Persephone3 Posted October 1, 2009 Report Share Posted October 1, 2009 We all know it's tough times out there in Planet Bob, people are getting laid off in droves. You can spice up your resume by applying to night classes at local community colleges or perhaps even taking on extra loads at work to prove your usefulness (we all know it's not the case though). But when those ideas and actions fail to deliver and you get kicked to the unemployment line, rest assured that we're here to help you. You remember that guy that always asks what you're doing for lunch? Yeah that guy, with the sweat pits. Well you will miss him, trust us. You might have been "busy" then, but that guy was a good co-worker regardless of what you think. He's the guy you bribed to do your work because you had proof that he tried to get it on with the new hottie intern (nevermind your after work drinks and disco party with the hottie intern, that was purely for investigation purposes). And what about that one guy who always wrapped a tie around his head the day of major virus security alerts? Yeah those alerts that never panned out. You always prayed that your computer would get infected but darned if it ever happened. "Screw those IT guys and the dude with the necktie around his head!" you exclaimed in the bathroom while using up all the soap. But now you miss them, don't you! So what can you do to lessen the impact of being jobless? Well how about you pick yourself up by the back of your shirt and grab the nearest cardboard, because we're going to build you a cubicle of your own; a command post to write checks for bills that you know damn well will bounce. But screw it, right? At least you look halfway respectable signing the dotted line of checks your body can't cash. A typical cubicle engineered for maximum efficiency Now all Farkistani's have their own cubicles, we work better like that. We also have a nice organizational chart that is top secret. Our IT guys are also cool because they don't block websites such as www.babesofIRON.com and www.dateaPacifiKan.com (great sites, really). So with that out of the way we will show you how to make your own cubicle. Step 1: You'll want to build a solid foundation for your entrance. In this case we used leftover boxes of Dell computers from Rheal's supply shed out back. They have a certain abandoned look that just adds to the ambiance. Gotta admit, the dude loves his Win XP. Step 2: Next start attaching the door and close it. Pull your pants down just to see what happens. Step 3: Okay great. Now put an inbox on the outside of your entrance. This way your trained dog can drop the newspaper in it every morning while you fetch yourself that super charged-up double coffee you used to drink. Step 4: Now you're looking good future Executive of Nothingness! Step back and take a gander at what you've created. Brag to your friends that "you're busy and can't take their calls" or a classic "Not now buddy, I have a meeting in 10 minutes I haven't prepared for." Step 5: At this point you have a nice cubicle, but there's something missing. In your drunken slumber (around Noon-ish is a good time) start thinking about making defense systems around your base. Booby traps are popular with farkers (just ask Musty Poptart) but others like going all medieval on the other imaginary office workers. How about an anti-air laser defense system? You can build one of these with everyday household supplies from your local hardware store. They are great for zapping your nagging wife when she barges into the basement. Step 6: ??? Step 7: Profits (actually more like deficits and possible loan defaults, but who can blame you right?) If anyone has any questions feel free to ask one of the people below for hints, because they have all been in this same place before. Luckily now, they managed to beat the system and get voted for government positions (no idea how that happened). October Council results: SotC: Raving_MainyYak #2: Randomly Jim #3: fireguy15207 #4: Kahiel #5: Jaromayo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HellAngel Posted October 1, 2009 Report Share Posted October 1, 2009 Randomly and Fireguy in Council? I like. Congrats. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Timberland Posted October 1, 2009 Report Share Posted October 1, 2009 Congrats guys My stapler, where is my stapler ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Z Posted October 1, 2009 Report Share Posted October 1, 2009 (edited) Congratulations to the winners and another great announcement from our SuperFriend Fark but man, another campaign derailed. Edited October 1, 2009 by Big Z Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RavingMainyYak Posted October 1, 2009 Report Share Posted October 1, 2009 (edited) Sorry Z, I really thought your write-in campaign would take off. I'm picturing dozens of computer monitors with your name permanently etched in ballpoint pen. Edited October 1, 2009 by RavingMainyYak Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin McDonald Posted October 1, 2009 Report Share Posted October 1, 2009 I call shens. FG is number 1 in my heart and therefore should be number one in council. Congrats to the rest of the recently erected. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spleen63 Posted October 1, 2009 Report Share Posted October 1, 2009 (edited) Seriously the Office Parties have been really lame since all the layoffs. /But I do get all the booze to myself //So I have that going for me Edited October 1, 2009 by spleen63 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fort Pitt Posted October 1, 2009 Report Share Posted October 1, 2009 I read the whole thing, and loved it very much. Fark, because sometimes you need an awesome announcement. Congrats guys! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChairmanHal Posted October 1, 2009 Report Share Posted October 1, 2009 Congrats and all, but...stay off my cubicle lawn! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlphaBravo42 Posted October 1, 2009 Report Share Posted October 1, 2009 Now all Farkistani's have their own cubicles, we work better like that. I'm more of a free range Farkistani myself. Congratulations to the October council. Let the TPS reports flow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fireguy15207 Posted October 1, 2009 Report Share Posted October 1, 2009 Randomly and Fireguy in Council? I like. Congrats. Too bad you're not a voter. With those disillusions, that should guarantee my seat on Council Thanks I call shens. FG is number 1 in my heart and therefore should be number one in council.Congrats to the rest of the recently erected. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kahiel Posted October 1, 2009 Report Share Posted October 1, 2009 Now all Farkistani's have their own cubicles, we work better like that.I'm more of a free range Farkistani myself. Congratulations to the October council. Let the TPS reports flow. I was told I could listen to the radio. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
x8BitL0gic Posted October 1, 2009 Report Share Posted October 1, 2009 I love your websites! o/ Fark Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnathan Flaherty Posted October 1, 2009 Report Share Posted October 1, 2009 Fark announcements are always good Congrats guys Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Balder Posted October 1, 2009 Report Share Posted October 1, 2009 I eagerly await the announcement making Fireguy your Emperor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alfred von Tirpitz Posted October 1, 2009 Report Share Posted October 1, 2009 Hey its Yak and Fireguy!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rodger Waldie Posted October 1, 2009 Report Share Posted October 1, 2009 Congrats and all the farker that got in gov beer for all but fireguy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goose Posted October 2, 2009 Report Share Posted October 2, 2009 Congratulations Farkers! A fine looking council. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Auctor Posted October 2, 2009 Report Share Posted October 2, 2009 yay I much this like stuff Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wickedj Posted October 2, 2009 Report Share Posted October 2, 2009 Council needs less Fireguy and more Big Z Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RomeroLand Posted October 2, 2009 Report Share Posted October 2, 2009 I pulled my pants down and look who got erected. For Christ's sake. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
juanveldez Posted October 2, 2009 Report Share Posted October 2, 2009 hey you guys still have my red swingline from the last party you had I want it back. congrats on the new council Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin McDonald Posted October 2, 2009 Report Share Posted October 2, 2009 hey you guys still have my red swingline from the last party you had I want it back. But that's my stapler. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Scian Posted October 2, 2009 Report Share Posted October 2, 2009 Loving it. Fark is amazing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starcraftmazter Posted October 2, 2009 Report Share Posted October 2, 2009 Fireguy, my one true love Council needs less Fireguy and more Big Z Well at least it doesn't have that guy wicked - the one nobody likes - in it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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