Sir Paul Posted November 7, 2012 Report Share Posted November 7, 2012 [size=6][b]2012 PNN Election Night Coverage![/size][/b] [img]http://img713.imageshack.us/img713/5128/electoralmap.png[/img] [i]Thank God, it’s almost over[/i] [b]PNN Election Headquarters, FRANCOGRAD[/b]: Hello Citizens, and welcome to the Pacific News Network’s quadrennial coverage of the American Presidential Election! Once again, the award-winning news team of Vengashii on the East Coast and Sir Paul on the West Coast will provide you with up-to-the-minute opinion and reporting (in that order) of the American Election. Tonight, we will be tracking the Electoral College which will elect the third most powerful man in the world (behind Hu Jintao and Benjamin "Bibi" Netanyahu). Also important will be the balance of power, as Nancy Pelosi tries to overcome gerrymandering to get the gavel while Republicans revive gilded age techniques to force Dirty Harry back into the minority. Also on the ballot are four marriage bills, with equality-advocates looking to break their 0-for-32 streak at the American Ballot Box. Stay tuned to this thread the evening of November 6th and beyond as Europeans shake their heads, UN poll monitors face palm, and the Country plunges into polar gridlock regardless of outcome. Ladies and gentlemen: We present you American Democracy, sponsored by Koch™. Stay with us! ----- Written by Sir Paul 2012 PNN Election Night Coverage Proudly Part of PNN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Paul Posted November 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 7, 2012 [size=6][b]Counterfeit “Marriage” on ballot in Four States[/b][/size] [img]http://img542.imageshack.us/img542/4223/mittgayrights.png[/img] [i]Governor Mitt Romney, who presided over the legalization of Gay Marriage in Massachusetts.[/i] [b]Seattle, WASHINGTON[/b]: With the [url=http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=dinner%20table%20debate&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&ved=0CB8QtwIwAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DoG804t0WG-c&ei=AC6YUPqwDaf1iwLA64GQBA&usg=AFQjCNEdPbcw6C858zMppoqG24zPPKQxxQ]Dinner-Table Debate[/url] between Dan Savage and Brian Brown serving as a primer for the masses, marriage equality advocates are poised to have success for the first time on ballot after 32 losses. Polling is showing solid leads in Maine and Washington and tight races in Maryland and Minnesota. However, polls have historically over-estimated support for marriage equality, possibly due to both a gay [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bradley_effect]Bradley Effect[/url] as well as higher-than-usual voter turnout from the evangelical community. However, after banning counterfeit “marriage” in conservative bastions such as California, the pro-no-gay-families community must move into the deep blue to enshrine protection -from-marriage language in all 50 states. Legalization of counterfeit “marriage” has a history of destroying states and nations where it has been adopted. [url=http://conservapedia.com/Same-sex_marriage]Conservapedia[/url] notes that “In Massachusetts, the imposition of same-sex marriage led to a decline in property values and an exodus from the state by many.” This legalization happened on May 17, 2004 during the second year of Governor Mitt Romney’s term. Clearly, if not for Governor Romney’s steady hand, even more damage to the state’s economy would have happened. Those fighting for marriage equality state they see a difference between religious marriage (a joining of two souls for all eternity as one flesh) and civil marriage (a soulless legal document combining assets, liabilities, establishing next-of-kin, etc) and they believe that the law should not apply a religious definition to a secular matter, especially when the religions don’t agree on what constitutes a marriage. They also ascertain that marriage is a fundamental right and that fundamental rights are protected by the federal constitution and are not eligible to be voted for or against by the people. As an example, interracial marriage was banned in several states and was not legalized through the ballot box, but through the courts. However, marriage equality advocates are somewhat nervous leaving that decision solely up to Anthony Kennedy (a man who wears a black dress in public), and are outspending the anti-marriage-equality coalition. Tonight, we look to see if the polls tell the truth in Maine and Washington, if Chris Kluwe can pin anti-marriage equality forces next to their own end-zone in Minnesota, and if Matt Birk can hold the line in Maryland against the fabulous blitz. ----- Written by Sir Paul 2012 PNN Election Night Coverage Proudly Part of PNN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Paul Posted November 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 7, 2012 [size=6][b]It’s Time for Mormons to Join Our Republic[/size][/b] [img]http://img841.imageshack.us/img841/1451/225pxjohnfkennedy.jpg[/img] [i]Catholics were considered Papist traitors until Kennedy stole the election[/i] [b]Purgatory, UTAH[/b]: My fellow Americans, as your 35th president, I am here to tell you I know what it is to be part of a marginalized, oppressed minority. As a descendent of Irish immigrants, we were restricted to our ethnic enclaves and could only have political power where our sheer numbers overwhelmed the White Protestant Anglo-Saxons. There was a real question and genuine concern that a Catholic would enact public policies informed by their religion or even take marching orders from the Pope. Imagine: a nation where a quarter of the population could not be trusted to run anything outside of their own ethnic enclave! My religion ended up costing me millions of votes, and it is a matter of public record that the only reason I won was due to massive voter fraud in Illinois and possibly Texas. That act of voter fraud kept Richard Nixon out of the White House (for a while, at least) and allowed Americans to finally realize that there were no Catholic candidates running for president, but a Democratic Candidate who happened to be a Catholic. There was a time when the Supreme Court had unofficial maximum quotas based on religion, with a Jewish seat and a Catholic seat. Heck, now there are three Jews, six Catholics and no Protestants! The reason is because we are seen as Americans first. George Romney understood this principle, that to really become part of the American Republic, you have to take the Presidency. His son also understands it, and Mitt isn’t running to be President, so much as running to validate that Mormonism is not a dangerous cult, but simply a part of someone, like hair color or height. I think on that end, he may have already succeeded, with Billy Graham no longer classifying the 14 million faithful as cultists. (He drew the line at Unitarians, and I think we can all stand with him on that account). So, with God’s help, along with some voter suppression, voter fraud, and paperless voting machines, we can welcome the Latter-Day Saints as full members of our Republic. ----- Written by Sir Paul, channeling the ghost of JFK 2012 PNN Election Night Coverage Proudly Part of PNN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Paul Posted November 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 7, 2012 [size=6][b]King Me: Republican’s Lose the Maine Seat[/size][/b] [img]http://img201.imageshack.us/img201/3600/senate.png[/img] [i]We now have a King in Maine [/i] [b]Augusta, MAINE[/b]: As expected, the ladies from Maine have made their exit and we once again have two Independents in the US Senate (both of whom plan to caucus with the Democrats). However, the Republicans have fewer seats up (37 Republican seats are safe compared to 30 Democrat seats) and may be able to chip into Harry Reid’s majority. While liberals celebrate the pick up, they are vulnerable in key races, such as Missouri. Stay tuned for updates on the Balance of Power. ----- Written by Sir Paul 2012 PNN Election Night Coverage Proudly Part of PNN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Paul Posted November 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 7, 2012 (edited) [img]http://i.imm.io/KIBh.jpeg[/img] [b]PNN Election Headquarters, FRANCOGRAD[/b] - Pretty much the entire span of New England has [s]declared for[/s] voted for Obama, along with typical Illinois. On the righteousness front, Oklahoma decides to be on the winning side and casts its vote for a bloodier, [i]red[/i] America! Ohio appears to be swinging for the Chairman - [i]I suspect mass bribery and blackmailing[/i] - while Florida metaphorically battles it out in a modern-day Sodom! ----- Written by PNN Election Staff 2012 PNN Election Night Coverage Proudly Part of PNN Edited November 7, 2012 by Sir Paul Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Paul Posted November 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 7, 2012 [size=6][b]Obama: 123 | Romney: 152[/size][/b] [img]http://img42.imageshack.us/img42/5128/electoralmap.png[/img] [b]PNN Election Headquarters, FRANCOGRAD[/b] – Romney continues to collect electoral votes in the farm belt, but may be regretting the day he took aim at Chrysler, who called him on his lies and gave their employees the day off to vote (they tend to be in Ohio and Michigan). With Michigan retained by Obama, Romney’s path to victory gets more narrow. His most likely path at this point is wining Virginia, Ohio, North Carolina, Florida, and one more swing state. Ladies and gentlemen, Michigan has left the building. ----- Written by PNN Election Staff 2012 PNN Election Night Coverage Proudly Part of PNN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Paul Posted November 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 7, 2012 [size=6][b]Obama: 143 | Romney: 152[/size][/b] [img]http://img26.imageshack.us/img26/5128/electoralmap.png [/img] [i]Voter ID Laws, which will allow Romney to win PA: Halted[/i] [b]Harrisburg, PENNSYLVANIA[/b] – Another swing state goes to Obama, as the Courts halted a controversial voter ID law that would have stopped the hundreds of thousands of illegal voters in Pennsylvania from voting themselves more federal benefits. ----- Written by PNN Election Staff 2012 PNN Election Night Coverage Proudly Part of PNN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Paul Posted November 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 7, 2012 [size=6][b]Obama: 157 | Romney: 153[/size][/b] [img] http://img248.imageshack.us/img248/5128/electoralmap.png [/img] [i]Chris Christy eats all the GOP support in Jersey.[/i] [b]Jersey Shore, NEW JERSEY[/b] – Realizing he might not live until 2020, Chris Christy made sure to help Obama win so there would be an open seat for the Presidency in 2016. In addition, PNN is calling the state of Wisconsin for Barak Obama, narrowing the path to victory for Mitt Romney. In addition to the four must wins (Virginia, North Carolina, Ohio and Florida), he’ll need at least one of either Colorado, Iowa, Nevada, New Hampshire, or New Mexico. It’s still doable (unless you believe the skewed polls and biased Nate Silver of the Old York Times). ----- Written by PNN Election Staff 2012 PNN Election Night Coverage Proudly Part of PNN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Paul Posted November 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 7, 2012 [size=6][b]MITT WINS UTAH[/size][/b] [img] http://img89.imageshack.us/img89/1347/electoralmapc.png [/img] [i]It’s Mormon in America[/i] [b]Salt Lake City, UTAH[/b] – After losing his home state of Michigan, and his other home state of Massachusetts, the Romney campaign is thrilled to win his other home state of Utah. An upbeat staffer in Boston noted that “Really, one out of three ain’t bad!” In other news, Obama is currently outperforming his appearance against McCain in counted Ohio counties and Obama is ahead in Tampa, the bellwether of Florida. ----- Written by PNN Election Staff 2012 PNN Election Night Coverage Proudly Part of PNN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Paul Posted November 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 7, 2012 [size=6][b]The King in the Northeast[/size][/b] [img]http://blogs.westword.com/cafesociety/Burger_King_2.jpg[/img] [b]Portland, MAINE[/b]: Independent candidate Angus King has won his seat on the Senate for Maine, ushering in a new age of high calorie intake, proclaiming a war on displayed rib cages, and vowing to take America back to the 18th century by revoking the Treaty of Paris for the Colony of Maine. His Most Gluttonous Majesty was born in Virginia but emigrated to the Colony of Maine in search of fried education and entered law as a white wig-wearing barrister for the Burgher Crown and later become a prominent businessman. Over his years as a politician in the Colony, he endeavored to put patties in front of every student for every day and curtail excessive peasant liberties for school teachers. As for his election to the House of Lords, no one is sure whom the Lord King will affiliate with, as his Burgherness has a tendency to flippity flop when confronted with high temperature situations. Written by PNN Election Staff 2012 PNN Election Night Coverage Proudly Part of PNN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Paul Posted November 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 7, 2012 [size=6][b]Dems Throw Tea Party into Harbor[/size][/b] [img]http://img843.imageshack.us/img843/2644/senateb.png[/img] [i]Smack-down![/i] [b]Hartford, CONNECTICUT[/b] – The Democrats are performing as expected in the Nutmeg State, taking a chair to the back of the head of Linda McMahon, Senate Candidate and WWE magnate, but the big news is in Indiana, where Democrat Joe Donnonlly picked up the seat by defeating Richard Mourdock (R-ape). Speaking of women’s issues, Elizabeth Warren told Scott Brown where he can park his truck, taking down one of the few pro-choice Republicans left in the caucus and returning the people’s seat to a Democrat. In addition, Senator Brown (D) holds Ohio, providing more good news for the President. This could be a long night for the Republicans in the Senate. ----- Written by PNN Election Staff 2012 PNN Election Night Coverage Proudly Part of PNN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Paul Posted November 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 7, 2012 [size=6][b]Crimson Tide Rolls Over Arizona[/size][/b] [img] http://img204.imageshack.us/img204/5128/electoralmap.png [/img] [i]And Arkansas, and Missouri, and Tennessee, and Texas, and LSU…[/i] [b]Phoenix, ARIZONA[/b] – Romney picked up a few more states since last we left our hero, and is filling out the map in a way that Republican pundits will be able to claim that a larger percent of the country (as defined by acreage) supports a Romney/Ryan administration. While these states are nice, Mitt really needs to have the swing states start swinging his way. Another against was New Hampshire, which belongs to the boys in blue. Romney’s path has once again narrowed, meaning Romney MUST win Ohio, Virginia, North Carolina AND Florida (in addition to either NV, CO, NM or IA). He can’t cobble together 269 any other way. ----- Written by PNN Election Staff 2012 PNN Election Night Coverage Proudly Part of PNN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Paul Posted November 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 7, 2012 [size=6][b]DEMS HOLD SENATE[/size][/b] [img] http://img515.imageshack.us/img515/3600/senate.png [/img] [i]The American People: Pro-Anti-Rape[/i] [b]Kansas City, MO[/b] – Thanks to the liberal media and some well-timed gaffes, the Democrats will hold onto their majority in the Senate. PNN is confident that the independents will caucus with the Democrats and with Claire McCaskill (D) holding her seat against Todd Akin (R – ape), we declare that Harry Reid will continue to be the majority leader in the upper house. ----- Written by PNN Election Staff 2012 PNN Election Night Coverage Proudly Part of PNN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Paul Posted November 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 7, 2012 [size=6][b]Romney Gets Second Must-Win of the Evening[/size][/b] [img]http://img138.imageshack.us/img138/5128/electoralmap.png[/img] [i]Indiana was the first, Virginia will probably be the last[/i] [b]Chapel Hill, NORTH CAROLINA[/b] – It is 8 pm Pacific Time and with the polls closed in the West, we can call Washington, California, and New Mexico for Obama. However, the big news is in the East, where PNN has declared that Romney has finally won North Carolina. Romney now needs, besides shoe-in Alaska, Florida, Ohio, Virginia, and one other state. With the Obama pickup of New Mexico, Romney’s map continues to shrink. ----- Written by PNN Election Staff 2012 PNN Election Night Coverage Proudly Part of PNN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mogar Posted November 7, 2012 Report Share Posted November 7, 2012 I love you sir paul, but you should have made this into a drinking game, I did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Paul Posted November 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 7, 2012 [size=6][b]OBAMA WINS: Suck it Libs[/size][/b] [img] http://img821.imageshack.us/img821/5128/electoralmap.png [/img] [i]Pro-assassination war criminal wins Presidency.[/i] [b]Chicago, IL[/b] – Once again, all roads lead to Ohio, and Ohio has voted for the President. Notwithstanding massive voter fraud, PNN confidently predicts that the man who made it legal to assassinate any American Citizen without a trial will have four more years to violate the 10[sup]th[/sup] Amendment by arresting cancer patients who legally use medical marijuana. We look forward to Rush Limbaugh declaring that the Republicans lost because they ran a moderate and can’t wait for the House to really go off the deep end. ----- Written by PNN Election Staff 2012 PNN Election Night Coverage Proudly Part of PNN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Paul Posted November 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 7, 2012 [size=6][b]Marriage Equality Ahead[/size][/b] [img] http://img19.imageshack.us/img19/1475/catanddogmarriage.jpg [/img] [i]The logical consequences of marriage equality.[/i] [b]Baltimore, MD[/b] – With 52 percent of precincts reporting, Maryland Question 6 is ahead 698,804 to 665,972, a 32,832 vote lead (2 percentage points). Margins in Maine and Minnesota are larger for marriage equality, (four points and eight points, respectively) but only about a third of the votes have been counted. It should be noted that even if marriage equality advocates win in Minnesota, gay marriage will still be illegal by statute in that state (it will simply prevent bigotry from being enshrined in their state constitution). Washington State ballots have not yet been reported, so PNN will have to wait until tomorrow before presenting results on their referendum. ----- Written by PNN Election Staff 2012 PNN Election Night Coverage Proudly Part of PNN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Paul Posted November 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 7, 2012 [size=6][b]Florida too close to call[/size][/b] [img] http://img833.imageshack.us/img833/5128/electoralmap.png[/img] [i]Thank God no one cares.[/i] [b]Tampa Bay, FL[/b]: Once again, it’s tomorrow and no one has any idea which way Florida went. However, because Mitt didn’t take care of business in Ohio or Virginia or Nevada or Colorado or New Hampshire or Wisconsin (thanks Paul Ryan) or Iowa, no one gives a care. You know what? Let’s not even seat their electors this year. Not until you can hold an election like a big boy state, Florida. ----- Written by PNN Election Staff 2012 PNN Election Night Coverage Proudly Part of PNN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nintenderek Posted November 7, 2012 Report Share Posted November 7, 2012 [quote name='Sir Paul' timestamp='1352295929' post='3049657'] [size=6][b]Florida too close to call[/b][/size] [img]http://img833.imageshack.us/img833/5128/electoralmap.png[/img] [i]Thank God no one cares.[/i] [b]Tampa Bay, FL[/b]: Once again, it’s tomorrow and no one has any idea which way Florida went. However, because Mitt didn’t take care of business in Ohio or Virginia or Nevada or Colorado or New Hampshire or Wisconsin (thanks Paul Ryan) or Iowa, no one gives a care. You know what? Let’s not even seat their electors this year. Not until you can hold an election like a big boy state, Florida. ----- Written by PNN Election Staff 2012 PNN Election Night Coverage Proudly Part of PNN [/quote] I'm not sure there's enough words in the English language to describe how happy that would make me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winner12345 Posted November 7, 2012 Report Share Posted November 7, 2012 Now this is Biased news media! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gopherbashi Posted November 7, 2012 Report Share Posted November 7, 2012 Seriously, I want to kill Florida some days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wickedj Posted November 7, 2012 Report Share Posted November 7, 2012 [IMG]http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b263/wickedj8/funny/Vote.jpg[/IMG] old but still true Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Winner12345 Posted November 8, 2012 Report Share Posted November 8, 2012 [quote name='wickedj' timestamp='1352327594' post='3049837'] [img]http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b263/wickedj8/funny/Vote.jpg[/img] old but still true [/quote]The Colors are wrong. Red should be the Triangle and blue for the square. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wickedj Posted November 8, 2012 Report Share Posted November 8, 2012 Blame Fisher-Price, lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogal Dorn Posted November 8, 2012 Report Share Posted November 8, 2012 anyone who thought wisconsin would swing repub is crazy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.