One Eighty Two

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen. After a few more seconds however, war was declared. Signed For MHA jesbro - triumvir KingBilly1 - triumvir jalap - triumvir Signed for Fark docmeister - Submitter NSFW - Squirrel 182 - Speaker of the Council NSFW Bionic Redhead Decide R Inchief BozDaBoz

We thought about posting something with loads of customized graphics, witty sayings, and penis euphemisms, but no one even wants to read through one of these nowadays: Therefore, Fark acknowledges that treaties have been activated. May Our Blessed Saint of Booze, Smontag, have mercy on your pixels.

Sucker! Congrats, Ramp!

Thanks! Figures that this isn't sold in the US :( Though, based on the reviews, maybe that's a good thing.

:facepalm: Fixed!

Article I – Sovereignty The parties shall respect the sovereignty of each other, and neither party shall engage in any conduct which may impinge on the sovereignty of the other. Article II: Non-Aggression No member nation of either alliance will declare war on any member nation of the other, provide aid (be it military, money, technology, or knowledge) to enemies of the other, or commit acts of espionage against the other Article III – Intelligence Each party must share with the other party intelligence or information that relates to or affects the safety or security of the other party. Article IV: Optional Defense In the signing of this pact, both Parties are encouraged but not obligated to assist the other by means of political, financial, and military aid. Should either of the signatory alliances be attacked by another power, this treaty provides both signatories with full legal justification to enter a conflict that concerns the other, if they so choose. Article V: Optional Aggression In the event that one Party requires assistance in an aggressive war against a Non-Signatory Alliance, both Parties are encouraged but not obligated to assist the other by means of political, financial, and military aid. This treaty provides both signatories with full legal justification to enter a conflict that concerns the other, if they so choose. Article VI: Termination If one of the parties wishes to terminate this treaty, the terminating party must give 48 hours prior notice to the other party. Neither party shall engage in aggressive actions against each other for 72 hours after the termination of this treaty. For TBC Gibsonator21, Hillary Clinton Shurukian, Carly Fiorina VanHooIII, Donald Trump For Fark 905, Submitter 182, Squirrel Yak, Speaker of Council TF Council - Our Blessed Saint of Booze, Our Blessed Saint of Booze, Our Blessed Saint of Booze, Smontag Decide R Inchief, BozDaBoz, 182

I still think it says "Panty" XD

For NG Schrodinger, Caustic, YYM For Farkistan 905 - Submitter 182 - Squirrel Yak - Speaker of Council TF Council - Our Blessed Saint of Booze, Our Blessed Saint of Booze, Our Blessed Saint of Booze, Smontag Decide R Inchief, BozDaBoz, 182 01101111 01100100 01101111 01100001 01110000

If there's one things Farkers know, it's how to make high-quality, intoxicating beverages. Traditional Farkistani mixes are often complicated, requiring many bottles of liquor and beer mixed with bizarre ingredients (zebra milk). After a heated debate, it was decided that we should share the TotalFarkers Choice Recipe List, in an effort to help Bob understand us better get drunk. Drink #1 - The NSFW - Our Blessed Saint of Booze, Our Blessed Saint of Booze, Our Blessed Saint of Booze, Smontag Ingredients: 1 oz. cheap vodka, 1 oz. good vodka, 1/2 oz. rum, 1/2 oz whiskey, 1 oz. flat 7-up, 3 oz. Warm Stale Beer, Last 2 frost-covered ice cubes from icebox History/Mixing: Also known as the "Crap I forgot to buy booze, let's see what's left in all these bottles." This ancient recipe is instinctively known to all true Farkers and has been handed down for generations. Mix all the ingredients together in a plastic cup or dirty beer mug. Sip gingerly and gag before exclaiming "Fark it!" and swallowing the whole mess in one gulp. Drink #2 - The Decide R Inchief Ingredients: Vinegar, Water History/Mixing: The perfect drink to order for that !@#$% at the end of the bar. Mix ingredients in a tube, insert into your mouth, and swish. Leaves you feeling fresh and clean-smelling, like a summer's eve. Drink #3 - The BozDaBoz Ingredients: 1 scoop vanilla ice cream, 3 oz. bourbon, 1 oz. amaretto, 6 oz. coca-cola, 1 maraschino cherry History/Mixing: Relaxing on a quiet Sunday evening? Why do it sober?? Put the ice-cream scoop and coke into a large mug, add in the bourbon and amaretto. Garnish with the cherry. This sweet, sweet ice cream treat was invented by a caring Farkistani mother who needed a way to make sure her kids were getting enough bourbon. (Bourbon makes you grow up big and strong!) Drink #4 - The 182 Ingredients: 2 oz. whiskey, 2 oz. goldschlager, 4 oz. Imitation GOON blood, 8 oz. black coffee History/Mixing: This was the favored morning wake-up drink for the Farkistani military during the Holy War. Invented by 182, this drink combines the sweet tastes of home with the bitter, dirty, sewage-smelling imitation Goonblood to wake Farkers up, as well as remind them why they fight. Drink #5 - The Bionic Redhead Ingredients: 36 oz. cold beer, 36 oz. cold beer, 36 oz. cold beer, 1 Liter of Tequila, 1 pair leopard-print panties, 6 extra strength tylenol History/Mixing: Drink the cold beers one at a time, within the span of 2 hours. Start drinking tequila. Wake up with leopard print panties on your floor. Eat the tylenol and go back to sleep. Many Farkers can regale you with stories of performing this ritual. The drink gets its name from the rumors that, while inebriated, Bionic Redhead visits you and leaves his panties behind as a reminder of the viscious sodomy you received. Drink #6 - Submitter 905's hangover to hell express Ingredients: 1 bottle Pepto-bismol, 2 alka seltzer, 1 oz. Gold Tequila, 4 oz. flat beer History/Mixing: A legendary mixmaster dreamed up this abhorrent mixture after suffering from a hangover for 6 weeks straight. One of the more famous Farkistani beverages, this preparation has even made a movie cameo! Mix the beer and pepto in a tall plastic cup. Drop in the alka seltzer and immediately afterwards, drop in the shot of Tequila. Chug as fast as you can. 3oz of insubordination may be substituted for beer if Cable is in office. Drink #7 - one_eighty_two's the Squirrel Ingredients: 3 oz. 12-year-old scotch, 1 oz. Mr Vicarious' Pecan Schnapps, 1/4 oz. Stoli Brand RageQuit hotsauce History/Mixing: The main ingredients of this dish remind foreigners that Farkers 1. Drink, 2. Can be sweet and friendly, and 3. Will burn your ass if you screw with us. Stir the scotch and schnapps together in a small glass with ice. Stick your finger in the hotsauce. Take small sips of the scotch-schnapps mixture, then rub the hotsauce in your eyes. Drinks Index: TF Council: Our Blessed Saint of Booze, Our Blessed Saint of Booze, Our Blessed Saint of Booze, Smontag - Speaker of the Council Decide R Inchief BozDaBoz one_eighty_two Bionic Redhead Subby: 905 Squirrel: one_eighty_two

And we were going to make you King of the Winter Carnival... I guess I read it as it would come up for review in 60 days, and why build in a cancellation clause when it comes up for review in 60 days. ;)

On January 6, 2006, a world was created. We called it "Bob" or "CN". It grew by leaps and bounds. That was before the virus. The Penale Culus virus was a deadly disease that caused intense boredom, loss of interest in maintaining a nation, lackluster coding, and feelings of hopelessness about the future. Thousands of nations were destroyed. Thousands more were lost to inactivity. With so few left, only the most stubborn would remain to survive, to lead... I am Farkend One of the last few survivors awoke in a hung-over stupor, as he had every day since he turned 21. He gargled with some warm, stale beer and dutifully trudged to the radio. The radio broadcast went out, as it did every day: "My name is 905. I am a survivor living in Planet Bob. I am broadcasting on all OWF frequencies. I will be drunk at the Fark Street Bar everyday at mid-day, when the sun is highest in the sky. If you are out there... if anyone is out there... I can provide beer, I can provide bacon, I can provide boobies. If there's anybody out there... anybody... please. You are not alone." The weeks were getting longer. Nations disappearing forever at an alarming rate. How soon before the whole world just vanished? A few days later, a response came back: "This is Our Blessed Saint of Booze, Smontag. I am the leader of a small band of survivors. Two of them, Slick Johnson and beachrat, were bitten by a heard of goats infected by Penale Culus and need your help! The group has been scavenging for supplies from a local liquor store. Decide R Inchief wants us to leave the rest of the group and head for new pastures. We need a more reliable source of booze! We heard your message. Can you help us?" Unfortunately for them, 905 was too busy trying to score with a mannequin that he'd been chatting up for the last month. Everyone gets lonely sometimes, you know? So the other survivors all died horrible, screaming deaths in the CN wastelands alone. But there is a happy ending though: the mannequin eventually put out. Oh, and somebody maybe found a cure or something. Whatever. 10 years later A monument is erected. The statue is of a broad-shouldered man holding a bottle of scotch and looking with disgust and disapproval at another man who is having relations with a goat. The plaque on the monument reads: "In 2014, a deadly virus burned through our civilization, pushing CN to the edge of extinction. Dr. One Eighty Two dedicated his life to the discovery of a cure and the restoration of humanity, but ended up just drinking a lot and watching porn. On June 1st, 2015, at approximately 12:00 A.M., he joined the Fark gov lineup. At 8:52 A.M., he woke up and realized his mistake. Everyone we knew and cared about has left the planet. Why the hell are we still here? We are their legacy. This is their legend. Light up the darkness." tl;dr Fark gov lineup: Submitter: 905 Squirrel: One Eighty Two Speaker of the Council: Our Blessed Saint of Booze, Smontag TF Council: Slick Johnson beachrat Decide R Inchief 182

NCC was upset that his signature isn't on the treaty. I guess we could've named it after him? It really is all his fault :laugh:

The "Pissing in your Cheerios" Accords - OR - "Fark Side of That's No Moon!" I. This treaty signifies the existence of a tangible relationship between the New Sith Order and Farkistan II. If one of us gets attacked, the other will probably feel inclined to join the fight but they don't have to. III. Times are tough, things are moving slowly, and we get bored. If one of us starts a fight, we might also be inclined to join that too. IV. While we both enjoy a good scrap with anyone else, we don't want to fight each other. As long as this treaty exists, NSO and Fark will not fight against the other. V. Treaty Review Period - This treaty will come under review in 60 days time, during which both parties will evaluate its continued deliciousness and possible addition of honey or nuts. VI. Cancellation - Seriously? It's only for 60 days. Signed for the New Sith Order Sith Emperor: Joe Stupid Dark Lord of the Sith: Spartacus1082 Sith Lord: Rebel Virginia Sith Lord: USMC123 Master of Exaltation: Varianz Marauder of Exaltation: Holton Signed for Farkistan Submitter: 905 Squirrel: One_Eighty_Two TF Council Decide R Inchief (Speaker) NSFW (Smontag) Bionic Redhead Avicour 182

Congrats on the new gov. Enjoy retirement, Kirsten!

Do you know how difficult it is to try to translate binary on your phone browser? Thanks for taking the time to translate and respond, everyone!

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He finally gave in to peer pressure

So, I know our Erection announcementa have been pretty flaccid lately, but we got a great deal on some totally legitimate medication from Canada. Without further ado, here's our new-ish gov for April, 2015 Submitter (Diet Coke of Evil) - 905 Squirrel (Caffeine-Free Diet Coke of Evil)- still Critters Speaker of the Council, Drunken Majority leader Totalfark Council (or, That bunch of crazy kids in the Beer Garden)

Congrats on your retirement, Daj! It's been great working with you these last few years. Now you get to sit in a rocking chair on your front porch and tell the kids to get off the lawn :D Congrats to EaTeMuP!

Glad to see this is up! :)

Congrats Letum & Frawley. Enjoy your retirement, Farrin!

or: Congrats to the rest of the erected

My condolences to tito's family and friends in NG. It's sad to see a life cut short so tragically, and I can tell by the way you've spoken about him that he will be greatly missed. Rest in peace, tito.

Very happy to see this announced :)