Sir Paul Posted December 24, 2009 Report Share Posted December 24, 2009 The Tabloid Tribune One Step Ahead of the Truth Since September 2003 Issue #154 - World Edition | Pacifican Edition ___________ Distraction-Free Focus for the Tribune 87% of Holland residents approve of the new format. PNN considers starting a Hollish-launguage publication. Springfield, SIR PAUL: It has been common practice for the Tabloid Tribune to cover a wide range of topics, from the inter-alliance to the domestic. However, for some reason, there seems to be a mass myopia infecting many of our readers, causing them to focus only on a few issues. For instance, our last issue covered the following issues: Hydros Raided, no G15 aid; NPS Evermore on tour; Quotes from Londo; Bilrow is a whining martyr; NPO is taking forever to pay off the Reps; Athens government member threatened NPO with force; and Prepare for the zombie invasion. However, according to some, the Tabloid Tribune's story diversity is lacking. For instance, here is a declaration by literary critic Tromp: "Oh look, another character attack... It's the same story all over again. An A+ for trying, F for the result." As you can see, the hard working authors of the Tribune are having their work ignored because some people can only focus on one issue at a time, ignoring the rest of the publication. As such, I will be releasing issues more thematically linked. For instance, this issue contains no personal attacks, whereas the next issue will only be personal attacks. We hope the new format will help broaden the horizons of our reading pubic, and make this publication more enjoyable. Best Wishes and in before this is boring, Sir Paul, Imperial Officer New Pacific Order __________ Why NPO Celebrates Hanukkah Come and share the joy of Hanukkah Temple of the Covenant, FRANCOGRAD: As the Capital recovered from the eight crazy nights of Hanukkah, a foreign diplomat asked me why there were so many Jewish people living in the Pacifican Archipelago. While it is common knowledge that the last three Emperors were Jewish, there are actually few Jews within the Empire and Hanukkah is an Alliance-wide Festival celebrated by Semites and goyim alike. The reasons for this minor Jewish holiday to take on such significant importance are the canonical symmetries that exist between the two. The tale of Hanukkah starts in the second century before our Lord, Savior, Messiah and Christ Jesus was begotten of the Holy Sprit and Virgin Mary. During this time, Judea was ruled by a bunch of wannabe-Greeks who wanted to forbid the Jewish people of doing things that made them Jewish. They also defiled the temple, banned circumcision, and used their position of authority to extract coin from Judea. A great man named Judah Maccabilrow lead an army to smash the Hellenistic pseudo-Greeks through a campaign of guerrilla warfare. After achieving victory, the institutions defiled by the revolting Hellenists were cleansed, consecrated and rededicated to the Lord. Inside the Temple is an eternal flame that runs on earth-friendly organic consecrated olive oil that takes eight days to make. Enough oil was found to only run the flame for one day. The flame was lit and more oil was made, yet the flame burned for all eight days until the oil supply could be replenished. The themes of Hanukkah resonate profoundly with the Pacifican People. Known as the Feast of Dedication, Hanukkah embraces divine salvation, surviving despite persecution, nationalism, sovereignty, and military might—ideas Pacificans are intimately familiar with. During Hanukkah, Pacificans take the opportunity to rededicate themselves to service of the Order in the face of great persecution, steady in their belief that we are the chosen people. The numerology of Hanukkah also aligns with the Pacifican experience in deep and profound ways. Hanukkah starts on the 25th day of Kislev, while Chris Kaos demanded $25 million in reparations during negotiations in the Great Patriotic War. There are eight days in Hanukkah, and there are eight panels on the Pacifican flag. There are eight candles on the menorah in a line with the shamash (guard or servant) being above or below to light the other candles, just as when the Order was founded there were eight councilors with one Emperor as protector and servant to all. Other Hanukkah traditions are followed by Pacificans, such as eating jam-filled doughnuts (they taste good), giving Hanukkah gelt to our children (so Karma can't get it), playing dreidel (any excuse for sin-free gambling), and eating hash browns (any excuse for sin-free IHOP). Although Hanukkah is now passed, I leave you with this prayer from the Al ha-Nissim that you may be ready for next year: We thank You also for the miraculous deeds and for the redemption and for the mighty deeds and the saving acts wrought by You, as well as for the wars which You waged for our ancestors in ancient days at this season. In the days of the Hasmonean Mattathias, son of Johanan the high priest, and his sons, when the iniquitous Greco-Syrian kingdom rose up against Your people Israel, to make them forget Your Torah and to turn them away from the ordinances of Your will, then You in your abundant mercy rose up for them in the time of their trouble, pled their cause, executed judgment, avenged their wrong, and delivered the strong into the hands of the weak, the many into the hands of few, the impure into the hands of the pure, the wicked into the hands of the righteous, and insolent ones into the hands of those occupied with Your Torah. Both unto Yourself did you make a great and holy name in Thy world, and unto Your people did You achieve a great deliverance and redemption. Whereupon your children entered the sanctuary of Your house, cleansed Your temple, purified Your sanctuary, kindled lights in Your holy courts, and appointed these eight days of Hanukkah in order to give thanks and praises unto Your holy name. ----- Written by Sir Paul, Image by Lord Valleo The Tabloid Tribune - One Step Ahead of the Truth Proudly Part of PNN __________ Movie Reviews Due to a redirection of the Imperial Treasury, the Body Republic Movie Night has been moved from the Million Dollar Theatre to the Barn behind Mary's house (locally known, despite evidence to the contrary, as Mary's Fantabulous Barn). As such, instead of reviewing first-run movies in a theatre, the Tabloid Tribune will now be reviewing DVDs shown without special features and mono sound. Enjoy! ===UP=== In what can be called the animated version of Requiem for A Dream, UP starts off with the most powerful five minutes of any movie this year, moving the audience to tears in its exploration of loss, dreams, life and death. Marketed as light and funny children's fare, the movie starts with profound tears and continues to punch you in the gut with Carmen's Habanera as Mr. Fredrickson adjusts to life alone in an America beset by urbanization and menacing change. Escaping his disheartening reality to complete the dream of his late wife (employing far too few balloons), Fredrickson inadvertently kidnaps a pudgy Asian scout (hat tip: using an Asian actor for an Asian character) and instead of landing the home, proceeds to take him across international lines and employ him as slave labor in South America. To top it off, not content with crushing his wife's dreams, when Fredrickson makes it to his destination, he decides to crush the dreams of his childhood hero as well. The movie ends with Fredrickson stealing the estate of another man, the mother of the scout and authorities "forgetting" about the kidnapping, and a world view so nihilistic it makes Chuck Palahniuk weep. === INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS=== Step away from the "New Release" section of the video store, wander over to "Action" and pick up The Dirty Dozen for five days and half the price. In a rare misstep for Director Quentin Tarantino, his famous mixing of genres has become a muddled mess. Problems include: Using a narrator extremely intermittently, either use one (Kill Bill) or don't (Pulp Fiction).Trunk shot was not inside of a trunk.Emboldens our enemies by showing Americans don't abide by the Geneva Convention.Not a true Mexican Standoff, more of a hostage situation.The token black guy didn't die first.Southerners don't speak Italian.The storyline is frighteningly linear. The Tabloid Tribune recommends that you do yourself a favor and take in a classic Nazi-killing fantasy that sticks to its genre conventions instead of this fusion flop. ----- Written by Sir Paul, Image by GodKing I The Tabloid Tribune - One Step Ahead of the Truth Proudly Part of PNN __________ State of the Red Team: Little Big Alliance King Alias, founder of Little Big Alliance and spokesperson for the Burbap Producers Board. ----- The first of an ongoing series, The Tabloid Tribune will publish an in-depth look at each Red Team Alliance, focusing on its issues and relationships with Red Dawn and the greater Red Team Community. The editors hope that this series will help the nations of Bob make sound foreign policy decisions as it enters a new era. ----- Sackopolis, Little Big Alliance: Walking through the idyllic playground of the King's Gardens, I come upon a fanciful castle which is a cross between Willy Wonka's Factory, Cinderella's Castle, and the French Quarter of New Orleans. I was instructed to come during the daylight hours, on advice that the gardens were haunted, so at 10:00 AM I cross the moat on a drawbridge made out of a necktie, and wait in the throne's anteroom on a pile of change. After a Seussical trumpet flourish, I am invited by a courtier to meet the king in his burlap glory. Bureau of Pacifican Intelligence World Factbook: Little Big Alliance Government Type: Constitutional Monarchy Leadership Type: Appointed Sovereign with Elected Government Classification: Lazy Sack Peoples' Alliance Organizations and Treaties Protectorate of the Multicolored Cross-X Alliance PIATs with - Brengstklau, NATO, WOLF, and BTO Part of the Red Dawn Treaty Organization Alliance Strengths Managing Security Peace-Keeping Diplomacy Alliance Weaknesses Role Playing Tech Selling Current Issues Facing Little Big Alliance: Growth: Little Big Alliance is suffering from a lack of larger nations to support their smaller ones. Without sufficient bank nations the smaller ones don't recieve the aid money the should, and it lowers Little Big Alliance's Average Nation Strength. The alliance is hoping a partnership with Red Dawn will create tech-dealing opportunities, especially with technology-importing alliances based on Red. Activity: LBA's nations aren't always active enough to hold elections or fill government positions that become vacant. The government is trying to recruit new nations and entice them with money but lack of Bank Nations we can't do that effectively. LBA has considered partnering with or joining a larger alliance with administration experience and more resources. On Red Dawn and the Red Team As a part of Red Dawn, Little Big Alliance hopes to help bring unity and cooperation to all of the Red Sphere. They want to help red nations with their trades and tech dealing. Little Big Alliance also appreciates the Senate clause in the Red Dawn agreement, where they rotate senators each month. King Alias is eagerly excited for NPO to finish their terms or be allowed to join this wonderful bloc, helping establish even greater Red Team Unity. Little Big Alliance takes Red Team Unity seriously and is opposed to the idea of having two Red Team blocs trying to achieve the same goals. According to King Alias, "Solidarity is not helping achieve Red Team Unity. Red Team Unity means that everyone agrees on a senator, and no alliance, not even the NPO has domination over the Red Sphere. Together we can achieve our goals, but two separate blocs are pointless. UED and SWF need to grow up and realize this." ----- Written by King Alias and Sir Paul The Tabloid Tribune - One Step Ahead of the Truth Proudly Part of PNN __________ PaulsLIST Where the men are brave, the women are beautiful, and all the children are above-average. ===THREAD OF THE WEEK=== After much consideration, we present Jack Diorno with the Tabloid Tribune's "Thread of the Week" for his seminal work An Intruductiun tu Francuism. While the Original Post is just god-awful and panned from nearly every corner of the Cyberverse, this thread actually becomes popcorn-worthy at post 49 where Corinan (NSO), Xiphosis (GOD) and Benjamin Arouet (CSN) get into a tussle over IRC issues. This quickly degenerates into an NSO v. CSN "no u" fest of sabre-rattling which represents the enlightened balance of world power Doitzel helped bring to Bob. Check your frontal-lobes at the door and dive in for kabuki real politik. ===TRIANNUAL REPORT=== The Imperial Clerk will be making his Triannual report to the Body Republic of the New Pacific Order to kick off the second trimester of the sixth year of Order. Come for the original post, stay for the flamewar. Festivities will be happening live on New Years Day in the Body Republic, simulcast to the Open World Forums. Be there or don't. ===SIR PAUL RAIDED=== Survivourville, a nation with an alliance affiliation of Athens for more than 175 days, has raided SIR PAUL and the NPO nation of Fionn, causing more than 35 million in damage to the nation of SIR PAUL alone. Sir Paul thanks the Dutch and Viridians for their prompt response, and hopes that Athens understands any delays in reparation payments as we rebuild our shattered capital. ----- Written by Sir Paul The Tabloid Tribune - One Step Ahead of the Truth Proudly Part of PNN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gstills22 Posted December 24, 2009 Report Share Posted December 24, 2009 LBA disbanded right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Paul Posted December 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 24, 2009 LBA disbanded right? There has been no official annoucement, but "LBA has considered partnering with or joining a larger alliance with administration experience and more resources." Come on... we're working under tents getting our information by carrier pigeon. Give us a break! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gstills22 Posted December 24, 2009 Report Share Posted December 24, 2009 sorry about that Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pingu Posted December 24, 2009 Report Share Posted December 24, 2009 Yes, that's all very well, but how big are your tents? Sorry to hear about the mono sound. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DirtDiver Posted December 24, 2009 Report Share Posted December 24, 2009 love it paul! keep up the great work! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vilien Posted December 24, 2009 Report Share Posted December 24, 2009 A good Tabloid Tribune, though this one was far too light on the personal attacks for my tastes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
supercoolyellow Posted December 24, 2009 Report Share Posted December 24, 2009 LBA has not OFFICIALLY disbanded, but... Lets just say you can expect a large jump in MCXA membership soon Also its cool to see BTO mentioned, even just as a having a PIAT with another small alliance Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haflinger Posted December 24, 2009 Report Share Posted December 24, 2009 Unfortunately, this was released a bit too early to really cash in on the tremendous material in the Dark Fist-New Sith Order shenanigans. However not bad, given that it's been slow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SirWilliam Posted December 24, 2009 Report Share Posted December 24, 2009 A welcome distraction this is, even if it is lacking in the personal attacks department. Nice exposé on LBA. That wouldn't happen to be a recurring segment, would it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R3nowned Posted December 24, 2009 Report Share Posted December 24, 2009 I love reading these. Great work Sir Paul Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homeboy Posted December 24, 2009 Report Share Posted December 24, 2009 Always a good read. Good work Sir Paul. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heft Posted December 24, 2009 Report Share Posted December 24, 2009 Unfortunately, this was released a bit too early to really cash in on the tremendous material in the Dark Fist-New Sith Order shenanigans. However not bad, given that it's been slow. On the other hand, he will have plenty of material for the all-personal attacks issue now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taget Posted December 24, 2009 Report Share Posted December 24, 2009 Thanks for that fine telling of the story of Hanukkah and how it relates to your Pacifica brethren. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kulomascovia Posted December 24, 2009 Report Share Posted December 24, 2009 I send my condolences to the citizens of SIR PAUL. Good read, Sir Paul. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Il Principe Posted December 24, 2009 Report Share Posted December 24, 2009 (edited) This quickly degenerates into an NSO v. CSN "no u" fest of sabre-rattling which represents the enlightened balance of world power Doitzel helped bring to Bob. I just love this above sentence. I have seen Inglorious !@#$%^&* and I cannot recommend it to anyone else. Worst movie ever! The movie has been banned from the Realm of Dreams. Edited December 24, 2009 by Il Principe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TehChron Posted December 24, 2009 Report Share Posted December 24, 2009 On the other hand, he will have plenty of material for the all-personal attacks issue now. I hope I get one. There just isnt enough Chron-hate floating around these days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazyisraelie Posted December 24, 2009 Report Share Posted December 24, 2009 As much as I hate to say this, I would prefer if you kept the OOC religion stuff out of this. At least, you aren't using RH or Yom Kippur though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Il Impero Romano Posted December 24, 2009 Report Share Posted December 24, 2009 Sir Paul thanked us, hell froze over...need more personal attacks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doitzel Posted December 24, 2009 Report Share Posted December 24, 2009 I'm going to fall back on my habit of quoting movies I've seen far too many times and say in my defence: I can only show you the door, you're the one that has to walk through it. Also I'm with the consensus board on the lack of personal attacks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grumpdogg Posted December 24, 2009 Report Share Posted December 24, 2009 (edited) The reasons for this minor Jewish holiday to take on such significant importance are the canonical symmetries that exist between the two. Oh man I groaned out loud at this part and got busy with my scroll wheel. Edited December 24, 2009 by Grumpdogg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weirdgus Posted December 24, 2009 Report Share Posted December 24, 2009 Good issue all in all, even though I liked Inglourious Basterds As others have expressed it here though, can't wait for the personal attacks one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GodKing I Posted December 24, 2009 Report Share Posted December 24, 2009 The freshly coated white-wash on Mary's barn, really made the 3D pop in UP! However, I wish I sat closer to the computer speakers, as I could only hear when the fat guy in front of me leaned forward! Good read Sir Paul! I, too, will join the throngs of those waiting for the all-out personal attack issue! Damned if you do, damned if you don't! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benjaminperdomo Posted December 24, 2009 Report Share Posted December 24, 2009 But I liked Inglourious Basterds and the personal attacks Good show anyway Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin McDonald Posted December 24, 2009 Report Share Posted December 24, 2009 Another fine read. Loved the Chanukah part. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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