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The Generalissimo has been kidnapped by ninjas


Generalissimo
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The day started as typical relaxing day in the Saint Paul City Wasteland with Generalissimo sitting in front of his transmitter surfing the international diplomatic frequencies. The sort of day that made Generalissimo think maybe he had been a little too highly strung, maybe they’re really wasn’t someone out to get him.

Until he notice movement in the rubble,

“Halt, you are trespassing on sovereign Procinctian territory, come out and put your hands behind your head.”

A hundred yards away a lone figure emerged from behind a pile of rubble, a figure in a black suit and mask.

“Did Martens send you?” The figure behind the mask didn’t reply, but it was obviously ninja.

"Generalissimo grabbed his M1 Garand and fired eight shots. . . into air, the ninja was too fast.

“#$%&, Stand still and die!!!"

Generalissimo didn’t have time to reload when he caught something gleaming in the air coming at him. . . several something’s coming at him fast. In a fraction of a second Generalissimo dropped his riffle and drew his Colt M1911 pistol and shot seven shuriken out of the air - that’s right Generalissimo can shoot several rapidly inbound projectiles out of the air, but can’t hit a single person at 100 yards.

Before he could reload the Ninja had closed the gap, along with seven other ninja Generalissimo hadn’t noticed earlier.

Adopting a combat stance Generalissimo addressed his assailants,

“Do you know who you’re dealing with?

I’m Generalissimo, Generalissimo of Procinctia!!!

Ever hear of the Law of Conservation of Ninjutsu?

They’re eight of you and only one Generalissimo, you can’t win – you fools!!!

Generalissimo confidently charged his opponents, but what followed was the shortest most one-sided fight in the history of Saint Paul Island.

A Castro hat blowing idly in the rubble the only evidence Generalissimo was ever there.

Edited by Generalissimo
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A Brotherhood of Mol Assassin and his Buddy watch the Ninja fight with confused looks. Both told to bring Generalissimo in for "Advanced Interrogation", even the Elite of the Brotherhood would not mess with Ninjas. They both sigh and prepare for the long trip home.

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To rescue Generalissimo, Generalissimo of Procinctia, we are sending the one warrior proven to be capable of killing a ninja.

a_spartan_soldier.jpg

Don't worry, they have plenty of backup.

_2978.jpg

OOC: And i thought I was the only one who watches "Deadliest Warrior"

IC; We sent in a fireteam of 5 Spetsnaz soldiers to assist the Spartans.

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Promised Land will send in--actually, we are not sure who we can spare at this time. Would Sherlock Holmes be acceptable?

Acceptable or not, he's not much of a fighter, but he's got a detective's mind...

OOC: heh heh, couldn't resist. :D

Edited by Subtleknifewielder
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Promised Land will send in--actually, we are not sure who we can spare at this time. Would Sherlock Holmes be acceptable?

Acceptable or not, he's not much of a fighter, but he's got a detective's mind...

OOC: heh heh, couldn't resist. :D

OOC: Cliched, my friend, cliched. :P

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Promised Land reminds GA that the message clearly indicated it was multiple ninjas, and therefore the rule need not apply.

However, killing one will make the others stronger to the point the last one is a living god. We would you the smartest weapon, (tactical nuclear strike) however, it may not be prudent for a rescue mission.

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Citing that he is the only ninja of his variation on the human race.. therefore should be crazy potent following the law of conservation of ninjitsu.. Maelstrom volunteers to go.. then realizes he has a war to contend with and slates it to sometime later in his schedule. This is because Maelstrom knows LVN's logic.. is nearly always flawless, but Maelstrom is almost always sickeningly busy.

Rumors are that the Dragonisian Imperial Office has chagned its answering machine to the following,

"Hello! Welcome to Maelstrom Vortex's answering machine! Have we got a deal for you! For only 19.99 you can get a one month free trial of this awesome product and leave a message with one of the most influential entities on the face of Bob! This is a limited time offer! Act now! You may never get a bargain this cheap.. this good.. or this effective. And for only 5.00 more we'll include the possibility of a later response! Supplies are going fast. Visa or MasterCard is accepted! But wait! There's more! If you act now we'll include the guarantee of a non-scretary pickup! That's right direct access to the chairman! Just hit 4 on your dial to complete your order!" Disclaimer spoken by a very fast speaking lawyer, "This is in no way a guarantee of an actual reception of your message. If the Chairman and chooses to ignore it you may not get a response even if you have a guarantee. Supplies are limited, get your answers now! Offer expires in 10 minutes."

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When Generalissimo regained consciousness he was tied to a chair in a featureless concrete room, through the haze he was barely able to identify a steel door. . .

Trying to get some sort of bearing he realized just how regularly generic structures are encountered, it’s like someone’s too lazy to narrate properly. Poor narration withstanding it felt like he was ambushed by eight ninja, until he realized he was pummeled by eight ninja.

As the haze cleared Generalissimo focused on a figure before him.

“Who put you up to this? Was it Kaiser Martens? ~Marteeeeens! ! ! !"

The mysterious figure replied, Who said anything about Martens? the voice familiar somehow but Generalissimo couldn’t remember why.

“I am Generalissimo, Generalissimo of Procinctia! ! ! Did you really think putting me in a straitjacket and tying me to a chair was enough to hold me?

Now that I’m free from your feeble restraints I’m going to turn around and incapacitate the guard with the taser and then~”

Zap

With a single taser shock Generalissimo was again rendered unconscious.

Edited by Generalissimo
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Here’s How It Doesn’t End

When he regained consciousness (again) Generalissimo was surrounded by ninja.

The lead ‘ninja’ removed his mask revealing Ethan Bubblegum Tate, in turn each ninja removed his mask reveling the Harlem Globetrotters.

Globetrotters.png

Ninja don’t really exist anymore, they’re a just a pop-culture urban legend.

In retrospect it made perfect sense, the Harlem Globetrotters were the only people on earth moves sweet enough to dodge bullets.

From behind the Harlem Globetrotters emerged. . . the Scooby Gang?

There never was any contamination was there? You were trying to scare people away from the island. You’re after Blackbeard’s treasure buried under the island, and the ‘White Cross’ assistance was are really hired goons helping you move the gold.

Procinctia was absolutely destroyed, there were no survivors, not even Generalissimo.

The real Generalissimo was killed in the final moments of the Second Republic-Procinctia War, now let’s see who you really are.

Removing Generalissimo’s fake beard

[surprised In Unison ] !! Old Man Williams !! [surprised In Unison]

“and I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling kids and your Globetrotter friends!!!”

gang001a.jpg

Those meddling kids

Edited by Generalissimo
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It Also Doesn’t End Like This

As the haze cleared Generalissimo focused on a figure before him.

“Who put you up to this? Was it Kaiser Martens? ~Marteeeeens! ! ! !"

The mysterious figure replied, Who said anything about Martens? the voice familiar somehow but Generalissimo couldn’t remember why.

“I am Generalissimo, Generalissimo of Procinctia! ! ! Did you really think putting me in a straitjacket and tying me to a chair was enough to hold me?

Now that I’m free from your feeble restraints I’m going to turn around and incapacitate the guard with the taser who’s standing behind me and confront you directly.

! ! ! Generalissimo Spinning Kick ! ! !

Oh ya, who’s your Generalissimo?

Now to unmask the mysterious interloper. . .who has a gun pointed at my face.”

You might have escaped if you didn’t self-narrate your actions.

“Kiska is that you? OhMyGodYou’reAliveIThoughYouWereDeadButYou’reAlive.”

Generalissimo ran forward towards a tearful embrace, only to be met with a pistol whip to the face.

“I might have had that one comming. I tried finding you, I even spent seven hundred million dollars looking for you, but that doesn’t matter. I’m just glad you’re ok. Good job sneaking past the ninja to assist my escape, now let’s. . .”

You’re not going anywhere. . .

“Waaaaah, Kiska’s been brainwashed by Martens! ! !”

I wasn’t brainwashed by Martens, I ~

“I’ve got it! Kiska’s been brainwashed by the Dark Hand.”

Look, I wasn’t brainwashed by the Dark Hand, this is~

“Or Maybe Kiska’s been brainwashed by~”

Moron I wasn’t brainwashed by anyone, I’m behind this. . . me. . . not Martens, not the Dark Hand. . . I am acting of my own volition.

That was my elite Ninja squad - I hired them online.

"But Kiska *Sob* why? "

I had enough of it, of you. . . The overbearing attitude, the unilateral announcements, talking to me in third person, your instability, and most of all the damn Castro hat.

I wasn’t going to be running your government for you this time around. . . last time I was Secretary of Defense, Minister of Foreign Affairs, Attorney General, Minister of the environment, Minister of Education and Technology, Secretary of the Treasury, Minister of Commerce, Secretary of Labour, and Development Secretary – with dozens of other non-cabinet posts. . . I was running Procinctia, and you still managed to destroy everything.

I used Helsinki to fake my death, and I was going to leave it at that. . . but you had to bring my sister into it.

If you had just stayed the hell away from Liska today wouldn’t be your last.

Edited by Generalissimo
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Having no nation to attend to at the moment and realizing that kids need a Summer break sometime, Zarfef decided the time was right...

He sent Ziggy to find Generalismo... and L... Because L is like an RP meta-gamer on drugs. And a box of epicness, a means by which Ziggy alone could actually defeat ALL EIGHT NINJAS!

L: They in one of Generalisimos old therapist offices... and he is the basement.

Ziggy: HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT! We just got to the location and the narrator hasn't even described the scene yet!

L bends down his bleached white skin from never stepping outside creeping everyone around him out.

L: It's obvious really, that footprint over there has a unique side element that is part of one type of shoe and which in fact has a visible defect from the foot print... It moves creating the exact style of the battle that took place... there were eight of them and the shoe style was Nike and the defective versions like that were only sold in one country. That narrows our target down, he also stepped in bubble gum and (memory rewind to L sticking finger in mouth) from the taste of it it came from a vending machine only found in 10% of said country and 50% are out of service in the one half from over-use and under-service. That leaves only a small region and given that the office where Generalismo last visited was in that region. I'd say there's a... 38.131930% chance that he's there and a 40.12033% chance that he's not there but in the basement.

Ziggy: Wha-?! Eh. ARE YOU INVOLVED IN THIS PLOT!

L: That's a strange question. Mmm... pie!

Ziggy: HEY COME ON WHAT ARE YOU DOING!

L: There is a 98.12312% chance that- Hey! wuear are u going :gulp:

MOMENT OF EPICNESS

In the background the box rumbles and soft but sad music plays

Ziggy: I'm never going to find Generalismo (Sinister music begins)

(Mysterious man): So you want to find Generalismo eh?

Ziggy: MARTENS!

(Mysterious man): Heh. Close but no. I am... (Shocking music as Ziggies eyes go wide) MARTEN'S SECOND COUSIN HALF-REMOVED FROM HIS FATHER'S COUSINS SIDE! HE HAS NO IDEA I EVEN EXIST!

Ziggy: Is that even... never mind I don't want to think about it. (Dramatic music) TELL ME WHERE YOU TOOK HIM OR I'LL BREAK YOU DOWN!

MARTEN'S SECOND COUSIN HALF-REMOVED FROM HIS FATHER'S COUSINS SIDE: Heh... Really? I doubt that. If you want to find out where Generalismo is... I'll tell you... maybe. Meet me down by the old dock where the scary music plays. You'll find him hah ahha!

Ziggy runs in but the mysterious figure is gone... the amulet around his neck though oddly begins to glow and his right hand begins to radiate light as though he's played with too much radioactive material.

Epic music plays

Ziggy: I WILL FIND YOU GENERALISMO AND I WILL BECOME POWERFUL JUST TO DO IT! NOTHING IS GOING TO STOP ME!

Makes cheering pose for the viewer as music fades.

Edited by Zarfef
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More Out of Character Information:

I’m about to leave but feel free to write your own sinister Generalissimo kidnapping plot, when I get back I’ll select the best one(s) as official CNRP canon.

You can even play my nation and character(s) while I'm gone – have fun.

Edited by Generalissimo
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