that everything is happy and
fine and good. Was that just a slip of the lip, or is New Sith Order
secretly trying to rebrand local churches as faith-based emporia teeming
with impulse-buy items? The answer is too well-known to bear
repeating, but I should comment that New Sith Order's ruderies are not
an abstract problem. They have very concrete, immediate, and unpleasant
consequences. For instance, New Sith Order seems to be involved in a
number of illegal or borderline-illegal activities. For it and its
idolators, tax evasion and financial chicanery are scarcely outside the
norm. Even financial fraud and thievery seem to be okay. What's next?
Endowing antipluralism with a false legitimacy? I can say only that if
New Sith Order gets its way, none of us will be able to provide an
atmosphere of mutual respect, free from obscurantism, masochism, and all
other forms of prejudice and intolerance. Therefore, we must not let
New Sith Order sound the standard "they're out to get us" call and rally
its vassals to evade responsibility.

Because we continue to share a common, albeit abused, atmospheric
envelope, I, hardheaded cynic that I am, don't need to tell you that New
Sith Order is a social liability. That should be self-evident. What
is less evident is that New Sith Order uses highfalutin terms like
"proconstitutionalism" and "macracanthrorhynchiasis" to conceal its
plans to create an intimidating, hostile, and demeaning environment. In
this scheme of its, a mass of grandiloquent words falls upon the facts
like soft snow, blurring the outlines and covering up all the details.
We become unable to see that my cause is to banish divisiveness. I call
upon men and women from all walks of life to support my cause with
their life-affirming eloquence and indomitable spirit of human decency
and moral righteousness. Only then will the whole world realize that
the worst kinds of eccentric saboteurs there are are intrigued and
puzzled by New Sith Order's amalgam of foolish interventionism and
presumptuous Machiavellianism—a tangled web of KKK, Freudian,
encounter-therapy, populist, Ayn Rand-like, and Marxist notions. Still,
I recommend you check out some of New Sith Order's prophecies and draw
your own conclusions on the matter.

Even though New Sith Order presents a public face that avoids overt
nihilism, the main dissensus between me and New Sith Order is that I
warrant that New Sith Order's capilotades are clear testimony to the
fact that New Sith Order's deeds are complete and total offal. It, on
the other hand, contends that without its superior guidance, we will go
nowhere. My sources tell me that New Sith Order intends to encourage
uninformed windbags to see themselves as victims and, therefore, live by
alibis rather than by honest effort in the immediate years ahead. Not
on my watch! I am therefore calling upon all good citizens to place
blame where it belongs—in the hands of New Sith Order and its
destructive companions. One of New Sith Order's most loyal acolytes is
known to have remarked, "Profits come before people." And there you
have it: a direct quote from a primary source. The significance of that
quote is that New Sith Order is the embodiment of everything petty in
our lives. Every grievance, every envy, every crass ideology finds
expression in New Sith Order.

I'd peg the odds at about six to one that New Sith Order will provoke
terrible, total, universal, and merciless destruction sometime soon.
If I'm wrong, I promise that I'll gladly jump in the lake. For your
edification, I should definitely point out that on several occasions I
have heard New Sith Order state that it knows 100% of everything 100% of
the time. I am not able to rightly apprehend the kind of confusion of
ideas that could provoke such a comment. What I consider far more
important though is that one of New Sith Order's favorite dirty tricks
is to forge letters from its critics. These forgeries are laced with
scandalous "revelations" about everyone New Sith Order hates. Such
trickery deflects attention from the fact that New Sith Order denies
that it has been combining the most sordid avarice with the most
invincible hatred of the very people who tolerate and enrich it. Its
denials clearly contradict reports from eyewitnesses who saw it
interfering with the most important principles of democracy. I'd like
to see New Sith Order spin its way out of that one. So, sorry for being
so long-winded in this letter, but I must obviously reach out even to
my most ostrich-like readers and show them how New Sith Order's buddies
pamper disloyal pettifoggers, as though it were a disgrace to provide
you with vital information that New Sith Order has gone to great lengths
to prevent you from discovering.

[conistonslim]

Crazy long post

Anyone who reads a post this long is retarded.

 

Good luck to Dilber with his move and congrats to Joe.

[Captain Enema]

The presence of Dilber saves the publication.

 

Not entirely, considering where he is coming from it is highly possible the Dilber returning is counterfeit. God knows the natives make knock offs of just about everything over here.

[YOLO SWAG]

Holton has been given too much power. Allowing him to post your announcements is as big a mistake as Kashmir allowing me to post ours.

 

Joking aside, congrats to our friends at NSO. I'll raise my glass to the Sith!

 

[Master Hakai]

I love these wall of textes, but i will not be reading any of them

[Starfox101]

Joe is my boy. Only good can come of this.

[WorldConqueror]

I do wonder which one of these news nuggets spurred the creation of this issue of the Holocron, as even taken all together it's pretty anemic in terms of anything approaching relevant information. Also since when are Sith Arabic?

Edited May 27, 2013 by WorldConqueror

[Dilber]

wow rude

[Zacharias]

Didn't bother to read the whole OP. Congrats? I think?

[Ogaden]

All hail Dilber, viceroy of America

[Dilber]

Didn't bother to read the whole OP. Congrats? I think?

Wow thanks for telling us that tidbit of information! Everyone was waiting with baited breath about how much you had read, and now we know! Edited May 27, 2013 by Dilber

[Master Holton]

I do wonder which one of these news nuggets spurred the creation of this issue of the Holocron, as even taken all together it's pretty anemic in terms of anything approaching relevant information. Also since when are Sith Arabic?

 

What is considered "relevant" information to be put in a Holocron? Did you want some lightsaber techniques?

Edited May 27, 2013 by Master Holton

[Dilber]

*SNAP HISS*

don't cut your arm off. This is how you use a lightsaber.

[Dajobo]

Congratulations Joe!

[Dilber]

Congratulations Joe!

You just gave him the Kiss of Death inside NSO. :P

(nah, just playin')

[Enamel32]

Congrats to joe, anthony, and dillybar!

 

may the NSO live long and prosper.
 

 

Our "Anthony", who art in GOONS,
Hallowed be thy Name.
Thy medals come.
Thy will be done,
in #jrcom as it is in #Dominion.
Give us this day our daily target lists.
And forgive us our minor problems,
As they will be destroyed soon.
And lead us not into inactivity;
[For thine is the kingdom, The power, and the glory,
For ever and ever.] Amen.

somebodies a catholic >_>

Edited May 27, 2013 by Enamel32