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Dragonisian Associated Press


Maelstrom Vortex
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[center][img]http://images.wikia.com/cybernations/images/3/31/NPODragonisia.jpg[/img][/center]

[center][url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xfZTd2uiNw"]For the Glory of the Emperor.[/url][/center]

(Dragonisian Associated Press) Dragonisia, Pacifica - 03/22/2011 - In Local News, Front line conflict has briefly receded from Dragonisia as rear guard from the Pacifican Zeta Battalion has moved in and pushed the front briefly beyond the borders of the Nation.

While the nation sits in its brief reprieve of peace, engineers race to re-new the stock of nuclear weapons. Thankfully, Uranium shipments from our trading partner go unhindered and supply lines for trade continue to work thanks to Pacifican senate control on the Red Continent. Engineers expect stockpiling to be completed in the coming weeks at which time it is expected Dragonisia will once again move to the front of the conflict.

In other news, Our Great Leader, Maelstrom Vortex, today released a statement. The statement condemned actions suspected to have been taken by our enemy Doom House, in sending him a letter with the most insincere of surrender terms while falsifying the words of the Emperor and Imperial Officers of the Pacific. Agents have been dispatched to ascertain the origins of the letter. The world community, as typical, has met this condemnation with mixed reactions.

Word continues to circulate that negotiations continue at the upper echelons of Pacifica Government. While this speculation fills the street; the average citizen has expressed dis-satisfaction with the terms offered by the enemy and suspects that he war will be continued with no end in sight, possibly for several months if not years. Food prices, accordingly, have hit an all time high and markets are empty of basic commodities.

Despite the Crisis, Our Great Leader, Maelstrom Vortex, assures us that that the Dragonisian Armory is very well stocked to continue the support of our allies and that the treasury still maintains a rebuilding stockpile that will keep Dragonisia strong despite the continuing conflict. He also has pledged that, "Like our comrades, we will not give any inch of our domain without requiring thousands of their lives and devastating expense in exchange. If they wish to continue this war, they will find it is to their great detriment."

In Imperial News, Regent Mary the Fantabulous has briefly assumed the powers of the office of the Emperor. Reasons for this remain undisclosed, but it is reported it is not truly to replace the Emperor as to assist him in the management of the affairs of state in the face of the current crisis. Mary the Fantabulous has an enormous popularity among the people of Dragonisia and a parade was held in her honor demonstrating the support of the people in the square of Dragonisian City.

The war continues and it is widely debated as to who is currently winning in the Global community. While the supporters of Doom House argue that Pacifica cannot hope to maintain the conflict against some better armed states of their membership, members of the Pacifican Front claim that Doom House cannot hope to grow under these conditions as anyone joining the enemy nations will be immediately in a state of war they cannot hope to win or ascend from. The bulk of global opinion is that the conflict remains undecided and currently the war is at an effective stalemate with one side holding the other by a hand and the other side holding its enemy by the foot.

Still yet, many neutrals remain on the side and with the active and continuing belligerence of Doom House in their war of aggression.. including the issuance of false decrees on the behalf of Pacifican dignitaries.. many wonder how much diplomatic irregularity these powers will tolerate. One Dragonisian political commentator assessed it as "A self-perceived hegemony running amok."

Thank you for reading DAP News.

Edited by Maelstrom Vortex
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[center][img]http://images.wikia.com/cybernations/images/d/db/GOONS_Ride_To_War.jpg[/img]



[b][u]For the Sake of Violently Hitting Things.[/u][/b][/center]



(CrushMaim Weekly) Burger Town, Little Mikes - 03/21/2011 - Across the nation of Little Mikes, echoes of discontent ripple through the population.

With the conflict entering its second month, citizens have begun questioning the motives of their new leader, Rage McKill. Things haven't quite been the same at Little Mikes, not since he seized management and transformed the burgeoning fast food restaurant into a sovereign nation of war. People wander the streets, scavenging for food. Meanwhile, ruined skeletons of old buildings are bulldozed and immediately replaced with prefabricated complexes, serving functions no one understands.

Questions often arise regarding the source of the soldiers frequently seen moving through the countryside to the war zone. "Everyone already knows about the, uh, odd recruiting practices of McKill's government." comments Paul Triplebacon, who has a 9 year old daughter currently serving as a tank gunner. "But the numbers don't add up. We've lost two hundred thousand young men and women to this damn war, and I doubt our total population has even been a tenth of that."

Paul gestures outside the window, "Not to mention that thing out there." referring to the perfect replica of the Harimandir Sahib Temple in the middle of the city, "That was literally a synagogue a week ago."

On the street below, trucks full of soldiers motor past a monument dedicated to a nuclear attack on that location.

"And where does he keep getting these soldiers?!" Paul sighs, "I just don't know, anymore."

The exact workings of Rage McKill's administration remains in large part a mystery. Government members stopped for questioning give strange responses, usually praising the current month's sanctioned religion or recommending a burger to eat. One even admitted that he was unsure what was his exact function was. Observers note that most of Little Mikes 126 public officials meet in the backroom of the original restaurant, despite the maximum occupancy for the building being 85 persons.

Last week, Rage McKill released a statement declaring all NPO statements to be objectively terrible in every way, shape, and form. Public response was mixed, with most wondering what an NPO was.

"He keeps going on and on about these 'GOONS'." comments Paul. "To be honest, they sound like complete [i][REDACTED][/i]."

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[quote name='Maelstrom Vortex' timestamp='1300776318' post='2673018']
one side holding the other by a hand and the other side holding its enemy by the foot.
[/quote]

You don't get that kind of position in the Kama Sutra.

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[quote name='Steve Buscemi' timestamp='1300849114' post='2673526']
I've never seen someone pwn the OP as quickly as you've done here. Good stuff, sir.
[/quote]

Maelstrom Vortex
Posted Yesterday, 02:45 AM

Rage McKill
Posted Yesterday, 07:26 PM

I've seen better. <_<

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[quote name='Rage McKill' timestamp='1300836356' post='2673402']
[center][img]http://images.wikia.com/cybernations/images/d/db/GOONS_Ride_To_War.jpg[/img]



[b][u]For the Sake of Violently Hitting Things.[/u][/b][/center]



(CrushMaim Weekly) Burger Town, Little Mikes - 03/21/2011 - Across the nation of Little Mikes, echoes of discontent ripple through the population.

With the conflict entering its second month, citizens have begun questioning the motives of their new leader, Rage McKill. Things haven't quite been the same at Little Mikes, not since he seized management and transformed the burgeoning fast food restaurant into a sovereign nation of war. People wander the streets, scavenging for food. Meanwhile, ruined skeletons of old buildings are bulldozed and immediately replaced with prefabricated complexes, serving functions no one understands.

Questions often arise regarding the source of the soldiers frequently seen moving through the countryside to the war zone. "Everyone already knows about the, uh, odd recruiting practices of McKill's government." comments Paul Triplebacon, who has a 9 year old daughter currently serving as a tank gunner. "But the numbers don't add up. We've lost two hundred thousand young men and women to this damn war, and I doubt our total population has even been a tenth of that."

Paul gestures outside the window, "Not to mention that thing out there." referring to the perfect replica of the Harimandir Sahib Temple in the middle of the city, "That was literally a synagogue a week ago."

On the street below, trucks full of soldiers motor past a monument dedicated to a nuclear attack on that location.

"And where does he keep getting these soldiers?!" Paul sighs, "I just don't know, anymore."

The exact workings of Rage McKill's administration remains in large part a mystery. Government members stopped for questioning give strange responses, usually praising the current month's sanctioned religion or recommending a burger to eat. One even admitted that he was unsure what was his exact function was. Observers note that most of Little Mikes 126 public officials meet in the backroom of the original restaurant, despite the maximum occupancy for the building being 85 persons.

Last week, Rage McKill released a statement declaring all NPO statements to be objectively terrible in every way, shape, and form. Public response was mixed, with most wondering what an NPO was.

"He keeps going on and on about these 'GOONS'." comments Paul. "To be honest, they sound like complete [i][REDACTED][/i]."
[/quote]

Well done.

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[quote name='Steve Buscemi' timestamp='1300849114' post='2673526']
I've never seen someone pwn the OP as quickly as you've done here. Good stuff, sir.
[/quote]

I don't see how exactly he pwn'd anything. I saw him present his own perspective of the conflict in a like manner. I appreciate his contribution.

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[quote name='Maelstrom Vortex' timestamp='1300944284' post='2674445']
I don't see how exactly he pwn'd anything. I saw him present his own perspective of the conflict in a like manner. I appreciate his contribution.
[/quote]

You got owned, son. His 'perspective' was a parody. The fact that you're oblivious to this increased the hilarity of this thread exponentially.

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Oh nippy, whom I have decided to finally listen to again, you seem to think I do not like parody. I hate to tell you this, but I have a sense of humor and I like the story of Rage McKill and his fast food joint nation. Reminds me of one of my favorite television series.. Invader Zim.

Edited by Maelstrom Vortex
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[quote name='Maelstrom Vortex' timestamp='1300990604' post='2674802']
Oh nippy, whom I have decided to finally listen to again, you seem to think I do not like parody. I hate to tell you this, but I have a sense of humor and I like the story of Rage McKill and his fast food joint nation. Reminds me of one of my favorite television series.. Invader Zim.
[/quote]
Oh my god, this would be a perfect fakepost... but it's not. Well done sir.

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