To the Twelve Tribes of Bob
A Declaration of War
Hark, a messenger from the inactive voids of Bob cometh.
My beloved brothers and sisters of this sin stricken and dying world, today I bring you the most disheartening of news.
The First Book
⁴And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die: ⁵For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil. ⁶And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.
Once the great AA of SwC dissolved for its final time, I was without a home. The COBRA offered me a home, trades, and tech deals. I should have known at the time that the deal was too good to be true. What did this tiny AA want with me? I was bigger and stronger than all but one of their members. Any other AA would have loved to have me, but I was seduced by the enticing words of the serpent.
The Second Book
³⁰I went by the field of the slothful, and by the vineyard of the man void of understanding; ³¹And, lo, it was all grown over with thorns, and nettles had covered the face thereof, and the stone wall thereof was broken down. ³²Then I saw, and considered it well: I looked upon it, and received instruction. ³³Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep: ³⁴So shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth; and thy want as an armed man.
I must confess to you, my brothers and sisters, laziness has befallen me. My love of CN started as a child, but now that I am an adult other things have taken precedent and my nation has fallen into a state of disrepair. Occasionally the taxman comes to visit and our trade minister makes sure to maintain the trades, but that is about it. However, it was not want due to poverty which came to me as an armed man. A fate far more sinister has befallen me my beloved.
The Third Book
⁵Trust ye not in a friend, put ye not confidence in a guide: keep the doors of thy mouth from her that lieth in thy bosom. ⁶For the son dishonoureth the father, the daughter riseth up against her mother, the daughter in law against her mother in law; a man's enemies are the men of his own house.
Sadly, the scriptures are accurate. A man’s enemies are truly those of his own house, his own AA.
On the 19th of August of this year of our Lord 2020, I was approached by a certain Lord Hitchcock. He wanted to reach out to me and chat since it had been awhile. I was invited to a server and informed that he was assembling a new AA of many old friends of mine. Of course I was intrigued and interested in this offer. My good friend Razgrizz was already in this AA and many other names I had become acquainted with over the years. I let Lord Hitchcock know in a public channel that I was interested. That I was not active in COBRA, and that only Lyanna really ever spoke to me. I even told him that I would think about leaving COBRA to join him. However, I never actually followed though. At the time, it was all just idle chatter.
Lord Hitchcock then sent me six private messages from August 21st to September 20th all of which I ignored. I knew he was trying to goad me into joining his new AA. However, as I previously mentioned I am a slothful man. For the duration of that month I maintained my position in COBRA as I had done for a year and a bit before. I collected my taxes, voted for their senator, made any requested changes to my TC, and bought some tech from their friends.
The Fourth Book
¹Be merciful unto me, O God: for man would swallow me up; he fighting daily oppresseth me. ²Mine enemies would daily swallow me up: for they be many that fight against me, O thou most High. ³What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. ⁴In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me. ⁵Every day they wrest my words: all their thoughts are against me for evil. ⁶They gather themselves together, they hide themselves, they mark my steps, when they wait for my soul. ⁷Shall they escape by iniquity? in thine anger cast down the people, O God. ⁸Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book? ⁹When I cry unto thee, then shall mine enemies turn back: this I know; for God is for me. ¹⁰In God will I praise his word: in the Lord will I praise his word. ¹¹In God have I put my trust: I will not be afraid what man can do unto me. ¹²Thy vows are upon me, O God: I will render praises unto thee. ¹³For thou hast delivered my soul from death: wilt not thou deliver my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of the living?
Indeed, foes have risen up around me. Yet they come not from external forces, but from within my own house. I awoke this morning to see that Johnny Apocalypse had sent me a message on Discord. He wrote that he had seen the messages which I was considering leaving COBRA and decided to make the decision for me. Mind you these were month old messages which I had taken no action on. After reading that message I figured that by “so I’ve made that decision for you” he meant that I was exiled from COBRA. Alas, when I logged onto my nation today, I was in disbelief when I saw that he sent two of my former neighbors to attack me.
This is a cowardly attack on an unprepared nation.
I was just living my peaceful if not mostly inactive existence in COBRA. I was not well armed or prepared for war and yet they attacked me.
However, this cowardice runs deeper. The attacking nations didn’t just answer the call to arms today and attack me as soon as possible. COBRA leadership has been preparing for some time to attack me. Both of my attackers have large navies and air forces which would have taken several days to acquire.
Days which could have been used to confront me and question me. If they had done so they would have realized that I am just a lazy man who just talked about leaving but didn’t actually follow through. They would have realized that Lord Hitchcock’s further messages went unanswered.
If only Johnny had read the Proverbs.
¹⁸A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife.
The COBRA leadership is a group of paranoid and trigger happy individuals. Johnny is a wrathful man seeing the specter of Lord Hitchcock in every message.
Yet, we know that,
¹⁶All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, ¹⁷that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.
2 Timothy 3:16-17
So with that in mind I will leave you with one final scripture, and a return to the top of my message.
¹⁴And the Lord God said unto the serpent, Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above all cattle, and above every beast of the field; upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life: ¹⁵And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel.
I should have known the serpent, the COBRA, would bite my heel. Yet I shall bruise its head.
Let this be a formal declaration of war, since these cowards attacked me without one.
I shall wander back into the void of inactivity now, but I want to leave you all with some advice.
First, to all the other tribes and peoples of Bob. Beware the COBRA for it is an aggressive, paranoid, and deceptive serpent.
Second, to those former brothers and sisters in COBRA with whom I had spoken about possibly leaving and who had expressed the same sentiment to me, run. You know who you are, your home is no longer safe for you. You can either seek refuge in a strong city elsewhere or stay to aid in my war effort as a spy. However, I urge those of you to flee.
Let it be known that Grady is saddened by the cowardly attack initiated by Johnny Apocalypse, but not surprised by it.
Go in peace, my brothers and sisters.