Pondoland Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 (edited) Last year the NPO closed MK's embassy after a breakdown in diplomatic relations. The reason for the delay between the expulsion of the Mushroom Kingdoms ambassadors to Pacifica and the closure of the MK embassy has been a closely guarded secret - until today, after a confidential cable from a member of the Diplomatic Corps to the Imperial Staff was made public by the infamous website Wikileaks. According to the leaked cable, the time delay, much criticised in the Open World Forum, was not due to any tardiness on the Emperors part, or the red tape that some outside observers believe is rife within the Order, but the fact that it was physically impossible to close the doors of the embassy building. Comrade, we have toiled day and night to close those damn doors, the unnamed diplomatic official wrote, but there's so many beer cans and pizza boxes piled up against them that they just wont budge! [center][img]http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_j_Bcf_6uMS4/SE7isULH41I/AAAAAAAAEPI/NW9x4hpjqdM/s400/643RockArt3.gif[/img][/center] The report goes on to detail how a number of Pacificans with the Construction bonus resource had to be drafted in to the diplomatic quarter of Francograd to help shift the piles of detritus before a clean-up squad could even get through the portal and into the building. The scene that these brave individuals discovered was, to quote one leaked source, nightmarish. Ive done some dirty jobs in my time, but this takes the biscuit (or in this case the week-old Chinese fortune cookie). Empty liquor bottles, heaps of rotting fast food and half-torn pages from a porno mag my epileptic teenage pot-head brother has a tidier room than this. Imagine if a barrel of cheap ale and Cheese Whiz exploded at a child's birthday party and youll have a rough idea of what its like. Another junior official described finding a soiled prompt card for the 'everything must die' spam campaign, stuffed in a sink in the embassy kitchen: There it was, poking out of through the scum amid the broken plates like a soggy sharks fin from an Albanian remake of Jaws 3D. I had to wear four pairs of rubber gloves before Id even consider putting my hand in there, and when I did, I swear something brushed against my fingers… [center][img]http://parrotkeyboard.com/images/bird_destruction.jpg[/img][/center] The report also reveals how the corps sustained a number of casualties while searching the premises. A specially-trained squad lost several members during the removal of some toxic fungus from under a sofa in the common room, a member of the waste disposal team had to be treated for injuries after attempting to extract an inflatable Archon doll from the ambassadorial suite and a Pacifican who volunteered to clean out the washroom was found rocking back and forth in the foetal position, muttering Oh the humanity… Other recently exposed documents shed light on the cost of the decontamination, which is said to exceed the reparations the Order was forced to pay after the Armageddon War. Even now, diplomatic staff are finding more evidence of MKs tenure in the building: Every time I show around a prospective alliance I come across something weve missed, wrote a Pacifican real estate agent, Trust me, its no fun trying to explain away the smell of stale socks to Umbrella Secession, and have you ever tried showing around the Cult of Justica whilst trying to surreptitiously remove a condom stuck to the bottom of your shoe? [center][img]http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_UuGMndrEguM/SotT7zdduNI/AAAAAAAAALI/7opyAdsI7nM/s400/kitchen.jpg[/img][/center] With war currently waging, officials have so far refused to comment on the leaks. However in one leaked pre-war dispatch, an Imperial Officer is quoted as saying: Regarding the Mushroom Kingdom, I can only reiterate what our beloved Emperor has already said - Should they wish to engage in amicable diplomacy, they know where to find us. That, and can they please give us a forwarding address so we know where to send the cleaning bill? Oh, and that doll - it's beginning to freak me out...” Edited January 26, 2011 by Pondoland Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chief Savage Man Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 (edited) What does this mean? Why did I read this? Why did you quote yourself? Why? Edited January 26, 2011 by Chief Savage Man Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Voytek Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 It's funny that you're still trying to milk this. It's funny for two reasons: 1) Anyone with access to our embassy would see that there wasn't any kind of disrespect or what have you going on. This is undisputable fact and anyone who says otherwise is either lying or speculating and hoping that it's true. 2) Your jokes are forced and your phrasing awkward, especially given the amount of time you've had to polish it up since the event in question. Don't tell me you only scraped this together today! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beauty Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 Umm... What? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
erikz Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 What? Give me my 5 minutes back please. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Locke Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 Poor CoJ. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pondoland Posted January 26, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 [quote]What does this mean? Why did I read this? Why did you quote yourself? Why? [/quote] For teh lulz. [quote]1) Anyone with access to our embassy would see that there wasn't any kind of disrespect or what have you going on. This is undisputable fact and anyone who says otherwise is either lying or speculating and hoping that it's true.[/quote] A little from column A, a little from column B. [quote]2) Your jokes are forced and your phrasing awkward, especially given the amount of time you've had to polish it up since the event in question. Don't tell me you only scraped this together today![/quote] Oh this has been kicking around for ages, but as a matter of bloody-minded principle I refuse to revise, polish or otherwise improve anything (you should see the state of my shoes!) And forced and awkward? Sounds like my love life... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marneus Calgar Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 Thank you for this [i]insightful[/i] information. Now give me my 3 minutes back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JazAce Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 Lucky I'm a fast reader, I'll only ask for the 12 seconds it takes to post this back... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VenetianBlind Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 [quote name='Pondoland' timestamp='1296032151' post='2602468'] Oh, and that doll - it's beginning to freak me out...” [/quote] Clearly, this embassy is a dooooooooomhoooooouse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pondoland Posted January 26, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 U no laff? Well, given the intensity of the war threads at the moment, I thought I’d attempt to lighten up the mood with what can loosely be termed as ‘humour’ This attempt seems to have been an abject failure (for a definition of ‘abject failure’, see my war record) I’m obviously trying way to hard – plus I haven’t had breakfast and I’ve already got a headache. Maybe Admin can close this off as a ‘joke’ thread, or move it to game-related RP or somesuch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chief Savage Man Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 [quote name='Pondoland' timestamp='1296034622' post='2602489'] U no laff? Well, given the intensity of the war threads at the moment, I thought I’d attempt to lighten up the mood with what can loosely be termed as ‘humour’ This attempt seems to have been an abject failure (for a definition of ‘abject failure’, see my war record) I’m obviously trying way to hard – plus I haven’t had breakfast and I’ve already got a headache. Maybe Admin can close this off as a ‘joke’ thread, or move it to game-related RP or somesuch. [/quote] I kind of like you and kind of hate you. Can't decide which. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pondoland Posted January 26, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 [quote]I kind of like you and kind of hate you. Can't decide which. [/quote] Toss a coin? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nippy Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 The OP was a tragedy, but I dig your self-loathing sense of humor. Please post more often. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+Zeke+ Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 Ignore the humorless types, Pondo. This line alone was worth the price of admission. [quote name='Pondoland' timestamp='1296032151' post='2602468'] Imagine if a barrel of cheap ale and Cheese Whiz exploded at a child's birthday party and you’ll have a rough idea of what it’s like.[/quote] A better mental graphic that no picture could ever portray. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mack Truck Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 I thought it was ok. Not laugh-out-loud funny but I chuckled at the prospective buyer bit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pondoland Posted January 26, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 (edited) [quote]The OP was a tragedy, but I dig your self-loathing sense of humor. Please post more often.[/quote] Careful friend, words like this will only serve to encourage me... [quote]Ignore the humorless types, Pondo... This line alone was worth the price of admission.[/quote] You are too kind - far better if the humorless types ignore me! [quote]A better mental graphic that no picture could ever portray [/quote] Written from personal experience I fear - my first and last day as a children's entertainer. [quote]Not laugh-out-loud funny [/quote] Not even a chortle? My powers are growing weak... Edited January 26, 2011 by Pondoland Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nippy Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 [quote name='Pondoland' timestamp='1296041860' post='2602558'] Careful friend, words like this will only serve to encourage me... [/quote] As was my intent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Apocalypse Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 Well I liked it [img]http://i.somethingawful.com/forumsystem/emoticons/emot-colbert.gif[/img] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wu Tang Clan Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 Not terrible. Slight chuckles. It's just too long after the event. It would have been funnier when this all happened. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sammykhalifa Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 (edited) Yeah, I thought it was clever. Good change from the propaganda coming out of both sides so far. I thought it was going to be another logdump or something Edited January 26, 2011 by sammykhalifa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lamuella Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 it's 2011 and someone said "For teh lulz". I think this counts as a retroactive casus belli Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pondoland Posted January 26, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 [quote]it's 2011 and someone said "For teh lulz".[/quote] What can I say? I'm a sucker for nostalgia ROFL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Balkan Banania Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 I liked it, some good lines Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schattenmann Posted January 26, 2011 Report Share Posted January 26, 2011 [quote name='Johnny Apocalypse' timestamp='1296053664' post='2602693'] Well I liked it [img]http://i.somethingawful.com/forumsystem/emoticons/emot-colbert.gif[/img] [/quote] I thought it was pretty funny. I'm happy to report that the Cult of Justitia outbid the Cult of Justica on the property, and we have managed to make quite a tidy place of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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