Cheesejaguar Posted March 25, 2009 Report Share Posted March 25, 2009 On today, the 24th day of the 3rd month of the 2009th year after the birth of our lord and savior, Jesus Christ, I have decided to enlighten the denizens of planet bob about the State of the Alliance of the Poison Clan. Now most of you do not know me, which is because I lurk in the shadows of the interbutts, only sticking my head out at key moments to make sardonic comments in IRC. But my name is Caseus… well that’s not really my name but the alter-ego I’ve chosen to personify on this here interbutts. I’ve been in a $%&@ ton of alliances, and to tell the truth I’m not really sure where I am right now, but that could just be because I’ve been smoking pounds with MrCalkin recently. It could also be because my budget for alcohol exceeds that of my budget for food, and rightly so. You see alcohol is a truly miraculous substance… it is both the cause and solution of life’s problems. It is the elixir of truth, love and whatever other !@#$%^&* you’re willing to buy. As a budding aerospace engineer, I feel the need to calm the mind with a nice Dunkleweizen or a 2 Degrees Below after a stressful night of nodal analysis and eigenvectors. That’s the great thing about substance abuse, it prevents you from abusing other outlets such as cybernations. For example, had I been inebriated I probably wouldn’t have nuked a guy a few years ago for bugging me. I was attacking him because I was trying to figure out some formulas for the battle odds calculator I was writing, and he was crying to his momma about something or other, “waaahhhh please stop attacking me what did I do to you?” So I nuked him. 6 times. He shouldn’t have done that. Had I been sober I probably would have been a lot nicer. In other news, I’ve been riding my bike a lot recently; apparently beer has like 150 calories per 12 ounce can/bottle. News to me. Never thought it was possible to drink 2500 calories in a single night. I knew it was possible to eat 2500 calories in a single serving however. They have this place near my apartment that sells an 18” burrito, costs like 10 bucks. I ate the entire thing, and I felt damn near accomplished. You see where I live, there are at least 8 taquerias that I can name within a 5 block radius. I !@#$ you not. You know, when you think about that saying, it’s pretty ridiculous. What would the converse of “I !@#$ you not” be? “Dude, I’m totally !@#$ting you right now.” That just brings up images of ridiculous movies involving Cartman’s mom. Speaking of ridiculous, have you guys seen that fixed gear bicycle fad? What the $%&@ is up with that? Why would you spend $700 on a bike that can’t go uphill? “Hey look at me, I can spin my handlebars all the way around.” Yeah good for you Salvatore, I hope you break your thick black rimmed glasses (with no lenses in the frames might I add) when you fall on your $@! trying to spin around on your 23mm back tire. Worst invention since the granny gear. Anyone see the Battlestar Galactica ending last weekend? I still can’t decide whether or not I liked it. I really enjoyed it, and thought it to be a decent ending, but what the $%&@ was up with Kara being an angel? And why is Admiral Adama such a clit, moaning on about living in a cabin up on a hill? The mother$%&@er is Hard X Core! Not like those whiney emo !@#$%*es, thank heavens that fad is over. Though the hipsters are just as bad. Damn hipsters and their fixed gear bicycles and thick black-rimmed glasses. Smoking weed in the dorm bathrooms because they think they are cool. $%&@, I mean anyone who seriously thinks a blunt is the best way to smoke weed needs to reevaluate his or her perspective on life. Life is too short to ruin the taste of good weed with !@#$%* 7-11 tobacco paper. Then again, most hipsters probably couldn’t tell the difference between good weed and bad weed. They probably believe their dealer when he spews some !@#$%^&* about white widow or sour diesel. I don’t believe in brand names, not until weed is sold on a shelf at Walgreens. Most ghetto store down town by the way, how many grocery stores do you know that have metal detectors monitored by a security guard at all times? So I jumped in the cab and yelled “Homes…” yeah $%&@ that !@#$, does anyone really think its funny? Prince of Bel-Air was a mediocre show at best, and instead of laughing at how campy that show was I would just weep tears of pain. Perhaps I just read too much reddit. I guess I’m a pretty hateful person. You could say I’m full of hate, but I’d rather look at it as “I’m full of not love for a lot of people.” I could say some sappy !@#$%^&* about how me hating most people makes my love for some people stronger but I don’t think I could do it with a straight face. I look up to Dr. House, he’s a personal role model. I’ve got the contemptuous sarcasm, the intellect, the unshaven man-scruff… I’ve even got the cane! But I’ve found in real life people don’t love people like that despite their tough exterior, they’d rather babble about “sensitivity” and “proper etiquette when talking to disabled people.” It’s not my problem that some people actually need to use the handrails, I’ll chain my !@#$@#$ bike where I !@#$@#$ want! “wwaaahhh, I can’t walk because Lord Cthulhu cursed me with some polio-$@! legs.” Don’t care dude, I have it worse off, I have to listen to the bile coming from your mouth. Go blog about it, maybe someone on the interbutts will care. Bloggers are fairly pretentious. They make the unconscious assumption that something gives a $%&@ what they say. They take that assumption one step further by assuming that since you give a $%&@ what they say, that you’ll also give a $%&@ about some random querky thing you did today… shut the $%&@ up and stop clogging my RSS aggregator with your senseless bologna. If you write a blog you’ve basically asserted that you’re a !@#$% and proud, so you might as well go full-retard and refer to your friends as “breh” and go raging every Thursday night. I don’t rage, I down bottles of Jim Beam and then do anti-social things like clean my room and download kiddie porn. Anyway, where was I… cybernations… yeah. I started playing this game about 3 years ago. I was working late nights, and would cure my boredom after work by “playing” this game. Little did I know that three years later I’d still be “playing.” I use the term loosely, because really this game is all about a few clicks each night, and idling in IRC all day. I don’t even really know the state of the poison clan, I’ve probably spent a cumulative total of 2 hours chatting in IRC with PC over the past semester. I’ve been a member for over 3 months and all I have to show for it are 21 posts on the forum I can’t remember the link to. This is acceptable to me however, for PC is pretty chill… and I couldn’t expect much more for something I dedicate about 5 minutes to each day. This game is like genital warts… you feel uncomfortable telling your girlfriend about it because you know it will likely decrease chances of getting laid. My girlfriend was ambivalent about it, and sent me a video about kittens. Girls are so damned cute like that. There are plenty of other ways to occupy your time, but most of us just haven’t realized that yet. Weed isn’t too expensive, and anyone over the age of 10 should be able to procure alcohol without trouble. If that doesn’t float your boat, you could try taking apart microwaves, or building combustion projectile weapons in your garage. I scoff at gun control, because those pigs can’t prevent me from building potato artillery cannons in my garage. I’m currently listening to some Linkin Park right now, that stuff is the !@#$. If you don’t think it’s the !@#$, its probably because you’re trying too hard to fit in with your hipster click. You can go back to your Animal Collective and Sigur Ros. If you don’t &*&^ in your pants every time you hear Linkin Park and Blink 182, then it’s also possible that you’re too young to have the privilege of being in middle school at the time…also possible that you’re too goddamn old to be playing a text-based online game. My girlfriend just looked over my shoulder and asked what I was writing. I answered truthfully; I wont be getting laid tonight. I made some sort of joke about being a derivative and lying tangent to her curves, no dice. That’s alright, this bottle can be my lady tonight. Actually this bottle says “Jim Beam” on it… but hell I’d go gay for him. Hell, I’d sit through a Fall Out Boy concert for Jimmy. I’ve been thinking about buying a clever t-shirt, as I haven’t purchased a new t-shirt in at least 5 years. I tend to get four or five free shirts each year, so I figure “why bother?” But its come to my attention that I could advertise my superior intellect and opinions across my breast. I’d be a pretty cool kid with a “Don’t drink and derive” shirt, or possibly a “Yo dawg, I heard you liked functions so we put a function in yo function so you can derive while you derive.” I get my jollies off by thinking about the chain rule in my spare time. Yeah, I’m the type of guy who high-fives his “bros” in celebration of topics concerning partial derivatives and Snell’s law. Yes, I have toasted a jägerbomb to my physics professor. I’m that guy. But its ok, because Todd Sauke is pretty epic. If I ever start a band, it will be called Todd Sauke, in the same band-naming spirit as Lynyrd Skynyrd. Lord Raegn looked down upon his great empire with pride as the sun set. The golden rays which traveled millions of leagues to his dusty capitol city. He returned to his room to find that his wife had already fallen asleep. Her soft gentle curves beckoned him, from beneath opaque silken cloth. The bed sheets were imported straight from the Chinese empire; nothing but the finest for a Lord. He shed his cumbersome robe, and lay his saber to rest against the nightstand. As he climbed into bed, his beautiful wife awoke softly, with a gentle “Hello.” She smiled at him, she really cared about him despite all his previous transgressions. The same could not be said for Raegn. He had grown cold in his elder years, a life of servitude to the citizens of a stagnate empire will decrease the libido of any sane man. But tonight would be different than all those other loveless nights. His wife was just too irresistible, and it had been such a long time since he lay with her, after the conquest of the northern promise. He slid his hand up her thigh, and kissed her neck softly. BRB. *Caseus is an authorized spokesman for the Poison Clan alliance, by order of Chinatownbus. If anyone did not comprehend this post, PC gov will be around shortly for a q&a session Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sceptor o Sordidness Posted March 25, 2009 Report Share Posted March 25, 2009 I'm confused. Hi Caseus. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheesejaguar Posted March 25, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2009 I'm confused. Hi Caseus. I was unaware you could read 500+ words per minute. Go back over it and it might become clearer to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beauty Posted March 25, 2009 Report Share Posted March 25, 2009 (edited) Cool story, nice read. Edited March 25, 2009 by Rotavele Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chinatownbus Posted March 25, 2009 Report Share Posted March 25, 2009 I am here to answer your questions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trinite Posted March 25, 2009 Report Share Posted March 25, 2009 PC apparently supports stream of consciousness. I guess I can get behind that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chinatownbus Posted March 25, 2009 Report Share Posted March 25, 2009 PC apparently supports stream of consciousness. I guess I can get behind that. And we can get behind you. The silk pink boxers are really doing it for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sileath Posted March 25, 2009 Report Share Posted March 25, 2009 On today, the 24th day of the 3rd month of the 2009th year after the birth of our lord and savior, Jesus Christ It's actually 2761 Ab urbe condita, 2,761 glorious years from the founding of the city of Rome. This game is like genital warts… you feel uncomfortable telling your girlfriend about it because you know it will likely decrease chances of getting laid. My girlfriend was ambivalent about it, and sent me a video about kittens. Girls are so damned cute like that. I'm 23 and have been a gamer since I was 3. I've given up the idea of ever being with a girl who wasn't a gamer, because I just wouldn't respect her. Weed isn’t too expensive And easy to get if you live in California like me! Unless you're on probation for weed possession Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheesejaguar Posted March 25, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2009 And easy to get if you live in California like me! Unless you're on probation for weed possession Reppin' the Bay Area myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deligo Posted March 25, 2009 Report Share Posted March 25, 2009 Nice Gadsden and GL with the potato launcher. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sileath Posted March 25, 2009 Report Share Posted March 25, 2009 Reppin' the Bay Area myself. I live about 40 miles south of Fresno though I'm moving to Sacramento in May. In case anyone is unsure of what weed does Here's me recently, after a good bit of clean time: And me a year and a half ago after a good bit of time as a heavy marijuana smoker: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason8 Posted March 25, 2009 Report Share Posted March 25, 2009 (edited) I live about 40 miles south of Fresno though I'm moving to Sacramento in May. In case anyone is unsure of what weed does Here's me recently, after a good bit of clean time: And me a year and a half ago after a good bit of time as a heavy marijuana smoker: BEST POST EVER EDIT: Just read the OP and I think it wins the BEST POST EVER award. Sorry, Sileath. Edited March 25, 2009 by Jason8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mogar Posted March 25, 2009 Report Share Posted March 25, 2009 I live about 40 miles south of Fresno though I'm moving to Sacramento in May. In case anyone is unsure of what weed does Here's me recently, after a good bit of clean time: And me a year and a half ago after a good bit of time as a heavy marijuana smoker: ok admin, reset the game, we're done here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alfred von Tirpitz Posted March 25, 2009 Report Share Posted March 25, 2009 I remember hearing some talk of a Poison War reset, is it gonna happen? did it already happen? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scigirl543 Posted March 25, 2009 Report Share Posted March 25, 2009 I second Jason8's statement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason8 Posted March 25, 2009 Report Share Posted March 25, 2009 Chinatownbus, I have a question. When will the membership of Poison Clan join RAD? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Specific Posted March 25, 2009 Report Share Posted March 25, 2009 (edited) It's capital city. Don't mean to harsh your buzz. Also, nice disjointed prose... who knew Jack Kerouac rambled around PB? edit 2.1 nice pics, Sith uhh Sileath Edited March 25, 2009 by General Specific Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chinatownbus Posted March 25, 2009 Report Share Posted March 25, 2009 I remember hearing some talk of a Poison War reset, is it gonna happen? did it already happen? it will happen when the Gods will it to be so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chinatownbus Posted March 25, 2009 Report Share Posted March 25, 2009 Chinatownbus, I have a question.When will the membership of Poison Clan join RAD? The same day that RAD membership drops dead. Because that's all you lot are good for. Dying. And being \m/ 3.0. or 4.0. I've lost count at this point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sceptor o Sordidness Posted March 25, 2009 Report Share Posted March 25, 2009 I was unaware you could read 500+ words per minute. Go back over it and it might become clearer to you. Nah I read it, and just read it again to make sure I didn't miss anything. It's the good sort of 'confused' anyway, fun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason8 Posted March 25, 2009 Report Share Posted March 25, 2009 The same day that RAD membership drops dead. Because that's all you lot are good for. Dying. And being \m/ 3.0. or 4.0. I've lost count at this point. I see. Well we all dropped dead yesterday. So I guess you're going to be ordering your membership to change alliance affiliations? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chinatownbus Posted March 25, 2009 Report Share Posted March 25, 2009 I see. Well we all dropped dead yesterday. So I guess you're going to be ordering your membership to change alliance affiliations? you lying scumbag. you have pushed me too far. TO ARMS! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rsoxbronco1 Posted March 25, 2009 Report Share Posted March 25, 2009 I live about 40 miles south of Fresno though I'm moving to Sacramento in May. In case anyone is unsure of what weed does Here's me recently, after a good bit of clean time: And me a year and a half ago after a good bit of time as a heavy marijuana smoker: This is the single most amazing post ever to grace these boards. I'll echo Mogar, the game is over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jason8 Posted March 25, 2009 Report Share Posted March 25, 2009 you lying scumbag. you have pushed me too far. TO ARMS! Will Poison Clan be willing to stand up against the Republic of Allied Defenses? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chinatownbus Posted March 25, 2009 Report Share Posted March 25, 2009 Will Poison Clan be willing to stand up against the Republic of Allied Defenses? ya u guys suck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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