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Don't Panic #52!


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Dear Planet Bob,

 

It is with great pleasure that I present to you the long-awaited 52nd edition of the Don’t Panic newsletter, an official publication of the Mostly Harmless Alliance™. For the uninitiated, Don’t Panic is an excruciatingly lengthy newsletter full of meaningless drivel peddled by the MHA in lieu of participating in the actual events that unfold on Planet Bob. You could be forgiven for being unaware of the publication, as our last release was over 2.5 years ago. Of course, those senior citizens of Bob will surely remember our most important issue in Don’t Panic #46, which featured the interview with VLADITRON, the Supreme Leader of Bob, shortly after his initial conquest of the Mostly Harmless Alliance. It is perhaps worth taking a moment to quote VLADITRON’s words from December 4, 2011:

 

Incompetent MHA Boob: As nations cannot be truly destroyed in Planet Bob, how do you plan to bring about the destruction of the MHA?

 

VLADITRON: Consider if you will the nations of [irrelevant, destroyed MHA nations]. [Nation 1] immediately seceded from the MHA only minutes after VODKA’s first blitz on the nation, and [nation 2] chose to wipe itself from the face of Bob after receiving a PM that indicated it had been added to the VODKA PZI list. However, despite the statistical damages VODKA continues to deal to the MHA, our goals are more ambitious.

 

VODKA aims not only to destroy the infrastructure and technology of MHA nations, but to destroy the very essence of the MHA and all that it stands for. Your bland incompetence has gone unchecked and unopposed for far too long, and the MHA has become a cancerous growth that threatens the very life of Bob. The planet is now under VODKA rule, and we will accept nothing less than excellence from our citizens. Inactivity and passivity will no longer be tolerated as we enter Bob’s Final Golden Age. VODKA will continue to trample the souls of the MHA membership until its very spirit has been utterly destroyed.

 

The people of Bob have rejoiced, for the Mostly Harmless Alliance has been destroyed and the Final Golden Age is upon us!

 

Mostly Harmless News

 

The most momentous moment in MHA history occurred on October 2, 2016, when I, Trivial Nomad, became the new leader of the Mostly Harmless Alliance. In the official announcement, all previous members were banished from the alliance, and all existing treaties were cancelled. This move cemented VODKA’s utter defeat of the Mostly Harmless Alliance.

 

The Mostly Harmless Alliance is currently ranked #264 (of 314) in terms of score and #306 (of 314) in terms of strength. The legacy of the Mostly Harmless Alliance is clear – the worst alliance in the history of Bob, miserably defeated by her opponents.

 

In other news, the previous members of the MHA have been scattered to the winds, attempting to huddle together for warmth though unprotected by any allies, let alone by any military competence of their own. These members have made no official announcement of formation, nor have any allies come forward to offer them protection.

 

Pretenders to the Throne

 

Though their hackneyed attempts to garner sympathy are beneath even this ridiculous publication, it will perhaps be entertaining to the people of Bob to gain a glimpse into the inner workings of the group that has since been banished from the Mostly Harmless Alliance. These nations still maintain a private webzone where they fly the MHA flags without any right to do so, though they have been allowed to exist since they continued to grant me access to their "private" channels, allowing me to keep my full member mask for nearly two weeks after my coup. I now present to you some interesting tidbits from these political masterminds.

 

Shortly before my hostile takeover, the impressive MHA electorate came out in droves to elect their next triumvir. The ruler known as jesbro ran unopposed – here are the results of the election, peddled to 100+ MHA members:

 

iRpcLl.jpg

 

Yes, Mr. jesbro lost the election with a 1 to 1 vote.

 

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Of course the results of the next election were irrelevant, since by that time the Mostly Harmless Alliance had sworn fealty to VODKA and our ultimate emperor, King Vladimir VIII, and his cyborg avatar VLADITRON. Still, Mr. jesbro decided to crown himself “triumvir” long before the next vote came to pass, mocking those few that still feigned allegiance to the flag that had been ripped from their grasp. I must say, I do respect the strategy and the utter condemnation of the will of those fools who still call themselves “hitchhikers.”

 

A few other topics of interest may be perused at your leisure HERE. A few notable threads are included in PDF form, including the thread in which “fleet 1” members share puny warchest amounts, MHA members opine their lack of presence in these halls, and the membership frets “we no longer exist” (though for 36 hours does not consider simply reclaiming their AA). I would include other threads, but there are precious few other posts of any substance that are more recent than 2014 on the entire forum… truly.

 

Finally, as we come full circle, I will leave you with the June 2014 promise of the impending Don’t Panic! #52. I do apologize that the publication has been delayed some 2.5 years.

 

Lc66vS.jpg

 

 

Cocktail of the Month

 

In true Don’t Panic fashion, I have elected to feature a drink in this newsletter. All previous drinks were vastly inferior to this cocktail, whose recipe is detailed below.

 

The Vladimetric Organization of Dedicated Killer Assassins (VODKA)

  • ·        2 oz vodka
  • ·        2 oz vodka
  • ·        2 oz vodka
     
  • Place all ingredients in a drinking receptacle. Drink. Repeat until you have dominated the globe.

     

Staff Listing

Trivial Nomad / VLADITRON – Ruler of the Mostly Harmless Alliance and Supreme Leader of Planet Bob

Edited by Trivial Nomad
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This is beautiful, although the drink recipe is a bit too complex for me.

 

EDIT: I especially like the reaction to the 'close' vote. Nothing like asking people to vote and then grilling them as to why they voted 'wrong'. Democracy!

Edited by kingzog
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When you got rid of IYIyth or however its spelled, you guys messed up. 80% of his predictions from 2009 came true. You know, he might have seemed off, but at least he wanted to take the alliance somewhere.

 

Unpopular opinion? Sure, but I remember talking to the triumvirate back then - no real plans, disregarding active members, caving into public opinion, and trying to appease alliances like Umbrella & Friends. There hasn't been leadership in your alliance for a long, long time.

 

For shame what this game can do to people.

 

[To the "active" members of the MostlyHarmlessAlliance]

Edited by Drege
Not speaking to Trivial Nomad
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This is absolutely outrageous.  It is a scandalous slur of Trumpian proportions!  How someone can pedal such a lie is beyond comprehension. Even the worst Vogon Poetry does not contain such drivel.  To even suggest that the "Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster" is not the greatest cocktail in the universe, is tantamount to heresy.  I would declare war myself on the entire alliance responsible for this, but unfortunately every single member of it is outside of my range.

I counted them twice just to be sure!

 

Edited by Deep Blue C
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Trivial Nomad. Vladitron. What a bizarre little creature you are. You claim to wish the annihalation of the Mostly Harmless Alliance and then you go and drag it out of the ashes. Odd. Very odd.

 

I'm not sure of your age yet if we say that you have been a member of planet Bob for ….. ooh, 5 years, I can only assume you created your nation when you were about 8. I make this assumption due to the manner in which you articulate your thoughts and by your 'destructive' (not sure if this is correct as you actually revived it) intentions toward MHA.

 

As for the MHA itself. The name says it all. It's Mostly Harmless. GOONS were raiders. Gramlins were tacticians. GPA were the home of neutrals. The HitchHikers Guide had 2 words for a certain planet. Mostly Harmless. You'd be a fool to expect great things from such a place. But it worked. It still works. A tenth the size it was but still a place for HitchHikers. 

 

You are not a HitchHiker. I guess you never were. 

 

I've been a HitchHiker for 6 odd years now yet I can't say that I remember your name. 

 

I look forward to forgetting it.

 

Rather than make an ass of yourself with your antics, why not start an AMAZING alliance of your own and take over planet Bob. Until then….

 

Shut up you bizarre little creature.

 

MHAil

 

Nut.

 

I just checked your nation. You sad little creature. Haha. I almost feel sorry for you. Odd. Very very odd.

Edited by qldvespanut
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It's even funnier when representatives from the phony MHA get outraged!

 

43 minutes ago, qldvespanut said:

As for the MHA itself. The name says it all. It's Mostly Harmless. GOONS were raiders. Gramlins were tacticians. GPA were the home of neutrals. The HitchHikers Guide had 2 words for a certain planet. Mostly Harmless. You'd be a fool to expect great things from such a place.

 

You read it here first: people were fools to expect anything.

 

But it worked. It still works.

 

I think we're going to need a citation on this one, since all of us watched an AA die from ambivalence. You guys couldn't even be bothered to swoop in to try and save it.

 

Pathetic.

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21 minutes ago, qldvespanut said:

Pathetic? I think not. Many others have disappeared. The HitchHikers are still here. 

 

Trolls be Trolls but HitchHikers be Hoopy Froods.

 

Enjoy your trolling.

 

MHAil

 

Nut. 

 

 

 

Thank you for addressing neither of my points and going straight for name-calling; always a helpful cue as to the sort of person I'm addressing.

 

The pathetic part is that it took you days to notice that your AA was gone, and by the time you (collectively) did, someone else had taken it. In this world, that's pretty much a textbook definition of pathetic.

 

However, this shouldn't be surprising since, as you declare above, expecting anything from MHA is foolish.

 

And now, to help you out....this is the part where you call me a 'troll' again and ignore facts.

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15 hours ago, Drege said:

When you got rid of IYIyth or however its spelled, you guys messed up. 80% of his predictions from 2009 came true. You know, he might have seemed off, but at least he wanted to take the alliance somewhere.

The MHA was destroyed by DarkFoxDemon. Before the deletion of its forums (a few months before Karma, DFD deleted both the MHA forums and the Continuum forums), it was already reeling from some pretty high-profile losses; WCR was trying to keep it going but his ego wasn't quite big enough to carry it on its own.

 

I know it hit #1 after that time. But that was mostly thanks to the destruction of NPO and IRON, combined with the massive Grämlins aidfall. The leadership culture was long gone by then.

 

Wow, Amy Winehouse. There's a symptom right there; MHA had already fallen pretty far when she became leadership.

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Ingredients:

Mixing instructions:

Fill the glass, mug or whatever about 3/4 with ice. Then, add the J.D., Schnapps and Curacao. Fill up the rest of the glass with orange juice, and stir.

 

Seriously, try it, awesome drink.

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In the Kingdom of Pakalolo, my warriors make Hawaiian Jungle Juice after smashing in terrorist skulls all day...

 

Mix in a large cooler, add ice, drink up!

 

  • 1 1/2 gallons alcohol-hydraulic bomber fluid 
  • 1/2 gallon Victory Tequila
  • 1/2 gallon Hawaiian Punch
  • 1/2 gallon flavored juice drink

 

Edited by Immortan Junka
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Quote
4 hours ago, kingzog said:

Take 1 Unfunny British Author, add 1 Gallon of Institutional Indifference and 0 Reasons to Continue Existing.

 

Let sit for several years.

 

 

As I suspected.  It is only the British that understand Irony!

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21 minutes ago, Haflinger said:

kingzog and I are both Canadians, and we obviously differ on the merits of one Adams :P

 

Bryan's OK, I suppose. I mean....I don't own anything by him, but I don't turn off the radio if a song of his should happen to come on.

 

canada-sorry.png

 

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