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Rumor is Mostly Fact


Generalissimo

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Is it true the Genshabi Pharmaceuticals Inc. uses your blood to treat diseases like smallpox, anthrax, bubonic plague, the Marburg virus, measles, mumps, rubella, rabies, West Nile virus, a many others?
There isn’t a disease my blood doesn’t cure, it’s almost a shame I rarely bleed. Genshabi Pharmaceuticals currently uses a diluted drop of my plasma acquired in Nineteen Eighty Seven to formulate the next generation of medical treatment.
How do you stay so tan while you live in a Northern country?
Tan? I’d actually be significantly darker if I didn’t live so close to the Artic Circle.
Is it true that Santa Clause is really you in a red suit?
I prefer to be called Father Christmas.

I became the current Santa Clause upon acquiring the title of Generalissimo in accordance with Procinctia’s current pact with the North Pole.

With the assistance of a vast all-encompassing intelligence network I can determine who’s naughty or nice.

Once I year I infiltrate the homes of deserving children and deploy reward or retribution accordingly.

Edited by Generalissimo
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"Is it true that you went on a rampage in Northern Libya after finding out Alcohol is Illegal?" asked a Libyan Reporter.
Perhaps the Libyans should consider altering their liquor laws, otherwise the ‘incident’ might be repeated next year and every year after as long said pitiful dry nation exists.

In my defense the families have been compensated, and victims of similar future tragedies will also be compensated.

"Is it true that you once rode a thermonuclear missile into the moon just to see what happens and came out unscathed?"
Said thermonuclear missile wasn’t armed or detonated, it was the first mission of Procinctia’s unannounced-until-today space program. Unfortunately the Procinctia Aerospace Space Temporal Administration lacks any form of space exploration technology, to compensate PASTA strapped me to the outside of a secondhand intercontinental ballistic missile and launched me at the moon. . . and I had to find my own way back.
"Is it true that you drank pure capsaicin at 16,000,000 scovilles, and it was so hot that you !@#$ out the sun?"
That’s not true at all, it wasn’t The Sun – merely a ball of scorching plasma classified by the International Astronomical Union as a small star. In my defense those were some really hot peppers.
"Is it true that you once had a match against a polar bear and won?"
Mack is a twenty-year-old sentient talking polar bear whom I spar regularly, in Mack’s defense I don’t win every time. Edited by Generalissimo
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Is it true that you took a vacation in the Aether Empire during the time when Carthage decided to drop 24 nuclear weapons on them and then came out in the morning (unscathed) from your hotel (the only thing left standing) and thought you were back home in Saint George?
That’s completely misinformed, after being hit by 24 nuclear missiles Aether Empire was looking more like my home in the post-apocalyptic-rubble of Saint Paul City Wasteland than the abandoned-crumbling-yet-somewhat-intact Saint George City Ruins.

For the first few hours I thought I was in the Saint Paul City Wasteland, it was in easy mistake to make.

Is it true that you are the real ruler of the Johto Empire and only stay in St. Paul to avoid the multiple nations rule?
I’m chairman vast international consperacy, there’s dozen of us sitting around a table, plotting the future course of mankind. From the shadows I control many nations including the Johto Empire.

I limit myself to ruling only Procinctia directly to avoid of Admin’s wrath.

"Is it true that you have a split personality?"
I’ve been referred to exclusively by my rank for decades while maintaining the personas of both Santa Claus and Kaiser Martens - identity issues were inevitable. There were days I couldn't remember exactly who I was, including an extremely awkward instance when I ordered Mannelig to carpet bomb the Republic of War with children’s toys.

Fortunately I was able to overcome self-identity issues with extended therapy with my therapist Angelina Young.

Edited by Generalissimo
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"Is it true that you altered the world map to make the Federation of Pravus Ingruo in the shape of a handgun?"
I might have bribed the International Cartographers Union to slightly alter the boundaries of Pravus Ingruo. While the current borders of the Federation of Pravus Ingruo are less than they’re significantly more awesome.
"Is it true that you have the ability to carry Viniland and Tahoe at the same time with your bare hands?"
I could carry both Viniland and Tahoe at the same time with my bare hands; but I would need to use both hands, wear gloves, and lift with my legs.
Do you like fishsticks? Do you like putting fish sticks in your mouth?
It’s hard to preserve Fishsticks, so it’s not something I can scavenge in the wasteland.

Otherwise that second question sounds like an unnecessary double entendre.

"Is it true you breathe fire and shoot lightning bolts out your arse?"
Only when I drank pure capsaicin at 16,000 scovilles.
Is it true the Generalissimo is a Slaaneshi daemon of the Warp given human form?
I channel a Slaaneshi daemon through the Warp to maintain my Martens persona, and Einherjar might be UltraMarines. Edited by Generalissimo
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Is it true that you are only a figment of some other person's imagination, a person sitting at a computer laughing his head off at your own ignorance?

OOC Someone had to ask it sooner or later... :P

Edited by Subtleknifewielder
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Is it true that you're descended from Hercules himself?
Barely, it’s more prominent in my mother’s lineage.
Taught never to retreat, never to surrender?
Yes~!

! -! Never give up, never surrender !- ! Not even in the face of absolute destruction.

Yes, which is why Procinctia's so devastated.

Ironically if I had considered tactile withdraw once last war Procinctia might still have an army today.

Taught that death on the battlefield is the greatest glory you can achieve in your life?
Yet no matter how many times a intentionally instigate battle with multiple significantly more powerful opponents I always survive, I fight to die yet always live. . . it’s not fair.
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