Arcane Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 As the war we were finally blessed with comes to an end, Farkistan yet again turns to internal affairs. It is time to look to the lessons learned and to rebuild. We thank the people who have guided us through this period of unrest and welcome those who are to lead us into peace. Yes, as the calendar turns another month, it is Erection season in Farkistan But not all is as it should be within Farkistan. Rumors about strange occurrences and unexplained disappearances seem to be even more common than usual. It was as if the mothership came for Fluoroalien (although he claims it was not an abduction, but rather a vacation in Australia. Australia, as if that place really existed). Farkers are acting strange on a scale that surprises even the most hardened original greenlighters. And for some reason no one has seen neither hide nor hair of either zebra or gerbil for the last few weeks. It was as if the animals sensed something . . . wrong. During the war, Farkistani cheered each rise in the global radiation level as much as anyone. Per capita, Farkistan was one of the biggest donors of radiation goodness world wide. But throwing nukes around like it’s cool comes at a price, which we have only just discovered. Out of the ashes of nuclear anarchy rose something better left undisturbed. The crew of the FSS Dynamite Monkey was among the first to notice something amiss. Instead of responding to taunts by throwing explosives and/or feces the Dynamite Monkeys went berserk and tried to feast on the intestines and brain matter of the ship‘s Farkers. From there it didn’t take long for the problem to become obvious, evidenced by the large contingent of the animated dead attending this erection rally. Farkistan is at the moment suffering from what a spokesman for the ministry of Truth describes as "a minor zombie infestation." Many prominent members have fallen victim. Here we see GypsyFire and DragonGem, both dressed up to mourn the end of the war, roaming the streets. In the picture below we see WickedJ, barely recognized by his beard and unkempt appearance. Remember kids, being a zombie does your looks no good. On second thought he looks pretty good in this picture. Not even the lolcats were safe… Still, even zombies seem to hold their erections dear. When the polls opened the queues ran long outside Erection Central. Voting progressed in an orderly fashion, though some claim that there used to be less dismembering and gorging last time. Here's Tumultuous Papaya enjoying a breadless finger sammich immediately after casting her vote. So why does it seem like it is business as usual in Farkistan? Surely having a significant part of the alliance turned into raving zombies should affect the day to day routines. Not as much as you would think. To clarify, we bring science. The chart on the left shows what your regular Farker’s brain is devoted to. Beside it to the right is the same view but from an infected Farker: Great thanks to the brave non-infected, erm… volunteer who made this study possible and our condolences to his friends and family. A remedy is being worked on as we announce this to cure those affected. Attempts are also being made to harness the DNA sequence that replaces the “RL” part of the Farker’s brain with “EATING BRAINS!!!” So far the attempts have not been successful. There is evidence this phenomenon is spreading to other parts of Planet Bob. A reliable source has provided this screenshot of a new government type to be implemented by CN Admin. This surveillance intercept offers additional details of how this new Zombie government, coupled of course with a required Voodoo religion could radically change game play. [12:21] <Subject #1>Can we get a government type of Zombie?[12:21] <Subject #2> Choose voodoo for religion [12:22] <Subject #1>It would likely kill Happiness bonus, but it would rock for soldier efficiency and attack spy strength. [12:22] <Subject #2> it actually gives that warning [12:22] <Subject #2> Attack spy strength? [12:22] <Subject #2> I doubt it [12:22] <Undercover Agent “J”> yeah, zombie spais? [12:23] <Subject #2> Oh look honey - one of our peace loving citizens seems to be shambling down the road [12:23] <Subject #1>it wouldn't matter if they got caught - they would still spread mayhem. [12:23] <Undercover Agent “J”> why don't we tell him all our secrets? [12:23] <Subject #2> My his leg just fell of [12:23] <Undercover Agent “J”> he still looks like a good guy, let's tell him where we keep the nukes [12:23] <Subject #2> lol [12:24] <Subject #3> soldier efficiency +400% and you can still attack when you have >95% odds [12:26] <Subject #3> every day, 1/5th of your working citizen count gets turned into soldiers, with a minimum conversion number of 500 [12:27] <Subject #3> and every day, you lose 1/10 of your infra [12:27] <Subject #3> zombie government type [12:27] <Subject #1>see - it's not so bad after all - at least during war time. [12:27] <Subject #1>each alliance would end up with a Zombie Corps. [12:28] <Subject #3> see, my design is non-sustainable, though [12:28] <Subject #3> eventually you'd have so little infra and so many soldiers you'd get bill-locked [12:28] <Subject #1>all wars go to ZI or expiration - Peace not an option when fighting a zombie gov. [12:28] <Some clueless yak> but the undead care little about bill paying anyway [12:29] <Subject #3> “You have sent a peace offer to Central Coast. The government responds to your diplomat by ripping out his intestines with a loud moan.” [12:31] <Subject #1>I think you'd lose the ability to do air/naval attacks. To compensate you would get 4 GAs per day. [12:32] <Subject #3> per nation you were attacking, of course. [12:32] <Subject #3> utter carnage [12:32] <Subject #3> zombie nations rule planet bob [12:32] <Subject #1>of course...you'd also get 6 offensive slots. [12:32] <Subject #3> oh, obviously [12:32] <Subject #3> of course soldiers killed that day will rise the next day as soldiers in service of you [12:33] <Subject #2> CN - Z? [12:33] <Subject #1>you'd never need to rebuy soldiers. Not even the feared Farkistani Womens Korps with their deadly and delicious bacon rifles (BAK-47-HS) are likely to stand up to the onslaught of undead hordes marching slowly, slowly toward humanity's ultimate doom. But there may be hope. This survival manual may hold the answers we seek. Or not. Meanwhile, we know where to to look in times of trouble. To who we will blame for the Farkistan Zombie Apocalypse, the duly erected members of TotalFark Council for June, 2009: Quadriplegic (Speaker of Council) wickedj Randomly Jim Nuke Me Please Tumultuous Papaya We are so farked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jgoods45 Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 Congrats Tums! and to everyone else who was elected /me huggles Tums Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buller Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 Congratulations to those elected Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarikmo Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 Fark topics are among my favorite, congrats to those elected. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sileath Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 Congratulations Tumultuous Papaya This means you must spend even more time at our forums. Congratulations to the erected. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R3nowned Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 lol, nice topic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lummerian Empire Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 Congratulations on your new erected government. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack Diorno Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 Didn't make any sense till I read the last few lines, confusions Congrats tums <3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fluoroalien Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 Crikey mate, can I have some Braaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnsssssssssss (Congrats all) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunTzuWannabe Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 o/ the erected zombies and long live fark. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Londo Mollari Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 Oh wow. Congrats Tums. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Astro11 Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 (edited) Congratulations with the recent errections! Pray tell however where other wonderful periodicals in the same vein as the above Fark zombie survival guides may be purchased? Edited June 1, 2009 by Slavicius Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hassman Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 CN:ZE - Cybernations Zombie Edition Hummm that would be interesting. Congrats to the erected. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wu Tang Clan Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 Best... announcement... ever. Read the whole thing. 10/10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Khyber Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 Congrats FARK, always a class act. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the damned Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 (edited) You had me lollin like there was no tomorrow. congrats on your erections and may your new gov members rise to the occasion. Edited June 1, 2009 by the damned Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EViL0nE Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 Congrats, council! Now fix this zombie mess. //tired of having my leg chewed on. //I'm starting to get a complex. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In Spades Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 I, for one welcome our new zombie overlords! Congrats on the elections. Wickedj? Gov? AWESOME!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Keshav IV Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 Congrats to the victors. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vladimir Stukov II Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 Congrats Fark! I love your announcements. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crushtania Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 WickedJ and Tums! My favorite Farkers! Congrats to all our Fark brothers! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Balder Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 Funny as hell. Love you Fark and 'grats on your erections! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Otherworld Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 Epic thread is epic. Congrats all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RavingMainyYak Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 (edited) Congratulations with the recent errections! Pray tell however where other wonderful periodicals in the same vein as the above Fark zombie survival guides may be purchased? I will be happy to take care of all your zombie survival needs. All you need do is post your credit card number and social security or national ID number, and my good friend, the formal Minister of Works and Housing in Federal Republic of Nigeria, Mssr. Chief Tony Anenih will intend to your needs. He is in position of USD 20M which he intends to invest in Real Estate and factory in your country. He is looking for a reliable person that will help him to invest this money. In exchange, he will send you the entire Zombie Survival library, plus allow you to keep one quarter of the total proceeds of this transaction. But you must maintain in strictest confidence. Kindly update Mssr. Anenih if you can represent his interest or if there is any other lucrative Business in the area related to your field do not delay to keep me posted. Edited June 1, 2009 by RavingMainyYak Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spanky22 Posted June 1, 2009 Report Share Posted June 1, 2009 I voted and all I got was my brains eaten by a zombie. Congrats to the new Council. Have fun and keep us rolling down the right track. I'll be over in my retirement rocking chair yelling at clouds and shaking my fist at the kids to keep them off of my lawn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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