Sardonic

Sorry everyone, this was probably our fault somehow.

He's the gift that keeps on giving. The rodeo clown that has entertained generations of GOONS, now across multiple worlds. Also he doesn't know what 'Apocrypha' means.

this kid is literally cuno from disco elysium only not as cool

If you need instructions on how to get through GOONS, check out the enclosed instruction book.

Thank you for that. You certainly added flavor to this world, and the forgotten one on the moon. I am hopeful that you too have left this place and found greater meaning.

I wouldn't attribute our departure to lack of wars so much as a lack of overall entertainment. Our entertainment was rarely purely derived from the mechanics of the world. It was all about violent exercises of power, and the reactions thereof. That said, a few simple tweaks could have easily saved a multitude of nations, such as making it cheaper to rebuild infra or tech that you had already reached at a previous point. Far too late to be talking mechanics now though of course. We had a lot of great fun, especially at the expense of very foolish nations and alliances, but at the end of the day, I think it just started to feel sad. Old. Tired. We moved on. You all should too.

God, just @ me next time. I jest, but seriously, this game certainly had a lot going for it. There's a market out there for political simulators, particularly political simulators that don't have high time or effort costs, not like all the space empire browser games. It's an attestation to the strength of this community, and that hunger for political gameplay that it lasted this long. I think it's far too late now for course corrections, but for those curious here's what I would have done: -The biggest thing is that it's too easy to get wrecked and lose everything. As ultimately little as the "game" part of the game matters to those playing the political part, it matters a great deal to the line membership. All it would have taken to retain thousands of nations would have been a simple discount in rebuilding Infra or tech up to what the highest level the nation had ever achieved. Even something as slight at 25% off would have been a sign to the player that there was light at the end of the tunnel. -Removed the tech deal system, it's boring, never made a bit of goddamn sense from an RP perspective and sucks ass. Make a static tech treaty with other nations where a higher teched nation gets access to a lower tech'd nation's resources in exchange for a tech discount up to it's max tech. -Removed the tax rate mechanic, as it was too easily optimized at max, and removed extraneous systems in general. -Added systems to encourage political play. Interestingly, the failed command and conquer browser game actually had formalized ingame treaties. Providing frameworks for this play may have encouraged it among people who might not have otherwise organized. -New graphics, hell, make it a phone app game too, that could have drawn in people while using the same infrastructure (no pun intended). - Abstracted the combat such that activity was not required to wage ground war outside of manually pressing the nuke button and changing combat modes. We've all seen the rise of idle games, I think a system that leaned into that would be less irritating. Maybe someday somebody will make something like that. Regardless, maybe we all experienced the product of a unique time and place, that won't come again in any form, which in a certain way makes it more special. Ah, memories.

Plenty.

Ha, well thank you, I think my time leading on this here world is done though. Although I am working on a unity game that thematically evokes some of the themes explored here.

You make it sound so bad. Both alliances contributed much to rich tapestry of this world. GOONS* 2 was a sublime cultural touchstone for many. For others, we provided a definitive enemy of peace. For ourselves, we created much entertainment content from those who wronged us, some of them even enjoyed it. We mined this world for all of the entertainment value we could glean for our membership, which should always be the primary point of an alliance. When we were done, we stopped. That's the best part really, we 100% got away with it. Our values were never put at risk, and our diplomatic strength ensured that we were always able to conduct our work in peace. Gooood times. Gooood times.

Trip report: did a search for 'GOONS' on a lark. Was not disappointed.

It is unfortunate that this came to pass, but despite what our detractors may think, by my metrics, I have succeeded in what I set out to do, as has, in my estimation, GOONS. This might seem foolhardy to some, after all, what coalitions did GOONS lead? What lasting political initiatives did we spearhead? What enemies did we punish? All questions that more traditional alliances tie themselves in knots attempting to find and create the answers for. But this was not our path, that was not our reason for existence. My reason for continuing to lead GOONS was simple, it is the same that other goon organizations live by: to provide a place for goons who wish to play here to do so. The reason that others stayed here, as best I could tell, was to troll the heck out of idiots within the confines of a structured system. You, reading this, were likely never our target (unless you are Methrage, in which case, thank you for your service, we couldn't have done it without you). Our targets were the very kinds of people who the mercy board was created for. You'll note I said idiots, not idiot alliances. Some may be surprised to learn that we never really considered any alliance as our enemy (despite what some government members' personal feelings were). For us it was always a matter of individuals, ironic as that may sound from an extremely collectivist alliance like GOONS. Individuals and the events surrounding them were the bread and butter of the alliance's raison d'être. Each rogue, each new drama extended the lifespan of our alliance by weeks, in the case of some, months. To say we fed on the attention given to us by our detractors and rogues is an understatement. Having said all that, you can see why we came to the conclusion we did: the pool is drying fast. We are all in a world drenched in the shadows of the past, clinging to what little new illumination of relevance and meaning we can find, reigning over our empires of ashes, praying for a final chapter, and yet unwilling to make the final move. I will leave you with a message of warning, and a message of hope: Even if you are not willing to admit the end times are near, something has to change. If nothing changes, this world will die an ignoble death. If you truly care for this world, and what we all accomplished here, you will not let it die a heat death, starved of activity. I had a plan, I shared it with some of you. I saw a way to change the world, to produce something wholly unique, something worth fighting against. Something to give us all the reason that was escaping all of us. But I was not strong enough, not dedicated enough to see it through. Perhaps I will be able to return and revisit it someday, or those I shared it with may carry the torch, but that chance seems small. The horrors of the plan may have been more than even the most ambitious could tolerate. This is what the world needs, and I call on all the alliance leaders of the world to remember their roles as shapes of the world, not merely passengers. Do something. Anything. We cannot count on those above us to save this world, even if a blinding of the great eyes that watch over us, or a universal forgiveness of past misdeeds would do wonders for this place. As I said though, there is reason for hope yet, I am convinced that in the final hours of the world, many of us may find the meaning that has been missing for so long, even if it was not the meaning we expected. Regardless, I intend to be there when it comes, with all the remaining troops I can muster. With the right people in play, I know that the final act will be magnificent, and I call upon the leaders of the world to begin seriously planning for it, and more importantly what they want out of it, lest they lose their chances forever. For the time being though, I am gone from this plane. My time here has been a most welcome distraction, and my friendships with many of you have been meaningful. I wish all of you the best, particularly those who fought in defense of GOONS. I will leave with this simple quote, to sum up: Do not go quietly into the night; Dehumanize yourself and face to bloodshed.

Oh my god, you poor thing. I will of course do everything in my power to right the horrendous wrong done by the people of my administration... ...for not bringing this thread to my attention sooner. You tied your own noose when you launched rogue attacks against us. Our terms are not unreasonable. Either give us what we are due in tech, or satisfy our entertainment needs.

I am more than pleased to welcome back Marx to active duty. I would also like to thank KenM for his service.

Yeah, sorry, that's not how it went down at all. Sparta handled themselves superbly during the course of the war, militarily and otherwise.