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Uralica

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  1. Uralica
    Lamuella brought this up in the \m/ Announcement thread, and I thought it was too good an idea to not run with
    Lam actually had four ideas, but one was kinda implied by the thread it was in
    So what are your ideas? What would be a sure sign, in your mind, that Planet Bob was soon to come to an end?
    Total list:
    *\m/ stopping tech-raiding (which has happened, sort of. They've only suspended it.)
    *GPA declaring on someone for no reason
    *RV joining GOONS
    *that OOC thing about Norway and NordReich
    *Jarkko ever attacking a legit CCC member.
    *lebubu joining TOOL
    *Starfox joining Polaris
    *King Penchuk joining TSO
    *
    *The Ordinance of Order being canceled. (Been done)
    *The Sovereignty Pact being canceled.
    *The Harmlins Accords being canceled.
    *wickedj having friends. (He has friends )
    *MK merging into GDA.
    Keep heckling out of this. "Impossible" situations only, please.
  3. Uralica

    OOC: O hai thur.

    By Uralica,

    Yes, I am still alive. I'm having my nation sat, though. PlanckBorn is da man.
    For anyone wondering where I am, I'm at Trinity Western University in Langley, British Columbia, studying linguistics.
    So no new IC blogs now until mid-August. Most I'll be investing into CN is streamlining my Wiki (I had 25 articles deleted today) because school has to take priority over CN drama. I may post a linguistics paper in my blog though.
    [wʌɾ ɪz θɪs aj downt ivən]
  4. Uralica
    ...you talk about CN-speak in a major sociolinguistics paper and get full marks for that particular section.
    I got 44/50 on the paper in total, but 6/6 for this section.
    Now I obviously over-simplified some things, but this was a paper on my personal speech and what motivates it, not a paper strictly on CN. Anyway, I should be back to writing IC blogs come next Sunday.
  5. Uralica
    If you're one of the few who pays attention to my blog, you'll notice it's gotten a bit smaller. Reason being is I had this ambitious idea to list 200 other people I'd have in my perfect alliance. Problem is, I didn't have enough to say about many of them past the first fifty.
    I do still hold these particular 200 people in very high regard, just that it won't be public anymore. At least not in this blog.
  6. Uralica
    Regular Season Wrap-Up
    Marko Mäkelä
    The largest and most exciting regular season of Uralican football has finally come to a close, with SiPS doing the expected and claiming their third consecutive Shield of Honour as they won the Bolakliiga by five points. The big difference this season is who their number-one rivals were, considering that Dinamo Kirov finished a surprisingly low fourth. Instead, it was the Komi-Menno Derby between SiPS and Telekom Pazhga that turned out to be the big story this season, as the 'Kom went from finishing a disappointing tenth last season to finishing second this season thanks to career years from several players, not the least of which was Diedrik Siemens, who finished only two back of SiPS wunderkind Hessu Öörni for the league's assist lead.
    Here's a look at the league-by-league story, though.
    The Bolakliiga
    Award Winners: Petteri Vahalahti, SiPS (Golden Ball/MVP, Sami Hyypiä Trophy/Best Defensive Player), Joni Rasimus, SiPS (Golden Shoe/Top Scorer - he had 43 goals this season), Trevor Renzenbrink, Telekom Pazhga (Golden Gloves/Best Goalkeeper), Diedrik Siemens, Telekom Pazhga (Fair Play Award/Most Sportsmanlike Player), Csaba Száláy, Amkar Perm' (Best Youth Player).
    Biggest surprises: Telekom Pazhga finishing second, FK Inta not getting relegated, FK Vorkuta finishing mid-table in spite of a horrendous start.
    Biggest disappointments: Amkar Perm' finishing below .500 after losing the aforementioned Száláy to injury mere days after acquiring him, Udmurtiya Izhevsk, Mashinostroitel Kirov, and Dinamo Vologda having sub-par years, Spartak Ukhta almost getting relegated only a year after finishing 10th.
    Relegated: FK Kotlas, FK Syktyvkar, FK Kirov.
    The Bolakliiga was indeed interesting this season. Several teams were bitten by the injury bug, most notably Metafraks Gubakha, who at one point had all but four of their starters in the stands. Mashinostroitel Kirov was another one of these, although even when at full health they had so much trouble scoring that star goalkeeper Yevgeny Kudymov left for Mordovia Saransk in the Ykkönen, where he ended up guiding the Clarets to a mind-blowing perfect record of 38-0-0. Expect a major shakeup there in the offseason.
    The three teams that were relegated were three of the four lowest-rated teams coming into the season, although the lowest-rated team at that point, FK Inta, managed to fight tooth and nail to stay out of relegation, although I don't think they'll be able to stave that off for another year, as much as they've improved. Both Mordovia Saransk and their runners-up, Ural Yekaterinburg, look like staying up after the 2011 season. As for the playoff winners, that remains to be seen. Last year's 1-nen playoff winners, CSKVC Kirov, actually finished in the last non-red zone position, 15 points clear of FK Kotlas. I have a feeling they'll be going down after next season, but who knows?
    I have to hand it to Milan Sorokin, though. He took a limited budget and a horrible team that was expected to finish the season in single-digit points, and pulled them out of the gutter enough that they finished ahead of even Spartak Ukhta, getting double-digit wins. Easily the manager of the year. Not that Spartak didn't help them out somewhat by absolutely sucking, of course. There's another team I'm expecting a shakeup from in the off-season, before the 3rd annual Kanslerinkilpi starts in late February. I expect no fewer than five managers to lose their jobs in the B-liiga alone.
    Ykkönen
    2010 was the year of the Old Guard. Two teams from the old Russian system finished 1-2, with Mordovia Saransk utterly obliterating all competition and leaving even Ural Yekaterinburg eating their dust. It's not like Ural didn't have a fight in the late stages for second place, either. I would heavily favour Öskölömen PK to win the Ykkönen playoffs - they got unlucky last year, running into a then-hot goalkeeper who spent most of this B-Liiga season injured. It's not like they'll rampage over the other three playoff teams - their archrivals Usovuoren JK, much-improved Spartak Yoshkar-Ola, and Old-Guarders Fortuna Nizhny Tagil - but I think they have enough of an edge in talent that betting on them would be pretty safe.
    The biggest disappointment this season has to be that Pechorski SK didn't make the playoffs after doing so last year - they finished seven clear of Fortuna with 73 points, and finished ahead of Turan Ukhta on goal differential. Not far behind them, though, was this season's biggest surprise, and most-improved team by far. Isoustiukin Pallokerho finished just one point ahead of being relegated last season, but they did a major 180 this season, finishing ninth - seven behind Pechorski and Turan, and 12 ahead of Spartak Kirov and FK Ukhta (who also improved a fair bit). Two teams that haven't seemed to improve at all, though, are FK Kudymkar and Lokomotiv Kotlas - the latter saw themselves relegated for the second season in a row. FK Berezniki will be joining them, as will Khimik Koryazhma, whose luck ran out this season. Had they allowed but five fewer goals this season, they would be forced to a playoff against Olimpia Kirovo-Chepetsk.
    Playoff rotation (starts Saturday, 4 December 2010):
    (2) Öskölömen Palloklubi vs. (5) Fortuna Nizhny Tagil
    (3) Usovuoren JK vs. (4) Spartak Yoshkar-Ola
    The Kakkonen
    Three entire tiers, comprising 26 divisions, debuted this season. The highest of these was the Kakkonen, which is split into two geographically-oriented divisions.
    The Kakkonen West started as a three-way battle between Severstal Cherepovets, Sever Murmansk, and Stolitsa Yoshkar-Ola, but quickly went two-way once Csaba Száláy was shipped to Amkar during the summer transfer window. Severstal eventually won the lone auto-promotion spot.
    Playoff Rotation West:
    (2) Sever Murmansk vs. (5) Magyar LK
    (3) Stolitsa Yoshkar-Ola vs. (4) Mennonites FC
    Goin' down down down down: Karjala JK, Sapmi FK to Kolmonen A, Arsenal Syktyvkar, SSP Syktyvkar to Kolmonen D.
    As for the Kakkonen East, the big story this season was the continuation of the feel-good story of this year's Kanslerinkilpi. Khalmer-Yu Town is based in a town with roughly five thousand inhabitants, and yet the level of football they play there makes you think the sleepy Northeast Uralican junction town is twenty times that size or more. They refused to sell during the transfer window, and it paid off as they dropped just six points all season (one loss and two draws). Who knows how far they'll go?
    The real battle this season, then, was for the four playoff spots, and let's be honest here, one can't help feeling horrible for Nenets FK, who were in playoff position until the very last match - injuries took their toll down the stretch and they ended up on the outside looking in.
    Playoff rotation:
    (2) Energiya Chaykovsky vs. (5) Progress Inta
    (3) Rossia Krasnokamsk vs. (4) Octane Perm'
    Goin' down down down down: FK Kungur, Pshenitsa Kudymkar to Kolmonen F, Traktor Berezniki, CSKVC Ukhta to Kolmonen H.
    The Kolmonen
    So they tried 24 teams per division this season in the Kolmonen and Nelonen, and it failed from the get-go because of awkward scheduling, so they immediately set about downsizing it, making promotion and relegation rather screwy in both divisions.
    To be honest, though, the upper ranks weren't affected. One team goes up regardless of how many come down. Instead of a playoff tournament, they have a three-round Kolmonen Championship tournament played with the roofs closed (retractable roofs are mandatory in Uralica) between the eight teams that won their respective zones.
    Kolmonen A - Karelia/Sapmi: Viipurin Palloseura
    Kolmonen B - Western Uralica: Rapid Konosha (hoo boy was this ever close between them and Sheksna Cherepovets! Classic stuff!)
    Kolmonen C - Southwestern Uralica: Sokol Sernur
    Kolmonen D - Kirov-Syktyvkar: Peltinischer Sport Verein
    Kolmonen E - Udmurtiya: FK Votka
    Kolmonen F - Permski Rayon: TvinkiZavod Chaykovsky (the only other team in Uralica that had a perfect season domestically)
    Kolmonen G - Southeast Uralica: Zenit Nevyansk
    Kolmonen H - Northeastern Uralica: Gazovik Urengoy
    Draw: A vs. F, H vs. C, D vs. G, E vs. B
    So that will keep the Kolmonen fans interested for another couple of weeks.
    Relegation varied depending on which zones got teams from relegation and which didn't. It is normally like this, but making things even more interesting was the whole downsizing.
    For a complete list of all relegated teams, check this site's Tables section.
    The Nelonen
    This season's bottom tier also dumped teams down, but in their case it was to help create a brand new division. The minimum relegation mandated for each was six teams, although some had more - a couple had as many as nine teams go down to help form the 32-division Vitonen, which debuts next March. In the same way, those zones that didn't receive many from relegation will have brand new teams debut next season.
    A clerical error at the season's beginning resulted in several teams that should've been in Sub-Zone D2 playing in Sub-Zone D1. Some of these were relegated, while others will play in the D2 next season. This shift actually meant extra relegation for the D1.
    The sixteen sub-zonal champions will play against each other for the Nelonen Championship, while there are playoffs in most sub-zones to determine sixteen more teams to be promoted.
    Nelonen Sub-Zone Champs
    Sub-Zone A1 (Karelia): Transit Vojatsu
    Sub-Zone A2 (Sapmi): Rapid Kuálõk
    Sub-Zone B1 (West Uralica): FK Vytegra
    Sub-Zone B2 (Northwestern Uralica): Neftekhimik Onega
    Sub-Zone C1 (Southern Uralica): Chŏvash Ulatŏr
    Sub-Zone C2 (Mari El): Volga Yulser-Ola
    Sub-Zone D1 (Kirovski Rayon): Transit Omuntninsk
    Sub-Zone D2 (Komi-Menno): Peltinischer FC
    Sub-Zone E1 (Udmurtiya North): Transit Votka
    Sub-Zone E2 (Udmurtiya South + Izhevsk): Neftçi Ägerce
    Sub-Zone F1 (Permski Rayon North): Tsementnik Berezniki
    Sub-Zone F2 (Permski Rayon South): Dinamo Osa
    Sub-Zone G1 (Southeast Uralica South/East): Zenit Yekaterinburg
    Sub-Zone G2 (Southeast Uralica North/West): Rapid Nizhny Tagil
    Sub-Zone H1 (Ural West Slope): Progress Vorkuta
    Sub-Zone H2 (Yamalia-Yugra): YugraMash Kogalym
    Draw: A1 vs. D2, H2 vs. F1, B1 vs. G1, C2 vs. E1, F2 vs. A2, E2 vs. H1, G2 vs. B2, C1 vs. D1.
    Playoff draws are available in the site's Fixture Section.
  7. Uralica
    This is the story of a silly Aspie whose IC character name reflects what is, in fact, a small part of his genetic heritage, but the part that actually gives him some identity in a community of people where English, Irish, and/or Scottish backgrounds are still very much the norm.
    It was 18 March 2008 when I happened to notice an advertisement on my friend Dave's website for this game called Cyber Nations, and I thought I'd give 'er a whirl. After my initial roll, I got a barrage of recruitment PMs, however none of them really appealed to me. The following day I got even more, but there was one that really stood out for me, since I was an RL Christian - the CCC's. So I decided to register for that particular alliance. It was nate1865 who sent that message.
    Of course since the CCC is almost always at war with some idiot rogue (that's one thing that hasn't changed since I left the alliance) I quickly learned the ways of CN war. I'm sure that the reason I'm faring so well in TOOL is the amount of hands-on experience I got in CCC. If I had started in a larger alliance (other than TOOL, anyway, as I've heard stories of people going from n00b to known by everyone in a month or two there), I'm honestly not convinced that I would be where I am today.
    Of course I had to take the initiative. I got involved almost immediately, even helping people wage war with success when I myself was still in my first rogue-bust. I worked in the Department of Defence, even becoming Minister of Defence by July of last year. I also tried my hand at diplomacy, which I was a little skittish about at first, but after being made to feel incredibly welcome at TOOL (so much so that I ended up joining them in my second incarnation) I wanted to do more and more.
    Of course, then came the War of the Coalition. And one of the DoWs on my alliance made me have a flashback to a serious RL event that in turn made me have a massive panic attack. It was then I had realised that I was investing too much time in the game and had to step back. The three months I spent away from the game, though, made me realise how much I miss the community of the game, although this time around I'm trying not to let things get taken too personally. As my last blog entry shows, I still have work to do but at least I feel I've improved in the roughly three months (it will be exactly three on the 22nd) since I joined TOOL.
    I've enjoyed my tenure in TOOL - never a boring moment, although I don't get as much war action as I did with CCC because the rogues aren't as brazen about attacking TOOL. Probably a good thing as they'd get pounded until they peaced out (and possibly paid reps) or until they'd been ZIed. Obviously I still keep an eye on CCC though. Trust me, if dual membership were allowed, I'd be a member of both, but it isn't in the case of CCC and it isn't exactly encouraged in TOOL, so my commitment lies with The Order of Light.
    Has CN done anything for me? Absolutely. It's helped me keep my database/spreadsheet-maintaining skills fresh. It's added to my at one point non-existent self-confidence, and actually feel like something. I know I'm not the most attractive guy IRL, so it also gives people the chance to not judge me by how I look. Thanks to the CCC, I've also been able to grow in my faith.
    Now for a ridiculously long list of shoutouts.
    IGP Warriors (Dave) - for having that link on his site. Here's to you, Bovril Boy!
    nate1865 - for recruiting me
    nate1865/Bolak/KeyStroke/Kaiser - for teaching me most of what I know about war.
    Salmacis - for his "economic advices" and awesome sense of humour.
    CL - for giving me my first official ambassadorial job in spite of the fact that I was a bit nervous about it.
    zion7 - for showing me what true faithfulness looks like.
    CVTWayne - for really boosting my confidence. To have an RL Marine comment on my leadership was a massively huge compliment.
    KingRich - for being awesome to work with. I think you're probably the prototypical warrior-diplomat.
    Dragonknight1000 - for being so awesome that I decided to go to TOOL's forums to find out more about TOOL.
    Captain Mudfoot - for being one of the reasons that I stuck around at TOOL as ambassador and eventually as member. Seriously, you helped me feel incredibly welcome there.
    Mia - for getting me involved in FA stuff for TOOL, and for generally being super-awesome. Also for your friendship, which means a helluva lot to me. I mean that.
    Shuru - Another really good friend. Your loyalty to me is humbling sometimes.
    William Blake, Willem, Dodo, and GK - all great guys to work with. I'm just hoping you have a lot of patience. It'll take some time to get the skullslacker out of my system.
    GK - for creating TOOL.
    Nikonov - for convincing me to join CNRP.
    njndirish - I dunno how you do it, dude. Your work on FIFOB is amazing. You ever need help, gimme a shout.
    Tygaland - for being the measuring stick for honour in CN IMO.
    King Penchuk, Electron Sponge, King_Srqt - for still being here to make this game interesting.
    Doitzel - while I don't always agree with you or your methods IC, OOC you always provide a reasonably intelligent way to make this game interesting and at least somewhat fun.
    Ro - again, for being Ro.
    Much respect also to: everyone in TOOL, everyone in CCC, everyone in GOP (especially Wayne and Rekh), Valdemar, Kaiser Milch, potatohead, Friedrich von Hessen/Fredrik Kaarle I/whatever alias you're going by these days, Crossbowman, Rommelgrad, K-Fred, Karl, Toku, James Maximus, Cyvole, mhawk, Desperado, Coursca, FinsterBaby, Heft, Botha (I do hope you're going for the World Cup-Alliance Cup double), peron, Hoo, ChairmanHal, General Lee, Rish, Tails (although I wish you'd stop perving on Mia), Ramirus Maximus (you are THE trivia master), anyone brave enough to let me play their trivia bot on IRC, TheAUT, Almighty Grub, Draztikus, Goalintos, Darth Actorbass, Ski, Aaric, ZBaldwin, Fallen Fool (not "Fallen Fail"), HannaH , bigwoody, Dilber, Mary The Fantabulous, Wainy , Vektor Zero, Sargun, Sir Michael Harland, Rebel Virginia, mastab, Vanadrin Failing, Broon, Hassman, Saintkev, Finner, Prince Buster, Erchie, all the regular WAPA crew, Cataduanes, Voobaha, VolNation, Arcadian Empire, Costa Libertad, Mousey, potato, Magical Trevor, everyone else I forgot who plays in LM (Don't even know half the bloody nation names - isn't that horrible?), Seli , Dest, Pyro, the CD Finns, Cairna, Lindsay, Revanche, QTUN, Rynka, Snipah, NCC, Filosofer, anyone who's regularly at Vanguard forums that I forgot, Xiphosis (you have a mind like a steel trap, dude), Darth Sexy, Aurion, Wiccan, Nutkase, Drai, Virillus, Laura , Sande, Elishia , Ivory, ilselu, Wurzel, Bob, Vojav, Cheyenne, SpiderJerusalem (regularly one of the more intelligent posters), WickedJ (Hali? O\), Arcturus Jefferson, Captain Impavid, any other FARKer who's posted an OWF announcement, Deacon, TSC peoplez, Deuterium Dawn, Drompper, Uhtred, Rakari, Lakerzz, everyone else in STA, Rabidman (DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!), DLT, Adrian Lacroix, Machiabelly, Lady Dakota, James I, Shamshir, Kharn, jerdge, Italy, soccerbum, Sumeragi, mykep, SWAT128, Queen Aurore, Lord Boris, Turetel, Emperor Tiberius, John Rocker, Cookavich, Penguin, Kryievla (why do I keep wanting to spell your name Kryjevla?), Justinian The Mighty, Centurius, Jaym, Biohazard, ZoomZoomZoom (why didn't you stay at TOOL you gimp?), Joracy (lol @ being called a "trader" - you and 30K other people...), Franklin, SpoiL, Martin Bormann, BacTalan, Lord Ditka, GearHead, Nahzryn, zzzptm, Rector, SoX, D34th, KaitlinK, jjallen, Sun WuKong, Mercy Fallout, ejayrazz (do you actually use eJay? I've always wondered...), President Obama, General Mazur, lolpie, fireguy, Al Ashtraki, Stefan, Combatmedic, Stumpy, Londo, Wad of Lint, and anyone else I forgot. There are a lot of people I've had positive encounters with in this game or that I think highly of, so don't be surprised if I did forget someone.
  8. Uralica
    Top Stories
    Large Avalanche On Mount Narodnaya Injures Four
    VUKTYL - Four hikers are very lucky to be alive after a loose snowbank near the vertical midway point of Mount Narodnaya's southeastern slope collapsed yesterday and triggered a massive avalanche, which wiped out the vast majority of the hiking trails in the northern portion of that particular slope. The reason for the survival of the foursome was mostly to do with luck, however quick response from an emergency flight team from the closest settlement, the town of Severnaya Naroda in the northwesternmost parts of Yugra, prevented the foursome from dying of hypothermia as the destruction of trails had stranded them. Two of the hikers suffered only cuts and bruises, while one suffered a concussion and another a separated right shoulder. The foursome were later transferred to Vuktyl, Central Uralica, where the two with more severe injuries are recovering.
    Sports
    KJK Stuns Dinamo Kirov
    KIROV - It was one for the ages, just as everyone expected the "Kirov Clasico" would be. The thing that wasn't expected was who won.
    In spite of letting a soft goal in early, Immo Kivilahti, Kirovin JK's goalkeeper, "stood on his head" for the remainder of the match, and over a hundred minutes later, Kirovin JK claimed one of the largest upsets of the tournament, beating Dinamo Kirov 2-1 in extra time. Forward Mikko Lippola scored just two minutes in, forcing Kirovin JK to dig deep to get an equaliser, especially when they were outshot 20-11 in the course of the match.
    6'5" forward Kai Attinen got the equaliser in the 72nd minute off a well-struck corner by right mid Yevgeny Smertin, whose second-cousin Miron plays for Zavod Ural Solikamsk.
    But the glory would end up belonging to two people - goalkeeper Immo Kivilahti, who continuously stymied super-forward Khavkuk Shlomov, and attacking mid Tuukka Lehtonen, who scored the winning goal.
    "They deserve the win, if only because Kivilahti stood on his head for all but the first two minutes of the match," said a teary-eyed Shlomov. "And not taking anything away from their attack, either. I'm a little surprised we were able to shut [Tapani] Karjalainen down, but [Kai] Attinen and [Tuukka] Lehtonen were both superb. I suppose we simply made more mistakes than they did. But when you lose a match this big, that was this close, you can't help being a little heartbroken, y'know?"
    Kirovin JK now go into the Kanslerinkilpi final to play SiPS, who have been struggling a little in Liga Mundo lately but have been unstoppable in domestic play, in spite of a "shaky start" in the form of a 4-1 win over FK Kirov's reserve team. SiPS has outscored its opposition 44-1, while Kirovin JK's aggregate is 30-1, with the only goal they've allowed to this point being the one scored in this match.
    Another Medal For Salomäki, Malakhov Continues Domination
    VORKUTA - On the third day of competition during the Vorkuta stage of the Uralican Nordic Skiing Championships, Jarkko Salomäki found himself running second to the legendary Dmitry Malakhov in the men's individual sprint in cross-country skiing, something he described as "an exhilarating experience."
    "I mean, winning gold in Chaykovsky was pretty awesome, no question there," he said, in a rather lengthy multi-topic interview yesterday. "But to come second to the best there is in the sport today, there's no comparison... well, if I could beat the guy, maybe, but I can't, that's the thing. He holds every Uralican record in both straight-up cross-country and biathlon. Too bad he readily admits to sucking at ski jumping, or Uralica could own the podium in any cross-country event! But yeah, it was the individual sprint, and I was never further than fifteen metres behind him at any given time. It was an epic rush. I think even more so, because I tend to be better at biathlon than at straight-up cross-country. Was my only race this round, too!" (Salomäki has largely been focussing on football.)
    This week, the UNSC runs at Khanto, except for ski-jumping, which is located at Narodnaya Alpine Skiing Centre in Kharp, Yamalia.
    Tourism
    Uralican Tourism Skyrockets After War's End
    SYKTYVKAR - Tourism Uralica couldn't be happier. After TOOL's exit from the current global conflict, Uralican tourism floodgates were blown open, figuratively speaking.
    One border crossing official from near Gryazovets, West Uralica, related his tale.
    "So we were out on 1 March," he said, "and on 2 March, it was Spartan-calibre madness down here. Now most of the refugees returned home by air or sea, but our popular road ingress points were crammed. I mean, here at Gryazovets, we had three-hour waits at the border-crossing. But I heard from friends elsewhere in the country that there were a few worse areas. Like Highway 7E. The Joutselkä Crossing had a five-hour backup at one point, and as you know that's the main route north through Viipuri between Saint Petersburg and Old Finland, so it's quite well-travelled. The Y-Burg-Chelyabinsk Highway [Highway UH-19] was in total gridlock. I think it got so bad you even had the border crossing along the road going from Tyumen' to Juganvar [Highway UH-29] flowing with the traffic, that would usually come up through Yekaterinburg and go out UH-6 instead."
    In the last five days, the most visited cities were Syktyvkar, Yekaterinburg, Perm', Viipuri, Kirov (one astute tourist pointed out he came for the KJK-Dinamo match, but ended up coming early just to "see what the hype was about."), Salyakharad (a stopoff point for alpine skiing enthusiasts), Vorkuta, Veliski, Izhevsk, and Chaykovsky (the "Twinkie Capital of the Former Soviet Union"). Other places that were very well-visited were Polar Bear National Park in Nenetsia-North Uralica, Virgin Komi Forests National Park (split between several counties), and the Verkhnekondinsky National Nature Reserve in southwestern Yugra.
  9. Uralica
    Top Stories
    Salomäki: "I Made An Ass Of Myself"
    SYKTYVKAR - in a press conference today, Jarkko Salomäki publicly apologised for a snafu he made by appearing to take sides in the latest world conflict between the Sirius bloc and the AcTi alliance, as well as renaming the conflict article on the Robertian World News Network website, www.rwnn.org.bob, without an international consensus.
    "Yeah, I made an ass of myself," Jarkko said. "Vaido [Kuik] and Ovdey [shlomov] both gave me hell for it, I headdesked about half a dozen times, then I decided to apologise, say the criticism was fair dinkum, and move on."
    Vaido Kuik confirmed this statement.
    "I saw what he'd done and that [RWNN executive] Locke had changed it back, and I thought to myself, 'Jarkko, you clown!' So I got in my car and drove across Syktyvkar to his place, knocked on his door, and as I open it, there's Ovdey walking out. So I ask him what he was doing there, and he said he decided to set Dweebko (sic) straight on showing even the slightest support for either side in this ridiculous war, and that he must have headdesked at least four times. So in I go, and Jarkko asks me, 'lemme guess, you didn't like that I wrote something that could be construed as showing support?' and I'm like, 'No, I just got whined at by Locke about you changing the name of a war without consensus.' Which of course was exaggerating, but he knows I do that. So he groaned loudly and headdesked yet again, whining that it just wasn't his day. Now here he is, apologising for it, not really out of compulsion. I think he felt pretty bad about the whole thing."
    War Protest In Kirov
    KIROV - a peaceful rally against the current war, which organiser Jarmo Eerikäinen said was not necessarily against one side or the other, started last night, not long after Jarkko Salomäki publicly apologised for a few diplomatic faux pas he had made.
    The highlights of the rally included approved covers of three songs: Pelastus covered Fear Factory's "Hi-Tech Hate," Bane of the Machine (sans Salomäki, who was replaced by Jeff Laukkanen) and Mowdown teamed up to cover Genesis' ten-minute epic "Domino," and Digitoxicosis covered Front Line Assembly track "Millennium." Along with these, Pelastus cranked out their single "The HateKilla." Enemy's Enemy brought a Jewish angle to it with their single, "All Will Burn."
    Sports
    ZavU Stuns SiPS, CSKVC Puts One Nail In Three Coffins
    On a wacky day in the Bolakliiga, SiPS' 34-game unbeaten streak was shattered by a late Fedor Poustovoitov goal as Zavod Ural Solikamsk won 2-1. Ruslan Zakharchuk scored the other goal for the winners, while league goal-scoring leader Joni Rasimus scored the lone goal for the losers.
    "We wanted to win them all," said manager Teppo Kostamo, "but you know what? We realise we can't. We weren't playing our best, and they most certainly were. Don't blame it all on Jarkko [salomäki] being off doing political stuff. Our defence is deep enough that we should have been able to handle them, but our offence wasn't up to snuff other than Joni and Hessu [Öörni, the team's assist leader this season]. They won. We lost. Fair play. We'll have to regroup and do better next match. All there is to it."
    Their next match, on the 13th, is against MetaFraks Gubakha.
    There were several other "upsets" on the 6th. Most notable from a table point of view was 17th-place CSKVC Kirov's 2-1 win over 13th-place Metafraks Gubakha, which simultaneously doomed FK Syktyvkar, FK Kirov, and FK Kotlas to relegation. FK Inta stunned last year's 8th-place side, Spartak Ukhta, by the same, while FK Vorkuta surprised Transit Sosnogorsk 3-2 in a comedy of errors.
  10. Uralica

    OOC: Some musings...

    By Uralica,

    It's been a while since I did a fully OOC blog, since most of this is simply a vent for my hypergraphia. For those that do not know, that's the condition of being one who writes way the hell too much. And Unsure and Jack Diorno among others can attest that I do indeed write way the hell too much, both on my Wiki and here in my CN blog.
    But that's not what this is about.
    No, this is about me taking my leave of the OWF, and most of the CN forums for that matter, indefinitely. There are actually several reasons for that, and most of them have to do with me.
    As anyone who actually knows me would know, I am a mild case of Asperger Syndrome, which in my experience has made me prone to being too literal about stuff, taking stuff too seriously, and being naive and too trusting. It also became apparent to me when I was talking to Rafael Nadal (God bless him) last night, that I spend too much time there, but all I really do is hail our allies, occasionally heckle some complete thicko, and try to be otherwise respectful. But in retrospect, I do sometimes wonder if I have anything of substance to contribute on OWF anymore, especially in a seemingly far grayer political atmosphere than when I first started playing CN over 1 1/2 years ago. I'm no Bob Janova or King_Srqt. I have no intelligent insights into Robertian politics. I'm many things - ghost-buster, linguist, giver, bank, stats-keeper, officer - but I nearly flunked entry-level Poli Sci for being too opinionated, and in the case of CN, I don't like to jump in unless I actually know what I'm talking about. And 90% of the time, I honestly know very little.
    Plus you see, when I was in CCC, even when I was their MoD, everything seemed black and white whenever CCC was involved. Whether that is naivete or not, I don't know. But in every situation that happened involving our alliance, except maybe how we handled the ", I had a very clear idea of who was right and who was wrong (including in WotC, where a snafu CCC had made a couple months prior came back to bite them in the butt).
    It was the Jarheads War that began to change this, but the events leading up to the Karma War sped it the hell up.
    Now don't get me wrong. I was ready to go to ZI for TOOL in defence of TPF, and I was gutted that I couldn't take part in the inital rush on DT, if only to have a little fun and maybe have a nice conversation in CCC-style fashion with my opponent. I ended up sort of doing this against Heifong, my since-inactive-deleted Brigade opponent. There was no talking until the end of the war, where it was kind of a "good fight, here's your knuckle-tappage" sort of thing. (I actually had sort of the same thing with one of my opponents from GOD in WotC, except we both chuckled at the fact that I got a million bucks off with my last attack, mere minutes from being told to send peace. )
    But now, in this "brave new world," it never seems as if any one person or alliance is 100% in the right, or 100% in the wrong, at least not at the heart of a major conflict. This is how I felt with the NPO situation, this is how I feel with the current Athens-TPF situation, and it probably won't be the last time I feel this way. Unless someone comes up with a CB that is rock-solid, or one that is a complete and total fabrication that can be debunked immediately (or the complete absence of one), I figure I'm doomed to keep my mouth shut. So why bother posting if I can't come up with something substantial? It just makes me come off like a complete imbecile.
    Now for some better news so as not to sound completely emo. (I hate emo music anyway, so anyone who called me emo would get my left foot in their face )
    My life outside of CN is actually looking up now, to be honest. I have a job, I'm going to school in the summer to start the process of working on my MLE degree, I have a church family that I love and that loves me and accepts me in spite of my myriad eccentricities and my incessant linguistics rambling. So why should I let this drag me down? The only thing that would make things better is if I could actually afford those overpriced music production programs, so I could get back to making music (I do hate having pirated software). Because seriously, me without music isn't really me.
    I won't leave CN until I absolutely have to, and that probably won't be until at least September of 2010, and probably later. I will continue to RP-blog. I will collect taxes, pay bills, Wiki, be a diplomat, and maybe exchange "NO Us" on IRC. But until something comes along that actually allows me to say something of worth, and not sound like I'm talking out my $@!, I'm done with OWF.
  11. Uralica
    Top Stories
    Plesetsk Cosmodrome Nearing Completion
    MIRNYY - According to Reijo Muurinen, the refit of Plesetsk Cosmodrome should be complete in around two weeks.
    "All the equipment we need is now in the area," said the Uralican leader of the international team of TOOL specialists working on the Cosmodrome to replace outdated and occasionally inoperable equipment. "We got our last shipment from Fish Master two days ago. The real trick now is to get the stuff installed, but we have a lot of people working on it. I'm really thankful that the Uralicans on this job are getting the chance to receive training from nationalities who already have full and successful space programs, like Fish Master, Irlande, and evilkokonut. We may even have enough training to start our own official space agency by later in the year, although at first the Cosmodrome will be under the jurisdiction of the Uralican Air Force. Actually, we are already working on plans for our first space-faring rocket, although its duty will only be to transport a satellite."
    In the meantime, there is talk of merging Mirnyy into Plesetsk, for much the same reasons as Lesnoy is set to merge into Nizhnyaya Tura at the beginning of July. This move would nearly triple the size of Plesetsk, and mean that Mirnyy wouldn't have to worry about drafting a separate charter even though it is plenty large enough to apply for city status.
    "The whole 'closed town' thing has become something of a stigma in Uralica," Muurinen said. "I think Uralicans see it as a relic of the secretive, paranoid elements of two imperialistic societies - the USSR and Old Russia - as much as said societies would balk at the suggestion. I think some parts of the Old United States have some of the same sentiment. Anyway, it's only natural that the two should be merged because of their proximity and mutual dependence on each other."
    Uralican News
    Living's Easy In Pre-Summer Uralica
    CHEBOKSARY - It would seem the Uralican economy has been on a slow rise over the last three weeks, after having plateaued two weeks after the end of the so-called "Second Unjust War."
    According to Dr. Esa Miettinen, the Dean of Business at Uralikan Yliopisto, this is normal.
    "The leadup to summer always sees a gradual pickup in the economy," he says. "In Uralica, a nation where there are so many grade-school teachers, you have them planning for 'year-end fun stuff.' You have parents of these kids planning for summer vacations. You have parents of other nations' kids planning for summer vacations in Uralica. The largest market increases during the summer are in tourism and souvenirs, food sales, sporting goods, and video games. Yes, I did say video games. UralTek's strongest quarter since its foundation has always been quarter two, that is, May-June-July. (An aside, I picked myself up a copy of Demonslayers yesterday. That game is so much fun!)"
    For evidence of the impact of tourism on Uralica during the summer, one need only head towards any city with a beach or with something else fun to partake in. Take Cheboksary for example. As I report, the regionally-famous Cheboksarsky Zaliv (when one says "The Zaliv" in Uralica, they mean this artificial bay) is pretty much swarming with both tourists and locals wanting to partake in a little summer revelry, even with the temperatures only around 16 degrees Celsius.
    Syktyvkar is usually buzzing this time of year as well, and this year is not disappointing. Uralic Cultural Centre ticket sales are up by 52% over last quarter.
    Religion
    Theophilos II: Uralica Is "Abundantly Blessed"
    YEKATERINBURG - Theophilos II arrived in Yekaterinburg yesterday afternoon after holding a night service at the Cathedral Of St. Elizabeth in Pervouralsk on Sunday night.
    Apparently the nation has left a good impression on the aging Patriarch of Constantinople, as he had nothing but good to say about it from his time there. He has decided to extend his stay an extra three days so he can partake in an ecumenical service at the Church of the Resurrection, where he held an Orthodox service on the night of 30 May.
    "This nation is abundantly blessed, both in the works of the Lord's creation, and in the enrichment of the Holy Spirit," he said in a recent interview. "I am very glad to have been able to finally come to Uralica, and I have been treated with nothing but the love of Christ since I set foot in it."
    He says his last act in the nation, to come on Monday, 14 June, will be a gift to Uralica, from all the patriarchs.
    Sports
    Condensed Upper Level Standings Update Before Transfer Window Opens
    For full standings visit www.ujpl.com.ur (OOC: Kolmonen and Nelonen standings will be available later in the week upon request.)
    (13 matches played, 33 remain)
    Bolakliiga
    1. Sikkivukarin Palloseura (SiPS) - 39 points
    2. Dinamo Kirov - 39 points
    3. Zavod Ural Solikamsk - 33 points
    4. Telekom Pazhga - 33 points
    5. Dinamo Arkhangel'sk - 30 points
    6. Trátyi TK - 25 points
    7. Kirovin JK - 25 points
    8. Udmurtiya Izhevsk - 24 points
    9. Amkar Perm' - 23 points
    10. Transit Sosnogorsk - 18 points
    11. Mashinostroitel Kirov - 17 points
    12. Spartak Ukhta - 17 points
    13. Dinamo Vologda - 15 points
    14. FK Vorkuta - 14 points
    15. Metafraks Gubakha - 8 points
    16. CSKVC Kirov - 6 points
    17. FK Kotlas - 6 points
    18. FK Kirov - 4 points
    19. FK Syktyvkar - 3 points
    20. FK Inta - 3 points
    Ykkönen
    1. Mordovia Saransk - 39 points
    2. Ural Yekaterinburg - 36 points
    3. Öskölömen PK - 34 points
    4. Fortuna Nizhny Tagil - 31 points
    5. Usovuoren JK - 26 points
    6. Turan Ukhta - 26 points
    7. Pechorski SK - 24 points
    8. FK Ukhta - 21 points
    9. Spartak Yoshkar-Ola - 20 points
    10. Spartak Kirov - 18 points
    11. Krylja Uralikov Glazov - 17 points
    12. Bumazhnik Solikamsk - 17 points
    13. Isoustiukin PK - 16 points
    14. CSKA Syktyvkar - 12 points
    15. Khimik Koryazhma - 11 points
    16. Mashinostroitel Aleksandrovsk - 10 points
    17. Olimpia Kirovo-Chepetsk - 8 points
    18. FK Kudymkar - 5 points
    19. FK Berezniki - 4 points
    20. Lokomotiv Kotlas - 0 points
    Kakkonen West
    1. Sever Murmansk - 39 points
    2. Severstal FK Cherepovets - 39 points
    3. Mennonites FC Pazhga - 37 points
    4. Stolitsa Yoshkar-Ola - 33 points
    5. Kirssin Palloseura (KiPS) - 33 points
    6. Sysola Syktyvkar - 28 points
    7. Magyar LK Tráty - 27 points
    8. Mashinostroitel Severodvinsk - 22 points
    9. Mari FK Yoshkar-Ola - 22 points
    10. Liv JK Käkisalmi - 18 points
    11. Mordvin FK Krasnoslobodsk - 15 points
    12. Komi FC Syktyvkar - 14 points
    13. CSKVC Syktyvkar - 12 points
    14. Sapmi FK Montsa - 11 points
    15. Eesti JK Vaahruše - 10 points
    16. Karjalan JK Viipuri - 10 points
    17. Veliski FK - 7 points
    18. JK Trakt - 6 points
    19. Sikkivukarin Suomalaisen Palloklubi (SSP Syktyvkar) - 0 points
    20. Arsenal Syktyvkar - 0 points
    Kakkonen East
    1. Khalmer-Yu Town - 39 points
    2. Energiya Chaykovsky - 31 points
    3. Rossia Krasnokamsk - 30 points
    4. Nenets FK Naryan-Mar - 30 points
    5. Octane Perm' - 29 points
    6. CSKA Vorkuta - 27 points
    7. Progress Inta - 26 points
    8. Russki FK Yekaterinburg - 23 points
    9. Obyugra FK Surgut - 21 points
    10. FK Yekaterinburg - 21 points
    11. CSKA Ukhta - 18 points
    12. Udmurt FK Izhevsk - 17 points
    13. Burevestnik Izhevsk - 17 points
    14. FK Naryan-Mar - 14 points
    15. FK Sarapul - 13 points
    16. FK Kungur - 10 points
    17. Pshenitsa Kudymkar - 6 points
    18. FK Bolak Ukhta - 3 points
    19. CSKVC Ukhta - 3 points
    20. Traktor Berezniki - 0 points
    Battle Of Syktyvkar In Kurri Trophy Finals
    SYKTYVKAR - at least there won't be any need for a plane.
    As expected, one goal determined the fate of the Jokerit Syktyvkar-CSKA Kirov series, and it was after four overtimes that Jokerit defenceman Timo Lappinen belted a flipped puck past a stunned Dmitry Rosenov to win Game 7 4-3, in the longest game in Uralican hockey history.
    Tired and dejected, CSKA return to Kirov and begin planning for next season, although with the season they had this season, they have clearly emerged as a fourth major power in the Uralican game.
    "They took us to the limit," said Jokerit forward Marko Suominen. "They play a very physical game, and we were unable to use our speed to beat them, so we had to grit down and bite the bullet. The series could have gone any which way, really. We could have just as easily been swept."
    Truer words could not have been spoken. Of the seven games, only one - Game 3, which ended a 3-2 win for Jokerit - didn't go to overtime, and the only reason it didn't was a goal by Risto Tuominen with 8 seconds left. And CSKA almost tied it with a second left, with left winger Vladimir Torbeyev hitting the crossbar with his team's net empty.
    One thing is for certain, and Torbeyev made that very clear in the interview - "We'll be back next season for sure."
    The finals are set to start on Thursday, and HK Syktyvkar, led by the UIHL's three-time scoring champ Matvey Kolpakov, the so-called "Mari Gretzky," say they are looking forward to facing their arch-rivals once again.
    "Whenever you get HKS and Jokerit together in the same rink," says Kolpakov, "you are guaranteed a good series. Although we would have likely also had a good series had we gotten CSKA as opponents as well."
    Jokerit star Markus Hansen says the key to beating HKS is to shut down their top line.
    "Kolpakov and the Schaeffers [Kurtis and Dirk] are scary good if you give them even a centimetre," he said. "The trick to beating HKS is shutting them down offensively, but it's an incredibly hard trick to pull off. We will try, that's for sure."
  12. Uralica
    Top Stories
    Final Reports Issued Regarding Waste Cleanup
    USOVUORI - although the cleanup of a toxic spill just outside of Koslan, Northwest Uralica, was finished nearly a week ago, the final paperwork regarding said spill, the causes, and the measures taken to clean it up, was only handed in yesterday, and released to the public this morning.
    The spill, which was first detected in mid-April by some loggers in the area, cost Uralica two and a half million dollars and close to fifteen square kilometres of forest land to clean up. The official cause, which is accurate according to Janne Hirvonen, who was on-site in the investigation and cleanup process every day until its completion, was corrosion of the containers holding a chemical weapon compound in a derelict chemical weapons depot near the town of Koslan, which is mere minutes from the county seat of Usovuori.
    The area that was hardest hit was the central section of the Mezen' River, although trace amounts of the chemicals were detected as far away as Kamenka, the town opposite the city of Mezen' in its namesake river's delta. Efforts to repopulate the river's fish stocks are already underway.
    Patriarch Of Constantinople Visits Uralica
    PAZHGA - The spiritual leader of Eastern Orthodoxy, Patriarch Theophilos II of Constantinople, was greeted by a large crowd of Uralican Orthodox faithful as he arrived at Kaido Ojastu International Airport in Syktyvkar yesterday. The aging patriarch wanted to see Uralica first-hand, as he had apparently not done so before. Among the people on hand to greet him were Metropolitan Nikolay Kosov, composers Ruslan Kamyshin and Nikolay Shevchuk, and noteworthy Uralican footballers Bosko Levishin, Miron Smertin, and Artur Kuznetsov.
    The patriarch is reported to be staying for two weeks, and will participate in an Orthodox night service in the Church of the Resurrection in Pazhga tonight.
    Sports
    HK Syktyvkar Into Finals, CSKA And Jokerit Even Steven
    SYKTYVKAR - who didn't call this one?
    Usovuoren JKK could just as easily have run into a brick wall. HK Syktyvkar wrapped up a disturbingly brief series against the Finnish team from Usovuori with a 6-1 massacre in Usovuori last night, so the "Men In Black" return to Syktyvkar to await the winner of the currently-tied CSKA Kirov-HK Jokerit series. CSKA brought the series to two games apiece with a 4-3 overtime win in Syktyvkar last night, after losing the only regulation loss of the series (3-2) three days earlier.
    Pre-Transfer Window Thoughts
    This article was the weekly winner of a ujpl.com.ur contest for football writing.
    Football fans had best be watching their team's movements in the coming weeks. The transfer window opens on 10 June, and very few teams aren't at least somewhat involved. In fact, I believe SiPS went so far as to say they were completely happy with their team and weren't going to make a single move. Good on them - they don't really need to. Not with three of the best five players in Uralican football this season - Joni Rasimus, Raimo Suominen, and Hessu Öörni - on the squad. Heck no.
    There are several B-Liiga calibre, lower-level players that could be moving, though. Now Khalmer-Yu Town said that none of their players are for sale, and that they would not entertain any offers. So I guess that means Leonid Voloshenin, among others, isn't going anywhere fast.
    But what about Stolitsa Yoshkar-Ola goalkeeper Csaba Szálay? Rumour has it that half the Bolakliiga is interested in acquiring his services.
    Centre mid Pentti Kotamäki, striker Dmitry Bumazhnikov, left back Foma Khrushchyov, and right mid Tamás Toth from YugraMash Kogalym are all up for sale, and with YugraMash being so far ahead of the competition in the Nelonen H1 that it's getting ridiculous, this should be a breath of fresh air for football fans on the east side of the Urals. It's already rumoured that Trátyi TK is interested in Toth, although I don't know why they would be with István Sándor having a good season as it is.
    Sever Murmansk may lose two of its best, but they won't come cheap by any means. Goalkeeper Ulrik Sandberg and left back Jonas Strömgren, both Saami, are on interest lists in both Bolakliiga and Ykkönen alike, and add to that the possibility of interest from Finnish striker Kari Härkönen in going elsewhere, and Sever might find itself in an interesting situation after the window. But with arch-rival Severstal Cherepovets being scouted, Sever most certainly aren't alone.
    18-year-old IPK/national team defender Martin Roos apparently wants out of Isoustiuki, as he feels the team's offence isn't good enough to be a contender in the Ykkönen. However, the only B-Liiga team that's showed interest thus far is FK Kirov. That said, with Milan Sorokin looking to gut FK Inta, one can never be 100% sure.
    There are also players within the Bolakliiga who might be changing teams, either to other B-liiga teams or lower-level teams. Make no mistake about it, FK Inta will be transfering players, most likely in the downward direction. Rumours out of Northeast Uralica have some players from the back end, most notably Moroz "The Giveaway King" Rybin, backup goalkeeper Aleksi Toivola, and right back Boris Kozlov going for next to nothing.
    A bit more surprising was Vyacheslav Kudymov handing in a transfer request, but that depends on whether or not you sympathise with him having to abide Mashinostroitel Kirov's lack of offence this season. Only Kirovin JK has scored fewer out of teams in the top half of the league. Speaking of whom, 'keeper Immo Kivilahti has said he's staying put.
    Another Bolakliiga player I'd see as a viable transfer option at this point is FK Vorkuta's Yoel Pankov. He says he's happy in Vorkuta, but I could see him going to a "better" club for the right price, mainly because I think his talent is wasted with a team that won't ever be much better than mid-table without some serious restructuring.
    Anyway, with eleven days to go until the window opens, I suspect there are already some talks going on, although a premature move will cost the offending team a nice chunk of kanat.
    Glazovski RMS Wins Inaugural Uralican Handball League Title
    GLAZOV - Well, after a long season of handball, and an exciting last five matches, Glazovski RMS has edged KPK Pettora and Yoshkarolsky RMS to win the inaugural UHBL title. It did so with a 15-10 win over KPK Uhta, finishing the season with 49 wins and 11 losses. KPK Pettora and Yoshkarolsky RMS both had 48 wins and 12 losses.
    Syktyvkarsky RMS won Division II on head-to-head results against Petroskoin KPK, as both teams finished the season with 52 wins and 8 losses. Petroskoin KPK and Julserolan KPK join the Division II champs in promotion, while HBV Patschke, RMS Fortuna, and Kudymkarsky Kruzhsky RMS are relegated to Division II.
    Wild Footy Week Sees FK Inta Finally Win A Match
    INTA - Milan Sorokin was grinning from ear to ear at the end of Saturday, as he declared that forward Maksi Vilppula and mid Bogdan Shishkov earned themselves a spot on the "no-transfer" list after the two combined for both goals and assists in FK Inta's 2-1 win over FK Syktyvkar.
    He also expressed great confidence in captain/starting 'keeper Vyacheslav Tikhonov, and in defenders Daniil Bykov and Lanssi Möttölä.
    "We are definitely showing signs of improvement," said the long-suffering Inta manager. "And finally, some of the players are starting to clue into the tactics I've been trying to use all season."
    In other news, Udmurtiya Izhevsk continues to spiral downward, losing to Trátyi TK, a team that they seem to have trouble beating (it was TráTK who made Udmurtiya exit this year's Kanslerinkilpi early), by a score of 3-2. There was only one other match of actual note, which saw Zavod Ural Solikamsk come back from 2-1 down to beat Dinamo Arkhangel'sk 3-2, with Fedor Poustovoitov scoring the winner in stoppage time.
    The Ykkönen had more than its share of turkey shoots, with some being one-sided (Mordovia Saransk 4-0 over FK Kudymkar, ÖPK 3-0 over Bumazhnik Solikamsk) and some not so one-sided (UJK 4-2 over Mashinostroitel Aleksandrovsk, FK Ukhta 3-2 over FK Berezniki). Lokomotiv Kotlas continues to lose without scoring, as they lost 2-0 against Spartak Kirov. Speaking of Spartaks, the one from Yoshkar-Ola seems to be recovering from their horrendous start to the season, now in the upper mid-table range after cracking .500 for the first time in club history, with a 2-1 win over CSKA Syktyvkar.
    (EDIT: Spell, I can not. )
  13. Uralica
    (OOC: Curses, late again Ah well, I have an excuse this time. My church barbecue and me being completely dead-tired yesterday in general)
    Top Stories
    Plesetsk Cosmodrome To Reopen In June
    MIRNYY - It would seem Uralica has spacefaring ambitions.
    For the last two months, the Uralican Air Force has been working around the clock on getting the famous Plesetsk Cosmodrome, which is actually closer to former "closed town" Mirnyy within Northwest Uralica, up and running again.
    "A lot of the equipment, while unused, was still very much operable," said Reijo Muurinen, who is in charge of the project. "Some of the equipment was kinda outdated anyway, so we took all that stuff out and are in the process of replacing it. It should be done sometime in late June."
    The reopening of the Cosmodrome has brought forth rumours that Uralica may soon be reaching for the stars, so to speak.
    Cleanup In Northwest Uralica Almost Complete
    KOSLAN - Leakage from an old weapons depot near the Uralican town of Koslan, which caused the destruction of thousands of hectares of forest land, has almost been contained, according to project supervisor and Tribal Council member Janne Hirvonen.
    "The latest report suggests that we are at about 96% completion," the Finn said. "The cleanup of the Mezen' River, which was the hardest part that required the most people, is 100% finished. The real issue now is the complete gutting and disassembly of the weapons depot. The military has been heavily involved in this part, to ensure that it's done right and without incident."
    Sports
    TvinkiZavod Learning The Hard Way
    CHAYKOVSKY - It's tough being a fourth-tier team in an international league for sure. Just ask TvinkiZavod Chaykovsky, the twinkie-sponsored Kolmonen F team who entered the Siberian Trophy this season.
    But in spite of the fact they've lost all but one of their four games in play (1-0-2 in league play and their only cup match was a loss as well), they have kept every match close.
    "It's all about learning the hard way," said manager Yosif Makarin. "Perhaps by 2014, we will be playing in the Bolakliiga. It's hard to say, but we are getting better with every game."
    Their next match is against the very talented Bamburgh FC. The team brought precocious young goalkeeper Anatoly Yakimkin in after a successful trial stint with the reserve club, one that saw TZC Reserves win five straight without allowing a goal.
    Kurri Trophy Semifinal Draw
    (1) HK Syktyvkar (won 4-0) vs. (7) Usovuoren JKK (won 4-3)
    (4) CSKA Kirov (won 4-0) vs. (6) HK Jokerit (won 4-1)
    Predictions:
    Syktyvkar vs. Usovuori: Let me put it simply. Neither Usovuoren JKK nor Spartak Murmansk have the firepower necessary to take on powerhouse HK Syktyvkar. It wouldn't have mattered so much who won this, as HKS would be favoured to win anyway.
    HK Syktyvkar in 4.
    CSKA vs. Jokerit: This one will be a little closer. CSKA recovered from a slow start to finish top in the Southern Division. Jokerit finished second in the ultra-tough Western Division. This will be a classic.
    CSKA in 7.
    UIHL To Expand For 2010-2011
    Each division will have eight teams starting next season, with the top four advancing to playoffs, eliminating the need for the top teams to have first-round byes. But there will be relegation as well, with the five teams going down that would have anyway. (These were JKK Kottila, HK Sosnogorsk, Dinamo Kirovo-Chepetsk, HK Kudymkar, and HK Berezniki)
    Because of these relegations, there will actually be a significant shift in the league's makeup for next season:
    (New teams in italics)
    NORTH
    Torpedo Murmansk
    Usovuoren JKK
    HK Pechora
    Zenit Arkhangel'sk
    HK Ukhta
    Dinamo-GPS Murmansk
    Spartak Severodvinsk
    HK Vuktyl
    WEST
    HK Syktyvkar
    HK Sikkivukarin Jokerit
    Severstal Cherepovets
    Viipurin Blues
    Trátyi HK
    Torpedo Vologda
    Spartak Yulser-Ola
    Dinamo Veliski
    EAST
    HK Sputnik Nizhny Tagil
    HK Serov
    HK Solikamsk
    Öskölömen JKK
    CSKA Yekaterinburg (moved from South)
    Alavartolan Jokerit (Nizhnevartovsk)
    Punaturjimen JKK
    Kudymkar Wheat Kings
    SOUTH
    CSKA Kirov
    MP Perm'
    HK Izhevsk
    HK Glazov
    HK Orlov (Division I Champions)
    HK Kungur
    Votan Salamat
    Zenit Mozhga
    As such, Division I will also expand. The lineup will be announced next Saturday.
  14. Uralica
    Top Stories
    Disaster Relief Agency Opens Doors
    VORKUTA - A tape-cutting ceremony was held in front of the head office of Uralica's recently-finished Disaster Relief Agency yesterday in Vorkuta. Unlike other branches of the ERHDC, this will focus solely on the transportation of money and supplies to nations that need them most.
    Most of the "Founding Fathers and Mothers" were on hand to witness this occasion, with ERHDC head and Kunnianmitali winner Ulrike Didriksen on hand to cut the tape.
    "It's really a great step for Uralica, that we can finally give to the maximum of our nation's potential," said long-time Uralicist Vaido Kuik. "I'm looking forward to working with this new Disaster Relief Agency as a liaison from the government, and I think it kind of fitting that the headquarters is in Vorkuta, given how its more recent history has been that of a haven city for the oppressed."
    Kungur Selected To Replace Krasnokamsk
    KRASNOKAMSK - Well, the wait is over.
    Ever since Krasnokamsk municipal authorities put forward the request to have the Permski Rayon county seat location moved elsewhere, everyone from Krasnokamskis to foreign political pundits have been speculating as to where the new seat might be. On Saturday, a vote was held in the halls of the County Board of Permski Rayon, and out of 37 voters (one was ill and couldn't make it), 29 voted for Kungur, one voted for Chernushka, and six obstained.
    What does this mean? It means that in the nine weeks, there will be a systematic moving of bureaucracy from Krasnokamsk to Kungur, which will officially take its place as Permski Rayon's new county seat on 1 April.
    According to Permski Rayon county president Mikhail Bulykin, this won't really affect Krasnokamsk that much since many of the county authorities worked in nearby Perm' anyway, but it will create more jobs in Kungur, and the central location and junction-city status of Kungur will make it easier to access for a great many people.
    Red Tape Begone!
    PAZHGA - In a move that some pundits said was long overdue, the fourteen Mennonite Tribe members of the Uralican Tribal Council made a motion in a meeting of the Council on Saturday to begin talks between the County Boards of Komiland and Mennoland with regards to a merger of the latter into the former, which would keep its name.
    Alexander Zyrianov, one of the Komi Tribe's longest-serving members, said that pragmatism was the sole reason behind it.
    "I was first approached by [Mennonite Tribe Council Member] Jan Merk about this issue back in October of '09," he said, "and I had to ask him why the Mennonites wanted to give up a separate homeland. He said it was kind of silly to have such a small area tied down by unnecessary red tape, because most counties are of the size that they actually need that kind of level of organisation. After thinking about it for a while, I came back to him and asked him if he'd consider proposing the idea of a merge to the County Board of Mennoland. After all, Mennoland was made out of a former district of the Komi Republic and is almost completely surrounded by Komiland. He said that would be the most pragmatic approach, so he took it to the Board, and it took a while to debate the pros and cons, but when it became apparent to the Mennoland County Board that the pros outweighed the cons and then some, they went to Jan, who brought first to me, then to Jarkko [salomäki] and Vaido [Kuik], and finally to the Komiland County Board in Emva. We did have to go through the Council before officially starting talks, but nobody had any issues with it. It was a hand-vote issue, really, and the vote was unanimous for those who did vote. Those who didn't weren't really paying any attention, and they said so to Jan and myself after the meeting was over."
    Even if talks move quickly, it is not expected the merge will happen until at least 1 April 2010.
    Music
    Enemy's Enemy Rocking Out In War-Torn Earthly Heaven
    SAINT CLOUD, EARTHLY HEAVEN - Uralica's favourite Jewish band is conveying a message of hope and faith in TOOL's best-known Jewish nation, Earthly Heaven. In spite of the bombs pounding the nation, an armoured convoy of planes brought the daring trio to Saint Cloud on Saturday, where they performed a free concert alongside other Jewish bands from its side of the current conflict.
    "It was pretty intense," said vocalist Ravil Aryelovich Yeliseyev (Raphael bar Ariel). "We had to keep sidearms on us - the MPD [Mindphaser Division] gave us automatic weapons to use in case enemy soldiers tried to crash the concert, but it was surprisingly tame down there compared to what was going on in other parts of the city. God is merciful, what can I say? But the fans were still there in full force ready to rock out, and we had a jolly ol' time."
    Fans of Jewish-oriented mainstream and alternative music were said to have "absolutely loved" Enemy's Enemy's hard-hitting EBM sound.
    "This is what music is all about," said keyboardist/programmer Akim Abramovich Mendeleyev (Joachim bar Avraham). "It's about having fun and giving people a legit buzz in the process."
    The band returned to Uralica Sunday night.
    Sports
    "Rushed" ZavU Wins Two Matches In The Same 24 Hours
    SOLIKAMSK - At the end of their Kanslerinkilpi match against Sever Murmansk Tuesday night, Zavod Ural Solikamsk were tired as could be, having needed to have used all three subs for fatigue reasons. The reason for this can be factored down to the UJPL's decision to move this week's midweek 'Kilpi matches to Tuesday, which unfortunately happened to coincide with ZavU's second Siberian Trophy match.
    But amazingly, they won both matches.
    Not only did they beat Sever Murmansk 3-1 to advance to the round of 16 of the Kanslerinkilpi, but they had earlier turned over a shock 2-0 win against Condatis Town of the Siberian Trophy.
    "Here's what we had to do," said manager Dmitry Makarov. "We had to play Condatis at home, then after the match turn right around, hop on a plane to Murmansk and play Sever that night. We left right away so that the guys could have a bit of a nap before they played again. It seems to have worked, but when you're rushed like that, you can't help being tired."
    They were forced to use different tactics as well, as they lost striker Nikolay Tomashov to a cheap challenge from Condatis centre back Chelsey Neaves, which almost drove team captain Bosko Levishin to engage him in fisticuffs.
    "I was at pains to control my temper after that," he said of the incident. "And really, Neaves shoulda been sent off for that. But whatever, it just made us play harder from being mad and all."
    Defender Ervo Hirvesoo took a retaliatory yellow late in the match.
    They came at Sever with a 4-4-2 formation and sat out forward Miron Smertin for fatigue reasons, instead going with Fedor Poustovoitov and slightly disgruntled forward Aleksey Alborov, who recently submitted a transfer request. In midfield were Kupriyanov, Fedin, Stalin (who would later get the captain's armband when Levishin was swapped out) and Zakharchuk, with the same starting four as the Condatis game - Levishin, Feofilakt Chumakov, Ervo Hirvesoo, and Foka Yenin - were started in the back. Mikula Shmarko got the nod in goal.
    Substitutions made: Alborov > Meleshin, Levishin > Marat, Zakharchuk > Petukhov.
    The goals for ZavU against Sever came from Poustovoitov (who also scored one against Condatis), and Meleshin, who scored twice.
    Not long after the match, it was announced that Aleksey Alborov was bought out of his contract, and could sign wherever he pleased, although several teams in the Bolakliiga have already said they would not sign him because of his prima-donna attitude, which he needed to work on.
    Several Seeds Fall In 5th Round
    KHALMER-YU - Believe the hype.
    (14) FK Kotlas was the second seeded team to fall victim to determined and surprisingly good Khalmer-Yu Town, 3-2, with the final goal coming in 2nd-half stoppage time.
    "Honestly, I have no idea what these guys are doing in the Nelonen," FK Kotlas manager Tarmo Saarela said in a post-match interview. "They play like a Bolakiiga side. I dunno what they have in the water up there, but I want some! It's not like we played poor football. They were just a teensy bit better. Yes, we're gutted, but no, we aren't going to dwell on it."
    Most of the seeds losing in this round lost to higher-seeded teams, which was expected:
    *(32) IPK lost to (1) SiPS
    *(24) ÖPK lost to (9) Dinamo Vologda
    *(25) Bumazhnik Solikamsk lost to (8) Spartak Ukhta
    *(26) Pechorski SK lost to (7) Kirovin JK
    Also, unseeded bigshots such as Ural Yekaterinburg, Mordovia Saransk, Fortuna Nizhny Tagil, FK Berezniki, and Sever Murmansk were all eliminated. However, there were a couple minor upsets. One saw eighteenth seed Trátyi TK up-end fifteenth-seed FK Kirov (some would argue that TraTK was the better side anyway), and thirteenth-seeded FK Vorkuta lost to twentieth seed CSKVC Kirov.
    Of the sixteen teams remaining, three are unseeded - Khalmer-Yu Town, plus Severstal Cherepovets (who beat Mennonites FC), and TvinkiZavod Chaykovsky (who beat Octane Perm').
    The matchups are as follows:
    (1) SiPS vs. Severstal
    (9) D. Vologda vs. (8) S. Ukhta
    (5) M. Kirov vs. (12) ZavU
    (20) CSKVC Kirov vs. (4) D. Arkhangel'sk
    (3) D. Kirov vs. Khalmer-Yu Town
    TvinkiZavod vs. (6) Amkar Perm'
    (7) KJK vs. (10) Telekom
    (18) TraTK vs. (2) U. Izhevsk
  15. Uralica
    OOC Note: The 270M I mention would be 180M in cash plus 3000 tech, which is what I could send in 100 days between now and when I leave for the CanIL Summer Program in Langley, BC, at which I'm not sure I'll be able to play CN. I will have a board mod do an IP check around the time. If I can play CN while at TWU, I'll be paying more than $270M equivalent, that's for sure
    Sheesh, listen to me, I'm getting excited about paying reps! I really am insane.
    Top Stories
    War Over, Uralica Called Upon To Help Pay Reparations
    VORKUTA - It was announced late last night that TOOL had agreed to surrender terms with the alliances it was at war at. Although the bill is an estimated 1.775 billion Kanadalainens' worth for the whole alliance, Uralicans are ready for the task of sending out money and supplies as required.
    "We can send out the equivalent of $27M every ten days," said ERHDC president Ulrike Didriksen. "So we intend to be sending out at the very least $270M worth on our own. Being Uralic is all about self-sacrifice after all."
    Salomäki Lays Down Law Concerning Refugees
    SYKTYVKAR - In a statement issued today backed by the Tribal Council, Jarkko Salomäki set up Uralica's official policy concerning war refugees.
    "Uralica should be proud of its role as a refugee haven," he said, "and to this end we've decided to make sure that our borders are always open to those civilians who wish to enter the nation during times of war. However, as we did this war, we made sure with those nations' governments that the civilians were legit. We are no safe haven for terrorists or people with skewed world views. We did intercept a couple, but thankfully, this war has seen very few, and the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ has been shown through our actions towards these many refugees.
    So we have passed the official Refugee Solidarity Act today. Here's how it goes:
    1. Any civilian citizen of any nation(s) involved in war, that Uralica itself is not involved in, can apply for refugee status within Uralica, regardless of race, ethnicity, or ethnic background.
    2. Upon cessation of hostilities, the refugees may return home. If their home was destroyed, the Uralican government offers to pay up to 50% of the cost of rebuilding.
    3. If a refugee wishes to become a Uralican citizen, they must follow the Uralican Citizenship Act, with this exception:
    This number is reduced to 16 months in the case of a verified refugee. Still necessary are the necessity to learn two of Finnish, Russian, and/or English, the requirement of previous permanent status (which is instantly filed for in the case of a refugee), and the requirement of a background check (also done automatically). Teachers for refugees can be found in any settlement with town status or higher."
    The announcement comes amidst rumblings that the war - at least on TOOL's front - may soon be over.
    Uralican Stocks Have Levelled Out
    YEKATERINBURG - Apparently, the demand for Uralican metal and metal products is still high enough that even a deep recession caused by war would not push stocks in Bolak Corp., Magyar Independent, or Gornyak Uralika any lower. Most other stocks have also levelled out, according to leading economist Esa Miettinen, mainly because people are still buying in spite of the increasing price of goods.
    Once the war is over and rebuilding and the payment of reparations begin, Uralican stocks in the mining industry are expected to bounce back quite dramatically as nations look to Uralica for various metals.
    Sports
    The Clock Strikes Midnight For Kilpi's Two Cinderellas
    KIROV - Khalmer-Yu's dream run has come to an end, but not before impressing one of the favourites to win the tournament. Khalmer-Yu Town, a member of the Nelonen Division H1, lost 2-1 to Dinamo Kirov, with both goals being scored by Khavkuk Shlomov. However, the game was closer than the Blues expected it would be.
    "Oh they're better than their league lets on, no question there," said Dinamo's half-Chuvash manager Galim Rakhmatullin. "They gave us the talent level one would expect from a low-mid-table Bolakliiga team, and a work ethic better than any team I've ever seen, my own included. Latest I've heard is that the Bolakliiga intends to file a request to the [uralikan Jalkapalloliiga] to have them switched with a Kolmonen team that went out early, and I think that's honestly understating them. They would win a division in the Kakkonen, forget the Kolmonen or Nelonen, if they played that kind of football."
    Khavkuk Shlomov, regarded as Uralica's best footballer, added this:
    "I was in shock that they played such good football and yet are stuck in the lowest level. I'm tempted to take up a collection to get them put in the Kakkonen or something. They're an all-around good team, but Voloshenin in particular I think will get some looks from the national team. Or at least he should - I hope Raimond Kuik is listening."
    Teary-eyed Voloshenin admitted flattery at the comparison in an interview.
    "Coming from the best player in Uralica, that means a hell of a lot," he said. "I hope it goes down in the annals that we gave it everything we had and more, and that Dinamo Kirov was just too good for us in the end."
    Nelonen-F2 team TvinkiZavod Chaykovsky was also eliminated, 3-2 at the hands of Amkar Perm', getting the same kind of response from the opposition as Khalmer-Yu - generally that of respect and hope that the UJPL would consider moving them up a level.
    Scores From Round of 16
    (1) SiPS 4 Severstal 0
    (9) D. Vologda 0 (8) S. Ukhta 2
    (5) M. Kirov 1 (12) ZavU 2 (AET)
    (20) CSKVC Kirov 2 (4) D. Arkhangel'sk 4
    (3) D. Kirov 2 Khalmer-Yu 1
    TvinkiZavod 2 (6) Amkar 3
    (7) KJK 1 Telekom 0 (AET)
    (18) TraTK 3(5) (2) U. Izhevsk 3(4)
    Three Teams To Be Promoted - Farkas
    CHAYKOVSKY - in spite of losing in the round of 16, three teams have impressed the Uralikan Jalkapalloliiga board enough that they will be promoted at the expense of other, less successful teams in the division above, according to Uralikan Palloliitto president Attila Farkas.
    Having attended the TvinkiZavod loss to Amkar Perm', he was on hand to break the news to Twinkie Tiger fans that their team would start this season in the Kolmonen-F instead of the Nelonen-F2. Ural Perm', who lost 4-0 to Sokol Sernur in the first round, moves down to the F2, which is based in the southern half of Permski Rayon.
    They weren't alone in this. The feel-good team of the year, Khalmer-Yu Town, who defeated two Bolakliiga teams - fourteenth-seeded FK Kotlas in the 5th round and 19th-seeded Transit Sosnogorsk two rounds earlier - before losing to Dinamo Kirov yesterday, were actually bumped up two levels and will play in the Kakkonen East this season, creating a chain effect:
    To Kakkonen: Khalmer-Yu Town
    To Kolmonen H: Majak Punaturjin
    To Nelonen H1: Dinamo Vorkuta
    Finally, Severstal Cherepovets will replace Burevestnik Vologda in the Kakkonen West.
  16. Uralica
    Top Stories
    Uralikan Yliopisto Dubbed "Great University"
    Uralikan Yliopisto, Uralica's vaunted state university, has finally made the elite, it seems.
    Last night, the Robertian Council of Universities and Colleges, the world academic "watchdogs," bestowed the honour upon the Christian university, calling it "one of the most balanced Christian universities in the world" and "long overdue" for the dubbing.
    The institute was founded in April of 2008 by many of the same intelligentsia that were responsible for Uralica's Constitution, and is particularly renowned for its commitment to teaching life skills and critical thinking, as well as its broad range of programs and its particularly noteworthy language-teaching, linguistics, and history/culture departments. The RCUC has it ranked in the top 50 universities in the former Soviet Union area and the top 200 in Europe, even though two of its campuses (Surgut, Greater Yekaterinburg) are geographically in Asia.
    With around 120 000 total seats in 18 campuses around Uralica, UY is the largest non-profit organisation that is completely within Uralica, larger than even the Emergency Relief and Human Development Corps (ERHDC). It employs 5 000 professors from 10 different countries (mainly from CCC nations but also from TOOL nations) and as many as 40 000 staff at various times of the year.
    Salomäki: Construction Of University Of West Uralica Almost Complete
    MOLOCHNOYE - As if Uralica didn't have enough higher education.
    The nation with the highest college-per-capita proportion in TOOL is planning to add even more institutes of higher education to its plate, and it would seem one of these is almost complete in the Vologda bedroom community of Molochnoye.
    The University of West Uralica isn't expected to be as large as Uralikan Yliopisto's Main Campus, but it will have one thing UY does not - a law school. No longer will the Uralican College of Law and Criminology in Cheboksary, Chuvashia, have a monopoly on domestic law-schooling. And they're just fine with that.
    "UCLC was getting so many Law applications that only the absolute top-of-the-line students were getting admission, leaving most students that would be worthy in any other nation to go abroad," said UCLC admissions officer Gurban Makhmudov. "But with UWU set to have a decent-sized law school, more Uralicans can study to practice law without having to go through passport and visa hassles and all that nonsense."
    Jarkko Salomäki says that some buildings are already complete and have passed inspections.
    "There are fifteen buildings at the campus at the moment, with six of them having passed inspection and the other nine coming along at a great pace. You know what they say - many hands make light work! We've had to make sure our tradespeople don't overwork themselves, because we've got all these people and they're working from sunrise to sunset. I s'pose it's a good thing that construction is #1 out of the non-factory trades, eh?"
    When asked for a completion date, Salomäki said he didn't know for sure, but that he "was hoping for mid-June."
    Sports
    Malakhov "A Force Of Nature"
    With 84 gold medals to his credit this season, it comes as no surprise that Dmitry Malakhov won this season's Uralican Nordic Skiing Championships quite easily.
    "The man is nothing short of a force of nature," said league manager Foma Vologodin. "He has literally won at least one gold in every event outside of ski-jumping, and he holds Uralican records in every individual event except the biathlon pursuit. I don't know how he does it. I do know he does it cleanly, that's it."
    So what's next for the 26-year-old Nenets-Triber from Lapyt-Nank?
    "Over the spring and summer, I will train by playing football, roller-skiing, shooting on the target ranges up in Naryan-Mar, and perhaps even taking a trip to a place that is frozen year-round like Novaja Zemlja, to continue to ski."
    Kurri Cup Playoffs Second Round Matchups
    The second round of the Kurri Trophy ice hockey playoffs gets underway on Monday night. Here are the matchups:
    (1) HK Syktyvkar vs. (9) HK Severstal
    (2) HK Sputnik vs. (7) Usovuoren JKK
    (3) CSKA Kirov vs. (6) HK Serov
    (4) Torpedo Murmansk vs. (5) HK Jokerit
    Who's Hot, Who's Not - Team Edition
    WHO'S HOT
    1. SiPS - whether it be their first team or their reserve, in domestic football, these guys have been impossible to stop this season.
    2. SpVgg Ubb - what are these guys doing in the Kolmonen? Honestly, outscoring your opposition 45-0 in seven matches is a good indication that you're too good for the league you're in.
    3. Severstal Cherepovets - have yet to allow a goal in Kakkonen play.
    4. TvinkiZavod Chaykovsky - like SpVgg Ubb, but with four fewer goals and in an easier division.
    5. Sokol Sernur - another Kolmonen team on a wicked hot-streak.
    Honourable Mentions - Khalmer-Yu Town (The Little Team That Could) and YugraMash Kogalym (best team in the Nelonen and then some!)
    WHO'S NOT
    1. Lokomotiv Kotlas - Pathetic club is pathetic. Seriously, with how they've been playing they should be in the Kolmonen.
    2. Arsenal Syktyvkar - 1 goal in 7 games? If you're in the Kakkonen, you should be doing better than that!
    3. Kolos Maiskiy - I suppose Petteri Vahalahti was right when he said these guys play ugly football. 1 goal for, 24 against in 7 games.
    4. FK Inta - very little in the way of improvement. Then again, they haven't given away nearly as much since they shipped Rybin to the reserve team.
    5. Fanershchik Uralskiy - only ahead of Kolos Maiskiy by two goals in either column. Still a rather awful performance.
  17. Uralica
    Yes, you read that right. I haven't been around as long as some of the "old farts," like Slave2Jesus (jatutt) from CCC, whose fourth year in CN is marked in early May. But, it was on this day 2 years ago that I got curious about this "Cyber Nations" advertised on Fazak Studios' forum.
    (Just for the record, Fazak Studios is the project of then-MCXA member D.A.D.1, and I'm probably one of the few people who knows what D.A.D. actually stands for )
    So I made a nation and received a crapton of recruitment requests, none of which I was really that interested in, although the "How do you say anything in Uralic" message I got (forgot who it was from, except it was someone on Black team) got a chuckle out of me.
    Next day, I got a message from CCC's nate1865. I was a little suspicious at first because there was this other guy named Nate that I'd had issues with in another community, but I would eventually figure out this guy wasn't him after joining the CCC, because I figured it was the best fit for me. And it was. I spent six months in CCC, even being Minister of Defence for a month before events transpiring during the NoCB war made me resign my position due to me trying to restrain myself and giving myself a panic attack... stupid Asperger Syndrome, it is a pain in the $@! sometimes. I would stay in the alliance for a month after that, helping people out with money and tech after rebuilding myself, then on 12 September, I resigned from the alliance and went sort of rogue. I basically hit everyone involved with Rebbilon who wasn't in an alliance. And then on 19 September, I deleted.
    I come back from this AS-induced hiatus from the game in late December of 2008 due to extreme boredom caused by being snowed in by the second-snowiest, and coldest, winter in Vancouver Island history.
    Now at this time last year, I had been in TOOL for just under 3 months, and had been named Inquisitor (military command) four days prior. If you read my IC newspaper from a few days ago, you'd know I recently resigned that position after 360 days, although I wasn't demasked until a few days later.
    So you ask me, "why do you say you have been around two years?" Well, I have been in the community for two years. I stuck around IRC even when I didn't play - mostly in TOOL's, CCC's, and Polaris' channels. Two years of actual playing time will come around on 22 June of this year, which is one and a half years after I joined TOOL.
    I'm not going to go nuts with shoutouts like I did last year, but there are some people I want to mention.
    Mia - it's kinda freaky we started in CN the exact same day But hey, you've been probably the best friend I've made in this game.
    CCC - I still you guys. Always will. Even if Autokrator shoots his mouth off.
    Polaris - I may not have agreed with some of your more recent IC actions as an alliance, but OOC, you guys are awesome through and through. Although I still don't get the whole "Fallen Fail" thing.
    WickedJ - From both an IC and OOC perspective, you're probably my favourite player on "the other side" outside of CCC or Polaris. You really are a class act.
    Sargun - go climb Mount Terror already
    MrOtingocni (Kzoppistan), Ar Pharazon, Ferrous, and anyone else who reads my blog regularly - Thanks for the support. o/
    Ashoka/zog - don't lose your sense of humour. Ever. Also, I don't think CCC has gone on a crusade against the Great Whore of Babylon yet. If they did, I might be tempted to join in.
    To those I have wronged of my own accord - I've messed up so many times I've forgotten about some of them, but I'd sure feel remorseful if I found out about them. So I apologise.
    To those whom I felt have wronged me - I won't mention names, but I will say, I am trying to forgive. It's hard, but it'll come eventually.
    If I last another year in this, I'll be back here again, same Bat time, same Bat channel. Expect a newspaper tomorrow though Later!
  18. Uralica
    (OOC: Yes, I know my nation stats say otherwise. But I don't like the whole circular nation thing. I've got a huge chunk of land in-game that I don't want for RP purposes. Also, remember the X1000 rule. )
    Top Stories
    Uralica Reaches Cap Size, Institutes Five New Counties
    SYKTYVKAR - Well, it's finally happened. Uralica is full-size. With a final move of annexation, they have added land to their northwest and northeast, as well as the historical region of Mordoviya.

    As a result, there are five new counties in Uralica - surprisingly populated Yamalia, historical Yugra (formerly called the Khanty-Mansy Autonomous Okrug), frigid Sapmi (formerly Murmansk Oblast), Karelia, and Mordoviya. The capital cities remain the same, but with name changes in some cases.
    - Saransk (capital of Mordoviya) will keep its name in English and Russian, although in Finnish it will be referred to as "Saranossi" as a tip of the hat to "Saran-Osh," the name of the city in both Moksha and Erzya languages.
    - Salekhard (capital of Yamalia) will revert to its Nenets name in English and Russian, Salyakharad, and the Finnish name for the city will be Saljahartta according to Vaido Kuik, a member of the Uralican Tribal Council.
    - Khanty-Mansiysk had a contest to see what their name should be in a Uralic state, and the winner of the name was "Yugrakar," a blend of "Yugra" with the Komi "-kar" suffix meaning "City." Therefore the city charter was amended, that the name would change automatically upon annexation into Uralica.
    - Petrozavodsk will revert to its Finnish/Karelian name of "Petroskoi," in English, Russian, and Finnish alike.
    - Murmansk will keep its English/Russian name.
    City charters are expected to be ratified within the next week.
    Plans are now also underway to extend the Great Uralican Highway through Yamalia and into Yugra, as part of the Inter-Uralican Highway System, expected to reach completion near the end of December.
    In related news, the city of Noyabrsk has turned down an offer to host the head office of the Samoyedic Tribal Board, however the city of Salyakharad has accepted the same offer due to the fact that the number of people who associate with Samoyedic culture (not counting Nenets) in that city is quite large.
    Culture
    Nenets Culture Stronger Than Ever
    NARYAN-MAR - if you are surprised that only 40% of the ethnic Nenets population lives in Nenetsia-North Uralica's only city, Naryan-Mar, don't be.
    The Nenets people, traditionally nomads, were forced to settle down under Russian rule, but in Uralican times, they have regained a semi-nomadic lifestyle close to their traditional ways. Moving in groups ranging in size from five people to seventy, one can often see them moving from place to place, taking advantage of a makeshift system of roads in the area to make life easier. And it is not only the older Nenets who are reverting to the old ways.
    Granted, the mobile life is not always appealing to the modern Nenets, which explains the fact that 40% of the roughly fifty five thousand ethnic Nenets (or close to twenty-two thousand) live in Naryan-Mar. A further 20% are scattered in villages around the county, which serve as outposts for the nomadic Nenets to "keep in touch with civilisation," according to one young Nenets who had set up shop in a remote village called Savino, which only has fifty permanent residents.
    The modern nomadic Nenets combines the traditional tools of the trade with modern equipment such as flashlights, stun-guns, and most importantly, portable radio systems, which according to one particular nomad, were "pretty easy carrying." Most modern nomadic Nenets also have at least one laptop computer. "And how do they pay for all this?" you ask. This is where the outposts come in yet again. There is a significant amount of trade that goes on in these outposts, where Nenets will sell items like skins, crafts, and even little bits of ore that they may find on their travels.
    Unlike their ancestors, these Nenets tend to keep relatively close to a particular village or outpost. This is necessary for events and services such as voting, censuses, medical care, and handing in scholastic assignment packages. Of the Tribes, the Nenets have by far the highest percentage of home-schooling students. They are taught multilingually and in real-time, thanks to free wireless internet services provided by the schooling society.
    Those Nenets that have settled down have kept part of their heritage alive through extensive craft-making, tent-making, and hunting-tour programs, and through the teaching and speaking of their language. Although most ethnic Nenets speak at least two of the major business languages of Uralica, English, Russian, and/or Finnish, everyday business in Northern Uralica-Nenetsia is predominantly conducted in the Nenets language, which has become so vigorous that many people in the north of Uralica who are not ethnically Nenets speak it fluently - only 5% of the Nenets Tribe is actually ethnic Nenets, with the rest being Nenets-speaking Russians or Finns.
    Although only around fifty-five thousand ethnic Nenets exist, the number of language speakers is closer to 1.2 million. In a nation with the world's highest percentage of speakers of three or more languages, this should come as no surprise.
    Sports
    Zavod Ural Finally Out Of The Red
    With the lousy season Zavod Ural has had, both domestically in the Bolakliiga and internationally in the Siberian Trophy, one would think they were overdue for some good news. They finally got this recently. Despite all their matches having been close, they had only won once prior to a couple weeks ago. Now, having polished off Togashire and Team Waycool, the Silvers have finally found some form. Their recent 3-0 win against Waycool put them out of the red due to a far superior goal differential to that of Rebel United - they are breaking even while the Rebels are a -8.
    The great thing about it all, according to manager Dmitry Makarov, is that no one player has really stood out - everyone has stepped up their game.
    Their next match is on Saturday when they play the aforementioned Rebels.
  19. Uralica
    Top Stories
    Several Influential Leaders Invited To Uralikan Yliopisto
    SYKTYVKAR - Dr. Ovdey Shlomov, President of Uralikan Yliopisto, and Dr. Yevgeny Kolpakov, Chair of the Department of Political Science, stated in a press conference today that it was indeed true that several influential political and spiritual leaders of the Robertian Era have been invited to give talks at Uralikan Yliopisto, upon conclusion of the current conflict.
    The rulers are extremely varied. The invitation was initially sent to all members of TOOL, IRON, TPF, FEAR, Argent, CCC, Polaris, and GR, with further "names" being added later. Shlomov says about this, "We wish to have an academic discussion, and potentially a debate, about the things that make a good leader, opinions of which have some commonalities but also some very large differences depending on the philosophy of a given nation or alliance. There will be Uralican debate moderators on hand to make sure things don't get into a mud-slinging match, but we at UY are interested to hear what will be said about this important topic. Now we don't expect everyone to accept the invitation, but Yevgeny and I figured, hey, why not try?"
    The full list of names invited will be published in the 18 February Edition.
    Uralican News
    Some Uralicans Wishing They Weren't In "Peace Mode" - Salomäki
    SYKTYVKAR - a recent poll suggests that some Uralicans, primarily soldiers, are beginning to have a problem with staying on the sidelines, but will begrudgingly follow TOOL orders to stay in lockdown. However, the same poll suggests that other Uralicans do see some worth in peace mode.
    One thing most people in the nation agreed on was that Uralica declaring itself a haven for refugees was a good thing to do - this was all but unanimous, with 99.89% of Uralicans favouring this status. Reasons, however, varied. Some saw it as "the Christian thing to do," while others said, "since we aren't fighting, we might as well use our land for some good."
    Music
    Pelastus To Release 3rd Album On Founder's Day
    UKHTA - in a press conference in their hometown of Ukhta, Christian metal giants Pelastus announced yesterday that their third album, to be titled "Hellfire's Bane," will come out on the 2nd anniversary of Uralica's founding, 18 March 2010.
    According to keyboardist/producer Samppa Niskanen, this album is going to "have more electronics crammed in, just for something a little different," however the same brutal sound that vaulted them to the top of the Robertian-Era Christian music charts almost immediately will remain just that. Dabbling in some harder industrial sounds this time, many metal pundits are saying this album can be summed up with the "As I Lay Dying meets Fear Factory" label.
    Jarkko Salomäki, himself a huge fan of Pelastus, says he is in the process of getting a Uralican tour started up with Pelastus as headliners, and most of the Life To The Fullest rock/industrial lineup (End of Sorrows, The Myllyjärvi Family, Digital Exorcism) as well as his own EBM outfit, Bane of the Machine, Christian rap group Urban Evangelists, and up-and-coming rock/ol' school punk band Bring It. In the meantime, he has had a listen to some of Pelastus' newer material, and he dubbed it "dangerously good."
    There is an advance single that will come out at the end of February. According to Salomäki, "You will regret it for all eternity if you don't catch it!"
    Sports
    FK Syktyvkar Stunned By PSV
    PYELTINO - Well played, Peltinischer Sport Verein. Well played indeed.
    The Kolmonen club, based in Pyeltino, within Mennoland, did the unthinkable, upsetting sixteenth-seeded FK Syktyvkar in a lengthy penalty shootout after finishing two periods of overtime with no further scoring. Regulation ended at a 3-3 draw, and surprisingly, it was FK Syktyvkar who had to score the final equaliser after blowing an early 1-0 lead.
    "These guys are good," said dejected FK Syktyvkar manager Reijo Markkanen. "We came in thinking we would have an easy match, scored the first goal, got overconfident, and in the end, we blew it. There is no one player to blame. It was a team failure. Not to take anything away from PSV, though - they played extremely well for a club at such a low level."
    Although FKS weren't the only seeds to fall in the second round - bumbling 23rd seeds Lokomotiv Kotlas also lost - this early exit was by far and wide the biggest surprise of the tournament thus far.
    Who's Hot, Who's Not
    WHO'S HOT
    1. RM Yuri Golubovsky, Udmurtiya Izhevsk - When your opposition is being outscored 18-0 and you have 10 assists, in only two games, you know you're doing something right.
    2. ST Joni Rasimus, SiPS - between Liga Mundo and the Kanslerinkilpi, Joni has 6 goals in his last two matches. He basically tore Torpedo Yugrakar to shreds by himself.
    3. ST Rustam Chesnokov, FK Vytegra - back-to-back hat tricks, eh?
    4. LM Diedrik Siemens, Telekom Pazhga - The man is a playmaking beast. Telekom has 16 goals in the 'Kilpi thus far and eleven of them have been started up by this man, although only six have registered as assists.
    5. GK Erik Kallio, Usovuoren JK - gotta have at least one goalkeeper up here, and Erik has yet to allow a goal in spite of facing some tough shots against FK Kostomuksha.
    WHO'S NOT
    1. Gornyak Kachkanar's entire team - Their play against Trátyi TK was a mockery of football. Absolutely dreadful.
    2. CB Ziven Dashkov, Dentex Izhevsk - Dentex were in cruise control until this scatter-brained defender let an FK Gremyachinsk striker through then tried to cover up his incompetence with a tackle from behind. Yeah, getting sent off and giving the opposition a penalty kick to equalise was a real help. Gimp...
    3. CM Ferenc Kurti, Olimp Ürzhüm - okay, who goes from getting three assists to giving away the winning goal in the space of one game, and doesn't end up on this list? Seriously, Ferenc stood there like a pylon as FK Yugrakar's Lavrenty Kiriyakov grabbed the ball from him, tore down the pitch, and scored the goal to make it 2-1, the eventual final.
    4. Tommi Myllys, Manager, Jupiter Yarkosky - thanks for trying to put us to sleep, you clown Especially considering you didn't even win in the end.
    5. LB Donat Konstantinov, Mordovia Lashma - okay, so you're down 2-1. What do you NOT do to get back in the game? Head the ball into your own goal? That's what he did.
  20. Uralica
    (OOC: Another late one. Got too tied up in KOTOR Will probably do another one Monday or Tuesday.)
    Top Stories
    National Research Institute Opens In Nevyansk
    NEVYANSK - Although it was an inevitability that a national research laboratory complex was going to open in Uralica, much to many people's surprise, it didn't end up being in Nizhny Tagil after all. Although the large city is considered the technology capital of Uralica, it was in the much smaller, nearby city of Nevyansk in which the Uralican National Research Institute opened its doors.
    "The purpose of this institute is strictly that of a research nature," said Dr. Ovdey Shlomov at its opening early Wednesday morning. "There are five main branches to it as well. It isn't for simple theorising, either - leave that to Uralikan Yliopisto, it is plenty large enough for that sort of thing - but what is done here is research in medical science and technology, agriculture, hi-tech, mining methods, and applied chemistry. You have to be at the top of your game to be allowed in this place."
    Several companies have invested a great deal of money in this project in spite of the fact that it is technically a public endeavour. Naturally, the big mining companies such as Bolak Corp., Magyar Independent., and Gornyak Uralica are involved, along with a great many agricultural companies, and a few Uralican medical production companies such as UralElektroMed, SeverMed, Dentex, and Uralic Compassion.
    Sports
    Who's Hot, Who's Not
    WHO'S HOT
    1. SpVgg Ubb's entire squad. After two matches, they have the second-highest goal diff in the entire Kolmonen after TvinkiZavod Chaykovsky, and they weren't even expected to pull it off!
    2. Ruslan Makarov, TvinkiZavod Chaykovsky - what have they been putting in this guy's Twinkies? Let's be serious - this guy has eight goals in only two matches!
    3. Raimo Suominen, SiPS - he has established himself as a first-rate playmaker thanks to his exploits in Liga Mundo and in the Kanslerinkilpi. He kept it up this week, too!
    4. Semyon Kolarov, Fortuna Nizhny Tagil - helped get the 'Toon off to a roaring start, particularly in the last match, where he scored 4 of 5 in a 5-0 rout of Lokomotiv Kotlas.
    5. Leonid Voloshenin, Khalmer-Yu Town - there's a reason he leads the Kakkonen in assists. I think that's all I need to say ]
    Honourable mention for Gornyak Kachkanar for such a dramatic turnaround from their embarrassing performance in the Kanslerinkilpi.
    WHO'S NOT
    1. RB Moroz Rybin, FK Inta - umm... is this guy the worst defender in the Bolakliiga, or do I need to get my eyes checked? Seriously, his plays have caused more turnovers leading to goals than any player in the Bolakliiga.
    2. GK Jarno Rantanen, Lokomotiv Kotlas - worst goalkeeper in the top two tiers without question. He's nothing short of a sieve. I mean come on, even FK Inta's goalkeeper would have stopped at least two of the shots he let in against Fortuna!
    3. FK Zavyalovo's back end - I dunno. Either FKZ's the worst team in the entire UJPL (statistically, they are) or they've just caught teams that are way out of their league. I hope the team can be content with being Vitonen pioneers, because if their defence and goalkeeping doesn't improve drastically, that's what they'll be.
    4. Kolos Maiskiy's entire team - yeah, I know, they played a team that ought to be in the Ykkönen rather than the Kolmonen. But they could have at least scored a goal like FK Zavyalovo, or stopped some shots like Fanershchik Uralsky (who have been absolutely shelled, by the way).
    5. ST Aleksey Alborov, FK Kotlas - he's complaining that he's not getting enough playing time. Maybe if you actually put in a little more effort, you'd get it, you soft git! Only one goal in his last seven outings, spread across Bolakliiga, Kanslerinkilpi, and the Siberian Trophy, has this guy turning out a bench-warmer.
  21. Uralica
    Top Stories
    Grand Monument Erected In Perm'
    PERM' - An obelisk with the names of the first five hundred members of the Uralicist Movement was finally erected early this morning in downtown Perm' after months of fashioning out of one of the last slabs of Uralican white marble. The names themselves are made of inlaid obsidian, and were very meticulously crafted by three dozen of Uralica's finest stone sculptors.
    Included amongst the names are many prominent Uralican Tribal Council members, such as Movement founders Vaido Kuik, Meri Vanhanen, Lasse Mäkelä and Yevgeny Kolpakov, Uralica's so-called "spiritual leader," Dr. Matti Koppinen, Mordvin high school teacher and activist Olga Guznishcheva and her Russian husband Matvey Guznishchev, renowned historian, educational expert, and self-proclaimed "post-Ethnofuturist" Dr. Ovdey Shlomov, Uralican Tribal Chief Jarkko Salomäki, Norwegian missionary/relief worker Kennet Kjetilssen, who is credited with single-handedly saving the Kildin and Skolt Sami from the intense persecution they suffered during Great War III (these nine are considered the "founding fathers and mothers" of Uralica) and also four other religious leaders - Dr. Gunter Toews, the original leader of the Uralican Mennonite Brotherhood, Rabbi Shlomo Davydov, Archbishop Tamás Fehérvari, who would later establish the Archdiocese of Uralica, and whose reforms make Uralica's Catholicism distinctly Uralican, and finally, Metropolitan Nikolay Kosov, whose plea to the Russian people to end the Uralic Purges was a rallying cry for all Russian Uralicists.
    "It's an absolutely gorgeous piece of art," said Jarkko Salomäki said upon seeing it. "The only beef I have with it is it's impossible to see Vaido[ Kuik]'s name because it's so high up on the thing! Ah well. They chose to do an obelisk, and it came out exactly as planned. And Perm' deserves it. This and Amkar Stadion are symbols of the city's new life."
    Izluchinsk Area Finally Cleaned Up And Fenced
    - It couldn't have come quick enough for the residents of the small city of Izluchinsk. After a herd of deer caused a multi-car pileup on Highway UH-35's southern fork roughly 12 kilometres from Nizhnevartovsk in the early morning hours on 9 May, the entire section of highway, and for that matter, most of the highway between Izluchinsk and Nizhnevartovsk, was closed down as deer-proof fencing was installed.
    There were no immediate fatalities from the crash, however, three people - a 52-year-old woman, a 32-year old man, and a 41-year-old man with a history of heart problems - succumbed to their injuries in Izluchinsk General Hospital.
    Deer overpopulation is an issue in some areas, as evidenced by the disgust shown by Gyarfas Szoladi towards the animals in the article run in the 9 May edition of this publication. The worst areas for it right now are various parts of Yugra, northern Permski Rayon (particularly around Nyrob), southern Central Uralica, and central Karelia.
    In addition to the fencing, a controlled hunting effort has been undertaken in many of these areas to keep the populations at more manageable levels. Furthermore, trained predators are being brought into these areas, and on occasion these deer are relocated to wildlife ranges to become food for predators kept there.
    Religion
    Ecclesiastical Province of Kirov To Become Episcopal Conference
    KIROV - Uralica's unique Catholicism has garnered enough recognition from Rome to attain the status of Episcopal Conference. It will still be under administrative control of Hungarian Archbishop Tamás Fehérvari as it was as the Ecclesiastical Province of Kirov, and earlier, the Archdiocese of Kirov (before Yamalia/Yugra/Karelia/Sapmi/Mordovia were annexed).
    The change of name is mainly an indicator of the fact that Uralica's Catholic population - mainly Hungarians and Livonians - has grown quite significantly in the last year. The structure of the nation's Catholic hierarchy is now as follows:
    - Episcopal Conference of Uralica
    -- Ecclesiastical Province of Surgut
    --- Archdiocese of Surgut
    --- Diocese of Salyakharad
    --- Diocese of Yekaterinburg
    --- Diocese of Serov
    -- Ecclesiastical Province of Kirov
    --- Archdiocese of Kirov
    --- Diocese of Tráty
    --- Diocese of Syktyvkar
    --- Diocese of Ukhta
    -- Ecclesiastical Province of Saransk
    --- Archdiocese of Saransk
    --- Diocese of Yoshkar-Ola
    --- Diocese of Ulator
    --- Diocese of Cheboksary
    -- Ecclesiastical Province of Viipuri
    --- Archdiocese of Viipuri
    --- Diocese of Cherepovets
    --- Diocese of Arkhangel'sk
    --- Diocese of Kondupohju
    --- Diocese of Murmashi
    Uralica To Become A Junior Patriarchate?
    PAZHGA - It seems that Nikolay Kosov has gotten the attention of the Patriarch of Constantinopole.
    The traditional spiritual leader of Orthodoxy, Patriarch Theophilos II, has spoken with great fondness about the 58-year-old and his commitment to Uralica's spiritual growth, as well as his thirst for social justice in all corners of the globe. His support of Kosov is nothing new - he was one of the first to congratulate Kosov's teary-eyed plea to moderate Russians to "replace racism and hatred with the love of Christ for all nations, tribes, and tongues" during the Uralic Purges of the spring of 2007. Although many extremist pro-Russian groups disowned Kosov as a result, many devout Orthodox Christians became more outspoken against those extremist groups - many historians in the area point to this period in time as the beginning of a major backlash against these now-marginalised elements.
    Having recently published a book about these times and how they strengthened his relationship with God, Kosov was writing a decree to speak on in another major Orthodox city, Bucharest, when he received a message from Theophilos II, asking him to go to Constantinople to confer with the nine current patriarchs (Constantinopole, Alexandria, Antioch, Jerusalem, Moscow and All Russia, All Bulgaria, All Georgia, All Romania, and Serbia) on the possibility of making the Uralic homeland, where Orthodoxy is the second-largest denomination after the Uralican Evangelical Baptist Church, a tenth such patriarchate.
    The Uralican Orthodox church has been a source of confusion as to which Patriarch it answers to - historically, it has been in the Patriarchate of All Russia, however this tie was severed by the then-patriarch of Moscow and All Russia without explanation in 2008, which left Kosov both furious and puzzled. Since then, he has maintained in contact with Constantinople and other major centres of Orthodoxy, such as Bucharest, Jerusalem, and Tbilisi, about the future of his nation's Orthodox church.
    Sport
    Kurri Cup Scores
    HK Syktyvkar 4 Usovuoren JKK 1
    (HKS leads series 2-0)
    CSKA Kirov 2 Jokerit 3 (OT)
    (Series tied 1-1)
    Let's Talk Hockey
    Hello again. It seems obvious from the fact that both games in the CSKA Kirov vs. Jokerit series went to OT that they are very well-matched. This begs the question - is Western monopoly in Uralican hockey finally over?
    The answer in my opinion is still a resounding no. CSKA could probably beat any team from North or East with relative ease, and we've already seen how good they are on their own turf, Southern Division. But the West, for them, are still a challenge. Next season should prove interesting with the expansion and the playoff rules reverting to an NHL-style system where only the division leaders are guaranteed entry into the playoffs while the rest is based on league positioning, from fifth-place to sixteenth. Because how much are people willing to bet that Jokerit and Severstal are going to be ranked fifth and sixth respectively? Probably very willing. And I could also see the fourth-place team in the West from the regular season, HK Vuktyl, finishing quite high as well.
    But this should be heralded as good news for fans of CSKA, who finished fourth in the league by a mere point behind HK Serov and only four back of second-place Sputnik Nizhny Tagil. With the schedule realigning so that teams don't have to play so much against their own division, I'd have to guess that the three Western giants will finish 1-2-3 in points, or perhaps 1-2-4 or 1-3-4 if CSKA really brings it. I wouldn't rule them out in the slightest.
    Anyway, have fun watching that series - it should be a classic. Unless you want to opt for schadenfreude instead and watch HK Syktyvkar eviscerate Usovuoren JKK, whom they clearly outclass.
    Plenty Of Good Football On Saturday
    It was a great day to be a football fan in Uralica yesterday, according to the pundits at UralSportNet.
    The day was studded with tight, exciting matchups and a few surprise results.
    In the Bolakliiga, probably the only matches that weren't at least somewhat close were SiPS' 5-0 drubbing of FK Kirov, and Dinamo Arkhangel'sk's 4-1 Dinamo-stomping of FK Kotlas. We saw Trátyi TK give Dinamo Kirov a huge scare, starting by going up 1-0 and having a goal disallowed for offsides before Khavkuk Shlomov finally woke up. FK Kotlas kept FK Vorkuta to within one until one foolish error cost them the final goal in the 90th minute, allowing FKV to put it out of reach before stoppage time began. Spartak Ukhta and Dinamo Vologda played a fun, goal-filled affair, ending in a 3-3 draw, although 21-year-old Spartak sub Vilppu Marttila hit the crossbar in stoppage time with a wildly-curving shot, almost winning his team the match.
    CSKVC Kirov couldn't've been more unlucky. They played their best football of the season and they still lost 1-0, after having a goal called back for offsides. The Udmurtiya Izhevsk goal in that one came with just a minute left in stoppage time.
    And then, there was Telekom Pazhga beating a red-hot ZavU 2-1. The 'Kom got their winner courtesy of a brilliantly-placed corner by Diedrik Siemens (The Mennonite Maestro himself) finding Rick Friesen in the box with space.
    The Ykkönen wasn't much different, with Mordovia Saransk and Turan Ukhta posting the only real blowout wins. Two other matches would appear to be thus as well from the scoreline, but both of those - Ural Y-burg's 4-2 win over ÖPK and Pechorski SK's 3-1 win over IPK - were only the result of stoppage time score-padding. Also, Fortuna Nizhny Tagil came back from 2-1 down to halt Spartak Yoshkar-Ola's hot streak with a 3-2 win.
    Now to the Kakkonen, starting out west, where Sever Murmansk and Severstal Cherepovets continue to dominate (tied atop the league with 11 wins out of 11 matches each), SSP and Arsenal continue to suck, and everyone else continues to claw their way along. The upper table continues to be a close battle, although Mennonites FC are four clear of KiPS, Stolitsa Yoshkar-Ola, and Magyar LK for third place. Sysola Syktyvkar came back from a disappointing 1-0 loss against Stolitsa with a nice win over CSKVC Syktyvkar to remain within two.
    Out east is a much different story, with Khalmer-Yu Town continuing to astound the pundits with their winning ways. How such success could have come from a town of only around four thousand people escapes many footy "experts" these days. Progress Inta and Energiya Chaykovsky came to a disappointing draw - Progress felt they should have won because of a controversial offside call that cost them a goal, while a win would have put Energiya two points closer to top. Instead, Progress is now stuck in an epic logjam involving six teams. Aggressive Rossia Krasnokamsk is third by goal differential while Nenets FK won the Battle Of Naryan-Mar, beating FK Naryan-Mar 3-1, to claim fourth. Also in the jam are Progress, Octane Perm', Obyugra FK, and two teams who lost - CSKA Vorkuta, whom Rossia defeated 2-0, and Russki FK, who got a shock 3-2 trip-up courtesy of CSKA Ukhta.
  22. Uralica
    Second Constitution Day Celebrated With Great Fanfare
    SYKTYVKAR - Happy second birthday, Uralica.
    Revellers were out in full force yesterday (which, as a statutory holiday, meant that there was no UDN published yesterday) to celebrate Constitution Day, the day that the "Founding Fathers And Mothers" (not just the nine immortalised in bronze in Uralic Square downtown, but all thirty-one of them) signed the constitution of the Tribal State of Uralica, bringing it into existence. Each of them was on hand in Syktyvkar to commemorate the moment at noon. The thirty-one (Chief and 2 from each then-existent tribe) were:
    Jarkko Salomäki (Chief)
    Lasse Mäkelä and Meri Vanhanen (members of the Finnish Tribe)
    Olga Guznishcheva and Nikolay Shevchuk (members of the Russian Tribe)
    Riita Perttunen and Jukka Ahonen (members of the Karelian Tribe)
    Vaido Kuik and Anu Kangur (members of the Estonian Tribe)
    Kari Fisk and Raitis Kosks (members of the Livonian Tribe)
    Tarja Lapsonen and Johan Kjærhus (members of the Western Saami Tribe)
    Ipati Fedotenko and Yulya Shishkina (members of the Eastern Saami Tribe)
    Jan Merk and Helen Renzenbrink (members of the Mennonite Tribe)
    Ovdey Shlomov and Maksim Hubertov (members of the Udmurt Tribe)
    Yevgeny Kolpakov and Matvey Chugaynov (members of the Mari Tribe)
    Alexander Zyrianov and Yevstakhi Suvanov (members of the Komi Tribe)
    Yuvan Shestopalov and Maria Shestopalova (members of the Nenets Tribe)
    Elizabeta Khrushchyova and Filip Surgutin (members of the Ob Ugric Tribe)
    Semyon Kabayev and Raisa Ovechkina (members of the Mordvin Tribe)
    Patrik Golubayev and Denis Kalinin (members of the Samoyedic Tribe)
    On top of this, the "two main signees" on behalf of the Hungarians and Chuvash also partook in the commemorative event. These are Rebeka Szigete and Zoltán Molnár for the Hungarians and Akhmetkhan Gubaidulin and Marat Yardy for the Chuvash.
    After the commemoration, the Founders would end up scattering themselves all over Uralica to catch celebrations. Only Salomäki stuck around in Syktyvkar, with Kuik being spotted in Estonian-rich Vaahruše, Shlomov going to Izhevsk, the two Mennonites naturally going to Pazhga (a fifteen-minute drive away tops), Kolpakov going to Yoshkar-Ola, and an "adventurous" Shevchuk catching a flight all the way to Uralica's northernmost settlement, Belushya Guba in Novaja Zemlja.
    Parades were held in most cities during the late morning and early afternoon, although Syktyvkar was an exception to this because of the aforementioned event - their parade would kick off in the late afternoon.
    It was at night, though, that things really got festive. Fireworks displays were a common sight in all Uralican cities and a great many larger towns. Syktyvkar, Yekaterinburg, and Chaykovsky (which is the so-called "Party Capital of Uralica") had the most impressive, while Belushya Guba, a town of four thousand five hundred which is the only settlement in Novaja Zemlja, broke a world record for being the most northerly settlement in the world to do a pyrotechnic show, at 71°32'24" N by 52°19'12" E.
    "It was -30C here," said Nikolay Shevchuk about it, "but they have some pretty awesome technology that allowed the fireworks to actually go off. It was a sight to behold, and the TV stations all got it on tape, so it's all good."
    Business
    Rebuilding And Reparations Fuelling Uralican Economy To New Heights
    YEKATERINBURG - Over the last two weeks, stocks in Bolak Corp., UralTek, and several other minor companies have soared because of the demand for Uralican consumer goods and industrial materials during this time of rebuilding.
    On Wednesday, we talked to several traders at UMSX in Yekaterinburg, which is Uralica's main stock exchange.
    "Man, you should see these building technology stocks," one said. "Retrofitnik Incorporated has posted net stock value gains of over 200% since TOOL withdrew from the war. Even though not too many TOOL nations are in earthquake zones, the materials that company engineers and constructs is valuable anyway for concrete-and-steel buildings. Shopping tourism from TOOL nations is up, which is good news for our retail-only companies as well as for companies like Bolak and [Christian Sport]. And both reparations and repairs are keeping UralTek busy. With good planning, some of these companies can keep, or at least plateau, their momentum once this boom ends. Of course the folks in the big companies are already doing so. We get pamphlets about their plans all the time down here at UMSX."
    Jarno Laaksonen, a Tribal Council member, was also spotted doing business at UMSX. The outspoken Eastern Saami was all smiles.
    "I have shares in UralNav and Severomineralnik," he said. "This boom is good for business in Sapmi, I've noticed, because of the fact that our county is so reliant upon nautical technology and mineral-mining that this boom is making things rather pleasant right now, because our fellow TOOLies are requiring both. And not just for the sake of defence, but also, they gotta fish and do aquatic research somehow, y'know? Our phosphate cracking production is working well above capacity and as a result, companies like UralApatit and Severomineralnik and Severstal and others are all able to give their employees bonuses. I can't complain, since I work for SMK up in Montsa!"
    Sports
    Who's Hot, Who's Not
    WHO'S HOT
    1. Mattias Hammevik, SiPS - oh man did this guy ever play well against KJK. And how does he top off winning the Kanslerinkilpi? He blanks Atletico Vinilandes in Liga Mundo. What a guy!
    2. Immo Kivilahti, Kirovin JK - I felt horrible for this guy when SiPS scored, even though I am a SiPS fan myself. That save on Rasimus leading to the corner that caused the win was nothing short of legendary. This goalkeeper is nothing short of legendary. He just got caught by a post, a bad bounce, and Hessu "Clutch" Öörni being in position.
    3. Hessu Öörni, SiPS - Two straight X11 teams, the winning goal in the Kanslerinkilpi, and a goal and four assists against FK Syktyvkar? Umm... yeah, he has to be on this one!
    4. Khavkuk Shlomov, Dinamo Kirov - How does The Jewish Pelé recover from a disappointing 'Kilpi? Easy. He scores all four of Dinamo's goals in their 4-2 win over ZavU.
    5. Timofey Rakhmatulin, Dinamo Arkhangel'sk - Shlomov wasn't the only guy that got more than four goals this frame. In fact, "Timmeh" got five, albeit against a rather inept Aleksi Toivola.
    WHO'S NOT
    1. GK Aleksi Toivola, FK Inta - you know you're having a bad outing when you get pulled from the goal. You know you're having a really bad one when this happens to be in football. Five goals on five shots? From the same guy? Pathetic.
    2. RM Natan Petukhov, Zavod Ural Solikamsk/Bumazhnik Solikamsk - I swear, Bumazhnik got robbed. Petukhov for Karjalainen and 700K? Pff. If I were Bumazhnik I'd've made ZavU pay for Karjalainen after Petukhov cocked up so badly in the Dinamo match. Seriously. Those giveaways were brutal
    3. GK Dmitry Khomutov, FK Yekaterinburg - Yes, Khalmer-Yu is the real deal. Yes, FK Yekaterinburg doesn't have the same kind of firepower. No, it doesn't give Khomutov an excuse for his poor performance. There were two goals that he shouldn't have let in, and did.
    4. UM Dmitry Rezanov, Zavod Ural Solikamsk - KEEP THE STUDS DOWN, YOU FOOL!! He was lucky someone didn't get really hurt from it in the deplorable show of poor sportsmanship that was the Togashire match. Methinks he's probably in Dmitry Makarov's doghouse atm.
    5. Arsenal Syktyvkar's entire team - yeah, these guys are going nowhere in a hurry. Severstal didn't even try against them and won 4-0.
    SiPS Has Changed Tune About Liga Mundo
    SYKTYVKAR - SiPS is staying put, but apparently it took some talking to manager Teppo Kostamo by Jarkko Salomäki to convince him.
    "The simple fact that SiPS is performing well internationally in the Liga Mundo is an advertisment for Uralican football," says Salomäki, "so I went and hassled Teppo about it. It isn't like we're [Zavod Ural Solikamsk] who have to have all their domestic matches moved to Sunday because of clashing foreign commitments. So we're officially staying in Liga Mundo. The press conference will be held tomorrow."
    Kurri Trophy Playoffs On The Horizon Again
    SYKTYVKAR - so who's gonna be the best in Uralican ice hockey this season?
    Already, HK Syktyvkar has won both of the installations of the Kurri Cup, both in the inaugural 2008 season, and in the 08-09 season, which started in spite of the nation's constitution being suspended for the first two months.
    But this season, the competition seems a lot fiercer.
    The merger of JKK Salamat Sikkivukari into HK Jokerit Syktyvkar has created something of a "super-team" of the two ice hockey teams that have come second to HK Syktyvkar - Jokerit has beaten SiPS twice out of five meetings this season as well, which has driven home the fact that Jokerit cannot be taken lightly.
    But the biggest threat this season could come from Severstal Cherepovets, who has had a longstanding tradition of excellence on the ice in both hockey and bandy. Even the "Mari Gretzky," HKS forward Matvey Kolpakov, is wary of them.
    "Severstal has been the toughest team to play this season even though we have only lost once to them, and lost to Jokerit twice," Kolpakov says. "The real alarm bell with Severstal comes from their insane consistency. With Jokerit, we'd lose 3-2, come back the next meeting and piledrive them 4-0, whereas Severstal would never lose by much at all, and they will always score."
    Since Severstal is in the hotly-contested Western Division, they still are more likely to play in the first round rather than get the bye through to the quarterfinals, which can also be said for Jokerit. With an average of six games left in the season, HKS has clinched the regular season championship already, with the closest teams, not surprisingly, being in their own division.
    But are there any contenders outside the Wild Wild West?
    "I would watch CSKA Yekaterinburg, MP Perm', and HK Serov," says Kolpakov in response to that question. "It's going to be great hockey."
  23. Uralica
    (OOC: Sorry, late again.)
    Top Stories
    Surprising March Blizzard Hits Mordoviya
    SARANSK - Snow is nothing new to anyone in Uralica. From October to February, in fact, it's very much expected. Even in March, the odd bit of snow is expected. However, with temperatures dipping below the average lows for March, Mordovia and parts of Chuvashia got hit with a barrage of snow and cold winds last night, leaving most of the residents in the area staying indoors.
    In some places, most notably Orozai, power was knocked out for parts of the day, which was not the most thrilling prospect on this particular day, the day the Kanslerinkilpi football final was to be played between SiPS and Kirovin JK. However, with the winds dying down by 5PM, workers were able to get some semblance of power going again, at least in some places. Some desperate footie fans hopped in their vehicles and braved the icy roads to watch the game in restaurants in the larger centres. No fatalities were reported from any accidents, although several accidents did occur on Highway UH-27, the Mordoviya Freeway, which runs through most of Mordoviya's major centres.
    Saransk was more prepared for the weather, and reported very few power outages, most of which stemmed from a blown transformer in the northern suburbs.
    Jarkko Salomäki Resigns As TOOL Inquisitor
    SYKTYVKAR - With thomas20 and Caenwulf having stepped up to the reins, Jarkko Salomäki finally was able to make good on his promise to withdraw from TOOL government to focus on domestic governance and organising the transportation of aid to both TOOL nations needing help rebuilding and Spartans, Archeinists, and Nemetics who require reparations.
    He made this official in a press conference yesterday, stating that it was a huge weight off his shoulders.
    "I was thoroughly honoured to be a part of this," he said. "But I'd been looking to step out of office since January since it was just getting to be too much. I need to focus more on the needs of Uralicans and TOOLies, and I just can't do that when I'm having to deal with international military issues all the time. This resignation represents a huge weight being lifted off me. And it also takes some of the pressure off Vaido [Kuik], Ovdey [shlomov], and Matvey [Kolpakov], who were running around like chickens with their heads cut off trying to make sure everything got handled. I love you guys!"
    Sports
    Seventh Seed Stretches SiPS, But Still Loses
    SYKTYVKAR - One goal was all it took.
    After one hundred thirteen minutes of scoreless play, Hessu Öörni scored what had to be the biggest goal of his career, taking the rebound of a Tauno Jäkälä shot that hit the post and burying it in the top left corner of the goal, to win SiPS their second consecutive Kanslerinkilpi in a dramatic extra time finish.
    The effort came after Immo Kivilahti, the goalkeeper for Kirovin JK, made a magnificent fingertip save on a Joni Rasimus strike, sailing from left post to right post to parry the shot.
    This isn't to say that his opposite number didn't face some challenging shots either.
    "There's no question now who the best two goalkeepers in Uralica are," said UPL president Attila Farkas. "[Mattias] Hammevik faced fourteen shots and stopped them all. Kivilahti faced nineteen shots and stopped eighteen, and there was no way he could have had that last one."
    Although Kivilahti was "inconsolable" after the match, he did tearfully accept the Kanslerinkilpi MVP trophy.
    "He could easily be my superior," said Mattias Hammevik, respectfully. "I mean, I did face some hard shots, but that save he made on Joni [Rasimus]? I couldn't have done that. No way."
    Hessu Öörni received the Goal Of The Tournament award, with Kivilahti also being named Best Goalkeeper. Petteri Vahalahti won Best Defender, Joni Rasimus took Best Forward, and Raimo Suominen took Best Midfielder.
    The tournament all-star team was as follows:
    GK: Immo Kivilahti (KJK)
    LB: Jarkko Salomäki (SiPS)
    RB: Petteri Vahalahti (SiPS)
    CB: Indrek Lepp (KJK)
    CB: Pekka Valamäki (Dinamo Kirov)
    LM: Hessu Öörni (SiPS)
    RM: Jukka Tenhola (SiPS)
    CM: Raimo Suominen (SiPS)
    AM: Tuukka Lehtonen (KJK)
    ST: Joni Rasimus (SiPS)
    ST: Khavkuk Shlomov (Dinamo Kirov)
    Bench:
    GK: Mattias Hammevik (SiPS)
    CB/LB: Lev Lebezyatnikov (Dinamo Arkhangel'sk)
    CB: Sergey Parfenov (Amkar Perm')
    RM: Vaido Järvi (Dinamo Kirov)
    AM: Hárkany Molnár (Trátyi TK)
    ST: Tapani Karjalainen (KJK)
    ST: Miron Smertin (ZavU)
    Tourism
    Multicultural Syktyvkar Offers Something For Everyone
    Gordon Dirk, TOOL Tourism
    If there's one city that could best be described as a microcosm of the nation of Uralica, it is Syktyvkar, Uralica's capital and fastest-growing city (if one doesn't count the antidiasporic return of over a million people to Perm'). Located at the confluence of the Sysola River (In Komi it is the Syktyv River, from which the city derives its name) and the Vychegda River, Syktyvkar is currently Uralica's fifth-largest city - having just surpassed Cheboksary - and part of the fifth-largest urban area, which also includes the predominantly Mennonite city of Pazhga to the south.
    The city is actually a merger of three municipal bodies - the old city of Syktyvkar, the nearby large town of Vilgort (which formerly served as the seat of Syktyvda District), and the subordinate town of Ezhva. It is growing at an amazing pace as well. Even in the pre-Robertian era, the largest the city ever got was around two hundred fifty thousand people, but with it being a centre of the Uralicist Movement and a beacon to artists, activists, and miners alike, the city has more than tripled that number, having absorbed several previously unincorporated hamlets as boroughs in the process.
    In spite of its large population, it is one of the most pleasant cities to live in or visit in all of Uralica, a fact made sure of by the Syktyvkar Unitary Authority Board, which runs the city in its entirety as well as the subordinate town of Yazel', at which one can find Kaido Ojastu International Airport.
    There is plenty to see and do in Uralica. One can go into the downtown core, where there are many little arts and crafts shops and ethnic restaurants to be found, plus malls and shops for everything that is available in Uralica. Among these is, surprisingly, the Uralican World Trade Centre, including Uralica's tallest building, the Vaido Kuik Tower, whose bottom four floors comprise the largest department store branch of any kind in the Former Soviet Union. I went shopping once at this branch of Kupriyanov's (Kupriyanov's is a subsidiary of the ubiquitous Bolak Corp., that specialises in department stores) and to go through the whole thing would require several trips.
    On the east side of the Vychegda's first pass through the city is something no one should leave Syktyvkar without seeing - the Uralic Cultural Centre. Uralica has this thing about multi-art galleries and museums, and Syktyvkar's tops them all; one can peruse folk and modern art from all of Uralica's constituent cultures, sample some ethnic food, take classes in various things (I tried to learn how to make my own kantele and failed miserably the first couple times), catch a few Uralican films (for a nation without a proper movie industry, they sure can capture the imagination), and even go to church! Yes, there are four churches - a Uralican Evangelical Baptist church, a Uralican Orthodox church, a Uralican Catholic church, and a Mennonite church, all regularly attended by at least a hundred fifty people, on the premises.
    If your inclination is towards music, I would recommend the Filharmonia to anyone. Now I'm no metalhead, but I hear there's this really good metal band called Pelastus that plays there sporadically and brings the house down every time. I'm more a classical music lover myself, and in this nation where music and musical training are national pastimes, it doesn't get any better or more creative than the Uralican Symphony Orchestra in a sold-out Filharmonia. I popped in to listen to them performing the masterworks of Tchaikovsky, who was actually born in what is now Uralica and is something of a national hero. And let me tell you, I never thought listening to Marche Slave with a four-piece metal band included would be so invigorating! I still have the finale stuck in my head!
    One of the best universities in the Former Soviet Union is Uralikan Yliopisto, which seems to be getting bigger every time I visit the city! One can actually pay a few bucks to get in to see the talented UY Symphony Orchestra cut their trade, or to listen to an open lecture on everything from things concerning Uralica's history to the masterworks of Sirkka Numminen, the legendary Uralican composer who is called "The Female Mozart" because of her prolific music-writing, to various languages of Uralica.
    Finally, there's something for the sports nut as well. Syktyvkar Stadion is an amazing environment for football (soccer for you North Americans), while the Syktyvkar Sportsplex in Vilgort borough houses Syktyvkar's ice hockey, bandy, basketball, handball, and rugby teams. They also have a large tennis club, which is open to the public from April through mid-October, except when there are tournaments on, and these dates are always posted.
    On top of this, there is an Olympic sports park in the eastern borough of Krasnozatonsky, where almost all individual Summer Olympic sports, as well as speed skating, figure skating, and in the winter, half-pipe snowboarding, are practiced. And there is Parchezhsky Park in the northernmost borough of Syktyvkar, Parcheg, where cross-country skiing and biathlon can be partaken in. Sometimes one can even catch the nation's ruler, Jarkko Salomäki, hitting the track here!
    Speaking of Jarkko, behind his 1-hectare estate in the Nizhny Chov borough, is a 100-hectare national park devoted to the Uralican national bird, the Eurasian Eagle-Owl:

    Huuhkaja National Park is a place where one can go to learn about Syktyvkar's local feathered friends, especially this magnificent bird, which has a range almost completely covering Uralica.
    The residents love to have visitors, and the city has been given a very high grade in the hospitality department, even by Uralica's sky-high hospitality standards. Don't know any of the languages spoken in Uralica? No problem. There are government-paid translators available at any of Uralica's numerous tourism departments, and a map to these is available at Kaido Ojastu International Airport (if you enter by air) or the three Syktyvkar Welcome Portals (if you enter by road) which are located in Ubshor, Yazel', and Krasnozatonsky boroughs.
    So what are you waiting for? Come visit!
  24. Uralica
    Top Stories
    Snowfall Already?
    KOLOSJOKI - Yes, it's snowing already in the northernmost parts of Uralica.
    The year's first snowfall was recorded in Belushya Guba, on the South Island of Novaja Zemlja, near the beginning of the month, however it was overnight, and it turned to rain in the afternoon.
    But last night was a different story entirely. Several major centres in Uralica's northern areas got blanketed with an average of about two inches of snow. Although Uralican vehicles are equipped to handle all but the heaviest of snowfalls, fewer cars were on the road as people carpooled to church services and soccer matches.
    It was the first consistent snowfall recorded in any major centres - Murmansk, Kolosjoki, Naryan-Mar, Tazovsky, and Mezen' all recorded snow. Surprinsingly, the snow seemed to miss Arkhangel'sk and Severodvinsk. But according to some meteorologists in Uralica, that won't last long.
    "The weather forecasters are calling for snow in the Unified Port area as early as tomorrow afternoon," Jarkko Salomäki said in an interview, still decked out in shorts in spite of cooler weather in Izhevsk, where the low was 0C and the high 4C. "Apparently the Ob Bend is gonna get snow later in the week, too. Ah well, we can handle it. By the time November comes around, almost every Uralican city should have had at least frost."
    Uralikan Yliopisto Expanding Course Selection
    SYKTYVKAR - Dr. Ovdey Shlomov was grinning from ear to ear as he declared that, with the addition of several new sessional professors to the UY roster, the course selection the institute offers will grow starting in January 2011.
    "It shouldn't be surprising that most of these expansions are going to be in the Faculty of Humanities," Shlomov said in an interview after the press conference in question. "In particular, Turkic and Central Asian Studies, Asian Language Studies, and Uralic Studies are in for the largest expansions. International Studies is being overhauled as well, but that overhaul will not be complete until May in all likelihood."
    In other UY news, the university is seeking to expand its already large base of foreign affiliations, looking into exchange agreements from any willing university.
    Uralican News
    Fish Stocks In Upper Mezen' River Recovering
    USOVUORI - Five months after the completion of the cleanup of a chemical leak emanating from a nearby defunct chemical weapons depot (and the dismantling of the same), fluvial ecologists are now saying that implanted fish stocks are starting to take hold in the upper Mezen' River, which was heavily polluted by the leak.
    This is good news for fishing enthusiasts for the area, who were worried that the trout and whitefish stocks would be gone for good.
    Sports
    SiPS Surges, Telekom Looming
    SYKTYVKAR - So Telekom Pazhga finally made SiPS drop points. Time to wonder if SiPS is gonna let this slip away, right?
    WRONG.
    A Joni Rasimus hat trick propelled the two-time defending Bolakliiga champs to a 5-1 thrashing of slumping Udmurtiya Izhevsk. But one can't count the 'Kom out just yet. They easily dispatched an improved but still half-rate FK Inta 2-0. With Khavkuk Shlomov still injured after having his leg broken in an international friendly back in early August, Dinamo Kirov has been struggling to keep pace with SiPS, although they have maintained a respectable third place.
    In spite of the loss, FK Inta needs just two points in the last six matches to secure a place in the B-Liiga for next season. The likely drops appear to be the three "FKs Of Fail," as one foreign publisher dubbed them with a hint of malice - these are FK Kotlas, FK Kirov, and FK Syktyvkar, with FK Kirov being in last place with just 7 points this season. CSKVC Kirov can still drop down - they need no fewer than three victories to stay up.
    In the Ykkönen, it is looking like Mordovia Saransk and Ural Yekaterinburg are locks for the B-Liiga for next season, but behind them is appearing an epic battle for the four playoff spots. On the other end, Lokomotiv Kotlas is already guaranteed relegation (to the Kakkonen West).
    CSKA Kirov The Team To Watch This Season
    KIROV - With the UIHL season now just underway, all eyes seem to be on someone other than HK Syktyvkar for a change. Although HKS did win the Kurri Trophy for topping the Uralican hockey scene, they got quite the fight from CSKA Kirov, and now everyone is left wondering whether they will bounce back this season and win it all.
    "They have a good team, there's no question about that," said HKS star Matvey Kolpakov. "They have a real physical presence, and can play up-tempo hockey. Plus when you play them, you can't be afraid to goon things up a little, because that's what they do. But it's nothing bush league. Just they love a good fight once in a while is all. We've played against teams from other nations that balk at fighting, yet they use every cheap trick in the book then go and hide behind the refs. Not CSKA Kirov. Or any Uralican team for that matter."
  25. Uralica
    Been thinking about writing about this for a while now, but it stems from a comment Kzoppistan made a few months ago about how he liked "the realistic detail" I put into my RP, and there's a reason for this.
    I dunno why, but I've always found the prospect of writing about places and peoples that actually exist fascinating, so this has very heavily influenced my RP writing style, and even my nitpickery over resources when I was in my "chronic re-roller" stage for the first half of 2009. Y'see, a nation in the middle of Russia (quite literally) having rubber, spices, sugar, or wine would just not make any sense. It's too damn cold there! (Unless you count synthetic rubber, then it's only marginally fudgeable.) Surprisingly though, wheat would be feasible, because there are chernozem soils in the southwestern part of what comprises Uralica in-game, and what comprises central Russia IRL.
    For those of you who wonder what the hell chernozem is, it literally translates as "black soil," and is the most productive soil on the planet for growing crops. The Great Plains/Canadian Prairies and Russia/Ukraine are both loaded with the stuff.
    So you probably wonder if all my cities and towns are also real. And the answer is, mostly yes. There are no settlements created "from scratch" and very few others - probably the best example of the "others" is "Chetyrgoroda," a semi-educated guess at a translation of "Quad Cities," which comprises the settlements of Alabyevskiy, Malinovskiy, Pionyerskiy, and Yubilyenyy, all located in Khanty-Mansi Autonomous Okrug IRL.
    These "real cities" fall into four groups.
    The first and most obvious group is of cities whose "official English names" I hung onto. The capital Syktyvkar, Kirov, Perm', Yekaterinburg, Surgut, Nizhnevartovsk, Vologda, Cherepovets, Izhevsk, Murmansk, and Arkhangel'sk are but a few examples.
    Then there are those cities whose names I switched to Uralic-language names they already had. Examples of this include Viipuri (Finnish for Vyborg), Kondupohju (Karelian for Kondopoga), Votka (Udmurt for Votkinsk), Tsykmä (a Finnish transliteration of Cÿkmä, the Hill Mari name of Kozmodemyansk), Yulser-Ola (Meadow Mari for Volzhsk), Viche Alan (Meadow Mari for Vyatskiye Polyany), Orozai (Moksha for Ruzayevka), Lapyt-Nank (the Khanty origins of Labytnangi's name), and Salyakharad (Nenets for Salekhard).
    The third and probably most humourous group for native speakers of Russian, Finnish, and sometimes other languages, is the "fudge translations" I did. Vel'sk became "Veliski," Velikiy Ustyug became "Isoustiuki," Krasnoturyinsk became "Punaturjin," Nefteyugansk became "Juganvar," (a shining example of my fundamental state of fail with Hungarian ), and in terms of alternate names, "Trakt" became "Tráty" (more Hungarian) and "Pazhga" became "Patschke." (It's supposed to be Mennonite Low German. Chey will probably ROFL when he sees this.) A sort-of member of this is "Yugrakar," which is Khanty-Mansiysk IRL. (I'll explain "Yugra" later.)
    The fourth and smallest group, the commies will hate me for. It hardly makes sense to RP a Christian nation with so many blatantly communist names, so anything including "Lenin," "Stalin," "Komsomol," or "Sovet" ended up renamed. There were three major "Sovetsks" or "Sovetskys" in Uralica. The easternmost one was renamed to "Kuiksk" after one of my RP characters, Vaido Kuik. Then there was the one in Mari El which I renamed Yarkosky. (Will probably feel bad about it in a couple months and change it to something more Mari and less narcissistic. Maybe Shlomov-Ola. ) The third and final one, in Kirovsky Rayon (RL Kirovskaya Oblast'), had a Meadow Mari name, so I brought that in. If you ever see me mention Kukarka, that's it.
    If you've looked at my Wiki, you'll notice I have counties as well. Two groups here.
    Some are perfectly (or almost perfectly) analagous to their RL counterparts. I set aside some larger cities as "unitary authorities," so these don't count.
    For example, Nenetsia-North Uralica (Nenets Aut. Okrug), Yamalia (Yamalo-Nenets Aut. Okrug), Yugra (which is the native name for RL Khanty-Mansiysk Aut. Okrug), Permski Rayon (if you don't count Komi-Permyak Okrug - a small part of that was separated), Kirovski Rayon, Mari El, Chuvashia, Mordovia, West Uralica (Vologda Oblast), Karelia (actually a wee bit bigger than in RL), and Sapmi (Murmansk Oblast) are all fitted to RL boundaries, with a few tweaks. (I gave Karelia the two districts of Leningrad Oblast that make up the Karelian Isthmus.)
    On the other hand, I cut up Udmurtiya, Sverdlovsk Oblast, Komi Republic, and Arkhangel'sk Oblast into smaller pieces.
    Geeky Jarkko is geeky.
    Wasn't all geography, mind you. The 32 languages my country speaks all exist, and all but four are Uralic (English, Russian, Plautdietsch, and Chuvash are the exceptions).
    But where things get most interesting is the history stories. Read through a few articles and see if you can't guess which of them are actually RL happenings... or potential RL happenings. I was just a little shocked when I looked at the Wikipedia article about Mari El and saw its similarities to some of my own material.
    Life imitating art? Or art imitating life?
    Either way, it gives me something to muse about.
    Thanks for putting up with my ramblings.
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