RavingMainyYak

I've checked the calendar and I think it (or something similar) may be coming up. Appreciate the interest in all things Fark. /also congrats to our new .gov

Well done Red! Try the red sweet liquid. It's delish.

Rather Dennis Miller type of humor. Actually an homage to the Sopranos

Oh Yeah! It is just as the Prophet #1018 said, "And the earth will be covered in a lifegiving blood." I must scurry back to the nest and inform our brethren of this gift from The Light.

#1018 is indeed a great Prophet. It was he, I'm certain I saw scuttle into The Light. He has priomised us a bounty of sweet, sweet Essense of Light. He side is is red, like our red ant brethern. Oh, and here's a picture of what I saw as #1018 entered The Light: Hail to our Queen and to the Word of #1018. May we all be filled with The Light.

The events of the past several days has energized an entire generation of workers. Out of the uncertainty and chaos of aardvark attacks, war with the reds, spider ambushes and counterattacks, as well as the discovery that the fabled land of the red and white checked food stores actually exist, a Prophet has arisen among our kind, speading the Good News of Salvation in the One, True Light. Here follows a reading from the Book of the Prophet #1018 (20: 1-15) For The Light is like a Queen's Assistant who went out early in the morning to hire laborers for his tunnels. After agreeing with the laborers for a single ration of aphid jelly a day, he sent them into the Queen's tunnels. And going out about the third hour he saw others standing idle near the surface; and to them he said, `You go into the tunnels too, and whatever is right I will give you.' So they went. Going out again about the sixth hour and the ninth hour, he did the same. And about the eleventh hour he went out and found others standing; and he said to them, `Why do you stand here idle all day?' They said to him, `Because no one has hired us.' He said to them, `You go into the tunnels too.' And when evening came, the Queen's Assistant said to his steward, `Call the laborers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last, up to the first.' And when those hired about the eleventh hour came, each of them received a full ration of aphid jelly. Now when the first came, they thought they would receive more; but each of them also received a full ration of aphid jelly. And on receiving it they grumbled at the Queen's Assistant, saying, `#7, these last worked only one hour, and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the day and the collapsing tunnel walls.' But he replied to one of them, `#4762, I am doing you no wrong; did you not agree with me for a single ration of aphid jelly? Take what belongs to you, and go; I choose to give to this last worker as I give to you. Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to my Queen? Or do you begrudge my generosity?'" And this reading, also from the Book of #1018 (15:11-32) And he said, A certain Queen had two larvae: and the younger of them said to his queen, Queen, give me the portion of thy substance that falleth to me. And she divided unto them her colony's wealth. And not many days after, the younger larva gathered all together and took his journey into a far colony; and there he wasted his substance with riotous living. And when he had spent all, there arose a mighty famine in that nest; and he began to be in want. And he went and joined himself to one of the senbior assistamnts to the queen of that colony; and he sent him into the queen's aphid gardens to feed the aphids. And he would fain have filled his belly with the leaves and molds that the aphids did eat: and no ant gave unto him. But when he came to himself he said, How many hired servants of my Queen's have sugar enough and to spare, and I perish here with hunger! I will arise and go to my Queen, and will say unto her, My Queen, I have sinned against The Light, and in thy sight: I am no more worthy to be called your son: make me as one of thy hired workers. And he arose, and came to his Queen. But while he was yet afar off, his queen saw him, and was moved with compassion, and ran, and fell on his carapace, and kissed him. And the larva said unto her, Mother, I have sinned against The Light, and in thy sight: I am no more worthy to be called thy larva. But the Queen said to her servants, Bring forth quickly the best robe, and put it on him; and put ribbons on his antennae, and shoes on his six feet: and bring the fatted aphid, and kill it, and let us eat, and make merry: for this my larva was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry. Now his elder larva was in the tunnels: and as he came and drew nigh to the nest, he heard music and scuttling. And he called to him one of the servants, and inquired what these things might be. And he said unto him, Thy brother is come; and thy Queenr hath killed the fatted aphid, because she hath received him safe and sound. But he was angry, and would not go in: and his mother came out, and entreated him. But he answered and said to his Queen, Lo, these many years do I serve thee, and I never transgressed a commandment of thine; and yet thou never gavest me a morsel of sugar, that I might make merry with my friends: but when this thy larva came, who hath devoured thy living with ants of ill repute, thou killedst for him the fatted aphid. And she said unto him, Eldest Larva, thou art ever with me, and all that is mine is thine. But it was meet to make merry and be glad: for this thy brother larva was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found. The best of time are just around the corner. I can feel it. Change and Hope become reality.

The Light sounds.... mesmerizing. B-b-b-b-but to turn our backs on the Queen. I fear the wrath of #7. And yet the attraction to the Light is like that of the ant who discovered the rectangular hollow white leaf filled with glorious crystals of pure cane sugar.

Silence fools! #7 hears all, sees all. His are the biggest compound eyes in the colony.

We're {bleeping} ants, for Queen's sake! That must be some hangover.

It seems some members of this colony are managing to avoid the rebuilding efforts in the upper levels as well as the action topside. In particular, #1662 remains deep in the nest on Queen duty. Some job, fitting the Queen's new carapace every time She gains a microgram, or births another brood of egg sacs. I guess #1662 is SOOOO busy, she doesn't have time to let us know what she's been hearing in the Hidden Chamber. And has anybody seen #699 lately? Ever since the war started with the Red Menace, he's been nowhere to be seen. Probably a good idea since he's a red as well. I just hope he not up in the aphid garden doing Queen knows what. I've heard he likes to shove several aphids at a time up his gaster. How sick is that? How did #699 become a part of our colony anyway? I hear he has "special"photos of #7 and #83 together. But that's just rumor.

As Ant Benatar sang, "Life is a Battlefield" We live in a prey vs predator society. Eat or be eaten. It is our way.

As the work of rebuilding damaged sections of the nest continue, on the surface there are conflicting reports regarding the conflict with the red ant colony. It appears our side is winning the battle, despite the entry into the war of a nest of spiders, and several rouge wearing rogue insects. Here are the links to the latest: Massive Casulties Reported in Spider Offensive A Grunt's Life Discovery May Lead to Future of Unlimited Food We have this video report on the latest in the fight against the Red Menace.... TunnelVision News Stay tuned for the latest news here on TunnelVision.

Best report this to the Queen. You know how she gets. BTW, your "accessories" look quite dashing, if a bit overstated.

Suck it up aphid breath! You will do the Queen's bidding, no questions asked.

Oh, and how about going out and checking on the Jolly Rancher. Dragging it back inside will give you a chance to work out and make your exoskeleton fit better.

Hi there. Uhh, I'm not one to instigate, but you see that spider down there.. the one "hiding" near the green Jolly Rancher? Well I heard him say he thinks assassin bugs are ugly and stupid. He's pretty much on the money with the ugly part, but you don't look at all stupid. A couple birds were twittering the other day about how delicious spiders are, especially right after they have fed. Not suggesting anything, but Mr. Spider looks like he's on a major tryptophan high right now. I'm just sayin.

If you can reach those leaves, chew a couple. They are high in fiber. Your excrement should provide sufficient lubrication for a successful extraction.

The Reds sold us out to the aardvark. The sniveling cowards. And take good care of your M-24 -- it's still a prototype. Whatever happens, don't let the reds get their antennae near it. DO not allow the M-24 to fall into the red's mandibles! Buck up recruit! You'll fight well!

You can sleep when your dead.

The rumors are true. TunnelVision News

Following a series of incursions and at least one confirmed nest infiltrator, today our Queen declared war on the neighboring red fire ant nest next to the rotting oak tree stump. TunnelVIsion obtained this top secret battle report: We have a video report from the scene. Here's TunnelVision reporter #2054: Stay tuned to TunnelVision for continuing coverage of this historic day.

Heard over the PA system: "Paging #1585 Paging #1585 #1585, please report to the Central Nest immediately. The Queen would like you to come into her Inner Chamber for lunch."

Investigating the unusual activity at the surface. The green Jolly Rancher, so sweet, so tempting, so fatal. He left my mind intact. I can dream, I can wonder, I can lament. Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as insect, a thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that antity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance. Inwardly: alone. Here. Living under the land, under the sea, in the belly of IT, whom we created because our time was badly spent and we must have known unconsciously that he could do it better. At least the others are safe at last. IT will be all the madder for that. It makes me a little happier. And yet IT has won, simply he has taken his revenge I have no mandibles. And I must scream.

Try my magical leaves for a stiff, firm antenna.