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Lord Hershey
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Announcement #1 - June 13th, 2014

 

"¡Atención! The Lord of the Palaven Empire, Hershey, is asking your atención for a few moments to listen. Please go on Channel 49! ¡Vamos! Garcias, noble citizens!"

- Arturo Mendez, the Spanish Language News Anchorman

 

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"Greetings, noble citizens of Palaven! First for all, I thank you for your complete and utter faith in me by electing me to be the Lord of the Palaven Empire as long as I am fit of leading a glorious empire.

Unfortunately, I cannot always deliver you good news, as some of you may know what those disturbing news are. Recently for the past 24 hours, Cascadia and Plains Federation have annexed Wyoming, Utah, New Mexico, and Colorado unexpectedly. While we do not know true reasons for those such annexations, it is speculated that Cascadia and Plains Federation may be conspiring together to strategically surround our empire. As result of that, our empire is in jeopardy.

... Or it could be merely a coincidence, I do not know the answer to that part since our government has no formal or informal relations outside of the United States and Hawaii.

Because of lack of relations with Cascadia and Plains Federation, some of the Baja Californian and Southern Californian officials have been informing me that they're very concerned of their Hispanic brothers and sisters living in Arizona and some portions of Northern Mexico. The Hispanics are already pleading for help and are fearing that their lives may be in jeopardy by foreign powers who may not be fond or intrigued of the Hispanics' prideful culture. With my heavy heart, I cannot allow that to happen and therefore, I, the Voice of the Empire, accept the formal requests made by populations of Arizona and Northern Mexico to join the Empire. 

As of a few hours ago, I have decreed that two legions and one legion to be routed to Arizona and Northern Mexico, respectively, to protect our new natural citizens.

That is all, noble citizens of Palaven and thank you for your time."

- Hershey, Lord of the Palaven Empire

 

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"As a representative appointed by Arizona and Northern Mexico,

I am confirming that Arizona and Northern Mexico are

to join the Palaven Empire after

Lord Hershey's public announcement.

 

In Lord Hershey We Trust!"

 

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- Rodney Ruxin

 

 

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Announcement #2 - June 14th, 2014

 

"The Palaven Government finds news about Hawaii and Greater Russia making a stand against Imperium of Japan to be disturbing. While we do not have all of information at hand regarding what led to this almost-imminent conflict. We strongly encourage all parties to prevent a conflict involving endless innocents being consumed by war by agreeing to a peaceful solution. In addition, the Government is aware of the heightened activities of the Americans at Naval Station San Diego and is urging its citizens to remain calm."

 

- The Palaven Government


 

"On unrelated news, Northern Mexico celebrates its first day of entrance into the Palaven Empire by sending what's left of its fleet consisting of seven destroyers and one frigate to join with the Palaven First Fleet at San Nicolas Naval Facility to bolster the Empire's national naval security. One Palaven Legion, sent by the Empire, has arrived and has set its camp up outside of Hermosillo. There are multiple unverified sources that the Palaven Legion itself, is actually not a Palaven Legion but rather an unidentified unit specialized in counterinsurgency sent by the Government to deal with numerous Mexican drug cartels that have been plaguing Northern Mexico for decades. !Viva Palaven¡"

 

- Arturo Mendez, the Spanish Language News Anchorman

 

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"Three hours ago, two Palaven Legions have finally arrived safely at Camp Navajo to increase Arizona's defensive capabilities and to improve relations with their new natural citizens in Arizona. The Palaven Government also has pledged to allocate approximately $250 million designed to reduce tuition costs for all students in financial need throughout all universities in Arizona. The Government argues that this financial aid will allow the Arizonan economy to reap benefits greatly in long term." 

 

- Jack Lime, the Arizonan News Anchorman

 

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Edited by Lord Hershey
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Announcement #3 - June 16th, 2014

 

"As the owner of the Palaven News Network, I am apologizing to noble citizens of the Palaven Empire for myself and my staff being unable to present credible and unbiased news yesterday due to being overwhelmed by unverified reports regarding the disappearance of the Hawaiian people. Some people like to term the disappearance, 'The Hawaiian Rapture.' As some of you may know, Principality of Tikal, the United States of America, and multiple nations blockaded Hawaii to force Hawaii to concede to Tikal's demands. The Palaven Government did not approve Tikal's decision to issue an ultimatum and politely reminded the Tikal Government that it should not actively play a role as World Police. 

 

The Palaven Government is currently investigating the technical causes of the Hawaiian Rapture that led to millions of Hawaiian and Polynesian peoples to disappear without a trace. The Government refused to make a speculation about what exactly happened over there. Regardless, the tragedy of this is that millions of Hawaiians vanished within a moment's notice and left their islands unsuitable for life, at least temporarily.

 

That is all I know for now and in addition to compensate for our noble citizens' grief due to lack of news yesterday, I would like to present you Officer André Nowzick, a high ranking officer of the Palaven Intelligence Service to keep you tuned about the Palaven Empire's intentions in the future."

 

- Donnie Azoff, owner of the Palaven News Network

 

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"Hello noble citizens of the Palaven Empire, I'd like to thank Mr. Azoff for allowing me to be a guest of the Palaven News Network. Unfortunately, as my employer has instructed me to not reveal any classified information that may be used against the Empire, otherwise, committing such offense is treason by death, heh. What I do know is that the Government has been quietly manufacturing its navy in multiple undisclosed locations so the Empire can use its navy to deter aggressors from the Pacific Ocean.

 

As of this morning, Operation Dusk was a magnificent success as counterinsurgent forces disrupted a string of illegal drug manufacturing operations outside of Hermosillo in Northern Mexico as an effort to reduce the Sonora cartel's main source of income and its morale. There were virtually no casualties sustained by the counterinsurgent forces and there were dozens of Sonoran members captured and were shipped to an undisclosed location for interrogation, including Sonora Cartel's associate, Gabriel Iglesias. The Palaven Intelligence Service feels that Iglesias will provide the Government some crucial information regarding the cartel's other operations. That is all I have for now to inform our noble citizens of our valorous service to the Empire. In Lord Hershey We Trust!"

 

- Officer André Nowzick

 

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Edited by Lord Hershey
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The Palaven Government plans to construct series of military installations including an armory, two barracks, and an airfield surrounding the Ivanpah Solar Electric Generating System to ensure that the generating system is well-protected from domestic threats as well as international threats. The Government intends to develop electromagnetic shields for its sensitive sites, should foreign nations or terrorists decide to disrupt the Palaven Empire's power supply by means of nuclear weaponry and electro-magnetic pulse devices.

 

 

 

 

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Announcement #4 - June 17th, 2014

 

"The Palaven Government is contributing $5 billion to expand the Ivanpah Solar Electric Generating System in Nevada, which is located forty-five miles southeast of Las Vegas. This cash infusion will result in expanding Ivanpah's generating system from five square miles to fifteen square miles. With additional ten square miles, this will bring up to total of one thousand and two hundred megawatts on daily basis. One thousand and two hundred megawatts means it is able to provide power up to nearly four hundred and twenty thousand homes. This is a monumental victory for environmentalists as the Government is committed to reduce its foreign oil dependency overseas."

 

- Doctor Merkwürdigliebe, one of three main economic advisors to Lord Hershey and a guest to Palaven News Network

 

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The Palaven Government has ordered three of four Airbus A400M Atlas military transport aircrafts from Luke Air Force Base in Arizona to be fueled, to be equipped with sixty tons of humanitarian aid, and to lift off at 0800. The target is yet undetermined but the designation is in Ukraine and the primary objective is to relieve Ukraine's citizens with humanitarian aid due to the Black Sea Blockade imposed by the Babylonian Empire.

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The Palaven Government has ordered three of four Airbus A400M Atlas military transport aircrafts from Luke Air Force Base in Arizona to be fueled, to be equipped with sixty tons of humanitarian aid, and to lift off at 0800. The target is yet undetermined but the designation is in Ukraine and the primary objective is to relieve Ukraine's citizens with humanitarian aid due to the Black Sea Blockade imposed by the Babylonian Empire.

 

Classified Video Message sent to Palaven Government

 

Svetlana appeared on the Camera with her eyes appeared watery with tears as she faced the Camera and remarked in an emotional dialect:

 

"We are so grateful for the humanitarian aid sent to us by The Great Men and Women of Palaven. Thanks to your humanitarian support, our children will not go hungry tonight due to a blockade in the result of our foolish actions." 

 

Svetlana smiled friendly-like and continued,

 

"We do not know how to repay you, but will be working in the future to send gifts back in complete thanks for these very kind and thoughtful gifts even though you were not required to do so. We respect you all so much for this. I know I keep repeating it, but I cannot voice how thankful enough we are for this gift. Expect us to respond in kind thanks soon!" she smiled and ended the video.

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To: Lord Hershey

From: Doctor Merkwürdigliebe

 

Subject: National High-Speed Rail System

 

My Lord, after evaluating the cost of constructing a National High-Speed Rail System, my engineers have concluded that it will cost approximately $50 billion to construct the system. This system will connect major and viable cities in the Empire. The system will have four lanes: two lanes going in the different direction of other two lanes.

 

The major cities that I propose to intersect with the National High-Speed Rail System to travel through in order:

 

- San Francisco

- Sacramento

- Reno

- Las Vegas

- Flagstaff

- Phoenix

- Hermosillo

- Navojoa

- Cabo San Lucas

- Tijuana

- San Diego

- Los Angeles

- Bakersfield 

- San Jose to San Francisco, completing the transit circle.

 

The Navojoa-Cabo San Lucas route would be the most expensive of all other routes as the route will be taking place over the Gulf of California. I project that all routes will be completed within 5 years. Provinces of Arizona and Nevada will be responsible for delivering 90% of high strength low alloy steel. Northern Mexico has the capacity to provide 75% of the labor force needed to construct the system so it is feasible to commence this construction soon.

 

Conclusively, I am utterly convinced that the payback period on developing the National High-Speed Rail System will pay off tremendously within merely 7 years after its completion and obviously, this will benefit our noble citizens greatly. I have initiated the construction so it should begin on September 9th, 2014; unless you have objections, the deadline is by the end of this month to cancel the logistics for construction.

 

Signed,

 

Doctor Merkwürdigliebe

 

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The Palaven Government announced a costly recovery project designed to repair and upgrade its aging infrastructure after its massive outage due to a failed transformer from Ivanpah Solar Electric Generating System in Nevada.

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Announcement #5 - July 16th, 2014

 

The Palaven Empire has formally announced its roster to the audience for the first time since its existence! The information is provided below by courtesy of Lord Hershey's public email message to the Palaven News Network.

 

The Palaven Empire's Government Roster

 

Lord Hershey - Lord of the Empire

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Rafi -  Messenger of the Empire

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André Nowzick - Director of the Secret Intelligence Service of the Empire

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Buck Turgidson - General of the Empire

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Colin Kaepernick - Admiral of the Empire

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Rodney Ruxin - Representative of Arizona and Northern Mexico

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Doctor Merkwürdigliebe - Lord Hershey's one of three main economic advisors

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*** Classified *** - Lord Hershey's one of three main economic advisors

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*** Classified *** - Lord Hershey's one of three main economic advisors

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Trent Baalke - Lord Hershey's military advisor

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*** Classified *** - Lord Hershey's environmental advisor

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Donnie Azoff - Owner of the Palaven News Network and Publicist of the Empire

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Edited by Lord Hershey
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To: Lord Hershey

From: Admiral Colin Kaepernick

 

Subject: Naval Rearmament Program

 

Our environmental advisor, ***Encrypted***, who is currently vacationing in a disclosed location in Northern Mexico, has approved our naval rearmament program. What this means is that our designs that were submitted are now cleared for construction as they have passed environmental and energy regulations of our Empire.

 

The cost of this naval rearmament program is to be estimated roughly $110 billion plus another $16 billion for projected delays and setbacks. The Treasury Department has already approved the program with the condition that it be approved by our environmental advisor first. Fortunately, our environmental advisor has already approved so officially, our naval rearmament program is now ongoing.

 

Signed,

 

Admiral Colin Kaepernick

 

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Announcement #6 - July 20th, 2014

 

"Buenos días, noble citizens of the Palaven Empire!

 

We were unable to provide credible news to our noble citizens due to an unforeseen power outage complications that plagued across the Palaven Empire. The Palaven Government has assured us that this mechanical glitch will not likely repeat again and cited that the power outage was due to aging infrastructure. Sí, you heard me, a power outage on a massive scale like this won't happen again. 

 

The Government sends its thanks to Cascadia, Plains Federation, and Principality of Tikal for their assistance to help out our noble citizens with basic needs while the Government was investigating the cause of this power outage. The Government has sent 50 barrels of its finest wine from Napa Valley for each nation in an attempt to reciprocate for Cascadia, Plains Federation, and Principality of Tikal's noble joint efforts to preserve the Empire from anarchy.

 

On unrelated news, one of Sonara Cartel's associates, Gabriel Iglesias, has provided crucial information to the Government that resulted in series of successful operations to dismantle the cartel's illegal drug manufacturing operations in Northern Mexico. Iglesias also has suggested that the key to stop the War on Drugs is legitimatizing illegal drugs. The Government is considering making drugs legal such as cocaine, marijuana, and heroin, with regulations, of course. This change will boost the economy and would effectively bring down the price of those drugs to get violence and crime off the street. We may actually see the Government putting an end on drug cartels that have been plaguing Northern Mexico for decades. 

 

There are rumors that the Empire is planning to expand further into Sonora and Sinaloa for ethnic and economic interests. We don't know the date but nearby bases are mobilizing to provide security as those populations begin to be assimilated. !Viva Palaven¡"

 

- Arturo Mendez, the Spanish Language News Anchorman

 

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To: Lord Hershey

From: General Buck Turgidson

 

Subject: Operation Oro y Cobre

 

My Lord, we are mobilizing our forces from Luke Air Force Base and Camp Navajo in Arizona and Camp Pendleton in Southern California. Admiral Kaepernick has agreed to commit seven destroyers and one frigate that were originated from Northern Mexico before its entrance into the Empire to Gulf of California. They are moving from San Nicolas Naval Facility, as symbolic figures, to our brothers and sisters in coasts of Sonora and Sinaloa. There are minimal military presences in both locations and quite frankly, I do not anticipate any form of resistance from them, as there are unverified rumors that the Mexican population is ecstatic into joining us.

 

We are projected to move into Sonora and Sinaloa and be able to control paramount locations by 04:35 on July 22nd. We are counting on 1st and 2nd Airborne Divisions to capture those locations, with support of ten AH-64 Apaches and three MQ-9 Reapers.

 

In addition, I am requesting a naval station and an airbase to be constructed in the island of Turón. I believe that the Turón location will be of a strategic asset to our Empire as it provides aerial and naval coverage to our provinces and the ability to counter foreign invasions. The Palaven Army engineers estimate that the cost of constructing both bases to be roughly $10 billion, with an annual upkeep of up to $200 million.

 

I will inform you of our results as soon as possible.

 

Signed,

 

General Buck Turgidson

 

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To: Lord Hershey

From: Rodney Ruxin

 

Subject: Provincial Concerns

 

Hershey, as soon as I found out that the Empire is annexing Sonora and Sinaloa, I am recommending that you rename Northern Mexico to Sonora. I believe that the citizens of Northern Mexico would prefer uniting with their sisters and brothers in parts of Sonora.

 

I will fly into Hermosillo as soon as the annexation of Sonora and Sinaloa is completed as they will have representatives meeting in the city to discuss about how to integrate their provinces into the Empire, ya-da, ya-da, you know, the normal business.

 

Oh, I know the owner of Aztec Mining Corporation, his name is Dirty Randy, a good friend of Rafi's. Anyhow, he would like to help you constructing your National High-Speed Rail System project with essential metals. I advise you to talk to him soon, he's got a proposal to sell to you.

 

Also, how is Rafi doing? I haven't heard from him since his trip to one of those European countries, Northlands, I believe. You know how nagging my wife, Sofia, is and she is driving me crazy about !@#$@#$ Rafi. The thing is that I don't want to go home because I'm tired of explaining to my wife about why Rafi isn't home yet. So please get him back here before I have to eat my own dog's !@#$ for dinner later this week.

 

The one and only,

 

Rodney Ruxin

Edited by Lord Hershey
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To: Lord Hershey

From: André Nowzick

 

Subject: Reply - The United States of America

 

Prior to your request, it is confirmed that the United States of America has fallen. The Plains Federation and Principality of Tikal have informed us of their intentions to send troops in order to secure the United States’ military arsenal to ensure safety of the Americas. 

 

While it is unfortunate that the United States of America ceased to exist, Naval Station: San Diego, is now mostly abandoned by the Americans. I have suggested General Turgidson and Admiral Kaepernick to secure the station immediately. I also told them that there may be some American arsenal that would be in the interest of our national security. I realize that they are returning from their successful Oro y Cobre campaign in Sonora and Sinaloa so the timing is essence to acquire the American arsenal. Two of our paramilitary divisions are being deployed and will hold their positions until the arsenal is secured.

 

- André Nowzick, Director of the Secret Intelligence Service

 

Edited by Lord Hershey
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To: Doctor Merkwürdigliebe

From: Lord Hershey

 

Subject: Adoption of a new currency

 

A few hours ago, it is confirmed by our Director of the Secret Intelligence Service, that the United States of America is non-existential. For the second time, the American government has collapsed, and its incompetence has sent shockwaves to our economy again because we decided to keep using the American dollar. 

 

So please, write up a proposal about a creation of our currency, whether it should be fiat or fractional money. I am not quite sure what the name should be but I trust you will come up with something. Anyhow, please include the benefits and the cons of each monetary system as soon as possible so I can make a rational decision. I am tired of relying on the de facto international currency.

 

Signed, 

 

The Lord of the Palaven Empire

Edited by Lord Hershey
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Announcement #7 - July 24th, 2014

 

“¡Hola, cómo estás, noble citizens of the Palaven Empire! I am pleased to announce you that the Oro y Cobre Campaign in Sonora and Sinaloa has been an astounding successful! The Empire has not suffered a casualty as the new provinces of Sonora and Sinaloa seem to be celebrating their entrance into the Empire. The Palaven Government has formally renamed the Northern Mexico as Sonora to complete the original province of Sonora, thanks to Rodney Ruxin’s diplomatic efforts in Hermosillo with multiple representatives from Sonora and Sinaloa. 

 

On other news, the United States of America has suddenly collapsed due to series of incoherent reasons, this is related because as of last night, Naval Station: San Diego is fully secured by the Empire. Shortly after the collapse of the United States, the Cascadians have begun to acquire several Canadian regions, in which the Government expressed disapproval of the Cascadian Government’s recent actions. The Government believes that Canadian regions should remain autonomous, no exceptions. 

 

There has been rumors that the Government has been considering establishing its own currency due to its now worthless American Dollars. Our guest, Doctor Merkwürdigliebe, has agreed to stop by our network to discuss about details regarding his currency proposal soon. Do not worry, the value of the American Dollar remains at the same value of its most recent value before the collapse, as assured by our Government for now.

 

That is all. !Viva Palaven¡”

 

- Arturo Mendez, the Spanish Language News Anchorman

 

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Edited by Lord Hershey
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There has been protests, thankfully non-violent, across the recently annexed Mexican provinces in Sonora and Sinaloa between the Palaven Government and local tribes in the provinces. The Government has agreed to provide humanitarian resources, mostly water and food, as a gesture to the tribes and in exchange, the local tribes promise to pledge allegiance to the Empire. The Empire’s officials are working hard to create a general census form for all of its citizens.

Edited by Lord Hershey
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Announcement #8 - August 6th, 2014

 

 

¡Hola, cómo estás, noble citizens of the Palaven Empire! We, at Palaven News Network, wish you a good day! The Empire has made an announcement that it will be creating its own domestic currency and its proposal of the currency is currently being legislated at the moment. The name of the currency remains unknown but there are rumors that the currency will be known as a “silicash.” 

 

In other related news, the Empire Reserve Bank is being constructed in Sacramento and is being supervised by the Empire’s economic advisor, Doctor Merkwürdigliebe. Doctor Merkwürdigliebe is speculated to be the Director of the Empire Reserve Bank, if that is true, it is expected that he will be held responsibility by means of controlling the monetary supply, to provide stability to the Empire’s robust economy. In addition, a provincial reserve bank is being constructed in California, Baja California, Nevada, Arizona, Sinaloa, and Sonoroa. All of those recent moves are a signal that the Empire is adopting its own currency soon. Exciting news, sí?! !Viva Palaven¡

 

 

- Arturo Mendez, the Spanish Language News Anchorman

 

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Since Sinaloa and Sonora are now provinces of the Palaven Empire, each province is set to receive financial and military assistance until those provinces are able to stand on their own and able to contribute significantly to the Empire’s ever glowing, robust economy.

 

In addition, The censuses are completed, as Palaven officials assessed that Sinaloa and Sonora contain roughly 2.768 million citizens and 2.662 million citizens, respectively. The now updated population of the Empire is at roughly 51 million noble citizens. The new citizens now represent 10.6% of the Empire’s total population.

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Announcement #9 - August 19th, 2014

 

"The Palaven Empire is rumored to adopt a new currency known as a 'Silicash.' It is said to be on a same or similar format of an American dollar that recently crashed due to the collapse of the American Government. The Empire Reserve Bank, supervised by Doctor Merkwürdigliebe, is fully constructed, along with multiple disclosed underground facilities near Sacramento that oversee the production of the “Silicash” currency. It is said that the currency is essentially fractional money, which means that a small portion of the currency is backed by the Empire’s gold and silver reserves. Here is the leaked picture of the currency:

 

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Regardless, construction of all provincial banks are near to completion to date and will be operational soon. California, Arizona, Nevada, Sinaloa, Sonora, and Baja California will have their own provincial banks in their provincial capital cities. Sinaloa and Sonora are playing a key part in the gold and silver reserves, the gold and silver are rumored to be originated from Sierra Madre Occidental. The gold and silver reserves are being routed to Sacramento under protection of the Empire’s Military.

 

Lastly, Doctor Merkwürdigliebe has made some last revisions on his proposal, National High-Speed Rail System, to add Sinaloa’s city, Culiacán, on the national program to ensure that all provinces have equal access to the Empire’s High-Speed Rail System.

 

That is all, folks, and have a nice evening!"

 

- Jack Lime, the Arizonan News Anchorman

 

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There has been multiple reports that Mount Shasta, just east of Eureka, California, has been giving signs of a volcanic activity. While that may not be a concern for many noble citizens nearby, the Palaven Government has sent a team of volcanologists and seismologists to carefully monitor Mount Shasta indefinitely.

 

On related news, there is another report that Pinacate Peaks in Sonora, Mexico, has been behaving mysteriously as herds of cows and sheep died nearby, most likely due to poisonous gases emitted by Pinacate Peaks. The Sonora National Guard has been ordered to block all roads within 50 miles of Pinacate Peaks for safety until the volcanic activity there calms down.

 

It is determined that those volcanic activities are unrelated to each other. The Empire's finest volcanologists and seismologists are working hard to ensure safety of noble citizens from potential natural disasters.

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The provinces of Sonora and Sinaloa are officially recognized by the World as being a part of the Palaven Empire. The Empire gleefully allowed a southern tip of the Sinaloan territory to be acquired by a new founded nation known as the Confederacy of America due to a request of officials in Mazatlán and La Cruz, two pro-Confederation cities in Sinaloa. The remnant of noble citizens in those areas are being re-located into the Palaven Empire’s territory as those citizens are fully reimbursed along with some additional monetary incentives

 

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The Palaven Government issued a warning to its noble citizens of the Empire that there is a war ongoing with minimal results and has increased the domestic threat level to high. This is not highly unusual for the Government to increase its national security that corresponds with a war near or in Europe.

 

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