Zog's Blog

My parents had a big motorhome that we would go on trips in. I would sit at the dinner table and look down from the high windows (six feet up I'd say) at all the cars. I was nine and we were in Iowa on our way to Yellowstone NP when I look down at a car and see the driver masturbating vigorously in the front seat.

Ha ha ha, wow. People are a continual source of amusement.

Congrats on quitting smoking, btw. It took about 6 to 8 months before my life routine didn't contain the awareness that I wasn't smoking. I walked a lot more and picked up a nasty candy bar habit, but oh well.

Successful RL troll is successful.

- Senior citizens peering through their steering wheels in order to see.

I almost got hit in a cross walk by one of these. She hit the crossing guard standing behind me instead.

Successful RL troll is successful.

Hadn't thought of it this way.

Awesome.

You did everyone else on - or near - the road a service. He didn't even hit a tree

My own peeve is people who think it's fun to do left turns with their foot on the gas, hard. I've learned to avoid crossing on the left side of certain intersections here in Ottawa; I actually got hit once from behind at Parkdale + Wellington, while crossing on the freaking crosswalk.

Well that and the red light runners. We actually have a few redlight cameras now, but realistically they should line Bank Street with them. Nobody stops.

here in Ottawa

I didn't know you lived in "the town that fun forgot." You have my sympathy. (I live in Ajax, the town that fun never even visited.)

i have a similar intersection close to where i live. Once while to the store, i had to turn left. now this intersection is probably busier than yours and the turn lanes do not have actual arrow signals. so i am waiting to turn left, when the last car going straight passes, i begin my turn just to be damn near hit by a car that had decided that it no longer wanted to turn and instead decided to go straight (mind you this car still had its turn signal on). This car was the first car in line to turn, as was i. thus, there was absolutely no way this car could not have known i was turning. luckily, i tend to speed a bit at that light and the car missed my rear end by around a foot to a foot and a half. also luckily a cop was the two cars behind me waiting to turn and saw it all.

the next story i have is me walking across that street to go to the gas station to pick up smokes. i had the walk signal and started walking as cars started driving parallel to me. it was around a slow time of day, with the sun out and bright. i was crossing the street on the right side and thus the cars going straight were next to me. there were 5 cars going straight and only 2 cars at the stoplight both in the same lane. A car came out of a parking lot around 100 feet from the light and instead of stopping at the red light and despite the fact that there were around 2-3 cars in his way, decided to go straight all the way until he slammed on his brakes and came within only a couple of inches of hitting a car. luckily for me, there were cars in the way as i honestly wonder to this day, if the car would have stopped if it was just me blocking his way.

I have long thought of starting a standup comedy routine based purely off the stupid crap people do on the roads.

Here in Ireland people don't understand the concept of a roundabout. Most drivers here, for their life, can't drive safe.

Dont get me started on idiots behind the wheel.

Dont get me started on idiots behind the wheel.

Way to get me started.

I was stuck behind a slowpoke once, and this wasn't the bad thing - the bad thing was her coming to a complete stop to let a bus in and leaving me with my rear end in the intersection with the light changing.

On the Trans-Canada just coming into Langford (a borough of Metro Victoria) some idiot decides to basically hang a left turn into nowhere, so here I am in the left lane of the highway behind this git, and I had to slam on my brakes. So I just rail on the horn.

Also, 50% Island drivers do not know the meaning of "STOP." Lights are fine, but when it comes to signs, they treat them like "Yield" signs. I don't care if you're in the back of the line or the front of a line or all by yourself. The sign means "stop." Completely.

[/rant]

I laughed, fairly hard. Flossing? Really?

Also, your response was perfect.

No (apparent) damage done. He missed both a fire hydrant and a pole.

How disappointing.

Remeber how an old lady who would get us across a very busy intersection nearly got ran over by a pickup zooming down the hallway.

I have come to the conclusion that Canadians cannot drive.

I have come to the conclusion that Canadians cannot drive.

The sad truth is, most of them can't.

This would piss you off, but me and my friend once went driving (He's at the wheel) and I recorded him as he drove with his knees and solved a rubix cube 3 times under 2 minutes... I still have the video actually.

But, I'm a teenager so it's expected I suppose.

Stupid drivers are a dime a dozen. I live in the middle of No Where and You sure do got a perdy mouth Newfoundland and people seems to believe that stop means "Let wait here for a car to come then I will pull out in front of them." So last night I got bored and felt a good Tims run would entertain me and as I was driving down the main street some random car fly's out in front of me causing me to almost slam the side of my folks new truck off into a fence. Normally that would cause me to yell unspeakable things to the driver of the other car but I was feeling happy that I got my coffee. As I continued my journey home it happens again so I follow the drive right to his house or should I say... my house. Yep so it official my father is a moron...

@Owned: Seriously 3 times? All we ever done was throw stuff out the windows at our friends. Tim Bits were the weapon of choice but sometimes if your really dislike someone milkshakes. Costly but if you get it in through a open window they will never get it all out.

I didn't know you lived in "the town that fun forgot." You have my sympathy. (I live in Ajax, the town that fun never even visited.)

Actually I really love Ottawa. It's big enough so there's enough to do and small enough so that I can walk everywhere.

And I do mean everywhere. I've been known to walk to Britannia from downtown.

But I could do without the frozen winters and the drivers from hell.

I have come to the conclusion that Canadians cannot drive.

It's a regional thing.

If you're close to Québec, not only can they not drive, but they fail to do so in the most unlikely way imaginable.

The further away you get... well it gets better gradually as you go west, but then drops down horrendously again when you enter the Mary Jane province. Er, BC.

BC drivers are better than Québec drivers tho, mostly because it's impossible to drive that fast when you're that stoned.

It's a regional thing.

If you're close to Québec, not only can they not drive, but they fail to do so in the most unlikely way imaginable.

The further away you get... well it gets better gradually as you go west, but then drops down horrendously again when you enter the Mary Jane province. Er, BC.

BC drivers are better than Québec drivers tho, mostly because it's impossible to drive that fast when you're that stoned.

As a Quebecer, I resent that comment immensely... it's only in Montreal that they do suck so much.

...

or is it...

Edit: awww okay, I concede the point. We do suck as drivers.

Cars and I have a perilous relationship. I've been driving for 9 years; I've been in 9 accidents, but only 2 were my fault. When I'm driving, cars are attracted to my car like some Stephen King novel. They just fly and slam into me. I was once hit 3 times in 8 days. It hasn't made me paranoid, but it's made me very quick to notice other peoples' idiocy behind the wheel. Lately it's all these jackasses with headphones in, I can't stand it!

A man once t-boned me FROM BEHIND by trying to go around me on my left side as I made a left turn. He was some non-speaking Asian guy rushing home bc he left his 5-yr-old home alone to go pick his wife up from the hospital.

As I was driving in the far left lane of a three-lane road an old lady turned onto the road and came across two perfectly good lanes to t-bone me, I had my horn blaring the whole time bc I saw it coming. The cop left me in the median during rush hour, he starts pulling off and I'm like hey can you call someone for me, he says "There's plenty of businesses on this street. I could understand if the accident was my fault, but it wasn't, and this was the beginning of my belief that all pigs can die in a fire.

A Brazilian immigrant did a u-turn from the oncoming lane of a divided rural highway just inches in front of me, cleared me, then swerved back in front of me and smashed my right front panel. She got out of the car and asked "dint yoo see my sine-all" When I figured out what she meant I told her in the goddamned USA signals don't excuse bumpercars. Her pastor comes onto the road (we were near her church) and tries to get me to not call the cops and I told him if he was so worried about it then he could go get $1000 out of the offering or shut up. He was scruffy, wearing saggy jeans and a faded polo, and had sunglasses over the back of his neck and kept calling me "man."

A man honked at me because I didn't pull off from a left turn lane stop light fast enough to suit him (I always look even when it turns green bc of my bad luck) so I sat and counted to 3, started turning, only to find he had gone around me on the left side. He had to decide between hitting oncoming traffic or me, he picked me. He died a year later in another car accident--he had road rage issues that nature sorted out.

A kid in a parking lot was about to pull out in front of me and cause me to hit him, so I honked and slowed down, then he stopped so I started going, but then he started going again and I stopped, then he stopped, then I started going again and he started pulling out again so I just ran into his back driver-side door knowing he would be faulted and it wouldn't hurt my Jeep, and this young driver would learn a valuable lesson. We go to the phone at my store nearby so he can call his dad, and his buddy starts with the "you could have stopped." So I asked the kid if the second kid was his friend, he says "yeah" then I tell him maybe a friend should keep his mouth shut right now since I was being so nice about not calling the cops, and he yells "yeah shut up!" at the guy.

One day this girl whips into a sidestreet in front of me, then comes wheeling right back out (she was trying to turn around in the middle of the road) in one fluid motion, so I smashed right into the side of her banana-yellow 1970-something shoebox-size Nissan with my 89 Cherokee. My headlight went through her driver-side window and I could've flashblinded her if I had turned on my lights--that's how close. I get out, she climbs out the passenger side, I ask her if she's ok and she says "I'm fine HOW FAST WERE YOU GOING?!!!!!!" and gets this nasty look on her face. I started laughing and told her for all I cared I was going mach 5, the accident was her fault. She tried to argue with the cop when he got there, he told her to shut her stupid mouth.

The other 3 or 4 were more mundane.