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Announcement from Morgoth


Krunk the Great

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[i]Krunk stands on a podium, addressing the entirety of his nation and the world.[/i]

Greetings fellows of the Cyberverse. I am here today to reassure you of the weapons of mass destruction that were found infesting my kingdom.

First, let me describe the situation for those of you who do not know the details. The enemy here is a series of books, suspected to have originated from the foul kingdom of New Michigan (Of course, Co God Ben would deny these charges). These books hold immense power over the minds of prepubescent little girls and girly men, it undermines everything the world has agreed upon about the subject matter. This is about a group of ridiculous beings who dare to call themselves vampires, which is a blasphemy against all things holy as they are not portrayed as the vicious beasts they should be. They can even go out in the sunlight and sparkle! (Krunk spits out the last sentence with disgust)

Why are these books dangerous? Why do they deserved to be burned? They are a desecration of all we have previously held sacred about these beasts. It infects the minds of the aforementioned boys and girls with a false sense of security regarding these vicious beasts. (shouting) [b]Vampires do not sparkle! Vampires are the vicious, animalistic bane of life.[/b] (more composed) This propaganda shall not be perpetuated within Morgoth, and with proper education, the foul abominations will finally be destroyed in our minds and our children will return to their normal duties.

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is my solemn declaration, the evil books known as Twilight will never leave our borders. We refuse to allow this evil loose, even upon the New Sith Order's opponents in Farkistan, the Guru Order, the Global Order of Darkness, or the Commonwealth of Sovereign Nations; Not one of our enemies deserves such a foul fate to befall their children. We hereby declare a [b]book burning order[/b] upon all works in the aforementioned series and provide our middle finger to our EPA to view at their pleasure, the annihilation of these foul desecrations of literature is worth the decrease in our environment health.

Signed, Sealed, Delivered

Krunk the Great
Holy Lord Masamune, Sovereign Lord Protector of the Holy Flame, Defender of the innocent minds of prepubescent little girls and girly men, Demonic Lord Angry Nun of the Sith, Official Virgin of the New Sith Order

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