Captain Enema

[quote]"An unintended side-effect of a nuclear EMP over the Nation of Nod was that it overlapped your southern border. A team of several engineers will be deployed to assist civilians, if requested. I have been told to notify you that any Artemis equipment purchased was indeed EMP proof and should be operational."[/quote] "It seems to me the only thing knocked out is our civilian power grid and phone lines. They need upgrading anyway and we have local contractors that can do the work. What we could use is a bit of seed money and such to finance the efforts along with some of your power and communications experts to advise us. This can wait as it seems war has fallen on our footsteps from a person of mutual dislike. Rather than get picky about how much you should pay for blowing out our phone lines, I've been advised to offer any support we can to assist you if ground fighting breaks out," replies Mad Dog Bob Denard. He continues after consulting a map by saying, "Our 2nd Regiment is now being deployed south, we'll be sending our 3rd Regiment as well to screen our southern border. Should you wish to invade NoD through our territory please let us know. The good people of Artemis have already set up a lovely factory. I'll be consulting with them next for the development of a forward staging area that will be manned and built by Artemis contractors and supported by Sudanese Republic forces." He grabs another list and resumes with, "We'll be needing certain equipment to protect such a base and our own assets. We'll definitely need air to air missiles and a few wings of fighter squadrons to keep out NoD air strikes. Port Sudan International Airport has been militarized and will be ready to support such a project. Further, the port of Port Sudan will be available for your naval assets to make port." Bob then decides to be quiet to let the poor chap on the other end of the line figure some things out.

[b]Classified[/b] The newest and only line of Sudanese Military Equipment is now making its way to our units. Each of our Battalions will be equipped with a full company of the Warrior APCS. We expect this project to be completed within six months. Likewise, the new 4th Regiment will be the nucleus for an all armored regiment. Cadre companies for each of the battalions are now in training with the Warrior APCS and other vehicles.

Chauncey simply revels in his new duties as he scampers from room to room doing a careful inspection. No telling when Sarah would be back and everything would have to be just so. He's already managed to aggravate half of the domestic staff with his bustling about, but while aggravated they approve of his dedication to ensuring the place is kept in good order. Though his latest order, "Keep a supply of red wine, bathing salts, and candles ready for the Lady Protector when she returns at all times," leaves them a bit confused. However, the directives for the redesigning of the domestics staff attire had left everyone pleased. Sharp suits, dresses, and comfortable stylish shoes were to be the order of the day. All paid for out the budget assigned to Chauncey. The comfortable shoes bit pleases just about everyone. The old wing tips and high heels of yesterday were being traded in for something that didn't leave you with quite so painful feet at the end of the day. The only center of resistance to his changes appears to be those dreadful Marchar guards that lurch about the place. "You see my good man, by allowing me to customize your uniforms you'll look more distinct, and far sharper," replies Chauncey to the latest lament from the Marchar guards representative. "Tiger patterned vests?" the man asks. "Yes, bullet proof ones as well," exclaims Chauncey excitedly. "Are you drunk?" the man moans as he places his face into his hands. "Not all, well not much, but seriously the new outfits are simply darling," replies Chauncey. "Well the dark blue pants and jackets are nice," the Marchar representative replies. "Incredibly stylish," Chauncey informs him without telling him the pattern of dress is also incredibly popular in the Brisbane gay, lesbian, and transgender population. 'What they don't know won't hurt them,' Chauncey reasons to himself along with, 'Besides, they are simply mouth watering in their new uniforms.' "I suppose we could consider it," the Representative replies. "Oh, well considering that the Lady Protector gave me authorization to run this Manor as I see fit, you'll do more than consider it," replies Chauncey. "We'll SEE about this!" exclaims the Marchar as he stomps out. "Stop where you are, turn around and come back!" orders Chauncey. The Marchar, a bit shocked at the affrontery of being ordered to do anything by Chauncey, turns and returns to Chauncey's office. He asks, "umm yes?" "Put more sway in your bottom if you are going to stomp off in a huff!" growls Chauncey. "Oh to hell with you," snaps the Marchar as he storms out. Chauncey pours himself a glass of red wine and says, "Now that was delicious."

Mad Dog Bob Denard looks at his aide and asks, "What the hell do you mean I can't get Skinemax?" "Someone corked off an EMP burst," replies the Aide. "Well we better go to war footing," replies Mad Dog Bob Denard. "Against who?" asks the Aide. "Hell if I know, but I'm guessing we'll find out soon," Mad Dog Bob Denard replies. With that being said he picks up the EMP protected satellite phone left in the entire country and places a call to the Samarmungian Republic with the intention of activating their protectorate agreement. He dials the number and mutters, "At least they could have waited till I finished lunch." [quote][b]The Sudanese Republic Crisis Notice[/b] We've been hit by some sort of EMP attack. As of this time we have no idea if the attack was specifically aimed at us or we are merely in the vicinity of the attack. All citizens are to remain indoors as we determine the extent of the radioactive fallout. Water and food will be delivered via military vehicles at pre-determined times. All military units are placed on high alert. The 1st and 2nd Regiments are ordered collapse their perimeters to the outskirts of our controlled territory around Port Sudan. Helicopters and other aircraft, as soon as they are fit to fly, will begin assisting the evacuation of civilians outside of the government controlled zone. We request that all citizens remain calm. Once more information is available it will be public in a timely manner.[/quote]

Someone tell WAPA government I have those tech deals lined up for them.

I'm pretty sure any threads that incriminate the 57th would have long since been deleted.

[img]http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/nn77/proberge82/TheFranciscanRepublicTahoe.png[/img] The Sudanese Republic welcomes the people of The Fransican Republic to the international scene and wish them all the best of luck in establishing themselves.

"I hope he comes back with a younger body. He was getting pretty tetchy in his final days," Mad Dog Bob Denard replies.

Bob pours out two large glasses, hands one to Melihk, and promptly begins to regale him with a tale involving an impossible feat so perverse it boggles even the most jaded of imaginations. Not that Bob actually did that, but he came close late one night in Bangkok a year ago before his return to Africa.

"You like scotch whiskey at all?" Mad Dog Bob Denard asks him.

Bob thinks for a bit, turns around, pulls a map off his cluttered desk, and pushes his plate to the side to make room for it. He pulls out a pencil and makes some notes on the map. A grunt, a snort, and a mumble later he sets the pencil down. He walks over to the another table picks up a file and returns. After taking his seat he opens the file and pulls out a document. His eyes scan it and when he finds the information he needs he says, "No, mild to light security forces won't work as it represents an internal security issue that I have to deal with. No private security forces are allowed that are over twenty persons strong under Sudanese Law. However, I do believe I have a solution for the problem. Outside of Port Sudan there is an abandoned monastery. It belonged to a Christian minority group that was wiped out by those radicals that disappeared. Security wise it is in an ideal position as it is already walled in on a nice parcel of one hundred acres of land." Bob holds up an aerial survey photo for Maelstrom to see and says, "As you can see the compound has several large structures that are in fairly good shape. I toured the place myself last week. Most of the buildings are over two hundred years old and crafted out of stone. As for your security issues I have an easy way of solving that as right next to the monastery is a Sudanese Army Base. People might not respect the word of god, but by golly they'll respect a burst of .50 cal fire over the tops of their heads."

"I don't worship anything really. I worship my duty to my people. Which is why I'm concerned about the possible impact of having a group of what they would see as inflammatory heretics in their midst. I'm lucky in the sense that the Muslims in Sudan are the moderate sort. All the real radicals blew themselves up months ago or they disappeared," Bob explains as he uses his fingers to make quotation marks when he says disappeared. He scratches his chin a bit and continues after saying, "I'm not going to talk philosophy or spirituality with a guy who is on the other side. No offense that's a bit too out there for me and I'm still hung over from last night. Let's stick to the specifics of this situation, how can I ensure your people are kept safe and how can I ensure my people aren't made to feel their believes are being attacked by your people's presence?"

"You'll have to explain how this will work a bit more. I'm not opposed to my people deciding for themselves who and how they'll worship. What lord do you support? Because most of my population are die hard followers of that Allah fellow. I can see what you mean though about your people needing guidance, half of the old DE looks like they are one foot in the grave of their own conscience. Bunch of commies or money grubbing industrialists who are intent on smacking down commies. Not that I hate commies they are just too long winded and tedious for their own good," replies Bob. Nothing about the situation seems out of place to him. Why would it? Mad Dog Bob Denard has fought an angel, been cursed at by his mother for being lazy from beyond the grave, and was sober both times. The only thing that worries Bob about all of this is possible civil unrest brought on by an irate and very traditional population of Muslims. The absolute last thing he wants is a religious war on his hands.

OOC: I remember seeing a Japanese movie about this same thing. Would read again, keep up the good work.

Bob reaches under his shirt and pulls out his amulet and sets the item on the table. He shovels another fork of Somalian style pasta into his mouth, chews it, swallows, and washes it down with a glass of wine. He levels Melikh with a stare and says, "Son, my momma and I have conversations all the time, she died a few years back and once I got into a fist fight with an angel." He then motions to his aide and says, "You go on downstairs and help yourself to something to eat. I think Melikh and I are going to need some time alone." After the aide leaves he focuses his attention back on Melikh and nods for him to continue as he takes another bite of his food.

[quote][b]From: Mad Dog To: Cultist Lunatic[/b] I'm very hung over today. I spent all night boozing it up with my ex-wife's brother. Nice fellow he is, but my god almighty he can put away the sauce. You might be wondering why I was drinking with my ex-wife's brother. Well for one he's a good dancer, not that we danced or anything, but you have to appreciate a man who can swerve the ladies like he can. The other is my ex-wife's family actually are in fear of my ex-wife. Formidable woman doesn't come close to describing her, I miss her at times, but I value having my skin on my back. You came here to discuss ol' Maelstrom did you? Well, any friend of Maelstrom is a friend of mine. I never did get to spend as much time or any time around him for that matter. But he dealt with me and my boys down in Somalia fairly. Even gave us a leg up when we first came into nationhood. He didn't even bat an eyelash, just gave out a helping hand to a bunch of raggedy looking bums who needed it. So yeah, come on over, I'll roll out the welcome wagon and put you up for lunch. -Mad Dog Bob Denard[/quote] Mad Dog hollers to his aide, "HEY, someone cook up a mess of something good to eat, we are hosting some lunatic cult guy!"

Technically haven't you just raised the price?

sighs.... umm.. seems that I put 4 in the topic title.. should be three.. :facepalms:

Three friends on a web forum I post on asked me for help setting them up with 3/100 tech deals. They are brand spanking new to the game, but I've explained to them how it works. They should be able to do it without too many problems. If so, drop me a line and I'll yell at them for you. IM me or reply to this thread to get in on a 3x3 matrix to give these fresh fishies some cash to grow their adorable little nations. I won't go as far to guarentee their services, but should they bungle it somehow I'll work it out with you. 3 slots for buyers are open on this deal, going fast...

[b]Classified, General Sudanese Republic Communique[/b] The Central Directorate of Intelligence and Counter Intelligence has opened its doors today. Various experienced intelligence experts from the African Legion have been loaned to the organization to get it started. Activities for the future will include internal security and keeping tabs on our neighbors.

Smash them, crush them, maim them, and give them a stern talking to...

[b]Classified To: Mad Dog Bob Denard From: Colonel Dembe[/b] Bob, The planes have arrived and are currently being put to work keeping our forces in the field supplied. The 2nd and 3rd Regiments have fully deployed. We are establishing platoon sized fixed positions at which the roving mechanized companies can be supplied and rested. Also, 1st Special Operations Group has just finished its training and will be deploying out in the bush in a prolonged one month long evolution to work out the kinks. I've assigned them a list of persons of interests that need to vanish, and as always there are some real dirtbags on that list. You know the sort I mean, killers, rapists, and slavers. I will keep you apprised as the situation develops. [b]Port Sudan[/b] Port Sudan Department of Security has been issued a supply of the new Artemis vehicles. They've been equipped with a light bar and a weapons rack for the safe carrying of shotguns and other police style weapons. Those who insist on breaking traffic laws need not worry as the 7.62 machine gun mounted on the passenger side has been removed. [b]Sudan Mechanized Incorporated[/b] We are pleased to announce the building of an entirely new concern for the Sudanese people. SMI hopes to become the primary supplier of military vehicles for small nations throughout the world. Our first product offering is: [img]http://www.military-today.com/apc/mcv_80_warrior.jpg[/img] The Warrior IFV is a robust vehicle with a long service life. It is easy to operate and its mature design ensures you won't have any of those annoying design flaws that crop up with newer models. Additional armor can be added at a modest increase in price. [quote]Weight 25.4 tonnes Length 6.3 m Width 3.03 m Height 2.8 m Crew 3 (commander, gunner, driver) + 7 troops Armour Aluminium & applique Primary armament 30 mm L21A1 RARDEN cannon Secondary armament L94A1 coaxial 7.62 mm chain gun 7.62 mm machine gun Engine Perkins V-8 Condor 550 hp (410 kW) Suspension torsion bar Operational range 410 miles (660 km) Speed 46 mph (75km/h)[/quote]

Oh hello there boys...... Chauncey officially pwns all of planet bob by giving it a makeover.

Chauncey graces Sarah with another of his 10,000 watt five alarm man killer smiles and walks out the door. On the way out he passes by a rather largish specimen of manhood all dressed up like a soldier and runs his hands across the man's chest and he winks at him. 'These boys might be poorly dressed, but they are sooooo adorable,' he thinks to himself as he walks down the hall. After returning to his private quarters he pours himself a glass of brandy, very old and expensive brandy, and opens up his fabric samples book. With his pinky extended he sips at the brandy as he flips through the pages to find just the right material that will show off Sarah's lovely skin. With a gasp he exclaims, "Oh my, Egyptian silk, how lovely," as he rubs his hand on the material. He pops open his cellphone and calls his supplier and asks, "Dmitri you ravishing little thing, do you have any Eygptian silk on supply?" Dmitri, an old paramour of Chauncey's replies, "Sorry sweets, but I'm all out." Chauncey wails in angst and says, "I simply must have some of that material. Her Ladyship needs a new suit." Dmitri squeals and says, "OH I love her sense of fashion, so daring." "Totally conservative on this number dear," replies Chauncey. "Since it is for the ladyship, and I love those sexy guards of hers, I'll call in a favor. Who is going to do the tailoring?" Dmitri asks. "Georgie," replies Chauncey. "Isn't Georgie still angry at you about that little thing with Michael?" asks Dmitri. "Who would pass up the opportunity to hand tailor a suit for the ladyship?" ask Chauncey in return. "So true, he'll be in heaven for days over this coup. Maybe the two of you will even kiss and make up," suggests Dmitri. "If we do you'll be the first to know," replies Chauncey as he turns off the phone and sets it to the side. He takes another long drink of the brandy and says to no one in general, "Must do something about Sarah's bust, it needs to be more prominent, yes, also need to get her to consider the right pair of ear rings." He places his palm, facing outwards, on his forehead and says, "Oh dear so much to do," and sets himself to work.

OOC: omg.. I was hammered last night wasn't I?