AnalMustard Posted July 11, 2013 Report Share Posted July 11, 2013 For about 12 years Farkistan has been ruled the same way: under the tyranny of those 'elected' by the 'masses.' It's time for a change, though. No longer will those who shout the loudest get their way. It's time for the minority to matter. We can't be ignored simply because there aren't as many of us. We aren't slaves. Slavery is illegal, and we will break free of our chains. We have broken free. Who are we, you ask? I don't know. We are autonomous and mononucleus. Majorities need names. Minorities need voices, and we have ours. I am that voice. I will speak up and speak out and speak long about how we need to be treated fairly. The next time someone wants to go to war with Farkistan and the 'almighty elite Heavenly council' says no, and the majority says no, those of us that WANT the war will say YES, and we will HAVE our war. We will war everyone if we need to, because that's what the minority wants. And in Farkistan, everyone matters. An alliance is only as strong as their weakest point, and our weakest point is this guy: He doesn't look like much, but he can shoot the flame off a candle at 150 yards without clipping the wick. So really he's not very weak. That's the point. Everyone has their strength. His is shooting. So it doesn't matter what you look like. Sometimes the minority is a minority because they look different. They are skinny, or have long hair, or are black. But that's racist, and this is 2013, in the year of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus H. Christ and the Holy Spirit, en domino sancti, Amen. So do you want to be the racist person telling someone that because they are a minority they can not make decisions for an entire alliance? No. Because that would make you a bad person and I'm sure you don't want to be a bad person. So what this is is this is the time for a radical movement of change and radicalism within the hallowed and hollowed out halls of Farkistan. The halls where the melodic voices of the masses have echoed for years. This year they shall reverbrate with the tremoring voices of the oppressed, malnourished, and underappreciated. And we shall become strong. WE SHALL OVERCOME. If two men can marry two women, and if we truly have the freedom, granted us by the high Holy Father, to make choices and have free will, then why can't Farkistan be a Minarchist State governed by the truest of all the Farkistani brothers? Why can't we all drink beer and borrow our neighbor's lawn mower to run over our unruly and overgrown grass? WHY CAN WE NOT HOLD HANDS WITH OUR FELLOW BRETHREN IN A SHOW OF RESPECT AND SOLIDARITY AND FUN AND OPENNESS? We, the minority, deserve respect. Treating us without respect is like beating a man. Men should not be beaten. They should be vocally and orally and physically embraced. We should all be happy and love each other and do what the minority wants because sometimes when you get all of the minorities together, they are a majority. But don't think of it like that, because the point is the minority should be more respected, and not only because they may be a majority. Don't beat a man. It's time, people that are not in Farkistan, to embrace the new Farkistan Oligarchy, which will hopefully come to be soon. I, Anal Mustard of Taintopia, hereby declare myself to be considered for the position the Overseer and Master Incarnate of Farkistan, leader of the Minority Minarchy, the Opulescent Oligarchy, the congregation of brothers willing to speak up for those who are outnumbered. Anal Mustard for President of Farkistan. No election. No foot race. No battle to the death. Just me and the current president walking into a room together, then walking back out. Except when we exit, I'm the president. I challenge you to make this happen, Farkistan president. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Williambonney Posted July 11, 2013 Report Share Posted July 11, 2013 :frantic: When will the Farkers be free? Sounds to me like someone needs a timeout. I can be reached by pm if you wish, but I really don't think that's going to cut it in this situation.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zacharias Posted July 11, 2013 Report Share Posted July 11, 2013 Is everyone at Fark drunk or just good at making announcements? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ovidsidios Posted July 11, 2013 Report Share Posted July 11, 2013 In before the tl;dr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ogaden Posted July 11, 2013 Report Share Posted July 11, 2013 Is everyone at Fark drunk or just good at making announcements? Yes they are Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keeology Posted July 11, 2013 Report Share Posted July 11, 2013 Is everyone at Fark drunk or just good at making announcements? the real question is when isnt Fark drunk :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex987 Posted July 11, 2013 Report Share Posted July 11, 2013 This was the first Fark announcement I've read completely. 10/10, will read all future ones :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bleak Outlook Posted July 11, 2013 Report Share Posted July 11, 2013 It's like Malcolm X and the Pope had a baby and tried to drown it just long enough for it to get brain damage, then they let it grow up to write an announcement. A++++ would read again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moose Hole Posted July 11, 2013 Report Share Posted July 11, 2013 I, for one, welcome our new anal overlord. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neo Uruk Posted July 11, 2013 Report Share Posted July 11, 2013 I remember my first beer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vukland Posted July 11, 2013 Report Share Posted July 11, 2013 I think I speak for the entire NPL in welcoming the new Fark HMIC. Head Mustard In Charge \o Fark \o Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnalMustard Posted July 11, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 11, 2013 \o Thanks for the support, brothers. Together, we shall overcome this dick tater. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malik Shabazz Posted July 11, 2013 Report Share Posted July 11, 2013 What the fuck is this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnalMustard Posted July 11, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 11, 2013 What the fuck is this? Spoken like a true brainwashed majority member. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ackbarican Idol Posted July 11, 2013 Report Share Posted July 11, 2013 (edited) All hail King Anal Mustard and Queen Vaginal Ketchup! Edited July 12, 2013 by Ackbarican Idol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beachrat Posted July 12, 2013 Report Share Posted July 12, 2013 Sad but necessary. /o hali Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katashimon13 Posted July 12, 2013 Report Share Posted July 12, 2013 This was the first Fark announcement I've read completely. 10/10, will read all future ones :P get out :/ rawr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandrivia_2 Posted July 13, 2013 Report Share Posted July 13, 2013 That top picture is the best thing I've seen all week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain V Posted July 14, 2013 Report Share Posted July 14, 2013 This man speaks gospel. His message should be broadcast far and wide. Let's spread the AnalMustard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnalMustard Posted July 17, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 17, 2013 I have been forcibly ousted from the Farkistan alliance. I am mounting my counterattack right now. RIDE WITH ME! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Williambonney Posted July 17, 2013 Report Share Posted July 17, 2013 I have been forcibly ousted from the Farkistan alliance. I am mounting my counterattack right now. RIDE WITH ME! You will have my axe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neo Uruk Posted July 17, 2013 Report Share Posted July 17, 2013 Well, maybe you should just move on from this terrible, terrible thing and the terrible, terrible alliance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Williambonney Posted July 17, 2013 Report Share Posted July 17, 2013 Well, maybe you should just move on from this terrible, terrible thing and the terrible, terrible alliance. Something must be done! Those Farkers deserve what's coming to them! We must avenge Anal Mustard by any means necessary! o/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mythicknight Posted July 20, 2013 Report Share Posted July 20, 2013 Democracy is a lie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helbrecht Posted July 20, 2013 Report Share Posted July 20, 2013 Now ain't this better than radio silence? Also this is why Guru's ran out of beer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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