The Guru Order Offers a Helping Hand...

[JmanofAus]

[center][img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v463/j2870/GuruAnnouncementUPN.png[/img]

[b]Good Evening, citizens of Bob. It has been brought to my attention that a certain alliance is in desperate need of our assistance. Due to the severity of the situation, I do not believe I could possibly describe the order of events to you in a normal announcement whilst maintaining my level of composure.

So, in order to make things a little easier on myself, I have decided to set it all out in the form of a short story, please enjoy. I believe it is worth the read.[/b]

[size="1"][b]If you'd prefer to read the merged logs of the conversation in its entirety, [url=http://pastebin.com/WVxWzjBr]click here[/url][/b][/size][/center]

[center][color=purple][size="6"]The UPN Encounter[/size][/color][/center]
It was a beautiful, Australian Sunday afternoon. I, a young Prime Minister, was going about my regular routine enjoying the company of several good-hearted people. Little did I know, my seemingly normal day was about to become a day I would remember for a very long time.

Someone who called themselves Kevanovia entered the Guru Order's public lounge and approached me and said in private, [i]"Yo. Are you the Prime Minister?"[/i]

I was unsure of this Kevanovia's identity, so I curiously replied, [i]"Of the Guru Order? Yes."[/i]

Things were turning out well as my curiosity was returned with kindness. Kevanovia expressed a brief interest in my experience, inquiring as to the length of my Prime Ministership and how long I had been a citizen of Bob. And then, the mood of the conversation was altered, as Kevanonavia invited me to hear a proposition, [i]"Well, I have a proposition for you if you'd like to hear it."[/i]

I was instantly interested, I changed my focus entirely to the conversation at hand and expressed my eagerness. I was not at all prepared for what was about to follow, [i]"How would you feel about a merge of GO with UPN? And I know this is coming out of no where. However UPN could use some more active quality members and I figured that GO could use some more say in the world and become more of a dominant force."[/i]

I found myself completely taken aback. I had no idea who this Kevanovia was, after conducting a little search I located the details on his nation and assumed from the age and size that he was purely a mischief-maker attempting to make the United Purple Nations look bad. I approached Smontag, the Guru Order's Minister of Foreign Affairs to inform him of what was happening and we both laughed it off as a joke.

Then, Kevanovia offered the use of a private room to further discuss the proposal. I apologised for the delayed reply, saying I [i]"had to take a moment to compose myself"[/i]. I franticly searched UPN's information, and after seeing that Kevanovia was not listed as a member of government I visited the UPN's public lounge and attempted to contact the UPN's Prime Minister to inform her of the mischief-maker.

But once Kevanovia told me that, [i]"DonVox, our MoD can join the chat too if you'd like"[/i] I realised that this may in fact be UPN being serious. I entered the private room with Kevanovia, and was soon joined by DonVox. Once we were in the room, Kevanovia finally informed me, [i]"Also, I didn't really introduce myself. I'm UPN's MoFA."[/i]

Still thinking that there was a remote chance this might still be a joke, I invited Smontag to the room to join share the fun. After some small talk, Kevanovia got us down to business, [i]"Well anyway, so what were you guys thinking about the merge?"[/i]

Now that I realised they were indeed proposing we merge into UPN, I was very amused and replied [i]"How much we should/shouldn't laugh at the idea."[/i]

Smontag was in agreement with me, [i]"I agree because I'm laughing kinda like I did when I read my police report of what I did when I got my DUI."[/i]

Kevanovia countered our humour, [i]"Because it's so damn appealing, am I right?"[/i]

I figured the conversation had been dragged on long enough, so I got right into it, [i]"I keep trying to find one, but I can't think of even the most remote reason for us to merge into the UPN."[/i]

Kevanovia carried on with the humour for a moment, but soon became serious, [i]"You guys are comprised by insanely amazing recruiters, and apparently by some pretty active members. However you also seem to lack a world presence, no offense meant. With this merge not only would we be creating a super awesome active community, but we'd be one of the most dominant alliances in the game."[/i]

I was secretly in hysterics with Smontag. I couldn't believe that the Minister of Foreign Affairs of the United Purple Nations actually approached me completely out of the blue, and being the very first UPN member I had ever spoken to proposed that GO merge with them because we [i]"lack a world presence"[/i]!

There was a long silence; I wasn't exactly sure how I should proceed. I became defensive, and began my long-winded reply, [i]"I don't think I can take the UPN seriously anymore.

You're asking a 2-year-old, active, growing, aqua sphere alliance with a strong culture and treaties with the five most awesome alliances on Bob, all of which we are terrific friends with to merge into a UPN so desperate for active members that it's asking us to merge into them? You want us to go with a completely new structure, a bunch of allies we don't know (one of which we fought in the last war) and a demotion for all government members and GO leaders?

This is the first time I've ever even talked to a UPN member and I'm being asked to bring a ridiculous merger proposal to the Elders Council."[/i]

Kevanovia at first countered with more humour, [i]"Holy jazz you're competent. This isn't the World Federation I'm talking to here, eh"[/i]. But he then offered more so-called points in favour of the merge, [i]"We're going through a re-birthing process, a process for any alliance (large or small) to join up and actually establish what they want to see into the community. To make it their own alliance. I COMPLETELY understand your points and didn't mean to insult you by proposing this (as I said in query: I figured you wouldn't be but I was scrolling through the wiki and was reading up more on you guys and was kinda thinkin..."What if....") I was just curious if you were open to it. Like I said, we're basically re-doing the alliance and it would be a perfect time for a merge to take place with an alliance."[/i]

Another long-winded reply from myself saw the end of the proposal, [i]"I could understand this proposal if GO was struggling to grow, or dying from a lack of active government members, but we're the exact opposite. We have a thriving culture and excellent ties to other great alliances and there's just no reason whatsoever for us to sacrifice that to be assimilated into the UPN."[/i]

Kevanovia replied with, [i]"Completely understandable."[/i] before talking to me again in private, [i]"And again, no offense was meant by proposing this. There are some alliances out there that are just super-crazy with recruiting and don't know really grasp what else goes into an alliance. Obviously you understand the other elements as well and now I know that."[/i]

I took no offense from the proposal, I instead interpreted it as what it truly was - hilarious! Never before had I experiences such an amusing diplomatic proposal. It was as if no research or thought was put into it at all. The MoFA of UPN approached the Guru Order, an alliance they had no diplomatic ties with whatsoever, not even an embassy and proposed that we merge into them while we're at our peak and growing.

It was not until several minutes later that I was informed of the true severity of the situation when Kevanovia said to me, [i]"You have no idea how badly we're hurting. All we have is numbers, a load of our active government left to form another alliance a month back and we haven't recovered yet. We'll be fine, I have no doubts. I guess I'm just trying to take short cuts."[/i]

[center][b]So, now you know the story. The UPN is going through a real rough patch. I've been informed that they've approached at least two other alliances proposing that they merge as well. For me, it is quite obvious what must be done.

I hereby invite [i]all[/i] the great alliances of Bob to consider merging into the UPN. They are in dire need of membership, by merging into them you can help to save them from a terrible end. In return, you'll have the privilege of being in an alliance that has a "world presence"!

I have considered the fact that other alliances, like the Guru Order may actually know what "else" goes into an alliance besides "super-crazy recruiting" and so I have a Plan B.

The Guru Order hereby makes the following offer: If no (or not enough) alliance(s) merge into UPN for them to be satisfied that they are no longer in dire peril, the Guru Order will open its arms to all of the United Purple Nations' Members. We would be glad to offer you all a refuge from what appears to be your crumbling home.

Although, I may be off the mark a little here. People often make mistakes and I may have interpreted the situation at UPN incorrectly.

Nevertheless, the offer still stands! UPN, we don't know you, but if you need us we're here.[/b][/center]

[right][img]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v463/j2870/JmanofAus55.png[/img][/right]

[smontag]

as for my dui story it is the funniest thing i had read (contact me on IRC to find out more) but this had to top it. I think i have dealt with UPN 1 time but never anything this serious. UPN please come over to GO we have lots of beer and just say Smontag recruited you Edited July 18, 2010 by smontag

[Groucho Marx]

The most hilarious thing I've ever read. Ever. I love how you gentlemen handled this. Serious props to GO.

[Neo Uruk]

I'll be joining shortly!

[Penkala]

Oh UPN, you're so pathetic.

[Caliph]

I've heard the wonderful news

This is a great stance to take. Good luck

[wickedj]

[url=http://pastebin.com/Q1JzEuEZ]Good lord UPN are you THAT desperate?[/url]

Edited July 18, 2010 by wickedj

[mythicknight]

Sunday is looking amazing so far.

[Sandwich Controversy]

I'm finding Kevanovia to talk right now! Thanks for the idea!

[nutkase]

Wow, congratulations on being a log dumper.

I find all this kind of pathetic to be honest, mostly on GO's part.

[Dementual]

This was clearly the best way of handling the situation.

[wickedj]

[quote name='nutkase' date='18 July 2010 - 03:42 AM' timestamp='1279442557' post='2376938']
Wow, congratulations on being a log dumper.

I find all this kind of pathetic to be honest, mostly on GO's part.
[/quote]
such a message HAD to be shared with the masses, consider it a PSA

[Penkala]

[quote name='Dementual' date='18 July 2010 - 04:42 AM' timestamp='1279442559' post='2376939']
This was clearly the best way of handling the situation.
[/quote]

GGA lecturing someone on how to behave [i]again[/i]. Simply amazing.

[Neo Uruk]

[quote name='nutkase' date='18 July 2010 - 03:42 AM' timestamp='1279442557' post='2376938']
Wow, congratulations on being a log dumper.

I find all this kind of pathetic to be honest, mostly on GO's part.
[/quote]
Lighten up. If you don't want logs dumped, don't do something dumb, out of the norm, or regrettable.

Edited July 18, 2010 by Neo Uruk

[Sandwich Controversy]

[quote name='Dementual' date='18 July 2010 - 04:42 AM' timestamp='1279442559' post='2376939']
This was clearly the best way of handling the situation.
[/quote]
Yes, because it's [i]hilarious.[/i] Not sharing this with the public would be criminal.

Awesome writing, by the way. So much better than raw logs.

[Zulchep]

Truly, UPN is wise in this regard. My fellow Shrooms, we should overthrow the monarchy and merge into UPN at once! Think of the super awesome active community we could form!

[Alterego]

Oh UPN, Im glad we arent connected anymore.

[nutkase]

[quote name='wickedj' date='18 July 2010 - 04:44 PM' timestamp='1279442626' post='2376940']
such a message HAD to be shared with the masses, consider it a PSA
[/quote]

I never see dumping private logs worthy to be shared with the masses, especially in order to humiliate or defame others.

[Caliph]

[quote name='wickedj' date='18 July 2010 - 01:44 AM' timestamp='1279442626' post='2376940']
such a message HAD to be shared with the masses, consider it a PSA
[/quote]
This is incredibly true and factual, and I am quoting it, thus showing my appreciation for this post.

Cuz the world had to know

[Rebel Virginia]

[color="#0000FF"]Yeah, UPN really is a pretty terrible alliance. So, when will the NSO be approached for a merge?[/color]

[JackSkellington]

[quote name='nutkase' date='18 July 2010 - 04:42 AM' timestamp='1279442557' post='2376938']
Wow, congratulations on being a log dumper.

I find all this kind of pathetic to be honest, mostly on GO's part.
[/quote]

Although I understand where you're coming from, I think UPN brought this upon themselves.

[nutkase]

[quote name='Neo Uruk' date='18 July 2010 - 04:44 PM' timestamp='1279442664' post='2376942']
Lighten up. If you don't want logs dumped, don't do something dumb, out of the norm, or regrettable.
[/quote]

Publicly humiliating someone is not something I would say is funny or should be laughed at.

[Arrnea]

[quote name='nutkase' date='18 July 2010 - 04:48 PM' timestamp='1279442878' post='2376947']I never see dumping private logs worthy to be shared with the masses, especially in order to humiliate or defame others.[/quote]
Except UPN already humiliated and defamed themselves by asking this not only of the Guru Order, but also other alliances.

Seriously UPN, get your !@#$ together or just disband already. You don't want to end up the laughing stock of CN for [b]years[/b] like GGA, [b]do you[/b]?

[eyriq]

Classy stuff in here. I guess I'd be pissed too if someone treated me like a rudderless micro.

[Ryuzaki]

[quote name='Zulchep' date='18 July 2010 - 09:47 PM' timestamp='1279442815' post='2376945']
Truly, UPN is wise in this regard. My fellow Shrooms, we should overthrow the monarchy and merge into UPN at once! Think of the super awesome active community we could form!
[/quote]
You have the support of this Baron.

GO, thank you so much for this.