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OOC: Some musings...


Uralica

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It's been a while since I did a fully OOC blog, since most of this is simply a vent for my hypergraphia. For those that do not know, that's the condition of being one who writes way the hell too much. And Unsure and Jack Diorno among others can attest that I do indeed write way the hell too much, both on my Wiki and here in my CN blog.

But that's not what this is about.

No, this is about me taking my leave of the OWF, and most of the CN forums for that matter, indefinitely. There are actually several reasons for that, and most of them have to do with me.

As anyone who actually knows me would know, I am a mild case of Asperger Syndrome, which in my experience has made me prone to being too literal about stuff, taking stuff too seriously, and being naive and too trusting. It also became apparent to me when I was talking to Rafael Nadal (God bless him) last night, that I spend too much time there, but all I really do is hail our allies, occasionally heckle some complete thicko, and try to be otherwise respectful. But in retrospect, I do sometimes wonder if I have anything of substance to contribute on OWF anymore, especially in a seemingly far grayer political atmosphere than when I first started playing CN over 1 1/2 years ago. I'm no Bob Janova or King_Srqt. I have no intelligent insights into Robertian politics. I'm many things - ghost-buster, linguist, giver, bank, stats-keeper, officer - but I nearly flunked entry-level Poli Sci for being too opinionated, and in the case of CN, I don't like to jump in unless I actually know what I'm talking about. And 90% of the time, I honestly know very little.

Plus you see, when I was in CCC, even when I was their MoD, everything seemed black and white whenever CCC was involved. Whether that is naivete or not, I don't know. But in every situation that happened involving our alliance, except maybe how we handled the ", I had a very clear idea of who was right and who was wrong (including in WotC, where a snafu CCC had made a couple months prior came back to bite them in the butt).

It was the Jarheads War that began to change this, but the events leading up to the Karma War sped it the hell up.

Now don't get me wrong. I was ready to go to ZI for TOOL in defence of TPF, and I was gutted that I couldn't take part in the inital rush on DT, if only to have a little fun and maybe have a nice conversation in CCC-style fashion with my opponent. I ended up sort of doing this against Heifong, my since-inactive-deleted Brigade opponent. There was no talking until the end of the war, where it was kind of a "good fight, here's your knuckle-tappage" sort of thing. (I actually had sort of the same thing with one of my opponents from GOD in WotC, except we both chuckled at the fact that I got a million bucks off with my last attack, mere minutes from being told to send peace. :P)

But now, in this "brave new world," it never seems as if any one person or alliance is 100% in the right, or 100% in the wrong, at least not at the heart of a major conflict. This is how I felt with the NPO situation, this is how I feel with the current Athens-TPF situation, and it probably won't be the last time I feel this way. Unless someone comes up with a CB that is rock-solid, or one that is a complete and total fabrication that can be debunked immediately (or the complete absence of one), I figure I'm doomed to keep my mouth shut. So why bother posting if I can't come up with something substantial? It just makes me come off like a complete imbecile. <_<

Now for some better news so as not to sound completely emo. :P (I hate emo music anyway, so anyone who called me emo would get my left foot in their face :lol1: )

My life outside of CN is actually looking up now, to be honest. I have a job, I'm going to school in the summer to start the process of working on my MLE degree, I have a church family that I love and that loves me and accepts me in spite of my myriad eccentricities and my incessant linguistics rambling. So why should I let this drag me down? ;) The only thing that would make things better is if I could actually afford those overpriced music production programs, so I could get back to making music (I do hate having pirated software). Because seriously, me without music isn't really me.

I won't leave CN until I absolutely have to, and that probably won't be until at least September of 2010, and probably later. I will continue to RP-blog. I will collect taxes, pay bills, Wiki, be a diplomat, and maybe exchange "NO Us" on IRC. But until something comes along that actually allows me to say something of worth, and not sound like I'm talking out my $@!, I'm done with OWF.

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First, +10 internets for using the word hypergraphia.

Second, congratulations on your occupational development.

Finally, personally, I'm quite comfortable living in a world of moral ambiguity as I see most events as little more than one group attempting to control or escape the control of another group. I usually have little patience for those that refuse, or has not the capacity, to consider the legitimacy of another person's actions (at least within the mind of the actor) even if they don't agree with it. Lack of that perspective has been on of the factors of some of the most brutal conflicts on the planet.

That said. At the same time, for any society to develop there must be some stability brought upon by a degree of consensus about what is right and what is not. In shot, every culture needs somebody to draw the line in the sand.

So please continue to post your thoughts, as they usually provide some semblance of sense compared to a lot of ones that do not.

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An update on this - I decided to resign from TOOL foreign affairs and scale back my Inquisition duties as a result of said burnout. But hey, I'm still gonna RP-blog. Matter of fact I think I'll go do that now. :P

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