salithus Posted September 17, 2009 Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 (edited) As the new Minister of Foreign Affairs Secretariat it is my privilege to present the Pro-Piracy Act of 2009 which was passed with overwhelming support. Pro-Piracy Act D.L. 0907 IN PARLIAMENT September 16, 2009 AN ACT Sponsor(s) Lazerc providing for the consideration of the bill (D.L. 0907) Pro-Piracy Act SECTION 1. TITLE. This Act may be cited as the ‘The Pro-Piracy Act of 2009’ SECTION 2. TABLE OF CONTENTS. The table of contents of this Act is as follows: Sec. 1. Short Title. Sec. 2. Table of contents. Sec. 3. Purpose. Sec. 5. Criteria. Sec. 6. Non-Obligatory. Sec. 7. Aid. Sec. 8. Warnings. Sec. 9. Wartime Circumstances. SECTION 3. PURPOSE. The Goon Order of Oppression, Negligence, and Sadism (GOONS) finds the practice of attacking new, unaligned nations for the purpose of gaining Technology, Land and money (raiding), to be a particularly commendable act. As such, GOONS seeks three goals; to encourage these operations; as a possible source of recruitment; to further build a good reputation among other alliances of planet Bob. SECTION 4. CRITERIA. Small and/or new, unaligned nations on planet bob who are attacking other small and/or new nations who are unaligned on planet Bob are eligible for assistance from GOONS under this bill. SECTION 5. NON-OBLIGATORY. Nations coming into GOONS are under no obligation to join GOONS. The leaders of the requesting nation may join GOONS at any time of there choosing, even if in the middle of the war, upon that time all aid to that nation would increase, and GOONS nations who are at war with the oppressed nation will immediately redouble their efforts in destruction. Furthermore, nations requesting aid are not under any obligation to join the GOONS Alliance Affiliation during the time in which they receive aid. Finally, GOONS reserves the right to refuse aid for any reason at any time. SECTION 6. AID. Small and/or new unaligned nations who have joined the GOONS for aid under this act will receive $1,000,000 in aid; separate from all other sources of aid; and shall have two nations within GOONS of comparable force declare war on the belligerent nation in which they seek protection from. In no way does the request for assistance in destruction of the oppressed nation require the admission to GOONS. SECTION 7. WARNINGS Upon the time of the application of the unaligned nation joining GOONS under this act; a warning message will be sent to the oppressed nation; from the Strategos; stating that they are now being attacked by a member of GOONS and are to cease all further military action against the said nation; the oppresed nation will have 24 hours from the time of message submission to cease military action. SECTION 8. AUTHORITY. Upon the submission of the warning message from the Strategos, the Strategos shall also send preparatory messages to those nations he seeks to come to the aid of the said nation, to prepare them for military action should the warning to the belligerent be ignored, and to GOONS Government; to prepare him to send economic aid to the said nation and those preparing for military operations. SECTION 9. WARTIME CIRCUMSTANCES. When GOONS is at a state of war with another alliance, this bill shall be suspended until the completion of that war. E: Mods, please change thread title to "Pro", tia. Nevermind, thanks. Edited September 17, 2009 by salithus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
This Charming Man Posted September 17, 2009 Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 Best thing I've ever read. GOONS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Professor Farnsworth Posted September 17, 2009 Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 Good news, everyone! Hermes got around to filing the paper work required to requisition the paper work for a thread name change! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Druss the Legend Posted September 17, 2009 Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 I think I just fell in love with you guys all over again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eden Taylor Posted September 17, 2009 Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 Wow. You are so immoral that it makes me love you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guffey Posted September 17, 2009 Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 (edited) this is sad to see. so what happens if the oppressed nation goes to DOC before the oppressor comes to you. And then he comes to you. Will you attack the nations suppressing his piracy? Edited September 17, 2009 by Guffey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
salithus Posted September 17, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 this is sad to see. so what happens if the oppressed nation goes to DOC before the oppressor comes to you. And then he comes to you. Will you attack the nations suppressing his piracy? If anyone is good enough at raiding to be considered "oppressive", odds are they're either already in GOONS or friends with GOONS. Failing that, they probably won't need much assistance, but we'll be happy to provide what support we can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Virginia Posted September 17, 2009 Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 (edited) Thank you for reminding me why I didn't like you guys the first time around. Yesterday the issue of tech raiding again comes under debate due to the deplorable actions of Brengstklau, however, you, in your infinite wisdom, decide to show the world how cool and tough you are by going out of your way to torment small upstart nations, and then wave it over our heads on how we can't do a thing about it because your equally useless allies are supporting you. Well, rest assured, you'll get what you have coming sooner or later. Edited September 17, 2009 by Rebel Virginia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
salithus Posted September 17, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 Thank you for reminding me why I didn't like you guys the first time around. Yesterday the issue of tech raiding again comes under debate due to the deplorable actions of Brengklau, however, you, in your infinite wisdom, decide to show the world how cool and tough you are by going out of your way to torment small upstart nations, and then wave it over our heads on how we can't do a think because your equally useless allies are supporting you. Well, rest assured, you'll get what you have coming sooner or later. If it involves highlighting our words in colors under the presumption of selfimportance, I wait with baited breath. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Scian Posted September 17, 2009 Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 This is so win it makes my eyes bleed tears of blood. o/ you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Virginia Posted September 17, 2009 Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 If it involves highlighting our words in colors under the presumption of selfimportance, I wait with baited breath. Oh, I just noticed another little gem. Apparently the nations you raid are not allowed to fight back? Or what? What do you plan to do if they violate your little "order?" Bah. You disgust me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LunaticFringe Posted September 17, 2009 Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 and then wave it over our heads on how we can't do a think I don't recall anyone ever accusing you of thinking Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
salithus Posted September 17, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 Oh, I just noticed another little gem. Apparently the nations you raid are not allowed to fight back? Or what? What do you plan to do if they violate your little "order?" Bah. You disgust me. You're just jealous that we thought of the idea of "Stop attacking if you want to peace out." first. img-rolleyes.gif Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fort Pitt Posted September 17, 2009 Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 Awesome, best GOONS announcement I have ever read. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
x8BitL0gic Posted September 17, 2009 Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 (edited) So.. you want to encourage raiding as a form of recruitment, and hope to achieve better reputation with other alliances. Can someone please explain to me the logical reasoning behind this? Edited September 17, 2009 by x8BitL0gic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Virginia Posted September 17, 2009 Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 You're just jealous that we thought of the idea of "Stop attacking if you want to peace out." first. img-rolleyes.gif If a raid goes wrong and the find a fighter, their own fault for raiding. They deserve no sympathy or quarter from any alliance, and any group that does design to pass designs in order to gang up on the weak is nothing more than a band of cowards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
salithus Posted September 17, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 If a raid goes wrong and the find a fighter, their own fault for raiding. They deserve no sympathy or quarter from any alliance, and any group that does design to pass designs in order to gang up on the weak is nothing more than a band of cowards. Says the guy doing a whole lot of talking. We are rewarding people for having a pair. I know that's something you are unfamiliar with, but give it time, they'll grow on you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kulomascovia Posted September 17, 2009 Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 (edited) I fail to see how bullying small nations can be considered commendable. Edited September 17, 2009 by kulomascovia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
salithus Posted September 17, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 (edited) I fail to see how bullying small nations can be considered commendable. How is a small nation fighting a small nation considered "bullying"? E: btw nice edit on the "raiding" to "bullying". You're not trying to slant your word choice, are you? Edited September 17, 2009 by salithus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookavich Posted September 17, 2009 Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 GOONS is what's wrong with the world today! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Virginia Posted September 17, 2009 Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 Says the guy doing a whole lot of talking. We are rewarding people for having a pair. I know that's something you are unfamiliar with, but give it time, they'll grow on you. I fail to see how picking on a smaller party when you are backed up, both militarily and financially, by your much bigger friends can be considered "having a pair." Now, as for me, I have charged single handedly against oppressors before, and I will do it again as soon as I return from my temporary retirement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bzelger Posted September 17, 2009 Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 Says the guy doing a whole lot of talking. We are rewarding people for having a pair. I know that's something you are unfamiliar with, but give it time, they'll grow on you. Did you really just try to lecture Rebel Virginia on cajones? I hope that this is just a joke in poor taste rather than actual policy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kulomascovia Posted September 17, 2009 Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 How is a small nation fighting a small nation considered "bullying"?E: btw nice edit on the "raiding" to "bullying". You're not trying to slant your word choice, are you? Small and/or new, unaligned nations on planet bob who are attacking other small and/or new nations who are unaligned on planet Bob are eligible for assistance from GOONS under this bill. One small nation with a lot of aid attacks an unaligned smaller nation with no aid. That is bullying. And as for my word use, I did not believe that "raiding" does not describe your actions accurately since you would support any attack, regardless of the reason. I am not slanting my word choice. Do you disagree that what you are encouraging is not bullying? You're forcing a small nation with no ties to submit to your power and let his/her nation be pounded to the earth. Also, I thought that was the point of this act; to say that "we're cool because we like to bully smaller nations". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
salithus Posted September 17, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 RV - wow. "Yeah I have a pair, but I didn't think to bring them with me." Really, you're conceding so soon? Did you really just try to lecture Rebel Virginia on cajones? Yeah, you're right. He's just so manly when he prattles like a schoolgirl on these forums about faux-honor. I hope that this is just a joke in poor taste rather than actual policy. You're going to be pretty disappointed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bzelger Posted September 17, 2009 Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 You're going to be pretty disappointed. I already am. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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