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Hardcore Lulzists: A Novel (Part 1)



It is not my plan, though I do fervently support it. Obviously you will have hardcore lulzists like yourself who will break your own leg to send tech to your masters, but we can impact how much tech is sent by more rational denizens.

Obviously you will have hardcore lulzists like yourself...

hardcore lulzists

Hardcore Lulzists: Part 1

Main-street was bathed in pink - hundreds of neon signs flashed in every direction, all beckoning potential customers in this gambling town. This was truly a city of sin, with casinos and clubs all competing to part men with their money.

"STRIP SQ_AD" read the neon sign on one such establishment - at the corner of Main and 5th. It was one of many seedy "gentlemen's clubs" in the area. It would have been indistinguishable on any other night. But tonight, a bright red, polished mustang roared down the street. It made a sharp left turn into the alleyway, parking in the garage at the back. The engine shut off, and out walked a large figure in a black overcoat. He carried a large metal suitcase in his left hand.

A smaller woman burst out of the side alley-way door. Her fiery red hair and eyes matched the color of the car, and her eyes lit up as she locked onto the man in black. She was dressed in white, business casual attire - an unusual sight for a woman at such a place.

"Cuba Q! Welcome welcome!" She smiled warmly, "Please, come inside! I have much to show you!"

"It's a pleasure as always Hershey," said the man in black. "You're as beautiful as always."

Cuba bent down and gave her a peck on the cheek. A smiling Hershey grabbed his arm, and the size-mismatched couple hurried inside.

A wall of noise greeted them at the door. Dance music blared in a room full of men and scantily clad women. The men all stood around the main stage cheering and tossing their salaries towards the poles. Neither Cuba Q nor Hershey seemed interested in this scene, as they walked toward a room in the back.

A door behind the corner bar led to a small room. The only amenities were a desk, two chairs, and an escape from the noise. Cuba sat down and laughed.

"I'm always amazed that a woman can run a place like this."

"Cut the small-talk," snapped back Hershey, "you know why we're here. You said you can't pay in cash. What gives?"

"Fine fine." muttered Cuba, as he fumbled for a key in his pocket, "We've been doing business for quite a while. I want to set up a new deal."

"What, is 6/100 not good enough for you?" snarled Hershey.

"Just wait until you see this..." Cuba found the key, and slowly opened the case. The inside was lined with rows of diamonds.

Hershey looked stunned, mesmerized by the glitter of the gems.

"Oh my god..." she whispered, "how much are you looking to buy?"

"All of it." said Cuba, "Provided it's high quality."

"Only the highest quality," replied Hershey, slowly regaining her composure. "Let me show you a sample."

Hershey bolted outside the room, returning in seconds with a metal box. Here, take a look. She opened the lid.

"This is the highest quality tech you can find. Take a sample. Taste it. It's from Columbia, made and purified entirely with the finest child labor in South America. It doesn't get better than this-"

She was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"It's me, Ghost!" said an urgent voice from the other side. "The Order is out front!"

"What!?" Hershey shouted, "I thought we paid them off?"

"We did!" answered Ghost. "I don't know what's going on!"

"Cuba, stay here!" said Hershey, as she ran into the main room. The music was off, and customers were apprehensive as sirens and lights blared outside.

"Girls, get the customers out of here! The basement path will lead you five blocks down the street. Get the hell out of here while we fix this mess." Naked women and confused men slowly funneled towards a door behind the stage. Within minutes, the once bustling room was empty. Hershey slowly walked to the front, ducked down, and took a peek through the corner of the window.

Outside were rows of flashing lights and police cars, labeled "N.p.O."

Will Hershey and Cuba get out of this mess?

What are the motives of the "N.p.O."?

Find out in Part 2, coming tomorrow @ 8pm server!


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I sure hope Hershey and Cuba get out of this mess. I'm starting to feel tech withdraw symmptoms coming on. Might need to go back on the dangerous street and start raiding it to get my fix.

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I don't know why the term "lulzist" is making the rounds again. It's inaccurate and stupid.

The so-called "lulzist" faction has two parts: DBDC and their ilk, bent on the destruction of everything and on the verge of permanently winning the game, and NPO and company, who think they're being smart by tagging along and getting a taste of power again, without a goddamn clue that they're next on the menu.

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