Don't Panic-mas!

[Rugby]

[center][img]http://i336.photobucket.com/albums/n329/Dragonmack/logocg9ez4.png[/img][/center]
[center][i]The hoopiest and froodiest newsletter on Planet Bob![/i][/center]

[color=#4040FF][b][size=6]Dear Planet Bob,[/size][/b][/color]
Don't you know it's Christmas? Well, it will be soon enough and this edition of Don't Panic may contain scenes of festivity and good will. If your nation doesn't believe in this holiday then please simply apply your standard press censorship and pretend it doesn't exist. I do that every year around Valentine's Day if I happen to be single, but that's mostly to keep my mother quiet. Nevertheless, whatever you're celebrating or ignoring in the coming weeks, the hoopy froods at the Mostly Harmless Alliance have the following tidbits of journalism and nonsense to get you in the spirit.

Also, if you're single around February, call me.

[color=#4040FF][b][size=6]Mostly Harmless News[/size][/b][/color]
[color=#8000FF][b][size=5]Elections[/size][/b][/color]
[i]By Scytale[/i]
So another election is upon us. Another election article about how the incumbent won over the evil abstain will do I guess. Hold on. Rugby has put his hat in the ring. But that’s not all folks! El Presidente, our long term court officer is also going to run. This is going to be some three way race!

So the Trium race was on.

For each candidate there were unique issues. For Jadoo the issue was in how to run against two strong candidates that both stand for change when he is the incumbent. For El Presidente, the issues were lack of experience at the Minister level and foreign affairs. But for the real excitement, Rugby’s was the clear winner.

When the tally was done, the winner was El Presidente with 36% of the votes. Jadoo got 33% and Rugby 27%. The evil abstain had a 4% following (had to add the evil part in there). Congratulation to El Presidente!

[color=#FF0000]Triumvirate: Dynasty, Cable77, El Presidente[/color]

[color=#0000FF]Minister of Hitchhikers (Members): Pourquoi
Deputy: qldvespanut[/color]
[color=#00FF00]Minister of Towels (Economy): The Ultimate 747
Deputy: King Jambo III[/color]
[color=#FF8000]Minister of BabelFish (Diplomacy): Queen Hoopdy the 1st
Deputy: AvengingAngel256[/color]
[color=#8000FF]Minister of Bad Poetry (Communications): priya91
Deputy: Anysound[/color]
[color="#FFA500"]Minister of Destructor Fleets (War): madspartus
Deputy: Scorn[/color]

[color="#00BFFF"]Speaker of the HHA: AndyDe
Legislator of the HHA: Scorpio[/color]

[b]Court Officers:
Jadoo1989
IYIyTh
doc miles[/b]

[color=#8000FF][b][size=5]Exclusive - Santa's List![/size][/b][/color]
In breaking news, former Santa's Reindeer turned whistle-blower Blitzen Assange, has been dumping the confidential Naughty and Nice Lists from Santa's Headquarters onto the internet. His website, WikiList, has shockingly been revealing which of Planet Bob's alliances and individuals are getting presents or a lump of coal this year.

Here's an exert we just received:
[quote]
CJDJSJSNSN 9001
RR Pole, North
DE Pole, North #1401/01 3511138
ZNY CUESC XDDD
R 1223223 DEC 010
FM SANTA HQ
TO WORKSHOP - Gift Dispatch Department

LIST REVISION #43032, DEC 10th:

=====
NICE
=====
[i]Athens:[/i] giving The Sweet Oblivion an early Christmas Present by waiving remaining reps.
[i]FAN:[/i] for winning 10-10-10. Santa was secretly a fan of random war games.
[i]VODKA:[/i] you crazy drunk kamikaze !@#$%^&*.
[i]The Rebel Virginia Action Figure:[/i] for promoting the cause of Rebel Virginia. With grappling hooks.
[i]Jerdge:[/i] for services to neutrality.
[i]Admin:[/i] for services to Planet Bob.

=====
NAUGHTY
=====
[i]NPO and MK:[/i] causing mass unemployment of Secretaries after their Embassy-closing escapades.
[i]Rebounder:[/i] all the crazy antics without the excuse of being drunk.
[i]Rebel Virginia:[/i] by request by Rebel Virginia.

[/quote]

This is all we've managed to get a hold on at this time, but as we go to press literally thousands of names are being dumped on the WikiList website. Look forward to more insightful information in the future.

[color=#8000FF][b][size=5]What is a hoopy frood? - Part Two[/size][/b][/color]
[i]By: Rugby [/i]
[img]http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/gallery/images/340/zaphod2.jpg[/img]

THIS DUDE! If Ford Prefect was the intelligent, witty, and charismatic Hoopy Frood, then Zaphod Beeblebrox was epitome of the hip and happening. Frequently self-loving, trend-setting, creative, in pursuit of pleasure and a scheme so grand that even he didn't know what it was; Zaphod was uber cool, hedonistic, egotistical, and in possession of several extra body parts. And he easily impressed the ladies will his spaceship.

He was President of the Galaxy, met the Creator of the Universe, stole the Heart of Gold, went to the End of the Universe (and dined at it's Restaurant), disabled an entire side to his personality and memory, and was for a brief moment at the center of the Universe (though this was just in his opinion). Zaphod didn't just [i]do[/i], he [i]became[/i].

But apart from all this, Zaphod's arguably greatest achievement was the creation of the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. A drink so toxic it was like having your brain smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick. A drink so addictive and dangerous there are voluntary organizations dedicated to the rehabilitation of drinkers. A drink loved by Hitchhikers.

And just as we should take our hitchhiking seriously like Ford, we must also live it up, have FUN and love ourselves as Zaphod would do. Engage the Improbability Drive for the hell of it? Why not!

[u]Next month: Trillian[/u]

[color=#4040FF][b][size=6]Just for Fun[/size][/b][/color]
[color=#8000FF][b][size=5]Previous Caption Competition Winner[/size][/b][/color]
Here's last month's Caption Contest image:
[spoiler][img]http://i80.photobucket.com/albums/j172/billtemple/cat.png[/img][/spoiler]
And here's the entries that were fit to print:

"Prayer Kitteh can has God?"
[b] AvengingAngel256[/b]

"Look! I told you that super glue would hold on mah fingers"
[b]Ninja gumby[/b]

Ask and you shall receive ... milk.
[b]terdy10234[/b]

"I swear I didn't eat the fish. The dog did it."
[b]rosestar[/b]

"Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray Ceiling Cat my catnip mousie to keep... "
[b]Katamaristan[/b]

"I hope you die!" "Meow, I'm just kitten!"
[b]caligula[/b]

[b][color=#BF8000]Runner Up:[/color][/b]
"Can I haz my cheezburger back? pretty please?"
[b]Baltus[/b]

[b][color=#40BF00]WINNER:[/color][/b]
"I beg of you, DON'T GIVE ME A BATH! "
[b]kingof theland[/b]

[color=#8000FF][b][size=5]New Caption Competition![/size][/b][/color]

This month's image is:

[img]http://chzwhydoilivehere.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/129210275557457374.jpg[/img]

[b][u]Go On And Post Your Entries Below![/b][/u]

[color=#8000FF][b][size=5]The Sub-Editor's Drinking...[/size][/b][/color]
[i]By: Pourquoi[/i]

So, Pourquoi went to the [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canary_Islands]Canary Islands[/url];

A friend of mine wanted a 21st birthday that we'd never forget and he sure provided - I'll be fifty by the time I pay off the credit card bill. For those who've never been to this part of the world, it's warm (even in November), has beaches, palm trees and most importantly; numerous bars. (I'd never seen a bar in a supermarket before.)

As this was a 21st birthday party and we were on an island with more bars than people, very little effort will have to go into picking a drink for this article. Indeed, so little effort that I can think of two:

The Harvey Wallbanger
Ingredients:
Vodka 50ml
Orange Juice (approx 200ml)
Galliano
Ice
Slice of Orange to garnish

Simply get a biggish glass - bigger than a tumber, smaller than a pint - and fill with lots of ice, a double shot of vodka, top up with orange and stir. Then, the serious bit, drizzle your Galliano (preferably over the back of a spoon) onto the top of the drink. You want to use an amount equal to 1/3 the amount of vodka you use.

The result is a beautiful drink for by the beach. An all yellow/orange, drink which blends a fruity, sweetness with a fragrant, vanilla taste. Really nice, though perhaps lacking in serious depth (the initial wave of sweet, fruity vanillaness is soon gone) but with good quality orange juice this one can be the perfect first quencher.

My second drink is the Tequila Slammer
Ingredients:
Tequila 1/2
Soda/Lemonade 1/2

Mix equal amounts of Tequila and Lemonade (or any fizzy liquid) in a small (strong) glass. Put your hand over the top. Slam on the table, then quickly consume.

Hilarity will ensue.

Cheers all

[color=#8000FF][b][size=5]Pan-Galactic Competition![/size][/b][/color]
[i]By: Pourquoi[/i]

The next DP edition will be both our 42nd! And our Christmas/New Year edition. In keeping with my trend of Christmas time drinks competitions, I wanted to offer this challenge to the CN world:
Whoever can suggest the best recipe for an (Earthly) version of a Pangalactic Gargleblaster will win 3mil from the grand ole nation of Dolvesk - home to drunks + hitchhikers since sometime before the pub opened (we don't recall specifically when...).

The winning entry will be the one I judge to be closest to the radio programme's description of the drink; the effect of one "is like having your brain smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick." whilst still actually tasting nice.

Any and all entries submitted will be considered, so long as I can afford the cost of the ingredients involved.

You can PM me submitions here, on the MHA forums or submit them on this thread. The more the merrier! (Literally!)

[color=#8000FF][b][size=5]Tis the Season for Demotivation:[/size][/b][/color]

[img]http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_RwdH5DTKRas/SzILbMoA7RI/AAAAAAAACWM/aeaWHsUwTB8/s400/merry+christmas+motivational+demotivational+poster.jpg[/img]

[color=#8000FF][b][size=5]Vogon Poetry[/size][/b][/color]
[i]By: Dynasty[/i]
Filthy forks fascinate filters falling flickering facilitates filibustering famines farfetched fanatics fantasize finish folklore fining forces faking forts fairing fares fairly fanning fish fairs. Expected exceptions exuberate accepting annunciated annihilations amplifying amplification amplifiers altruist artists acting accordingly associated as anglers. Walruses wax waning winners wearing wallet waffles whimsically waiting warps whispering waiters carrying queen sized candy bars candidly canning considerable consolations consuming consultations connecting complex Cambrian colleges precariously. Roaring reindeer ride giraffes railing rather rippled wrinkles razing rising ripples raking ranked relish realizing relishing cabooses contains carbon catalysts combusting cartons charcoaling coated vanilla chalking terrible intestines tangibly stalking tacos taking tangents taming tart flowers. Confabulation consanguineously gregariously contradicts conceivable connivance concerning the discernment of colloquies caring for mattress hunters.


[img]http://i80.photobucket.com/albums/j172/billtemple/cnBAY2.png[/img]
[i]Get in Quick for Christmas!*[/i]
[size=50](*Christmas may not be included.)[/size]

[b]1) Curb-stomping Repellent[/b]
The sequins from this gorgeously fashionable item have been hand-sown by diplomats from all over the Purple sphere. While I stress to add that there's nothing actually in the product that will prevent you from being curb-stomped, it's hoped that the pure glittering and Diva-ness of the product will simply stop people from laughing at you... and at your hat, instead.

Feedback: 6-page thread | 30%
[url=http://cgi.ebay.com/Pop-star-Diva-Newsboy-Sequin-Hat-Purple-/290468405427?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item43a14420b3#ht_500wt_922]Watch this item[/url]

[b]2) Ice Chest for Nuclear Weapons[/b]
Need a place to store all those unwanted nuclear weapons, and prefer that they stay frosty? Don't worry about it! You can now keep all those thousands of useless nukes that you're not using at Polar-icecap temperature all-year-round with this specially-designed Ice Chest for Nuclear Weapons. You'll never again face doubt regarding your ability to maintain your Ice Cold Nukes with this must have item.

Seller assumes all responsibility if Nukes are stored improperly.

Feedback: 7-page thread | 60%
[url=http://cgi.ebay.com/Old-Time-Ice-Box-/120656061822?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item1c17a9657e#ht_500wt_1156]Watch this item[/url]

[b]3) Envy by Sally Hansen[/b]
Feeling a little Green? People like the old version of you better than your re-incarnation? Well don't hide it this holiday season with this MASSIVELY DISCOUNTED Sally Hansen Green With Envy shade of nail polish. You'll be the ironic hit of the Cybernations Christmas Party if you show your true colors with pride.

Feedback: 24-page thread | 50%
[url=http://cgi.ebay.com/Sally-Hansen-Green-Envy-/250739374404?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item3a613b3944#ht_1286wt_1141]Watch this item[/url]

[color=#4040FF][b][size=6]The Second To Last Word[/size][/b][/color]
[i]By: Rugby[/i]
Never give yourself a deadline, they almost never work. I promise to rid myself of this silly practice by next edition. Though as you're about to see in the next article, there's something very special for the next edition and I won't be able to avoid it. Still, there's something sporadically evil about a deadline, an occasional deliverance of panic that can really put you off your mid-morning cocktail.

Giving up drinking before noon, you say? Never. Give up deadlines, I say.

And in the meantime, from all Hitchhikers in the MHA I want to wish you a SAFE and happy holiday period. Eat too much, give even more, and forget about panicking for a while. See you very soon hoopy froods!

[color=#4040FF][b][size=6]News In 42 Characters:[/size][/b][/color]
Coming soon: DP 42! Don't panic or you will miss it!

[color=#8000FF][b][size=5]Staff Listing[/size][/b][/color]
Rugby, Editor
Pourquoi, Sub-Editor and Columnist
Dynasty, Vogon Poet
Scytale, Columnist
Neptunebyte, Lawn-Mower Extraordinaire
Blitzen Assange, Journalistic Hero

[Marneus Calgar]

Another nice edition. The naughty and nice section lacked a lot of things.

As for the caption competition: "This is how many lawnmowers is took to cut the hair under that French chick's armpit."

[Ernesto Che Guevara]

Hah. Great read, everybody. I really hope some of those things get sold on [ooc] eBay [/ooc], because I'm pretty sure you'd get a cut of the profits.


Caption: In Soviet Russia, lawn mows you!

[Baltus]

[quote name='Rugby' timestamp='1292324123' post='2539410']
[b][color=#BF8000]Runner Up:[/color][/b]
"Can I haz my cheezburger back? pretty please?"
[b]Baltus[/b]
[/quote]

Rats, Foiled again.

I'll be back.

----
Caption:
[b]In your neighborhood, confusin your neighbors.[/b]

Edited December 14, 2010 by Baltus

[Lukapaka]

This newsletter is so much fun Thanks MHA!!!!!

[color="#1C2837"][size="2"]"Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray Ceiling Cat my catnip mousie to keep... " should have won!!!!![/size][/color]

[color="#1C2837"][size="2"]My entry: [/size][/color]
[color="#1C2837"][size="2"]"[/size][b][size="2"]I fought a MissingNo, and now I have [/size][color=#000000][font=arial, sans-serif][size="3"]ย[/size][size="2"]Φ[/size][/font][/color][size="2"] lawnmowers?[/size][/b][size="2"]"[/size][/color]



[color="#1C2837"][size="2"]Don't Panic [/size][size="4"]42[/size][size="2"]?????? OH GOD, IT WILL BE AMAZING!!!!!![/size][/color]

Edited December 14, 2010 by Lukapaka

[dragonknight1000]

DP 42 next eh? better make sure Diablofan doesn't miss it

for caption:

[b]You can never prepare enough for the zombie hordes [/b]

edit grammar errors V_V

Edited December 14, 2010 by dragonknight1000

[AvengingAngel256]

These are getting Better and Better.
Nice Naughty and Nice List and CNbay articles, Clever.

Good job on the news in 42 characters lol.
I'm so winning that Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster Contest.

[TheyCallMeJeezy]

Good job on the news letter.

Caption:
[b]...and then GOONS showed up to the lawn mower orgy...[/b]

Edited December 14, 2010 by TheyCallMeJeezy

[Rush Sykes]

Where do I get one of these snazzy Rebel Virginia Action Figures?

[summerisway2hot]

My entry for the caption contest:

"The French: using lawnmowers to cut down trees since 1942!"

[Duke Nukem]

here's two of my submissions for the Pan galactic gargle blaster recipe.

1 part Everclear (or any other strong grain alcohol such as Bourbon, Moonshine, or Vodka)
1 part Bitter Lemon (or plain Tonic Water)
1 part Bombay Sapphire Gin (or other gin)
1 part Yukon Jack Perma-Frost Schnapps (or other mint schnapps, or white crème de menthe)
Enough blue food coloring to make the mixture a very light sky blue

and

1 1/2 shots 151 Proof Rum
1/4 shot Tequila
1/4 shot Gin
2/3 shot Triple Sec
1 shot Blue Curacao
1 dash Bitters
1 dash Grenadine

[jerdge]

Thanks for the mention on the "nice" list, my friends.

Congratulations to El P for his election: he's been the longest serving Court Officer of all times and (no offence to the other ones, [i]me included[/i]) absolutely the most MHAwesome one. It's nice to see him sitting in the red mask.

MHAil!

[Olaf Styke]

Caption: [b]Drunk Gardener causes 24-Mower pileup![/b]

[Mysterion]

Caption1: Beware of Fence (survivors will be bitten. We have a dog too!)

Caption2: Redneck Emergency Generator

[Axolotlia]

Caption 1: Christmas lights? I thought you said lawn mowers!

Caption 2: Who needs lawn chairs...

Caption 3: And people think the [i]traffic[/i] is bad

[Wu Tang Clan]

Awesome newsletter.

Caption: [b]"... you might be a redneck"[/b]

[memoryproblems]

[b]Caption:[/b] "([i]In the voice of Darrell Waltrip[/i]) And on the final lap of the Dickie John's Lawnmower 500, a 60 mower pileup emerges victorious!

Edited December 15, 2010 by memoryproblems

[Chiumiento]

Merry X-Mas to everyone at MHA. I hope it is full of joy and fun. But do not get to caught up and forget all about your work now. Even though having fun is nice. there is always one thing. Planet Bob has no forgiveness. Neither does it citizens. In other words. Make sure you do not get so drunk you pass out and forget everything you did before you started partying. Merry X-Mas

[Azaghul]

I don't think I'd have wanted to be a secretary in one of the MK-NPO embassies anyway!

Nice read.

[Avakael]

Caption: [b]Gay test! If you saw the massive pile of lawnmowers before you saw the hot girl on the right...[/b]

[TheyCallMeJeezy]

[quote name='Avakael' timestamp='1292390719' post='2540003']
Caption: [b]Gay test! If you saw the massive pile of lawnmowers before you saw the hot girl on the right...[/b]
[/quote]

I definitely just went back and checked the pic to make sure.

[AvengingAngel256]

[quote name='TheyCallMeJeezy' timestamp='1292391954' post='2540024']
I definitely just went back and checked the pic to make sure.
[/quote]
bahaha, Me too. Good one. You got at least two of us.

[quote name='Wu Tang Clan' timestamp='1292382698' post='2539903']
Caption: [b]"... you might be a redneck"[/b]
[/quote]
D'aww. Beat me to it. I was going to do something along those lines. Hmm...

[quote name='williamson69' timestamp='1292387606' post='2539952']
Merry X-Mas to everyone at MHA. I hope it is full of joy and fun. But do not get to caught up and forget all about your work now. Even though having fun is nice. there is always one thing. Planet Bob has no forgiveness. Neither does it citizens. In other words. Make sure you do not get so drunk you pass out and forget everything you did before you started partying. Merry X-Mas
[/quote]
You mean don't get drunk and declare on someone and forget we declared on them?
If we got drunk and posted a declaration, it would probably be declaring on ourselves anyway :lol:

[Rugby]

Cheers everyone for the well-wishes and contest entries, it is going to be another tough choice.

Also, I know I probably can't enter the Caption Contest myself (though my identical twin Football may just show up), but as soon as the image was submitted, I thought "[b]Mo-vember? You're doing it wrong."[/b]

[terdy10234]

Caption entry:
And you thought the people in hoarders were bad!

[terdy10234]

I cant believe i actually got in the submission thingy