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Excerpts from the Uralican Daily News, 24 April 2010




Top Stories

Uralikan Yliopisto Dubbed "Great University"

Uralikan Yliopisto, Uralica's vaunted state university, has finally made the elite, it seems.

Last night, the Robertian Council of Universities and Colleges, the world academic "watchdogs," bestowed the honour upon the Christian university, calling it "one of the most balanced Christian universities in the world" and "long overdue" for the dubbing.

The institute was founded in April of 2008 by many of the same intelligentsia that were responsible for Uralica's Constitution, and is particularly renowned for its commitment to teaching life skills and critical thinking, as well as its broad range of programs and its particularly noteworthy language-teaching, linguistics, and history/culture departments. The RCUC has it ranked in the top 50 universities in the former Soviet Union area and the top 200 in Europe, even though two of its campuses (Surgut, Greater Yekaterinburg) are geographically in Asia.

With around 120 000 total seats in 18 campuses around Uralica, UY is the largest non-profit organisation that is completely within Uralica, larger than even the Emergency Relief and Human Development Corps (ERHDC). It employs 5 000 professors from 10 different countries (mainly from CCC nations but also from TOOL nations) and as many as 40 000 staff at various times of the year.

Salomäki: Construction Of University Of West Uralica Almost Complete

MOLOCHNOYE - As if Uralica didn't have enough higher education.

The nation with the highest college-per-capita proportion in TOOL is planning to add even more institutes of higher education to its plate, and it would seem one of these is almost complete in the Vologda bedroom community of Molochnoye.

The University of West Uralica isn't expected to be as large as Uralikan Yliopisto's Main Campus, but it will have one thing UY does not - a law school. No longer will the Uralican College of Law and Criminology in Cheboksary, Chuvashia, have a monopoly on domestic law-schooling. And they're just fine with that.

"UCLC was getting so many Law applications that only the absolute top-of-the-line students were getting admission, leaving most students that would be worthy in any other nation to go abroad," said UCLC admissions officer Gurban Makhmudov. "But with UWU set to have a decent-sized law school, more Uralicans can study to practice law without having to go through passport and visa hassles and all that nonsense."

Jarkko Salomäki says that some buildings are already complete and have passed inspections.

"There are fifteen buildings at the campus at the moment, with six of them having passed inspection and the other nine coming along at a great pace. You know what they say - many hands make light work! We've had to make sure our tradespeople don't overwork themselves, because we've got all these people and they're working from sunrise to sunset. I s'pose it's a good thing that construction is #1 out of the non-factory trades, eh?"

When asked for a completion date, Salomäki said he didn't know for sure, but that he "was hoping for mid-June."


Malakhov "A Force Of Nature"

With 84 gold medals to his credit this season, it comes as no surprise that Dmitry Malakhov won this season's Uralican Nordic Skiing Championships quite easily.

"The man is nothing short of a force of nature," said league manager Foma Vologodin. "He has literally won at least one gold in every event outside of ski-jumping, and he holds Uralican records in every individual event except the biathlon pursuit. I don't know how he does it. I do know he does it cleanly, that's it."

So what's next for the 26-year-old Nenets-Triber from Lapyt-Nank?

"Over the spring and summer, I will train by playing football, roller-skiing, shooting on the target ranges up in Naryan-Mar, and perhaps even taking a trip to a place that is frozen year-round like Novaja Zemlja, to continue to ski."

Kurri Cup Playoffs Second Round Matchups

The second round of the Kurri Trophy ice hockey playoffs gets underway on Monday night. Here are the matchups:

(1) HK Syktyvkar vs. (9) HK Severstal

(2) HK Sputnik vs. (7) Usovuoren JKK

(3) CSKA Kirov vs. (6) HK Serov

(4) Torpedo Murmansk vs. (5) HK Jokerit

Who's Hot, Who's Not - Team Edition


1. SiPS - whether it be their first team or their reserve, in domestic football, these guys have been impossible to stop this season.

2. SpVgg Ubb - what are these guys doing in the Kolmonen? Honestly, outscoring your opposition 45-0 in seven matches is a good indication that you're too good for the league you're in.

3. Severstal Cherepovets - have yet to allow a goal in Kakkonen play.

4. TvinkiZavod Chaykovsky - like SpVgg Ubb, but with four fewer goals and in an easier division.

5. Sokol Sernur - another Kolmonen team on a wicked hot-streak.

Honourable Mentions - Khalmer-Yu Town (The Little Team That Could) and YugraMash Kogalym (best team in the Nelonen and then some!)


1. Lokomotiv Kotlas - Pathetic club is pathetic. Seriously, with how they've been playing they should be in the Kolmonen.

2. Arsenal Syktyvkar - 1 goal in 7 games? If you're in the Kakkonen, you should be doing better than that!

3. Kolos Maiskiy - I suppose Petteri Vahalahti was right when he said these guys play ugly football. 1 goal for, 24 against in 7 games.

4. FK Inta - very little in the way of improvement. Then again, they haven't given away nearly as much since they shipped Rybin to the reserve team.

5. Fanershchik Uralskiy - only ahead of Kolos Maiskiy by two goals in either column. Still a rather awful performance.


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