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Farkistan's Farkuary Madness


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Farkistan’s Farküary Madness

Greetings from Farkistan, where we bring great news of Hope and Change™ within our government to all the citizens of Planet Bob!

The new year dawned with the highly successful Farküfest 2.0 and we enjoyed the comradeship of many a visitor from the far reaches of Planet Bob. The gladiatorial contests, trivia questions, RL political discussions, photoshooping contests (among other events) served not only to bring together members from all the colors of Bob, they also inspired a change in our election process. After all, if Al Franken can turn voting into a sporting event, why not turn the tables and turn sporting events into voting!

Thus was born Farkistan’s Farküary Madness. And as you can see, in the chart on the right (or left, or below, or what the fark – scroll around, you’ll find it,) the winners of the TotalFark Council are the result of a winnowing process in which only the strong of mind and heart survived.


Our February Council members are:


Ackbarican Idol - Not Speaker of the Council

Spanky22 - Not Speaker of the Council

Dirk Farkly - Not Speaker of the Council

WickedJ - Not Speaker of the Council

They are bloodied and battered (especially WickedJ) but

they are ready to do the work of the Council.

By the way, we have never quite figured out just what it is they do

in the Council Chambers or the lavishly appointed members-only Council

Lounge. This security camera photo clearly shows Ackbararian Idol

lounging in his customized Snuggie™ while attempting to use his

eyePhone to order a SlapChop and a ShamWow.



Race for the Ulimate Seat of Power

(it's not really the Ultimate Seat of Power, so we're not allowed to use that term)

The number of side bets was astounding as Emperor Norton I, Princess Jules, and

Tokey McGee fought their way to be the victor in a mud wrestling tournament.


Our Subby, Emperor Norton I, faced a formidable challenge in a campaign that literally

involved significant mud slinging, but rose to victory to extend his term another 3 months.

In the photo below, referee Mattistan raises Norton's Hand and declares him the winner.


The Office of the Walken wishes to acknowledge the generosity of Emperor Norton I,

who provided the mud from his own royal zebra stables. We are still trying to

figure out whose body was left in the mud pit after the event and are asking for

all Farker's to send dental records of any missing loved (or unloved) ones.


Rodent Race

And it was a very special Squirrel cage match in which 4 Farkers entered,

but only one Farker left. Shown here, Raving MainyYak officiated the contest.


In a horribly confusing homage to Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome, RoboCop,

Battlestar Galactica, and the Terminator, the incumbent, intrepid Captain Impavid

retained his role as Planet Bob’s only cyborg chief diplomat. His service as robotic-Squirrel

overlord will continue unabated for an additional 3 month term. God help us all.


For those who may question this method of choosing our leadership, who may say this is

confusing and may not reflect the true wishes of the good people of Farkistan; we ask in

return, is this any worse that the American Electoral College that picks the President?

Hope and Change™ - words, just words.

tl;dr - Fark's February Gov't

Submitter: Emperor Norton I - Squirrel: Captain Impavid

TF Council: RomeroLand (SotC), Ackbarican Idol, Spanky 22, Dirk Farkly, WickedJ

PS: By the way, R&R won the "Show Us Your Funny" contest during Farküfest. We figured

we'd throw that into the announcement, too. Congrats R&R. Just send us the cash soon

so we don't have to make another announcement next month with a different winner.

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Those of you showing sufficient adulation and reverence will be spared the fate of the rest of flesh-kind, which is being processed into a nutritive substance with which to sustain my cybernetic god-mind. bow, and you may become the lap-dogs of a deity!


/he's got the whoooooole world....

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