This week in #Cupcakery's Corner

[Ferrous]

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to "This Week in #Cupcakery's Corner." I'm your host, Ferrous, bringing you the latest in high class CN society.

It has been quite the week in #Cupcakery. As the war in the Cyberverse seems to be calming down, those of us who reside in the exclusive chambers of the #Cupcakery channel discuss intriguing topics such as pastrycide, Shamedmonkey and his fan club, the Cupcake Blitz and an exclusive interview with a Farker. Tonight, it will be my pleasure to reveal to you some of the highlights of these riveting happenings during the course of this production.

Pastrycide? Not in my CN!

Our top story tonight is one that is filled with drama, glory, honor, outrage and revenge. Of course, I'm talking about nothing other than the famous incident: Big_Z apparently tried to eat the Pastry King himself:

Witnesses were horrified as Big_Z wiped pink frosting off of his chin, but the situation soon became more interesting when Delta1212 was resurrected at the Planet Bob bakery by the muffin man himself. After stepping out of the oven, Delta1212 fired off a round of rainbow sprinkles at his opponent, and the damage from the candy goodness left Big_Z crippled and down for the count. Apparently Delta is related to Jesus or something. One witness had this to say about the event:

[00:10] <%Aurion> Quit asking me for my opinion on things I don't care about.

[00:10] <%Aurion> v:

[00:11] <%Aurion> opinion* even

[00:11] <%Aurion> If Z wants to express his man-love for the Cupcake in a violent fashion, that is a-ok with me

Clearly, the public is outraged at this occurrence. Several petitions have gone through to stop any forms of Pastrycide. Delta1212 was unavailable for comment.

Everybody Loves Shamedmonkey

Or not. In fact, Shamedmonkey's popularity has sunk to record lows, due to a recent condition called "being himself." In order to console himself, Shamedmonkey has taken to recording a list of everyone who hates him. Unfortunately for our viewers, he has started keeping this list recently, so it is likely that it is not complete:

Despite his apparent unpopularity in the CN community, Shamedmonkey is still welcomed in #cupcakery. His snarky comments, and on "on-the-watch-for-asinine-comments" attitude is a positive, if redundant contribution to the #cupcakery. That said, the only three individuals in #cupcakery who have indicated any sort of liking for our beloved primate is CaptainJuan, Ejayrazz and yours truly. One of them is probably being sarcastic.

Cupcake Blitz

For those of you who pay close attention, there are some #cupcakery signatures out there with the slogan, "#cupcakery: A higher class of haters" (reference). And to a large extent, it's true. We have our own highly trained troll squad, who have undergone rigorous training, and have, in most cases, years of experience. Once someone notifies the rest of #cupcakery that someone is being dumb, the troll squad goes to work. However, it wasn't until today that we made an official term for this action: the Cupcake Blitz (reference).

[23:18] <~Delta1212[RIA]> moving from topic to topic

[23:18] <~Delta1212[RIA]> It was quite hypnotic

...

[23:21] <@CaptainJuan[Fark]> [22:18:38] <~Delta1212[RIA]> It was quite hypnotic <-- and the cupcake with the soul said everyone go troll and it turned into a cupcake blitz

[23:21] <@CaptainJuan[Fark]> cupcake blitz

The new slogan is catching on swiftly. Propaganda experts have been contracted to start designing new signatures, which may make their way to the mainstream outlets.

An Interview with CaptainJuan

CaptainJuan is my #cupcakery internet witchdoctor. Whenever something goes wrong in an IRC channel, or with my IRC program, he's my go-to-guy. It is my pleasure to show you my exclusive interview with this madman, as I am sure you can all take away some bits of wisdom from this conversation:

[01:00] <Ferrous[Zenith]> Alright, let's do this thing.

[01:00] <Ferrous[Zenith]> So hai.

[01:00] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> hello

[01:01] <Ferrous[Zenith]> So let's start off with the basics, before we get into srs bsns: tell us a little about yourself, how long you've been playing, etc.

[01:01] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> well

[01:01] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> I've been playing CN for a little more than 2 years

[01:02] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> I joined farkistan from a classified ad thread on fark.com just a few days before the first greenlight thread

[01:02] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> ive been a member of fark the entire time, and i've never done anything important whatsoever besides the occasional hilarious trainwreck thread

[01:02] <Ferrous[Zenith]> LOL

[01:02] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> aaand i like long walks on the beach and puppies

[01:02] <Ferrous[Zenith]> I like beaches and puppies.

[01:03] <Ferrous[Zenith]> Have you gone on any long walks on beaches lately?

[01:03] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> awesome

[01:03] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> we should be friends

[01:03] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> no actually

[01:03] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> there arent any beaches large enough for a long walk near my place of residence

[01:03] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> its unfortunate

[01:03] <Ferrous[Zenith]> I'm sorry to hear that. How does that make you feel?

[01:03] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> i'm okay with it tbqh

[01:04] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> instead of going for long walks on the beach, i just say stupid things on IRC

[01:04] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> almost the same

[01:04] <Ferrous[Zenith]> Very understandable. Browsing through the OWF always seemed like a walk in the park to me.

[01:05] <Ferrous[Zenith]> And once you think of trolls as cute puppies, the atmosphere changes considerably.

[01:05] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> to me it's more like a backwards crabwalk through a forest of extremely stupid naked people, mostly men

[01:05] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> and once you think of the trolls as angry naked men, the atmosphere changes considerably

[01:05] <Ferrous[Zenith]> I see.

[01:06] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> mmhm.

[01:06] <Ferrous[Zenith]> So how do you view the #cupcakery? How did you come to reside in the channel?

[01:07] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> Well, apparently delta invited me like the day he started the channel. Of course, either he or I forgot about it for four months, at which point he remembered and invited me in once more.

[01:07] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> I have no idea why I'm there, to be honest, but I take pride in being irrelevant, compared to the other members of the channel.

[01:08] <Ferrous[Zenith]> Who would you say is your favorite Cupcakery member?

[01:08] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> I've always been a teeny weeny bit gay for Delta, I won't lie.

[01:09] <Ferrous[Zenith]> I don't blame you. Those sprinkles seem particularly delectable.

[01:09] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> Delta is Deltalicious

[01:10] <Ferrous[Zenith]> That he is.

[01:10] <Ferrous[Zenith]> Now, for a little more serious business: lately, it has been my mission to discover the secrets of many of the more important alliances.

[01:10] <Ferrous[Zenith]> And I am looking to discover a long held secret of Fark:

[01:10] <Ferrous[Zenith]> What is Fark's favorite pie?

[01:11] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> Well allow me to preface this response with some miscellaneous $@!-covering.

[01:11] <Ferrous[Zenith]> Absolutely.

[01:11] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> Cake vs. Pie is a question that's threatened to hurl fark into civil war in the past.

[01:12] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> even today, from time to time, that bitter argument gains steam again.

[01:12] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> The only remotely acceptable compromise that's ever been presented is cheesecake

[01:12] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> because it is called a cake, and is structured like one

[01:12] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> but has the crispy graham cracker crust of a pie.

[01:12] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> so, my answer will be cheesecake.

[01:13] <Ferrous[Zenith]> Personally, might you lean more toward cake because of your affiliations with the Pastry King?

[01:13] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> I will not publicly claim either side as my own.

[01:14] <Ferrous[Zenith]> Fair enough. I wouldn't want to put you in such a delicate positions.

[01:15] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> thank you for accomodating me.

[01:16] <Ferrous[Zenith]> Now, a couple of months ago, Admin announced the creation of blogs to the CN community. Resulting in this action, Fark flooded the blogosphere with epic tales of heroism and glory. Whatever happened to those?

[01:16] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> Well, as you may recall, all our tales were of our tiny insect counterparts, the ants

[01:17] <Ferrous[Zenith]> I do recall.

[01:17] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> Unfortunately, the colony that we were collectively glorifying was destroyed in a horriffic massacre

[01:17] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> it was so horrid

[01:18] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> that i cannot even recall the specifics

[01:18] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> either way, though

[01:18] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> those ants have all gone to that great anthill in the sky

[01:18] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> also the blog writers got bored after like a week

[01:19] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> and now, i must take a piss break.

[01:19] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> brb.

[01:19] <Ferrous[Zenith]> Okay.

[01:20] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> piss accomplished

[01:21] <Ferrous[Zenith]> I congratulate you on your accomplishment.

[01:21] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> thx

[01:22] <Ferrous[Zenith]> Ejayrazz announced his departure earlier in the evening on a similar endeavor, only to return hours later. I can only imagine the hardships one must accomplish in order to piss.

[01:23] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> uphill both ways, man.

[01:23] <Ferrous[Zenith]> That sounds rough.

[01:23] <Ferrous[Zenith]> I've been holding it in for about 6 months and counting.

[01:24] <Ferrous[Zenith]> It's better than dealing with the suffering, imo.

[01:24] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> well

[01:24] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> you could always piss in the sink

[01:25] <Ferrous[Zenith]> You know, I never thought of that.

[01:25] <Ferrous[Zenith]> I'll give that a shot next time.

[01:25] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> run the water, preferably cold, and just start pissin'

[01:25] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> it's delightful

[01:25] <Ferrous[Zenith]> I'll certainly give it a whiz.

[01:26] <Ferrous[Zenith]> Well, this nearly concludes our half our of bsing. Are there any closing thoughts you'd like to share?

[01:26] * CaptainJuan[Fark] rimshots

[01:26] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> closing thoughts? hm.

[01:26] <Ferrous[Zenith]> *half hour.

[01:27] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> Linoleum tile makes for a terrible, terrible floor in any room. Ceramic tile is the only way to go, if you're a true balla.

[01:27] <Ferrous[Zenith]> I completely agree.

[01:28] <Ferrous[Zenith]> Thank you for taking the time to chat with me, CaptainJuan.

[01:28] <Ferrous[Zenith]> It was a pleasure.

[01:28] <CaptainJuan[Fark]> Likewise.

And that's it for this week in #Cupcakery's Corner! I hope you all enjoyed our first, and probably last publication. However, before we go, we have one last segment:

Words of Wisdom from the Cupcakery: A rant by Ejayrazz

[01:21] <Shamedmonkey> Hi Ejay.

[01:21] <@CaptainJuan[Fark]> :v

[01:21] <Shamedmonkey> How is Oprah doing?

[01:21] <@CaptainJuan[Fark]> hello, ejay.

[01:21] <@CaptainJuan[Fark]> i love oprah

[01:21] <%Ejayrazz> Hi there.

[01:21] <%Ejayrazz> ;]

[01:21] <@CaptainJuan[Fark]> how do you feel about her

[01:21] <%Ejayrazz> Heh.

[01:21] <%Ejayrazz> She is like Rose from the Titanic

[01:22] <%Ejayrazz> She deserves to die

[01:22] <%Ejayrazz> **** Rose

[01:22] <%Aurion> No, tell us how you really feel man

[01:22] <%Ejayrazz> Jack saves her from being emo

[01:22] <%Ejayrazz> And she bes a !@#$%*

[01:22] <%Ejayrazz> to him

[01:22] <%Ejayrazz> then she thinks he is finally good

[01:22] <%Ejayrazz> but decides she doesn't

[01:22] <%Ejayrazz> want to go to the dance

[01:22] <%Ejayrazz> where the poor people are

[01:22] <%Ejayrazz> because she is too ****ing good

[01:22] <%Ejayrazz> dude

[01:22] <%Ejayrazz> she has red hair

[01:22] <%Ejayrazz> she isn't good at all

[01:22] <%Ejayrazz> you go down on her

[01:22] <%Ejayrazz> you need a fire extinguisher

[01:22] <%Ejayrazz> then she cheats

[01:22] <Shamedmonkey> this is one of the best nights ever

[01:22] <%Ejayrazz> on her fiance

[01:22] <%Ejayrazz> yeah

[01:22] <%Ejayrazz> he was a dick

[01:23] <%Ejayrazz> but she ****ing ****ed another ****ing ****er

[01:23] <Shamedmonkey> EJ, you should get high more often

[01:23] <%Ejayrazz> it is nonsense

[01:23] <%Ejayrazz> you dont cheat

[01:23] <%Ejayrazz> ever

[01:23] <%Ejayrazz> ****ing idiot

[01:23] <%Ejayrazz> oh

[01:23] <%Ejayrazz> then she is sitting on the door

[01:23] <%Ejayrazz> when the ****ing ship goes down

[01:23] <%Ejayrazz> like Bill Clinton's penis

[01:23] <%Ejayrazz> and what does she do?

[01:23] <%Ejayrazz> she doesn't give it to him

[01:23] <%Ejayrazz> she ****ing sits there

[01:23] <%Ejayrazz> and lets him freeze

[01:23] <%Ejayrazz> what makes it worse

[01:23] <%Ejayrazz> he is dying

[01:23] <%Ejayrazz> all poetic-like

[01:23] <%Ejayrazz> and she ****ing falls asleep

[01:23] <%Ejayrazz> not caring

[01:23] <%Ejayrazz> at all

[01:24] <%Ejayrazz> that his dick must be

[01:24] <%Ejayrazz> shriveled

[01:24] <%Ejayrazz> due to the cold temps

[01:24] <%Ejayrazz> what a ****ing prissy, self-arrogant *****

[01:24] <Shamedmonkey> ...

[01:24] <%Ejayrazz> THEN

[01:24] <%Ejayrazz> Oh

[01:24] <%Ejayrazz> I am not ****ing done

[01:24] <%Ejayrazz> she is like 90 years old

[01:24] <%Ejayrazz> and she has that necklace

[01:24] <%Ejayrazz> mind you

[01:24] <%Ejayrazz> the dude who is listening to the old !@#$%*e's story

[01:24] <%Ejayrazz> is looking for that necklace

[01:24] <%Ejayrazz> he has listened to her

[01:24] <%Ejayrazz> and listened

[01:24] <%Ejayrazz> and has searched

[01:24] <%Ejayrazz> his entire life

[01:24] <Shamedmonkey> ejay, tell us how you feel about juan

[01:24] <%Ejayrazz> for that necklace

[01:24] <@CaptainJuan[Fark]> ^

[01:24] <@CaptainJuan[Fark]> do that

[01:24] <%Ejayrazz> probably toruers kittens

[01:25] <%Ejayrazz> and puts them on baby porn sites

[01:25] <@CaptainJuan[Fark]> you know me better than i know myself

[01:25] <%Ejayrazz> to fund his project

[01:25] <%Ejayrazz> what the **** does she do?

[01:25] <%Ejayrazz> she ****ING THROWS IT

[01:25] <%Ejayrazz> OFF THE ****ING EDGE

[01:25] <%Ejayrazz> OF THE ****ING SHIP

[01:25] <%Ejayrazz> Dude

[01:25] <%Ejayrazz> That is a spit in his face

[01:25] <%Ejayrazz> He took her into the ocean

[01:25] <%Ejayrazz> and she threww the ****ing necklace in the water

[01:25] <%Ejayrazz> and when she did it

[01:25] <%Ejayrazz> she stood

[01:25] <%Ejayrazz> on the railing

[01:25] <%Ejayrazz> it was symbolic because

[01:25] <%Ejayrazz> she did that before she met jack

[01:26] <%Ejayrazz> when she was going to kill herself

[01:26] <%Ejayrazz> and he saved her

[01:26] <%Ejayrazz> Dude

[01:26] <%Ejayrazz> that necklace

[01:26] <%Ejayrazz> could have fed

[01:26] <%Ejayrazz> an african family

[01:26] <%Ejayrazz> but no

[01:26] <%Ejayrazz> she hates black people

[01:26] <%Ejayrazz> ****ing racist

[01:26] <%Ejayrazz> **** THAT

[01:26] <%Ejayrazz> PLUS

[01:26] <%Ejayrazz> She has red hair

[01:26] <%Ejayrazz> Like seriously?

[01:26] <%Ejayrazz> Go **** a goat

Also, for all your amusement, as a reward for reading to the end:

Credits:

• Delta1212 for hosting #cupcakery and generally being awesome
  
• Shamedmonkey for helping with hosting and making several of the images, including the IRC images and the banner
  
• Xiphosis for making the cards. They are very awesome.
  
• King_Srqt for the avatar picture
  
• Smith for inspiration. You give me strength.
  
• #cupcakery for giving me an additional reason to play this game.
  

Edited May 20, 2009 by Ferrous

[Ejayrazz]

i am going to regret this. good edition.

Edited May 20, 2009 by Ejayrazz

[Big Z]

The newest hit wonder to sweep CN, it's This Week in Cupcakery's Corner or TWiCC! Brought to you by Cupcakery, where we're too good for you all

[Drai]

Far too much no-good stuff here for my liking.

[Stumpy Jung Il]

Ur cards suck and I hate you.

Also, hello.

Mediocre parody and shady cards make for an unamused Trashcat.

Also, hello.

RSOX WILL NOT BE PLEASED.

[rsoxbronco1]

I was just slacking off trying to think of a good excuse for the next time stumpy bugs me to make more cards, but after seeing this abomination of plagiarism I have all the motivation I need.

TRASHCAT'S CORNER HAS SLAYER ON RETAINER AND YOU WILL BE INTERNET SUED SHORTLY.

[Stumpy Jung Il]

YEAH DELTA IM GONNA SUE YOU.

[TrotskysRevenge]

And yes, this is where I spend a good bit of my irc time.

I like it. Would read again.

[Ferrous]

I was just slacking off trying to think of a good excuse for the next time stumpy bugs me to make more cards, but after seeing this abomination of plagiarism I have all the motivation I need.

TRASHCAT'S CORNER HAS SLAYER ON RETAINER AND YOU WILL BE INTERNET SUED SHORTLY.

I'll see you in court, I guess?

[Chickenzilla]

I was mentioned. Also I hate Shamed.

[CptGodzilla]

for your information, i would totally pay Captain Jaun the gas money to drive like an hour down here to walk on the beach with me

Edited May 20, 2009 by CptGodzilla

[General Specific]

for your information, i would totally pay Captain Jaun the gas money to drive like an hour down here to walk on the beach with me

Agreed. But only if he drives here on a scooter, with one of them squeeze-horns, and is wearing clown make-up and oh, yes, one of those squeezable clown noses. I like clowns. Oh wait, no I don't. But I do like Captain Juan and whatever this cupcakery nonsense is. Quite an enjoyable break from my srz bizns work as a clown. Er, wait, what?

[Sileath]

Trashcat does it better.

Also Moo, you might want to change your forum title to 4th Head Global Despot. Just sayin'

[The Poet]

Nice to see a cameo appearance by @Grinch in there. I miss him, may he rest in ban.

(What channel were those Shamed logs taken from?)

[Azaghul]

Cards were alright. The rest I ignored, #cupcakery is dumb and not worth reading about.

[Tequila Mockingbird]

And I want to read about an IRC channel... why?

[HellAngel]

haha ejay is so cute on meds

[Draztikus]

Cards were alright. The rest I ignored, #cupcakery is dumb and not worth reading about.

My name is Draztikus and I agree with this post. If I want to read logs from stupid elitist IRC chans I'll go back to MoB's stupid #tropical forums

[KingSuck]

Cards were alright. The rest I ignored, #cupcakery is dumb and not worth reading about.

this, apart from the cards sucked as well

[SunTzuWannabe]

Ferrous Brilliant as always. I couldnt stop laughing at Ejayrazz's rant EPIC in the true sense of the word.

Would read again.

Also stop the hating and start spreading the lovin.

Cheers

SunTzu

[Denial]

This is the worst thing I've ever seen.

[mykep]

Anything that makes cards is a good edition in my book.

Besides cards, good read

[HeinousOne]

You guys hang around each other way too much if you think this was worthy of reading. Congrats I guess.

Edit: early morning grammar

Edited May 20, 2009 by HeinousOne

[Chimaera]

Best part was the Ejay rant, because I had that exact same discussion with a friend a few weeks back.

[King Srqt]

I love people. "Reading this was a waste of time, so now I am going to spend even more time posting about how it was a waste of time!"