Thoughts of a Prince

Good luck making it through the day, Imrahil.

When I was younger I worked in a pet store with this aging hippy with terrible dry greying brown hair that hung down to the small of her back and a face with hollow cheeks and bony hands--heart of gold but you get the idea. There was a South-African kid that used to hang out in the store all the time who was about 13 and the sweetest kid in the world but had no sense of what you should or shouldn't keep to yourself. So anyway, one day me, the kid, and the lady coworker are standign around the register and he goes, "You know who you look like?" She says no, who and he continues "That one from de moovee, ehhh, with theeee magic man and de little guys." Well this lady never went anywhere but work or home so she has no idea what he's talking about and she's like what movie? I'm still trying to think but it's slowly coming to me. So, he goes on, "The one about the Lords. Lord of the Rings and you look like de one, I am thinking of the name." Well it hit me like a ton of bricks. She looked like Gollum. Dead ringer. I jumped in "Yeah, Lord of the Rings, the, uh, the Elf!"

"No," he protests, "The other one. The one that want the ring."

I try to kill him with my eyes. "Yeah. the. elf. princess. The. one. in. the. forest."

He looks at me funny as the lady sweeps her hair back, blushing, "Oh, you're so full of it! Thank you."

I put my arm on his shoulder and tell him we need to take care of something in the back of the store as I push him along.

"Listen, Gollum is hideous, you cannot tell a woman she looks like Gollum. Thank God she hasn't been to a movie since 1980."

Are you four feet tall, balding and prone to wandering around half-dressed and muttering to yourself?

If so, perhaps the Manager was just trying to give you a little hint.

Petty revenge and/or a multimillion dollar harassment lawsuit is the way to go. If you go with the harassment suit, please send me like eight hundred bucks, I need a new computer bad.

Petty revenge and/or a multimillion dollar harassment lawsuit is the way to go. If you go with the harassment suit, please send me like eight hundred bucks, I need a new computer bad.

This, including the part about 800 bucks, I also need a new computer.