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Things just got CRAPpier


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It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single alliance in possession of good treaties must be in want of a war. However little known the feelings or reasons of such an alliance may be on its first entering the way, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of its neighbours, that he is considered as a rightful combatant on behalf of some or the other of its allies.

'My dear Mr. Normis,' said Mydas to him one day, 'have you heard that GATO has declared war upon RIA at last?'

Mr. Normis replied that he had not.

'But they have,' returned he; 'for constapatedape has just been there, and he told me all about it.'

Mr. Normis made no answer.

'Do you not want to know why they have done it?' cried Mydas, impatiently.

'You want to tell me, and I have no objection to hearing it.'

This was invitation enough.

'Why, good sir, you must know, constapatedape says that RIA is beset by an alliance of large numbers; that they came down to their place on Thursday in a chaise and four to discuss hostilities, and were so taken by the discussion that they agreed to declare war immediately.

'Are you sure of this?'

'Without a doubt.'

'Well, why should this affect us?'

'My dear Mr. Normis,' replied the minister, 'how can you be so tiresome? You must know that I am thinking of the threat of global war.'

'Is that their design in starting this war?'

'Design! nonsense, how can you talk so! However, it is very likely that it may expand thus, and therefore you must consult with our allies as soon as you may.'

'I see no occasion for that. You and the foreign ministers may go, or you may go yourself, which perhaps will be still better, for as you are as diplomatic as any of them, the allies might like you best of all.'

'Good sir, you flatter me. I certainly have my share of diplomacy, but I do not pretend to be anything extraordinary now. When a man has a full government of colleagues, he ought to give over thinking of his own abilities.'

'In such cases, a minister has not often much ability to think of.'

'But, dear sir, you must go and engage GATO when they come into the Maroon Sphere.'

'It is more than I engage for, let me assure you.'

'But consider your ministers. Only think what a declaration of war would be for them. Crazyguy and commander_X are determined for war, merely on that account; for in general, you know, they wish to protect our allies. Indeed, you must go to our allies, for it will be impossible for us to go to war, if you do not.'

'You are over scrupulous, surely. I dare say GATO will be very glad to engage us on the field of honour; and I will send RIA a few lines by you to assure them of my hearty consent in activating our treaty, whichever one they prefer; though I must throw in a good word for the "'CRAPwow! You'll be saying wow every time' Treaty".

'I desire you will do no such thing. That treaty is not a bit better than the others, and I am sure it is not half so handsome as some. But you are always giving that one the preference.'

'They have none of them much to allow us to declare war at this juncture,' replied Mr. Normis: 'They are not yet involved; but RIA has something more of quickness to allow us into this war than the others.'

'Mr. Normis, how can you abuse your other allies in such a way? You take delight in vexing me, and have no compassion on our poor government.'

'You mistake me, dear Mydas. I have high respect for our government. They are my old friends. I have heard you mention them with consideration these last twenty years.'

'Ah, you do not know what I suffer.'

'But I hope you will get over it, and live to see many other alliances come to engage the Maroon Sphere.'

'It will be of no use to us, if twenty such should come, since they would curbstomp us.'

'Depend upon it, my dear, that when there are twenty, we shall yet prevail.'

And so Mr. Normis sent a note to his allies at RIA assuring them of the Coalition's backing in the coming melée. And when RIA returned to him a note containing their gracious thanks, Mr. Normis then called his government together and bid them prepare for war. And so, on the appointed date, Mr. Normis sends this missive to GATO, informing them of our impending arrival upon the field of honour. May their forces hear at the last the Coalition's mighty [url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8T91fyoM4i8"]song of war[/url].

Signed this day, 22 January AD 2011

~Raistandantilus, Triumvir/Pope/Aetiologist (writer of the stuff above)
~constapatedape ~ Triumvir, That Guy, Walking Contradiction on CN
~Chuck Normis - Triumvir/Founder of CRAP/Hall Monitor!
-Crazyguy945 - Minister of Internal Affairs
-Mydas - Minister of War/Defense
-Dstay982 - Minister of Recruitment

This text is based on Jane Austen's 'Pride and Prejudice,' Volume the First, Chapter 1. Thanks, if not apologies, to her for this adaptation of her text.

tl;dr: RIA activates the following treaties: [i]lol, Maroonity[/i], [i]CRAP-RIA Peace, Intelligence, and Aid Treaty[/i], [i]Maroon Economic Pact[/i], [i]Solidarity Pact for an Allied Maroon[/i], [i]The Chestnut Accords[/i], and [i]"CRAPwow! You'll be saying wow every time" treaty[/i]. In compliance of all of those, CRAP declares war on GATO and mercilessly plagiarizes Jane Austen. Huzzah for the public domain!

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[quote name='Chuck Normis' timestamp='1295672292' post='2590894']
You realize our entire alliance is based on a pun right? It's mandatory that they are used.
[/quote]
Oh, yes...I do realize it. And no its not mandatory.

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I would disagree.

Your alliance name may be humerus, but I dunno if I'd qualify it as a pun. A pun would be more like "Why did the seagull fly over the sea?" Why? "Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls."

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