Nutty North Korean Announcement

[Alistair Thorrington]

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North Korea is always getting blamed for things it didn't do. Why do people think we have nuclear weapons? Just because of a few small nuclear tests, and a some North Korean broadcasts subtly hinting that we might use them? And yet people always get mad at us. Even our best friend China won't visit us anymore, and their annual Christmas card is less and less full of good cheer. They don't even end emails to us with "ilu" anymore. And everyone keeps yelling at Kim Jong-Il, just because he sunk a few boats.

To discover why everyone treats North Korea so much worse than the other nuclear-armed, boat-sinking countries, Kim Jong-Il went undercover in America, cleverly disguised to look exactly like someone who is not him. There he discovered that poor, ignorant people believe that North Korea starves it's people and has prison camps filled with hundreds of thousands of prisoners. He couldn't believe it. Did people there not watch North Korean news? Did they not know that North Korea is a paradise, with trees, doors and even Kim Jong-Il? Not even America has Kim Jong-Il. Shocked, he returned home, by boat of course, because as Kim Jong-Il always says: "If humans were meant to fly, they'd be born flight attendants." (Cue uproarious laughter)

As he thought about what he learned in America, he considered that perhaps North Korea wasn't modest enough about it's grand successes, and was indeed making everyone jealous. So he prepared this speech, translated by Nigel Burnsley, to show off North Korea's modesty:

"Greetings. I grace you with my presence on this day. North Korea has ruled this feeble planet with utmost respect for other poor and backward societies. But we see our success as a great and powerful nation is causing inferior peoples to feel despair that, perhaps, their worthless countries will never become even marginally as grand as North Korea. So we are here to tell you, fear not. Becoming a paradise like North Korea is possible. All you must do is bow before our Dear Leader, Sun of the 21st Century, Kim Jong-Il, and submit yourselves before us, agreeing to become completely subservient. Then you may, possibly, become as great as North Korea. Don't you see? It is possible to reach such a pinnacle of human development, and we're definitely not just lying to make you feel better about your worthless selves."

I hope that touches you all. In other news, North Korea's government has had a bit of a shake up. Here is the new Government, which is almost exactly like the old one, but with a few new changes. Well, actually just one.

[size="6"][b]Head of the Universe[/b][/size]
[b]God:[/b] Kim Jong-Il

[size="6"][b]Heads of State[/b][/size]

[b]Stooge of the Interior:[/b] Gorchin
[b]Stooge of Growth and Development:[/b] Alistair Thorrington
[b]Stooge of the Exterior:[/b]Vesta

[size="6"][b]Head of Government[/b][/size]

[b]Backup Stooge (Regent):[/b] Pikachujc

[size="6"][b]Government[/b][/size]

[b]Dear Leader Dietitian (MoE):[/b] FlakeSe
[b]Dear Leader Personal Trainer (MoD):[/b] Teh Squishy
[b]Dear Leader Translator (MoFA):[/b] Pimpleman
[b]Dear Leader Official Piss-On (MoIA):[/b] Britwarlord

Furthermore, we would like to appeal to all foreign rulers, yes, even those of poor, backwards countries, which is all of you, to visit our forums and ask for embassies. We're really a friendly people once you get to know us, but because we're so aloof and superior to your toils, I'm afraid you never will.

[url="http://www.cn-nnk.co.cc//index.php?"]Nutty North Korean Forums[/url]

That's all for now, and remember:

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[wickedj]

[quote]Stooge of the Exterior:Vesta[/quote]
I always called him a stooge

[the masheen]

Always an interesting read.

Good luck with the [s]changes[/s] change.

[Adolph Mussolini]

best wishes and good luck

[abdur]

Best of luck to NNK o/

[Believland]

I see no mention of me.

Congrats, though.

[Sarmatian Empire]

This has nothing to do with what I told you to post...

[flakese]

I R the change

I would also like to point out that we are open to selling our advanced mud and stick technology, hit me up on #NNK.

[Ghuxalia]

Oy vey you're back again?

[Alistair Thorrington]

[quote name='Ghuxalia' timestamp='1281667471' post='2413727']
Oy vey you're back again?
[/quote]

We never left.

[Ghuxalia]

[quote name='Alistair Thorrington' timestamp='1281719010' post='2414473']
We never left.
[/quote]
Apparently Bacon may or may not have a treaty with you guys. If we do, consider this the cancellation notice.

[Kzoppistan]

That did indeed touch me. You'll be hearing from my lawyer.

[Pingu]

North Korea announcement are best announcement

[rodrod]

Why wasn't I informed of this? D:

[Alistair Thorrington]

[quote name='rodrod' timestamp='1281771204' post='2415538']
Why wasn't I informed of this? D:
[/quote]

Because you smell.

[rodrod]

I smell? ((((((((((((((((

[Fizzydog]

If North Korea owned the world everything would be perfect.


Congrats I guess. lol

[Liltrekkie]

Still no Justin Bieber?

On the other hand best of luck to your change.

o/ NNK