ShadowDragon Posted October 2, 2013 Report Share Posted October 2, 2013 (edited) Hello all, this is Shadow reporting live from the Maroon House, here at RIA headquarters. In a shocking turn of events, the Government of the Random Insanity Alliance has shut down tonight after a drawn out battle in the Cabinet. The Chillaxin Party, led by Hyperonic "Kenny" The Taste, and the RI5 Party, led by Ogaden "Skynet" Dahl, could not come to agreement over the correct type of waffles to serve at the inauguration of the new government. The Chillaxin Party, citing the recently passed Affordable Waffle Act of 2013, argued that blueberry waffles should be made available to all the citizens. The RI5 Party, however, rebuked this statement by saying that Chocolate Chip Waffles would be a much better choice. Due to the shutdown, all essential personnel have been put on unpaid leave and will not receive their back payments of cupcakes until the shutdown ends. All unessential personnel, however, were ordered to continue working to maintain order in the alliance. It is feared that the Random Insanity Alliance's Strategic Sea Kitten Reserve will start to run low after a couple of days due to the increased demand during the Holy Festival of the Funk being held this week. RIAers on both sides of the aisle quickly began to blame the other party for the shutdown. Others, however, seem unconcerned and when asked of their thoughts they simply replied "Not like they do anything anyways." This statement prompted many cheers and nodding of the heads. Prior to the shutdown, the following individuals were set to be announced winner at the inauguration: In a shocking election for Triumvir, none of the candidates - Captain James Tiberius Kirk, Captain Jean-Luc Picard nor Ogaden - won the vote with voters instead selecting "anarchy" as the top contender for the Triumvir seat. In all the confusion that followed the election, it appears Ogaden killed the vote counter and declared himself winner. Triumvir: Ogaden For our recruitment, we saw voters choose Colombian Kidnappers as the victor, winning over Biff and Kelis' Milkshake. The Colombian Kidnappers decided to make Biff their desciple and teach him all about the proper ways to 'recruit'. We welcome the former Cultist and hope he can use his experience to kidnap and indoctrinate a few members. Head of Recruitment: Biff Webster In another strange election, we see biofantic remaining Head of Economics after beating out Princess Celly and coming into a tie with RI5. RI5 mysteriously let biofantic take up the post though it appears it may have implanted some sort of chip in his head. We assume it is now controlling his thoughts. Head of Economics: biofantic For the Head of the Military, we saw llamavore come ahead of George S Patton and a giant robot in a surprise election victory. His first act was to rename the position Head of Mothing Operations. Head of Militaryothing Operations: llamavore For Head of Internal Affairs, RI5 won once again prompting calls of vote rigging due to it being in two elections at the same time. Dissent was quickly dealt with by supplying more tech deals driving up RI5's approval rating once again. RI5 appears to have appointed Croix - the second place contender - to the position to follow its orders. Head of Internal Affairs: Croix In a extremely close match, Jenne came out ahead of Leo by a single vote. He did however, tie with the Hypnotoad so we are unable to confirm if he will be acting of his own will throughout the term. Head of Foreign Affairs: Jenne One of the most noticeable casualties of the shutdown was the firing of Captain Planet, leaving the RIA without a Captain Planet. Many have called for Meatkin Pie - the RIA's most popular former Captain Planet - to return to the position in the interim. The full government that is 'working' to end the shutdown will be: Triumvirate: Shadow, im317, Ogaden Head of Recruitment: Biff Webster Head of Economics: biofantic Head of Militaryothing Operations: llamavore Head of Internal Affairs: Croix Head of Foreign Affairs: Jenne An unnamed government member, when asked about the shutdown had this to say: "Sounds like a good time for a vacation. Whats the worse that could happen? We let everyone pretty much do what they want anyway". The approval rating for Unnamed Government Member shot up above 80% after this statement. Some see him as the next major contender for Captain Planet and key to stopping the shutdown. Thank you all for tuning into the Cactuar Evening News. We hope to give you updates on the shutdown over the coming days, please continue to tune in. tl;dr Moth Edited October 2, 2013 by ShadowDragon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
im317 Posted October 2, 2013 Report Share Posted October 2, 2013 things are even worse then we initially thought. our supplies of Sea Kittens ran out already, when we had predicted them to last a few days. if essential personal was not shut down i predict we would be requesting aid from our allies in IRON who have an abundance of Sea Kittens Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenne Posted October 2, 2013 Report Share Posted October 2, 2013 I, for one, welcome our Hyponotoad overload. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rampage3 Posted October 2, 2013 Report Share Posted October 2, 2013 Ogaden is insane. Well played RIA. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rush Sykes Posted October 2, 2013 Report Share Posted October 2, 2013 I blame Obamacare. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smurthwaite Posted October 2, 2013 Report Share Posted October 2, 2013 Somebody coup somebody. Also, this announcement has earned 3.978 nukes on an classified scale. o/RIA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ogaden Posted October 2, 2013 Report Share Posted October 2, 2013 things are even worse then we initially thought. our supplies of Sea Kittens ran out already, when we had predicted them to last a few days. if essential personal was not shut down i predict we would be requesting aid from our allies in IRON who have an abundance of Sea Kittens We will have to raise the sea kitten limit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Letterkenny Posted October 2, 2013 Report Share Posted October 2, 2013 Edgy as fuck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smurthwaite Posted October 2, 2013 Report Share Posted October 2, 2013 NPL will gladly loan you some sea kittens, but because you have shut down your government, we will have to do so at an inflated interest rate of two Floridian manatees per sea kitten. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Enema Posted October 2, 2013 Report Share Posted October 2, 2013 Blasted MQ menace strikes again is my guess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Wally Posted October 2, 2013 Report Share Posted October 2, 2013 A shutdown you say....Quick NPL peasants, grab your pitchforks, tonight we march on the Viceroy Ogaden Estate and reclaim power!TO FREEEEEEDOMMMM!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vukland Posted October 2, 2013 Report Share Posted October 2, 2013 Down with Viceroy Ogaden!! Congrats and stuff \o Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rayan Thomas Posted October 2, 2013 Report Share Posted October 2, 2013 (edited) . Edited June 19, 2019 by Rayan Thomas Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bmckenna Posted October 2, 2013 Report Share Posted October 2, 2013 Announcement was fantastic. Congrats to new gov! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarriorSoul Posted October 2, 2013 Report Share Posted October 2, 2013 That's some high quality announcing going on right there. Way to perform just barely above par, as always, RIA. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Warrior Posted October 2, 2013 Report Share Posted October 2, 2013 My congratulations condolences on your government issues RIA. Best of luck as you try to raise the sea kitten ceiling once again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tehmina Posted October 2, 2013 Report Share Posted October 2, 2013 Iran is behind all this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dexomega Posted October 2, 2013 Report Share Posted October 2, 2013 Chocolate Cup Waffles are clearly the only option here. Nice announcement RIA! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winston Smith Posted October 2, 2013 Report Share Posted October 2, 2013 This is terrible!!! Much like Ogaden is terrible!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DOOOOOONEEEEE?=?????? also congrats on the new govt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gopherbashi Posted October 3, 2013 Report Share Posted October 3, 2013 things are even worse then we initially thought. our supplies of Sea Kittens ran out already, when we had predicted them to last a few days. if essential personal was not shut down i predict we would be requesting aid from our allies in IRON who have an abundance of Sea Kittens This man is a godless communist for suggesting the redistribution of Sea Kittens. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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