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Funny war PM's


ironchef

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To: Venizelos From: DarkFox Date: 4/28/2009 3:52:34 AM

Subject: Nuclear Attack

Message: Your nation has been attacked with nuclear weapons by DarkFox. You lost 8795 soldiers, 7 defending tanks, 0 cruise missiles, 184.878 miles of land, 61.626 technology, 184.878 infrastructure, 75% of your aircraft, and 25% of your nuclear vulnerable navy force. In addition to these losses your nation will experience many days of economic devastation.

To: DarkFox From: Venizelos Date: 4/28/2009 3:56:00 AM

Subject: RE: Nuclear Attack

Message: i suspect that the only reason you nuke is because i $%&* you in the air :jihad:

To: Venizelos From: DarkFox Date: 4/28/2009 3:55:44 AM

Subject: RE: Nuclear Attack

Message: Well your Airforce is amazing and its my only way to get by the planes. Honestly I mean no ill will towards you, I just want my airplanes to get through.

Edited by Venizelos
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Not amazing. But it was pleasant to log in and find.

Due to the overwhelming odds of my 3 remaining attackers, I have been advised by the Military Council of Zombie Nation to find a large, heavy rock and climb underneath it.

My Senior Military Advisor was quoted as saying, "By adopting the technique of the fierce North American box turtle, we shall conserve resources and replenish our nuclear arsenal. With any luck, this will enable our military to pwn the noobs that will declare war on us within the next few days. They will be no match for our superior technology and nuclear capabilities."

tl;dr I have terrible odds against you so I am turtling for the rest of our war :) Cheers!

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After I was getting pounded silly by my opponents, for a suicidal joke I launched some ground attacks at 8% and 12% odds but somehow scored two decent victories from them... so I then sent this report:

zyc8kp.jpg

That is actually really clever.

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To: DevastationStation From: jerdge Date: 5/5/2009 8:32:39 AM

Subject: Vogon Poetry Declared!

Message: Vogon Poetry has been declared on you by jerdge for the following reason: UBER BOREDOM

You may not do anything about it!

To: DevastationStation From: jerdge Date: 5/5/2009 8:32:47 AM

Subject: Warning: VOGON POETRY inside!

Message: "Harmless! Harmless!

Burning bright

In the forest

of Traal's night!

Marvel at the juicy glowing sky,

see its big acid greenish vault.

Tell me, DevastationStation,

Can you see the square ships,

Half-chewed-splattered-corn-yellow

Stinking even in the vacuum of space

Coming on your cities,

Coming on your armies,

Nuking your lands,

Devastating your Stations,

Asphalting your orbit?

Your Gurganblash Dhant Woek nose growth

May look like cheese,

May smell like venomous mushroom,

And can worsen with our Radiating Gift

But you'll always be just a turkey

No match for the armpit charm

Of even a single Vogon soldier,

Or his mother's.

Little armadillo-like IRON foot soldier,

Who put you in that crap?

Dost thou know who put you in that crap?

Everyone under the big acid greenish vault

of the juicy glowing sky

Asks why, why do you even bother?

The Vogon Destructor Fleet was on you,

And your hopeless cause revealed

Itself

As hopeless."

To: DevastationStation From: jerdge Date: 5/5/2009 8:32:52 AM

Subject: Vogon Poetry Report

Message: You have been delivered Vogon Poetry by jerdge. Even if you're not at war with him anymore, 12,347 of your soldiers are now sick and 1,078 tanks suddenly rusted. You captured one Vogon soldier and other 35 of your soldiers needed medical treatment as a consequence.

The Vogon Poetry depressed 12.321 of your land, rendered useless 1,907.984 of your technology and painted green all your infrastructure that didn't suicide. The Vogons looted $50,000.000.04 from you but they later dropped it (because they were irritated by the .04 change) and you gained an everlasting disgust for poetry. In the end the Vogon Poetry was Really Horrible. Any existing peace offers that were on the table jumped down and ran away screaming in terror.

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To: QuiteTheUserName From: Vladimir Date: 4/23/2009 3:20:31 PM

Subject: MoP Press Release

Message: Soviestani Ministry of Peace Press Release on the Recent Aircraft Losses.

In an unprecedented demonstration of the loyalty and courage that Dear Leader inspires in Comrades all across the world, Soviestani pilots were seen flying their foam-plated aircraft directly into the undeveloped soil of QuiteTheNationName's rural pasturelands.

In aiming at unpopulated areas rather than the traditional infrastructural targets, these brave Comrades have shown the cowardly oppressors that they will stop at nothing, even sacrificing themselves, to destroy every last piece of dirt in the enemy nation.

In an interview with one of the heroic deceased pilots after the incident, Lt. Lvev Kerensky told the Ministry of Truth, "It was Dear Leader who really achieved this great victory for us, inspiring us to sacrifice ourselves for the glory of Soviestan. His strength, genius, and care for his people are an example to all Comrades."

Lt. Kerensky's memory and bravery will live on in us all.

I had a giggle fit over this one. It was one of the first times I had read a Vladimir wall of text and didn't RAAAAAAAAAAGE. :v:

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To: Mech Warrior From: Fluoroalien Date: 4/25/2009 2:53:23 PM

Subject: RE: War

Message: Hey dude,

as you've already been targeted by 2 spy attacks today, I can't send any spies against you, and that makes me sad.

Can I get you to change your DEFCON level to 4 and decom 2 of your nukes? I'd really appreciate it.

Also, welcome to the fight :)

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To: Mech Warrior From: Fluoroalien Date: 4/25/2009 2:53:23 PM

Subject: RE: War

Message: Hey dude,

as you've already been targeted by 2 spy attacks today, I can't send any spies against you, and that makes me sad.

Can I get you to change your DEFCON level to 4 and decom 2 of your nukes? I'd really appreciate it.

Also, welcome to the fight smile.gif

Can I just ask if it worked :P

Edited by Doctorrodders
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