A Moment with b: Return of the b

[JohnKirk]

Well Cybernations. You have done it again. After yet another hiatus, I have returned to let this game suck my life away. I for one am looking forward to it. Now, you maybe wondering "Who the hell are you?" "Where you ever actually at one point relevant?" "What type of toppings do I want on my pizza?" To answer those questions, I am &*&^yb, no I was never relevant, and sausage, pepperoni and jalapeños. Trust me on the last one, and I bet your local pizza place has a special.

But the answer to the first question isn't exactly correct. I started playing a while ago. To give you an idea of the time span, my first nation was made as a freshman in high school, now I am a sophomore in college. Every time I go on hiatus, some combination of boredom and love for my first real addiction brings me back. My recent tenure was a few months ago, where pretty much my only intention was to troll and make an ass of myself. It became apparent that I was not very good at it and I really didn't want to bother with the whole going to war and such deal, so I left.

So I return and I will be trying a different approach. I will be trying my hardest to become into the whole [i]political in crowd[/i]while still keeping my sanity, something I very much failed during my first play through. Now instead of making asinine comments on issues that I really no nothing about, I will be keeping several threads on my thoughts during my umpteenth restart which I hope come across as humorous to the general community. If not... [i]whelp[/i].

So here it begins. The inaugural issue of "A Moment with b." Feel free to imagine me sitting on a fancy chair, wearing a silk bathrobe, holding a pipe in my hand, and with violins in the background.


Oh, Cybernations, how I love thee. I love thee so much that yet again I return to the create a nation screen. Oh, the nostalgia of it all. I remember a world of my youth, were GATO and NPO were [i]treaty partners[/i] there was no such thing as a trade screen, and warfare was a matter of sending troops against each other and hope the god of war liked you today. It seems all so primitive. But yet, as I return, it all comes back to me. Nation name, a location on a map that really doesn't impact anything. Currency (which my nation will make use of the Dong, what else would be and option :3). Monarchy to get the all powerful +1 happiness bonus. And at that point everything was merry and the nation of Woolawakka was born.

And then something happened that made me smile in nostalgia. Oh the mighty alliances and the idea of recruiting meat shields. Yes, it was just a bad as I left. It took two minutes of nations existence to receive a recruitment message. Props to L Ray of the United Purple Nations for being on the ball. If any members of UPN read this, give him or her a pat on the back for me. As I write this 7 more messages have desired my services, including one which promised "cuddling and Beer" Well !@#$ son, how can I turn that down? I expect when I wake up tomorrow, my inbox to be raided in the night and filled to the brim of copy pasted messages. It feels good being wanted. I guess I will have to make a choice eventually, I guess if you [i]really[/i] want to recruit me, by all means.

I then turned my attention to the alliance screen to get a quick rundown of the political setting. Needless to say, I was nicely surprised by some of the names I saw.

1.MHA - These guys always had their stuff toghether. I always figured they would reach the top eventually.
2.NPO - You have to hand it to them. When the world is pissed off at them (which it usually is) and the inevitable MDP explosions happen, NPO still finds a way to the highest ranks. Enjoy my virtual fist bump.
3.GPA - I actually thought you guys disbanded long ago. Couldn't have been more wrong. You guys must have awesome forums in order for it to keep it together without doing that whole war thing.
4.NpO - Good bunch of people. I look forward to see how the relationship between them and their capital P brethren have been getting along.
5.Sparta - I have a feeling a certain Frank Miller movie is the catalyst for your success, but who am I to judge. Props.
6.Fark - I remember these guys having a rough road to alliance ship, my regards for your perseverance.
7.WTF - Can't say I know much about you guys.
8.MK - See the above.
9.VE - During my previous misadventures, I was a member of VE for a good time, See things are still looking good.
10. The Legion - Nice to see another alliance that is in the "Older than dirt" category hold it together.

assorted praises for these guys. I expect things to be interesting.

Ding! Another recruitment message. Well, I guess I can conclude my musings. Feel free to tell me praises, argue about politics, or berate me for being an attention whore.

Toodles,

b

[Jay Z]

Join world federation. Were the only ones who can recruit like that.

Let me know if ANYONE can organize what we just did to your nation

[Dochartaigh]

one question- where did you do your timewarp? CN has been around since Jan of 2006 which means it has only been around for under 5 years and yet you stating you played it over a year before it came out...

[JohnKirk]

[quote name='Dochartaigh' timestamp='1286940312' post='2483159']
one question- where did you do your timewarp? CN has been around since Jan of 2006 which means it has only been around for under 5 years and yet you stating you played it over a year before it came out...
[/quote]
I actually started January of 06. Maybe making the reference to school years wasn't the proper way to do it.

Of course, saying I have been playing continuously for that long would be a lie.

But still, doing a timewarp would be sweet.

Edited October 13, 2010 by jizzyb

[Dochartaigh]

[quote name='&*&^yb' timestamp='1286940541' post='2483165']
I actually started January of 06. Maybe making the reference to school years wasn't the proper way to do it.

Of course, saying I have been playing continuously for that long would be a lie.

But still, doing a timewarp would be sweet.
[/quote]

ahhh okay. it happens. i tend to forget i have only played since June of 06 (continuous mind you) and sometimes i feel like 6+ years have passed....

[Lord Fingolfin]

Welcome back. Depending on when exactly you left off, you'll be in for quite a few surprises. Early MK had its roots in LUE, you might recall a certain Archon, who was prominent there and who had been King of MK for over 3 years now. As for WTF, neutrals with little notable to say about them that I could use to jog your memory

[Opethian]

All you really need to know is that the PPF secretly runs all of cybernations from behind a secret velvet curtain.

I admit that we have not been doing such a great job as of late. Our bad.

[eyriq]

Stay in school.

[Rextu]

Oh, btw maroon sphere is united now. I know ay. Yep. Yeah it is about time. mhm. Let's see how it goes.

[Bill Wallace]

VE has become an oppressive nightmare and are the second most hated alliance on Planet Bob. Apparently in the last 24 hours, we along with our allies have ruined everything and I mean everything!

[Reptyler]

Honestly, I'd be interested in knowing what era of VE you are familiar with. I've been along for most of the ride, I might even remember you.

[Comrade Craig]

[quote name='&*&^yb' timestamp='1286937144' post='2483122']
...and sausage, pepperoni and jalapeños. Trust me on the last one, and I bet your local pizza place has a special.
[/quote]

Finally, someone with some decent taste. About 10 years ago, I spent a few months working in Ireland and discovered the Apache Pizza chain, and one their signature pizzas was the pepperoni & jalapenos combo... I think they called it the "Apache" or something like that, but that may be incorrect, or it may have changed, or they may not even exist anymore. I don't care enough to Google it.

I only skimmed the rest of your post, so I can't really comment on it.

-Craig

[Owned-You]

Monarchy isn't the best form of government anymore.

[JohnKirk]

[quote name='Owned-You' timestamp='1287008161' post='2483895']
Monarchy isn't the best form of government anymore.
[/quote]
Say [i]Whaaat[/i]

[Locke]

[quote name='Owned-You' timestamp='1287008161' post='2483895']
Monarchy isn't the best form of government anymore.
[/quote]
It is in the right situations. Especially for young nations.

[Jay Z]

False, capitalist is better for young nations.

[Creeping Death]

Welcome back

[Manis B]

from one B to another, wb

[Jens of the desert]

[quote name='&*&^yb' timestamp='1286937144' post='2483122']
7.WTF - Can't say I know much about you guys.
8.MK - See the above.

[/quote]
This is the first time I have chuckled at a CN post for a good few months. Try and keep your knowledge of MK at this level, and you shouldn't have any problems with them.

[MetalJoe]

[quote name='&*&^yb' timestamp='1286937144' post='2483122']
including one which promised "cuddling and Beer" Well !@#$ son, how can I turn that down?
[/quote]

Really, how could you? I never got your reply... I see you are still without an AA. It's not too late you know!

[lebubu]

We're kind of a big deal.

[Schmoo]

Good thing you are smart enough to know not to purchase any tech before joining an alliance. I was wondering how long it would take for a raid to occur after you presented yourself as a target here, until I looked at your nation. Good luck to you.

[lordliam]

Enjoy being oppressed by our Mario-playing overlords.
Other than that, good luck!

[JohnKirk]

No point in making a new topic for issue two. I guess its still relevant to my "return" if you will. So here we go.


[center][b]A Moment With b: Recruiting Madness[/b][/center]

52. 52 recruitment messages total and other miscellaneous messages total in the six days of my nations existence. Some of these however, have been related to a great deal I have received. 3 million for a trade, which is glorious. Fist bump for The Queen for that. So my nation is expanding and now I am a fat cat in a sea of tech raiding sharks. Frankly, I'm surprised I haven't been attacked already by somebody just for the hell of it.

So now, like joining a gang in a prison, I have to pick one of these alliances. Albeit, some alliance attempts at recruiting are far more hilarious than others. One thing I have learned for sure though, in my studies, I have formulated the ultimate recruiting message. Any upstart alliance is welcome to use it, just give me credit by allowing me access to my own personal private forum. Then we are cool.

[i]Dear ______ (Nation ruler)

I would like to invite you to (Your alliance), An Alliance that cherishes (Peace, Liberty, Justice, Pillaging, Some pop culture Icon) Now, you are a poor and insignificant nation lost in the big world of planet bob. So therefore we would like to [s]bribe[/s]offer you 3 million in your currency in order to get you started on your path to constant infrastructure buying. We also love (More references to your favorite pop icon. Or you peace and liberty nonsense if your down with that)

So please consider our offer. Any day now, you will be pillaged by raiders so you might want to make your choice quickly.

Love,

(Your name here)
[/i]

Paypal is cool too you guys. Starving college student.

This is essentially the bare bones of every message I have received over the days. I will now share with you the most hilarious. Names will be removed to protect the alliances dignity.

[i]Subject: hey
Message: WE CAN HELP YOU BECOME STRONGER!
Our Alliance’s primary goal is to help our fellow members build powerful nations and have awesome time along the way. We understand that the success of our alliance depends on the success of each of its individual nations, and therefore we look towards each nation as equals no matter what their size. If you are interested in joining an alliance, with opportunity for quick growth, fast advancement, great aid opportunities, friendship and protection, come join us at
_________and change your AA to____

BENEFITS
3 MILLION Dollar signup bonus (no strings)
Once you signup you’re a member (no test)
Tec trading program which you can EARN MILLIONS
Protection (no one will attack your nations with us behind you)
Tons of Government positions available
MULTI COLORED ALLIANCE (all team colors welcome)
Organized tech raiding programs (for the adventuress type)
If you don’t have time to participate just sit back and enjoy the protection
[/i]

"WE CAN HELP YOU BECOME STRONGER!" can be suitable for both your local gym or powerbar commercial. It does manage to work alright for alliances though. These guys also a chance to sell "tec" with oppurtunity to EARN MILLIONS. !@#$@#$ MILLIONS. But my personal favorite part of this message is the last bullet point. You don't really have to do anything if you want, you can just be a lazy ass and enjoy the other parts of cybernations. You know... like... whelp...

A now one that went for the "defecate in my pants" approach.


[i]The Revolution is upon us. The status quo is crumbling. A war is being fought. Not in the battlefields far away, but on your doorstep. Within your very mind. Sides are fighting for your attention, your contributions, your power. Will you give in? Will you allow them to manipulate you? Are you that weak?

Break your chains, set yourself free. Help establish a new order in which you are rewarded based on your merit. Why should you be confined by standards set long before your existence? Why should you have to rule our nations based on the expectations of others?

The ________ will destroy the preconceived notions set by the diseased spirit of those that have come before us. We are set on a firm destination towards the top, and we'll be going there together. Each and every nation of the _____. You could be among them.
[/i]

Holy Jesus, I didn't realize I re-signed up for such a big deal. This message pretty much says "Join us little wimpy boy" meanwhile cryptically referring to the fact that I receive protection and all the other nonsense all alliances promise. I do not base the idea if I'm a coward or not by the number of pixels my nation posesses. On a realated note, my nation map encompasses nearly all the main Island of Fiji. [i]Suck on that![/i]

Speaking of nation map, I received a rather heart warming message from a friendly neighbor, not a recruitment message but something much more adorable. If this doesn't make you smile like watching a newborn puppy flop around harmlessly, you have no soul.

[i]Subject: Proposal of friendly terms
Message: Hello, I see that we are rather close geographically and could be a cheap and beneficial trade partners. I am assuming from your defcon 5 that you are a friendly nation? The Union of Lost Power is a friendly nation only to use it's armed forces when it must, and is most interested in economic growth. I figured it would be of good logic to set ourselves up to be friendly nations. Message me with your response, thank you for your consideration.[/i]

DAAAAWWWW, he's trying to be all diplomatic and such. [i]Whose a good boy?[/i]He even thinks nation maps matter. I think someone needs a diaper change!

However, he has yet to accept my trade offer. That !@#$%^&.

But, after all the recruitment messages, I still haven't quite found an alliance I feel i can have a comfortable relationship with. I can't exactly have tea and snuggle with all the copy-pasted recruitment messages. No one has sent me the absoulute perfect message yet:

[i]Subject:Sup

Come join our alliance. We have a porn board.[/i]

Then they would find a member and their Minister of Internal affairs.

Edited October 19, 2010 by jizzyb

[Locke]

[quote name='&*&^yb' timestamp='1287453551' post='2487345'][i]Subject:Sup

Come join our alliance. We have a porn board.[/i]

Then they would find a member and their Minister of Internal affairs.
[/quote]
Give it time, I'm pretty sure I've seen nearly that exact message sent out before.

Oh, did I mention we have a porn board?