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Don't panic, we brought the towels!

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thedoogan Newbie

thedoogan

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Monday, 14th May 2001, 06:00am PDT:
 

Towel Day: A Tribute to Douglas Adams

 
Douglas Adams will be missed by his fans worldwide. So that all his fans everywhere can pay tribute to this genius, I propose that two weeks after his passing (25 May 2001) be marked as "Towel Day". All Douglas Adams fans are encouraged to carry a towel with them for the day.
So long Douglas, and thanks for all the fish!

— D Clyde Williamson, 2001-05-14

 
Wednesday, 16th May 2001, probably not 06:00am PDT:

”Towel Day, Its Time Has Come”

A new holiday has been proposed to celebrate the life and accomplishments of Mr Douglas N Adams. This holiday is Towel Day. Further information can be found on the Towel Org website
As members of the Guide, however, I propose that we take it one step further. My suggestion is that we make this an annual observance. On the last Friday of every May1, let us go forth with our towels and spread the word of 42.
 

— Researcher U93295: Gw7en, Voice of Chaos (Classic)

 
And so, in accordance with cultish traditions, we froods take to arms our most valuable tool. The towel. An uncredited, unreliable, unknown, undefined and otherwise uncared for source on towels, Webster, defines a towel as: “an absorbent cloth or paper for wiping or drying.”
 
Which, if you’re willing to be eaten by the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal, that’s quiet alright. Our foremost expert, Douglas Adams expresses a towel as: "… the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have.  Partly it has great practical value."
Which, is all anyone needs to know about towels, frankly.

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he says hi

 

 
 
42 Uses for a towel
1. Wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta.
2. Lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapours.
3. Sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon.
4. Use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth.
5. Wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat.
6. Wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes.
7. Avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (such a mind-bogglingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can’t see it, it can’t see you).
8. Wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal.
9. Dry yourself off with it.
10. Attach it to a pole to make your very own flag – preferably with the “Don’t Panic” slogan.
11. Stuff your ears with it to block out the sound of Kria poetry (the second worst poetry in the Universe).
12. Set up the perfect foil to cover a towel sized hole to capture enemies.
13. Wear it as a majestic superhero cape.
14. Horde your precious Altairian dollars using your towel as a makeshift moneybag.
15. Wave it around madly like a Matador to confound intergalactic beasts.
16. Cover your modesty.
17. Fold it into a comfy pillow – easier to hold onto than the flying pillows of Squornshellous Delta.
18. Carefully wrap around a stick, dunk in flammable liquid and use as a fire torch.
19. Remove hot dishes from the oven in the absence of oven gloves.
20. Use it to support you weight as you slide down a massive zip line shouting “Cowabunga”.
21. Swat flies and other irritating space gnats that come too close.
22. Cover the solar panel of droid robots, therefore rendering them useless.
23. Catch planetary aquatic life forms in a rudimentary fishing net on Frogstar World C .
24. Roll it into a ball and stuff it down the back of your shirt to imitate a hump.
25. Soak in Algolian Claret or another alcoholic tipple of your choice as a liquid sponge.
26. Blindfold yourself with it to avoid the unimaginable horrors of the Total Perspective Vortex.
27. Use it as a sun shade from the hot rays of Ursa Minor Beta.
28. Knot it together on a stick to make a haversack.
29. Apply to bleeding wounds as a field dressing.
30. Block drafts from the door on cold planets like Epun.
31. Drape it over your porthole on a spaceship as a curtain.
32. Combine with other hitchhikers’ towels to create a giant patchwork towel quilt.
33. Make a furry sack for Christmas presents.
34. Bind particularly weak and effeminate alien prisoners in the absence of handcuffs.
35. Wrap precious cargo such as the highly sought after Antarean parakeet glands for galaxy cocktails.
36. Stuff into the gob of an annoying loudmouth who will not shut up.
37. Whip lazy beasts that travel too slowly for your liking.
38. Open up your towel into a parachute on low-gravity planets.
39. Keep it across your face to ward off the dust and sand blizzards of Dangrabad Beta.
40. A knotted towel can be used as a short but effective climbing rope.
41. Tie neatly around your head to create a towel Turban.
42. Create a grand tent for a travelling Intergalactic Flea Circus.
 
Towels, Brought to you by ebay+app+icon.png
First Item: $3.99 Utica Stipe Towel, Used
Now here are some beauties! Slightly used 31" x 52" 100% cotton bath towels. Major fashion statement when you walk out of the mens shower with this piece wrapped around you, all the men will be jealous of your fab sense of decor! This seller has 100% positive feedback, and this item only has 113 views! A diamond in the rough I'd say.
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Second Item: $9.99 Harry Potter Hermione Sorcerers Stone Beach Towel
Do you love Harry Potter? Did you enjoy the Sorcers Stone film with hermione's gripping performance of the decade? Or, do you just like the beach. Well here's a beach towel that will declare to the world "Hey, this isn't my little sisters beach towel - I love harry potter and i get out to the beach! Let's have a drink sometime." Act fast, these babies move fast!
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FINAL ITEM: $999.99 Tommy Bahama 102 cm x178 cm (40 in x 70 in) Beach Towel New With Tag
This amazing, unowned, unused and underworn and otherwise underpriced baby comes new with tags!
Take a look at what the seller has to say about the designs:

*Red Towels Got Hibiscus Designs In Red,Orange,White, And Pink* 

*Blue Towels Got A Striped Design In Blue,Green,And White*
What more detail and grammar could you ask for?! Take my money dang it! With these quality red and blue towels that got a good design, why stop at one? Buy at least 10!
251272638198_2.jpg
 
 
Spirited Spirits
By Nishiyoshi
 
It’s been awhile since the Don’t Panic has featured a drink. In some parts of the galaxy that would be considered temperance, but here in the editor’s office it’s considered a travesty. Don’t worry, we’re not falling off any wagons or admitting to any problems, we just had some budget constraints preventing us from restocking the bar and our former editor the venerable WCR took all the top-shelf stuff with him when he disappeared into the night. If anyone sees him, let him know that we restocked the bar, so he can come back and take his job back!
 
All kidding aside (who am I kidding, we’re always kidding) we’re going to be featuring a carbonated  cocktail. Carbonation isn’t just for the kiddies slurping down soda pops, but has started gaining more popularity with the ‘in-crowd’. On aside, this writer is definitely not trendy, but is rather cheap and likes that carbonation helps get the alcohol to the blood stream faster, reducing the amount of drinks he needs to get that pleasant buzz. Carbonation of the drink directly versus using soda water or fizzy drink allows for it to not get diluted and adds a new dimension to your ordinary cocktail.
 
There are lots of different carbonators out there on the market from the CO2 Perlini or the nitrous iSi soda siphon. If you don’t want to go to the added expense of buying a carbonator, buy some dry ice and use that instead (please be extremely careful with any carbonators or dry ice, the ‘Don’t Panic’ is not responsible for any damage you may do to your liver or other important parts of your body).
 
Vogon Rose –
2 oz vodka
2 oz cranberry juice
1/4 oz of simple syrup
1/4 oz of lime juice
 
Place all ingredients in a shaker with some ice and mix well. Strain into your carbonator or add dry ice to the mixture. Can garnish with whatever you want, enjoy!
 
Mostly Harmless News
Elections and Government Changes
Triumvirate: To be determined, Nishiyoshi, thedoogan
 
Minister of Hitchhikers (Members): Scorpio
Deputy: Captain Crozier
Minister of Towels (Economy): Marduk
Deputy: vacant
Minister of BabelFish (Diplomacy): Kapamilya
Deputy: Jalap  
Minister of Bad Poetry (Communications): EarlOfSandon
Deputy: vacant
Minister of Destructor Fleets (War): Mr_Subliminal
Deputy: vacant
 
Speaker of the HHA: Sorum
 
Court Officers: skylimit, Akbar, gigacat
 
 
Towel Caption Contest:
Towel-Day-Changing.jpg
 
 
Closing words
We celebrate today, with a lighthearted love for the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy. A carefree universe with seeming-less limits or consequences. No need to worry about fuel economy or oxygen skipping around the universe. A chance to escape from the drama and hectic world we live in, to embrace in creativity and imagination. We take this day to remember Douglas Adams, a gifted writer, musician and environmental activist. Mr. Adams has created a strong impact to the "save the rhino international" organisation, since 2003, every year around the time of Mr. Adams birthday, the organisation holds a fundraiser in his memory to help raise money for environmental campaigns. And last but not least, Mr. Adams has opened our eyes to the meaning of life, the universe and everything.
 
And so today, we celebrate Towel Day. We carry our towels and spread the word of 42, all in honor of the great writer, Douglas Adams.
 
tl;dr
 
dougad.jpg
 
42

 

Edited by thedoogan
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scytale Newbie

scytale

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I came here hoping that this would be a disbandment. I left disappointed. 

The MHA is not allowed to disband unless I say it is allowed

 

For the quote contest:

"Compromise found for tricky diplomatic issue at IRON's embassy."

 

/ are inside jokes not allowed?

// am I no longer allowed to use slashes?

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jerdge Proficient

jerdge

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I still have and proudly sport my towel. Late happy towel day, MHA.

 

By the way, don't green towels give best results?

<snip>

(Quite obviously that's not me.)

 

 

[hr]

:awesome:

 

A great big MHAil to our benevolent muse, Douglas Adams! o/


Sorum! Sooorum! :) Nice to see you post again.

 

(August 2009 is an awful lot of time ago. Now don't leave again, or else... :P )

Edited by socrates
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Sorum Newbie

Sorum

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Sorum! Sooorum! :) Nice to see you post again.

 

(August 2009 is an awful lot of time ago. Now don't leave again, or else... :P )

 

It's been a (looooong) while, glad to be back!  :laugh:

 

 

 

 

They're almost there. They can't even fill their government, much less anything else.

Call it a transitional phase.

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jalap Newbie

jalap

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I would work on some other things at MHA before I worked on a newsletter.

 

Yes, you're not the only one who isn't too fond of our forum layout. We could have prioritised that.

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