HappyTheHobo Posted September 4, 2013 Report Share Posted September 4, 2013 Two words - Ben Farking Affleck. He directed and acted in last year's Best Picture winner, Argo (one of many critically acclaimed films in recent years). Now he's coming back to completely dump all over his progress by becoming Batman, which will surely remind us of his Bennifer days. Based on the uproar over the decision to cast Ben as Bruce Wayne/Batman in the "Man of Steel" sequel, it is obvious that fans are not pleased. In light of the strong negative reaction the announcement garnered, Farkistan has rounded up five Farkers for your consideration to replace Affleck as the new Batman.one_eighty_two: While his previous credits are anemic (his series of PSAs for early prostate cancer screening did not end well), one_eighty_two has the acting chops to pull off Batman. His four-pack-a-day habit of unfiltered Lucky Strikes gifted him with a voice that has just the right amount of raspiness, and his untreated case of TMJ has given him the necessary clenched jaw. Not to mention that he's, you know, not Ben Affleck.bmckenna: A bit of a darkhorse to play the Caped Crusader, bmckenna has one significant advantage over the rest of these farkers: a clinically diagnosed bat fetish. All his hygiene products, clothing, and home furnishings are made entirely by bats, or from bat-byproducts. He is a prolific writer and reader of bat fanfic and claims to use echolocation to navigate through his surroundings. While his more deviant behaviors with bats would sicken most sane humans, he avoids criminal prosecution because our legal system has woefully few laws on the subject of bat molestation. Also, he is not Ben Affleck.Rampage3: For pure volume of acting talent, no Farker comes close to the filmography of Rampage3. Granted, of his 1,341 film credits, 1,339 of them are adult films. Weird Moldovian adult films, where Yak milk is currency and the naked women look like they're wearing bikinis made of hair. He has starred in more pornographic Batman-themed parody films than any other living actor. We polled (what? it is a legitimate verb in this context) Farkistan's membership and asked if they would rather see Rampage3 play Batman, or see Ben Affleck in "How Stella Got Her Tube Packed." While the results are confidential, I can tell you that Rampage3 won. It should also be noted that Rampage3 is not Ben Affleck.CountryMouse: He's not the Batman actor we deserve, but he is the Batman actor we need right now. What the hell does that even mean? Was that previous question rhetorical? What about the sentence before this one? Look Bob, you're going to have to trust me on this one. We need CountryMouse for reasons I cannot articulate (aside from the fact that he is NOT Ben Affleck). It's a "me problem" and I'm working on it.stargatesg1: stargatesg1 is also not Ben Affleck. Wikipedia defines Cosplay as "Cosplay, short for 'costume play', is an activity in which participants wear costumes and accessories to represent a specific character or idea from a work of fiction." Around here, we define Cosplay as, "stargatesg1." What follows are just two examples of his excellent Batman Cosplay: [url=http://i.imgur.com/spx3a2b.jpg]Sample1[/url] & [url=http://i.imgur.com/aRswy9c.jpg]Sample2[/url]. It's uncanny - isn't it? Anyone who puts that much dedication into the costume work and effort into achieving the necessary physique to play the character...would make a much better Batman than Affleck. Hopefully, Hollywood will wake up and quit pissing all over our favorite DC heroes. I mean seriously. Ben Affleck as Batman?? Ryan Reynolds as Green Lantern?? What's next, Dane Cook as the Flash? That slut from Twilight as Wonder Woman? Ugh. the only way this movie can be saved is if they cast Matt Damon as Robin and play it off as some sort of sick, cruel, unfunny joke. tl;dr - Fark has a new gov: one_eighty_two, SoTC bmckenna Rampage3 CountryMouse stargatesg1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vandelsand Posted September 4, 2013 Report Share Posted September 4, 2013 Congrats! o7 FARK Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YOLO SWAG Posted September 4, 2013 Report Share Posted September 4, 2013 (edited) Nice effort on attempting to keep us entertained. Congrats on your election. Edited September 4, 2013 by YOLO SWAG Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moufassa Posted September 4, 2013 Report Share Posted September 4, 2013 When is Bleak Outlook going to take over? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mythicknight Posted September 4, 2013 Report Share Posted September 4, 2013 Should a grabbed James Spader while they had the chance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master Hakai Posted September 4, 2013 Report Share Posted September 4, 2013 Good post, f'real! Danny McBride Batman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xanth Posted September 4, 2013 Report Share Posted September 4, 2013 Enjoyed this greatly. O/ fark Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mmansfield68 Posted September 4, 2013 Report Share Posted September 4, 2013 Congratulations on the newly elected, Fark! :) (OOC) As for Ben Affleck, he's never been more than a speck on the radar, save for Fargo (which few saw, but somehow garnered "best movie") and Good Will Hunting (which was actually epic.) Affleck is only a marginally decent actor. Excellent screen writer, verrrrrrrrry average actor. The Batman franchise suffered (IMO) after Keaton's blockbuster performance, and none of the sequels have matched the original (for quality or acting.) That being said, Affleck can't possibly screw up the role of our favorite winged crusader any worse than George Clooney did. :popcorn: (/OOC) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarriorSoul Posted September 4, 2013 Report Share Posted September 4, 2013 Never a disappointment, Fark. :wub: Congrats to the new gov! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helbrecht Posted September 4, 2013 Report Share Posted September 4, 2013 I see the hulkster up there with some other people. Good on ya Fark. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Omniscient1 Posted September 4, 2013 Report Share Posted September 4, 2013 Except Rampage is terrible! What's up with this? Congrats guys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smurthwaite Posted September 4, 2013 Report Share Posted September 4, 2013 NPL approves this message. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prozenz Posted September 4, 2013 Report Share Posted September 4, 2013 I'm crying. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Wally Posted September 4, 2013 Report Share Posted September 4, 2013 I blame Rampage, this is clearly his evil doing :P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robster83 Posted September 4, 2013 Report Share Posted September 4, 2013 Love the announcement. :awesome: Solid line up guys! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve Buscemi Posted September 4, 2013 Report Share Posted September 4, 2013 Looks like a few new faces. Congrats! I do hope Cable keeps up his presence at our forums. I was starting to like him. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vukland Posted September 4, 2013 Report Share Posted September 4, 2013 Nice line up. Fark \o Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yuurei Posted September 4, 2013 Report Share Posted September 4, 2013 Always glad to see Rampage3 in gov. Good job you other people too!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Humphrey Posted September 4, 2013 Report Share Posted September 4, 2013 I see the hulkster up there with some other people. Good on ya Fark. Hulk as Batman? I would almost pay to see that. Well, figuratively perhaps, not literally :| Good going Fark. Thanks for the entertainment! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MutedFaith Posted September 4, 2013 Report Share Posted September 4, 2013 o/ FARK, you gotta love those elections. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoADarthCyfe6 Posted September 4, 2013 Report Share Posted September 4, 2013 Lol, I love the OP, it was a good read. Congratulations on your new Government! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarGod0001 Posted September 4, 2013 Report Share Posted September 4, 2013 o/FARK Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shinfat Posted September 4, 2013 Report Share Posted September 4, 2013 (edited) Edited November 30, 2013 by Shinfat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kurdanak Posted September 4, 2013 Report Share Posted September 4, 2013 (edited) Congratulations to the new/returning Fark government members! Edited September 4, 2013 by Kurdanak Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyTheHobo Posted September 5, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 5, 2013 Looks like a few new faces. Congrats! I do hope Cable keeps up his presence at our forums. I was starting to like him. :) You know that he's for sale, right? For just 100 tech and a keg of Boulevard Wheat you can be the owner of a gently used Cable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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