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Excerpts from Uralican Daily News, 14 February 2010 Edition




Top Stories

Several Influential Leaders Invited To Uralikan Yliopisto

SYKTYVKAR - Dr. Ovdey Shlomov, President of Uralikan Yliopisto, and Dr. Yevgeny Kolpakov, Chair of the Department of Political Science, stated in a press conference today that it was indeed true that several influential political and spiritual leaders of the Robertian Era have been invited to give talks at Uralikan Yliopisto, upon conclusion of the current conflict.

The rulers are extremely varied. The invitation was initially sent to all members of TOOL, IRON, TPF, FEAR, Argent, CCC, Polaris, and GR, with further "names" being added later. Shlomov says about this, "We wish to have an academic discussion, and potentially a debate, about the things that make a good leader, opinions of which have some commonalities but also some very large differences depending on the philosophy of a given nation or alliance. There will be Uralican debate moderators on hand to make sure things don't get into a mud-slinging match, but we at UY are interested to hear what will be said about this important topic. Now we don't expect everyone to accept the invitation, but Yevgeny and I figured, hey, why not try?"

The full list of names invited will be published in the 18 February Edition.

Uralican News

Some Uralicans Wishing They Weren't In "Peace Mode" - Salomäki

SYKTYVKAR - a recent poll suggests that some Uralicans, primarily soldiers, are beginning to have a problem with staying on the sidelines, but will begrudgingly follow TOOL orders to stay in lockdown. However, the same poll suggests that other Uralicans do see some worth in peace mode.

One thing most people in the nation agreed on was that Uralica declaring itself a haven for refugees was a good thing to do - this was all but unanimous, with 99.89% of Uralicans favouring this status. Reasons, however, varied. Some saw it as "the Christian thing to do," while others said, "since we aren't fighting, we might as well use our land for some good."


Pelastus To Release 3rd Album On Founder's Day

UKHTA - in a press conference in their hometown of Ukhta, Christian metal giants Pelastus announced yesterday that their third album, to be titled "Hellfire's Bane," will come out on the 2nd anniversary of Uralica's founding, 18 March 2010.

According to keyboardist/producer Samppa Niskanen, this album is going to "have more electronics crammed in, just for something a little different," however the same brutal sound that vaulted them to the top of the Robertian-Era Christian music charts almost immediately will remain just that. Dabbling in some harder industrial sounds this time, many metal pundits are saying this album can be summed up with the "As I Lay Dying meets Fear Factory" label.

Jarkko Salomäki, himself a huge fan of Pelastus, says he is in the process of getting a Uralican tour started up with Pelastus as headliners, and most of the Life To The Fullest rock/industrial lineup (End of Sorrows, The Myllyjärvi Family, Digital Exorcism) as well as his own EBM outfit, Bane of the Machine, Christian rap group Urban Evangelists, and up-and-coming rock/ol' school punk band Bring It. In the meantime, he has had a listen to some of Pelastus' newer material, and he dubbed it "dangerously good."

There is an advance single that will come out at the end of February. According to Salomäki, "You will regret it for all eternity if you don't catch it!"


FK Syktyvkar Stunned By PSV

PYELTINO - Well played, Peltinischer Sport Verein. Well played indeed.

The Kolmonen club, based in Pyeltino, within Mennoland, did the unthinkable, upsetting sixteenth-seeded FK Syktyvkar in a lengthy penalty shootout after finishing two periods of overtime with no further scoring. Regulation ended at a 3-3 draw, and surprisingly, it was FK Syktyvkar who had to score the final equaliser after blowing an early 1-0 lead.

"These guys are good," said dejected FK Syktyvkar manager Reijo Markkanen. "We came in thinking we would have an easy match, scored the first goal, got overconfident, and in the end, we blew it. There is no one player to blame. It was a team failure. Not to take anything away from PSV, though - they played extremely well for a club at such a low level."

Although FKS weren't the only seeds to fall in the second round - bumbling 23rd seeds Lokomotiv Kotlas also lost - this early exit was by far and wide the biggest surprise of the tournament thus far.

Who's Hot, Who's Not


1. RM Yuri Golubovsky, Udmurtiya Izhevsk - When your opposition is being outscored 18-0 and you have 10 assists, in only two games, you know you're doing something right.

2. ST Joni Rasimus, SiPS - between Liga Mundo and the Kanslerinkilpi, Joni has 6 goals in his last two matches. He basically tore Torpedo Yugrakar to shreds by himself.

3. ST Rustam Chesnokov, FK Vytegra - back-to-back hat tricks, eh?

4. LM Diedrik Siemens, Telekom Pazhga - The man is a playmaking beast. Telekom has 16 goals in the 'Kilpi thus far and eleven of them have been started up by this man, although only six have registered as assists.

5. GK Erik Kallio, Usovuoren JK - gotta have at least one goalkeeper up here, and Erik has yet to allow a goal in spite of facing some tough shots against FK Kostomuksha.


1. Gornyak Kachkanar's entire team - Their play against Trátyi TK was a mockery of football. Absolutely dreadful.

2. CB Ziven Dashkov, Dentex Izhevsk - Dentex were in cruise control until this scatter-brained defender let an FK Gremyachinsk striker through then tried to cover up his incompetence with a tackle from behind. Yeah, getting sent off and giving the opposition a penalty kick to equalise was a real help. Gimp... :P

3. CM Ferenc Kurti, Olimp Ürzhüm - okay, who goes from getting three assists to giving away the winning goal in the space of one game, and doesn't end up on this list? Seriously, Ferenc stood there like a pylon as FK Yugrakar's Lavrenty Kiriyakov grabbed the ball from him, tore down the pitch, and scored the goal to make it 2-1, the eventual final.

4. Tommi Myllys, Manager, Jupiter Yarkosky - thanks for trying to put us to sleep, you clown :P Especially considering you didn't even win in the end.

5. LB Donat Konstantinov, Mordovia Lashma - okay, so you're down 2-1. What do you NOT do to get back in the game? Head the ball into your own goal? That's what he did. :P



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