Sir Paul Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 The Tabloid Tribune One Step Ahead of the Truth Since September 2003 Issue #150 - World Edition | Pacifican Edition __________ Tabloid Tribune Now Accepting Screenshots As Payment Delivery: It's like money-laundering for information. Springfield, SIR PAUL: With all other forms of payment forbidden under the modified and illegal instrument of surrender capriciously enforced by an oppressive and outrageous hegemony, the Tabloid Tribune will now be accepting screenshots in lieu of cash/tech payment for PaulsLIST advertisements. Being the only legal tender that all civilized people agrees can be exchanged with impunity, the Pacific News Network is happy to exchange valuable space within our humble publications in exchange for sensitive or embarrassing information from any alliance's restricted areas. Didn't get that promotion? Lose an election? Want to go out with a bang? Send PNN your screenshot and diatribe against your idiotic and oppressive former brethren and we'll happily publish both. Want to do it anonymously? You can! Simply ask about our "dead drop" service. Finally, as an added bonus, all first time customers get 25% more text for your screenshot. Within the letter and spirit of the law, Sir Paul Director of the Pacific News Network __________ Pacifica's Victims to Receive Billions Archon, after purchasing a cigarette truck on news he was to receive millions. Emerald City, Viridian Entente: The Karma War, which was fought to bring justice to Pacifica and restitution to her victims, is over and with the first payments to those who have suffered under the Jackboots of Tygaland, Ivan Moldavi, Doppelganger, and Electron Sponge will be seeing significant compensation. Londo of Athens stated that "Today is a great day, as Pacifica pays penance to those they have wronged. Many of the terms have been inspired by their actions, each filled with meaning in a beautiful Karmic cycle." The following is a chart of the planned distribution of the $20.5 billion Pacifican payout, along with Pacifica's relationship to that group. All figures normalize tech into cash. GATO | 1st NAP on Bob broken when GATO attacked the NPO | $4 billion Mushroom Kingdom | Orchestrated Karma War against Pacifica while holding Intel Treaty | $2 billion Green Protection Agency | They don't trade with Mary the Fantabulous | $1 billion New Polar Order | NPO tricked FOK and R&R into attacking them | $1 billion Federation of Armed Nations | Deemed too warlike even for the Order | $2 billion GOONS | Tricked Sparta and Ragnarok into attacking them | $1 billion Illuminati | Forced Ragnarok to install a Viceroy | $500 million Independent Red Nations | Failed to protect them from Karma Tech Raids during Karma War | $1 billion Farkistan | Tricked GOONS into attacking them | $1 billion Orange Defense Network | Tricked ODN into breaking oath | $1 billion Legion | On again, off again crazy romance | $1 billion Wolfpack | Tricked MHA into attacking them | $1 billion Nordreich | NPO masterminded Norwegian media smear campaign | $1 billion Imperial Assault Alliance | Not another Star Wars Alliance | $1 billion Grand Global Alliance | NPO broke the Independence Council | $1 billion Admin's Nation | NPO wars break the servers, proving he is unhappy with us | $1 billion Total Payout: $20.5 billion However, even Robin Hood took a percentage of loot to cover expenses, and why should Karma be any different? The following are fees that Karma will be charging against the reparations: Reparation Administration Fee: $2 billion Reparation Collection Fee: $4 billion eLawyer Fee: $2.5 billion Instrument of Surrender Creation Fee: $1.5 billion Pacifican Defense Fund: $2 billion Aid Slot Fee: $1 billion Radiation Mitigation Fee: $1 billion Terms Monitoring Fee: $2 billion War Origination Fee: $1 billion Pacifican Announcement Response Team Fee: $1 billion Enforcement of Permanent Terms Fee: $1 billion War Underwriting Fee: $1 billion Secret Terms Enforcement Fee: $1 billion Total Fees: $21 billion We here at the Tabloid Tribune are thrilled that Karma will be charging alliances wronged by Pacifica for their liberation. It shows fairness and equity in keeping with their mission of justice. The unaligned Red Team nations have graciously offered to pay the final $500 million to Karma nations for make the Red Team free, and Karma has been conveniently sending troops across the boarders of several independent Red Nations to aid in the quick transfer of wealth. ----- Written by Sir Paul The Tabloid Tribune - One step ahead of the truth Proudly Part of PNN __________ Upcoming Feast of Pacific Revolution Work crews finishing the restoration of the Imperial Ballroom which was heavily damaged during the Karma War. Francograd, New Pacific Order: With only a few days before the August Revolution, municipal employees along side military personnel are preparing the Pacifican Capital for the Feast of Pacific Revolution. During this time, the Emperor will make his Most Gracious Speech to the Body Republic outlining the Order's agenda and priority for the coming year. Afterwards, the Regent's Ball is held, and is open to not only members of the Body Republic, but to foreign dignitaries, both friendly and hostile, demonstrating that civility can occur between all men. Following the Ball, all non-essential government offices are closed at the Imperial Staff, Commanders, Councilors, and Department Heads re-align their bureaucracies to better fulfill the stated goals of the Order. Often, entire departments are eliminated and new ones created in a showing of continual revolution. While this work occurs, the five days are a time of celebration, as every Pacific Home flies Franco's Banner in a show of unwavering solidarity. On September 1, the day the New Pacific Order was officially founded, changes to the Order are internally announced and the festival comes to a close as Pacifica begins another year. If you would like access to Francograd for the festivities, it is recommended that those without visas apply before the holiday. Feast Events Details: His Imperial Majesty's Most Gracious Speech to the Body Republic of the Order: August 28, 2009 in session with the Body Republic, simulcast to the Open World Forum. Mary's Fantabulous Ball: Sadie Hawkins-style ball with elected King and Queen to honor NPO-GATO relations. Occurring on August 28, 2009 in the Imperial Ballroom, located at #royalpacificanball, Coldfront Server after the throne speech. The Imperial Clerk's Triennial Report: Given during the festival at the most opportune moment, documents the progress of Pacifica during the preceding year. Traditionally, it is factually correct but delivered in an upbeat manner regardless of how the year actually went. State Opening of the Body Republic: On the Day of Order (September 1), the Body Republic is opened and Pacifica celebrates six years of Order. ----- Written by Sir Paul The Tabloid Tribune One Step Ahead of the Truth Proudly Part of PNN __________ PaulsLIST Because not everything on the internet is for porn ===NEW AGE SPIRITUALITY=== Attention all force-sensitive sentient creatures: The old way of life is dying. The quiet, meek, and neutrals are about to be swept away in a glorious Titanomachia where the children of Ares shall rule the Cyberverse. Why live in fear of petty, tyrannical gods when you can simply become one of them? By becoming a Sith Lord, we can help you channel your fear, doubt, insecurity and crushed hopes into unbridled power. Peace is a Lie. There is only Passion. The New Sith Order: Our beliefs are compassion ===IT'S IN THE STARS=== The lights of the heavens circle round the North Star in a cosmic dance of beauty and harmony. The heavens use Polaris as an axis round which they turn, why shouldn't you? Compatible with the zodiac, sovereign among all others, Polaris is a guiding light which you can follow home. Scorpio, Gemini, Virgo and Taurus are all welcome to play a part in our eternal celestial ballet. If the stars represent great kings of the past watching over us, then Polaris is the king of the future. You and The New Polar Order: It is written in the stars. ----- Written by Sir Paul The Tabloid Tribune: One Step Ahead of the Truth Proudly Part of PNN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bernkastel Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 Excellent read, Sir Paul. Excellent read. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loch Ness Monster Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 Always a treat to read Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haflinger Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 Your humour is complex, but interesting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookavich Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 You're a dirty old !@#$%^&, but I love you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Locke Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 Wonderful as always. I especially loved the reps bit. Looking forward to the next one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ragashingo Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 GATO | 1st NAP on Bob broken when GATO attacked the NPO | $4 billion o/ Creative spinning... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nintenderek Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 I for one would like to see California sponsor more issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nolissar Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 Entertaining and uniquely informative as always. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R3nowned Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 <3 this stuff Great read Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VenetianBlind Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 Not entirely sure how we're sponsoring this one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mathias Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 Good publication, nice work Sir Paul. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jerry Kellerman Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 Outstanding read. I will see if I can attend Mary's function, sounds like it will be a classy event. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aurion Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 o/ Creative spinning... It's a tabloid. What do you expect? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ivan Moldavi Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 I would say my jackboots only crushed the souls within two-thirds of the alliances you listed. Three-fourths at most. Well, maybe four-fifths. We Tyrants tend to lose count. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xantha Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 o/ Sir Paul and Thank You. You are a Gift Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wickedj Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 I heard a rumor that the truck pictured infact contains massive quantities of liquor and other alcoholic substances Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeinousOne Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 Did I really miss the parties? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sequoia Throne Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 Did I really miss the parties? Nope, doors open tomorrow (technically tonight) night at 7 pm. Entertaining and clever as always Sir Paul. Great job. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hell Scream Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 You've still got it. Entertaining read, as usual. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delgursh Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 "I just bought this cigarette truck straight cash....Im rich biotch!" These are always funny to read Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imperium of Poliz Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 It's the constant refreshing genious of Sir Paul's work that ensures i'll always be his no. 1 drooling idiot fanboy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Francesca Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 Ahahahahahaha!!!!! Aid slot fee????? Oh, keep it up, this is great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jer Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 I laughed. Keep up the good work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ty345 Posted August 28, 2009 Report Share Posted August 28, 2009 Pay Admin his money! Good read. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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