JT Jag

[center][img]http://images.wikia.com/cybernations/images/d/d0/Cngoonsflag.png[/img] [size=20pt][b]A Message From The Office Of The [img]http://cngoons.com/Board/Themes/argentum20rc3/images/Masks/GOON_CoPilot.png[/img][/b][/size][/center] Well, let me just say, it has been a [i]wild[/i] ride. I started my career as a member of the Goon Order of Oppression, Negligence and Sadism after clicking on an enticing recruitment advertisement from our home land of Something Awful, a little over one year ago. During the Bi-Polar War, I took leadership responsibility over a platoon of other goons around my size, and this effort completely burnt me out, essentially driving me away from Bob for around five months or so. I never could have imagined that after that experience, I could have risen as high as I have as quickly as I have, and on more than one occasion during my self-imposed exile I almost lost my nation entirely. I simply did not have the motivation. But one day, several months ago, for a reason I do not completely remember, I logged onto our IRC channel on a whim for the first time in months. Just to check up. The alliance had flourished in my absence, had gone from below a million collective nation strength after the Bi-Polar War to competing for a sanction. I was inspired, and wanted to get involved again. I wanted to help take the alliance to the next level. I signed up as a diplomat, and tried my hand at speaking to the many other alliances of Planet Bob. Apparently, I was good at this, because a few months afterwards I was awarded with a government position. I continued my work, and a few months after that, here we are. GOONS sometimes catches flak from people who do not understand our internal processes as being unstable at the government level. Some (ignorantly) claim that our government is simply a "good old boys" club of members of the Goon Order of Neutral Shoving. And still others have claimed that it is a dictatorship, consisting of Sardonic at the head and those he has hand-picked at advisory positions. But I think that my rise to this position debunks these claims. I was never in Neutral Shoving--- in fact, never in any other alliance besides this iteration of GOONS. Sardonic and I work together well, but I am not a "yes man". In an alliance of 300 people (and growing), I think I am proof that we are a meritocracy: However much effort you are willing to put in, however much talent you can exhibit, you can and will rise to the level you deserve. And I think that is how every alliance should operate.

Information that has been rumored for quite a while, and really doesn't matter at this point, but sorta interesting nonetheless. That "protecting NPO" talk flies directly in the face of a lot of the posturing both of the Orders have made.

[quote name='Rebel Virginia' timestamp='1298662073' post='2644859'] [color="#0000FF"]You heard it here first folks! If you think poorly of Legion it is only because you're trying to suck up to GOONS.[/color] [/quote]To be honest PapaJacky was way ahead of the curve in espousing this line of logic and should get credit for it.

[quote name='Rebel Virginia' timestamp='1298602322' post='2644380'] [color="#0000FF"]You're using the peace mode argument against GOONS? Really? Why do you feel the need to say such stupid things, Mini Invicta? Not many GOONS have used peace mode in this war. Only a handful are evening cycling in when they have the chance. Really.... I hate this side. Edit: Oh, it's not just Mini Invicta trying to use the stupid peace mode argument. I reiterate: I hate this side.[/color] [/quote]Stop trying to convince me we should offer NSO white peace after all this with your wonderful posting, you beautiful man.

[quote name='Umar ibn Abd al-Aziz' timestamp='1298505342' post='2643217'] Top tier completely destroyed? That's certainly news to me. Perhaps you are exaggerating slightly Mssr. Rage? [/quote]the joke here is that Umar [i]is[/i] our top tier, and he isn't destroyed at all

For the record, GOONS don't take their cue in terms of humor from MK, MK lifts their sense of humor and running jokes wholesale from GOONS.

[quote name='Banksy' timestamp='1298351115' post='2641414'] yeah, i honestly don't think umbrella and mk will be able to aid goons post war either. when have they even showed their ability to send mass aid dumps? [/quote]No, they're implying GOONS will disband before then. All of their hopes and dreams are pinned on this, because the war effort is clearly doomed. If we collapse, at least there's *some* win in it for them. We won't, though, and we'll be bigger then we were pre-war in less than 6 months. I wonder what their go-to attempt to claim moral victory will be then.

[quote name='Electron Sponge' timestamp='1298091658' post='2638055'] To which I respond that your alliance has foolishly overextended itself and cannot hope to outlast those who you oppose, given your cultural handicaps and lack of diplomatic acumen. You have chosen your allies foolishly and your enemies even more so. Biting off more than you all can chew doesn't begin to cover it. See you in a month or two bro [/quote]To which I retort that rust has clearly taken its toll on your perception of the political and military landscape, our side is getting reinforcements with none on the horizon for NPO, NpO's coalition partners are surrendering [i]en masse[/i] (which is freeing up those reinforcements in the first place), and it's baffling that you think you might see us in "a month or two" unless you intend on changing alliance affiliations as NpO is fighting a doomed battle.

[quote name='The MVP' timestamp='1298097771' post='2638181'] Hi there war partner. It was a good read, not sure why you all don't do more of this. [/quote]You shoulda seen some of the content we had to shoot down.

Extremely honourable of you, RIA. Sticking by your allies like this is outstanding on your part, no matter the controversy on their part. [sup][sup][sup] Not a fan of your choice of allies here, though, to be quite honest. SOS?[/sup][/sup][/sup]

The Ordinance On Orders

[quote name='Steve Buscemi' timestamp='1297639937' post='2631648'] I'm not sure what's worse; TGE surrendering to UINE or NoR surrendering to wF. I guess in every great war you have some comic relief. [/quote]There was some backroom stuff involved in the NoR deal that only a few people know about, suffice to say that it isn't nearly the same caliber of fail as this.

[quote name='wickedj' timestamp='1297497013' post='2630164'] Two things disappointing about this. #1 Jarkko isnt in TOOL anymore so the chances of nuking him are gone #2 the 25 times than quit guy has been gone for awhile damn you TOOL, damn you! [/quote]Did he nuke someone 25 times, then quit?

Veeery pro 11-war blitz, 132 nation guys.

edit: double post, please delete

[quote name='Choson' timestamp='1297224024' post='2626557'] I didn't know you were in the same alliance as Lamuella or Sardonic. Welcome to GOONS! [/quote]You get your complimentary hegemonic oppression boots on your first-month anniversary of membership! It's a great deal, those things just never wear out no matter how much you use them.

[quote name='The MVP' timestamp='1296970346' post='2621454'] Only ones keeping you from playing with us are yourselves. [/quote]Nah, this is a pretty absurd statement. All of us are hanging out on the playground and you guys are locked up in the classrooms, and we're the ones killing the fun?

Shoutout to Earogema of CoJ for being a very active fighter who had kept a nice little line of communication up throughout the round. He also kept amusing me with what has to have been an exhibition of the worst/unluckiest spying ever, something for which I offer nothing but my condolences.

[quote name='Schattenmann' timestamp='1296708918' post='2617076'] ATTENTION ALL RAIDERS: CELESTIAL BEING IS BUSY [/quote]We're busy.

NPO will fold first, but the NPO front will linger on longer than the NpO front. If that makes any sense.

[quote name='Geoffron X' timestamp='1296224104' post='2607396'] It took me a couple days until I was attacked by a second target, and I'm on the outnumbered side. [/quote]Actually Pacifica and allies currently have a significant advantage in total nations, nation strength, score and nukes over the collective forces of Doom House and FAN. Now, mind you, most of these forces are either in peace mode or being squandered on GOONS, but poor planning on your part does mean that you can lie like this.

[quote name='ChairmanHal' timestamp='1296167270' post='2606190'] If your warchests are as piss poor as being reported, I give you two weeks before you're nearing bill locks and ZIs without others dumping a bunch of aid on you. Perhaps that has been thought of and if so, indeed you'll last longer than your enemies would like. [/quote]We don't WANT to accept aid, but for goodness sake man, we've got to give our upper tiers SOMETHING to do! I mean, it's not like you guys are providing a challenge.

[quote name='LeonidasRexII' timestamp='1296118252' post='2605195'] Hey Goonies it's an honor to go to battle against you, and frankly a relief that we're finally in this thing. I look forward to a fine fight and plenty of casualties. [/quote]Yeah, well your mother's a--- wait a second, let me adjust my glasses. [quote name='LeonidasRexII' timestamp='1296118252' post='2605195'] it's an honor to go to battle against you ... I look forward to a fine fight and plenty of casualties. [/quote]This is... a reasonable statement! I did not know such things still existed in this world. Back at ya.

[quote name='D34th' timestamp='1296117721' post='2605185'] Translation: Don't surrender GOONS, act like the lapdogs/meatshields that you are and we will send you some money if we win. [/quote]No, we don't surrender like the meatshields we are and [i]you[/i] guys will send us some money if we win. (not you as in NpO specifically, you as in your side and the people making these declarations specifically, just to be clear)

[quote name='iamthey' timestamp='1296117508' post='2605181'] Then it seems like everyone wins to me. Maybe sardonic needs to just chill. [/quote]We honestly aren't entirely sure you lot are up to task, is the problem.