The Diplomats of Calais

[Teriethien]

Lorelei arrived at the renaissance styled town hall of Calais during the early hours of the summer day. The distinctive building had been visible from well out into the sea, a beautiful figure that dominated its surroundings. Unfortunately the sight failed to make any impression on the sleep-deprived mind of Lorelei, who was never an admirer of art and was in any case dozing off while cursing her employers. Maybe its time to ask for a pay rise, the Ambassadeur Extraordinaire et Plénipotentiaire mused.

The actual preparations were completed within an hour, with minimal effort on her end. Pouring herself a cup of coffee, she simply stood there ordering the local government underlings around. A large, comfortable room was tidied up, honour guards consisted of press-ganged local policeman were sent to wait on the Dutch ambassador, and the major's secretary was fired after she was discovered to have sold the town hall's colour printer to pay for certain questionable medicines.

With her work down, Lorelei ninjaed a plate of confectioneries and settled down outdoors, quietly enjoying the sunlight with the famed Les Bourgeois de Calais before her.

The town of Calais were founded male strippers, she decided. That's the only explanation to have a bunch of such people honoured directly in front of the town hall. Stuffing more Swiss chocolate down her throat, Lorelei's mind wandered to the inevitable question of just who this Dutch representative is.

[Mergerberger II]

The Dutch representative arrived in Calais in his own car, a very simple and quaint German vehicle, nothing too fancy, however while driving he had been listening to his music rather loudly and had been pulled over twice for speeding. Upon arriving in the meeting place, he found the French representative, and said, "Hello, I love you, won't you tell me your name?"

[Teriethien]

"Yes... Um... My name is Cécilia Attias," Lorelei made up on the spot. "Google that name for my contact details, yes."

She motioned for the very eccentric Dutch man to follow her into the conference room, a tidy, clean room that looks typically dull.

"Well I'm afraid that you have me at a disadvantage then," she added without blushing. "Whose presence is it that I have the pleasure of being in?"

[Mergerberger II]

"My name's Alexander Murphy. I work in the Ministry of Foreign Affairs.... or at least I will once it's rebuilt, heh," he took a sip from his drink.

"I've been sent here, so I'm told, to settle some sort of territory dispute between our nations? I rather hope we can come to an agreement quickly; the Netherlands is a busy place right now as I'm sure you can imagine." He paused, looked to his left, then turned back and said, "Are you a lucky lady in the city of light? Or just another lost angel in the city of night...?"

A couple of seconds passed, and he said, "If you're wondering, I've been quoting the Doors since I got here heh"

[Teriethien]

Oh ok, a Rockband nerd... Lorelei thought to herself, wondering if the Dutch recognised the ex-model's name that she gave for what it is.

"Yes, we are honoured to have the Netherlands agree to a meeting on such short notice and during what must be very difficult times." Lorelei spread a map out over the conference table. "As you wish, I'll try to be as brief and straight to the point as I can. It is a stated intent of Paris to bring territories populated by French peoples into France, and my mission here in particular concerns some territories that have been French since there was a France.

"Currently, my government does not have control over here," Lorelei produced a pen out of nowhere and circled Arras, south of where they are. "These are integral French lands that had been under French rule for centuries. The charter for Arras was issued by the King of France, nearly a millennia ago."

She moved her hand left a little, and circled Wallonia. "And other point of concern for us is that the Wallonia region of Belgium have turned to us for guidance.

"What might the wishes of the new government of Netherlands be with regards to the non-Dutch parts of Belgium?"

[Mergerberger II]

"It is in my opinion that we should divide the lands in question based on their ethnicity. This means that we as a nation will relinquish to you all territories that are French speaking, and in return we will take all places in dispute that are Dutch (or Frisian) speaking. I have a map of these regions prepared."

He reached into his briefcase and pulled out a map.

I think you will find these divisions more than fair. However, I feel that Brussels, the whole of it, should be under Dutch control, rather than having half of it under French control and the other half Dutch."

[Teriethien]

"Yes, I agree with you on principle, this approach is the best solution both for the local inhabitants and for our governments.

"At the same time I must note that the vast majoirty of Brussels' inhabitants are actually French speakers, and have been such since over a century ago. However, given that Brussels is surrounded on all sides by majority Dutch speaking lands, I agree that French control is not exactly feasible. Therefore under the condition that the rights of the people of Brussels to maintain a French speaking culture is respected, we have no problems with complete Dutch sovereignty over the region.

"Now, I see from your map that you have what we consider a part of France coloured pink. While I'm aware that there are some Flemish speakers in those areas, they form an extreme minority of less than 20,000, and most of them are elderly citizens who have nevertheless held French passports for most of their lives. For this reason I would request that those areas be returned to French rule.

"The final map would look like this," she took out a clean map and coloured in all relevant parts.

[Mergerberger II]

"Righteous. Makes sense to me. So the Netherlands will take the whole of the Netherland country, and the country of Flanders. France will take Walloonia and Luxembourg. Most agreeable. I think we're done here, unless I've mistaken something..."

[Teriethien]

"Most certainly," Lorelei smiled sweetly at her guest, happy to have reached a resolution so speedily. Switftly she took out her pink Sony laptop and opened an empty document. "Let me just type up our agreements," She explained, typing.

Treaty of Calais

The Third Republic of the Netherlands and and the Republic of France,

Reaffirming their desire to prevent territorial disputes from undermining peaceful relations,

Desiring to establish lasting foundations for the peaceful coexistence of French and Dutch speaking peoples,

Have agreed as follows:

Article 1

The Parties recognise the full sovereignty and title of the Netherlands over the Flemish region and the Brussels-Capital Region of Belgium, and the full sovereignty and title of France over the Walloon Region of Belgium and the Grand Duchy of Luxemburg.

Article 2

The Parties declare the resulting border between them inviolable, and mutually pledge to respect their sovereignty and territorial integrity.

Article 3

The Parties declare that they have no territorial claims against each other and they shall not put forward such claims in future.

She paused, and turned to look at Alexander. "The Netherlands have been extremely just and fair in this negotiation, and France will be honoured to be able to count the Dutch amongst our friends. Will your government to be favourable to the inclusion of collective security and mutual defense clauses?"

Article 4

The Parties will consider any attacks upon any party to be an attack upon them both, and will respond with all means at their disposal, including but not limited to military actions.

Article 5

Either Party may revoke the provisions of Article 4 after 72 hours of notification to the other Party.

[Mergerberger II]

"We will most certainly agree to all clauses of this treaty. And you have indeed been cordial during this meeting as well. By this, and the fact that we consider France to be a strong, fair nation, we will sign the Mutual Defense Clause of this pact."

He turned to get his pen, then realized something else.

"Know this, however. The Netherlands does not currently have an army, rather it is under the protection of Dalmatia entirely. We plan to build an army once the infrastructure project has reached a decent level. Until then, we have roughly 40,000 National Guard troops designed for keeping the peace in the homeland, but if you are attacked, we're willing to send anything and everything we've got for you until we have an army."

He seemed to grow a bit nervous.

"If you are still willing to sign the pact, we are as well."

[Teriethien]

"The Netherlands just found herself on the short end of a destructive war," Lorelei replied. "Should France comes under attack now, we would have asked you to stay uninvolved. That's not to say that we seek to become protectors of the Dutch like Dalmatia, rather we believe in establishing solid friendly relationships with all of our neighbours. This treaty's purpose is to put into practice a key principle of our foreign policy. Which is that neighbours should help each other our in times of need.

"And so I believe that means we are agreed," Lorelei concluded happily, printing out the treaty through a wireless connection. An aide to the Mayor of Calais rushed the document to the conference table, and quietly bowed out. Taking out a fountain pen, she ceremoniously signed for France.

Treaty of Calais

The Third Republic of the Netherlands and and the Republic of France,

Reaffirming their desire to prevent territorial disputes from undermining peaceful relations,

Desiring to establish lasting foundations for the peaceful coexistence of French and Dutch speaking peoples,

Have agreed as follows:

Article 1

The Parties recognise the full sovereignty and title of the Netherlands over the Flemish region and the Brussels-Capital Region of Belgium, and the full sovereignty and title of France over the Walloon Region of Belgium and the Grand Duchy of Luxemburg.

Article 2

The Parties declare the resulting border between them inviolable, and mutually pledge to respect their sovereignty and territorial integrity.

Article 3

The Parties declare that they have no territorial claims against each other and they shall not put forward such claims in future.

Article 4

The Parties will consider any attacks upon any party to be an attack upon them both, and will respond with all means at their disposal, including but not limited to military actions.

Article 5

Either Party may revoke the provisions of Article 4 after 72 hours of notification to the other Party.

Signed for France,

Lorelei Shimazu, Envoyé extraordinaire et ministre plénipotentiaire.

Signed for the Netherlands,

Alexandr Murphy, Hoog Adviseur van de Minister van Buitenlandse Zaken

Edited September 6, 2009 by Teriethien

[Mergerberger II]

And Murphy signed for the Netherlands,

Alexandr Murphy, Hoog Adviseur van de Minister van Buitenlandse Zaken

[Teriethien]

Covering up her signature so that Alexander wouldn't see that she lied about her name, Lorelei made a copy of the treaty and handed it to the Dutch representative. "Thank you, Mr Murphy. I won't take up any more of your time, I'm sure you have many other work to do." She escorted him out and prepared to board a flight back to Paris herself.