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Don't Panic #22


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Don't Panic #22





Stay away from that button.

Stay away from that button!


* presses button *

* Alarms blare *

Too late.

Can someone please turn that anoying sound off?

* click *

* Sound goes off *

Thank you.

Boy, that vogon poetry contest must have affected us after all. You guys have been building up your poetry skills, haven’t you? The MHA will have to step it up and also send all our members in for advanced poetry desensitization training. Good news is that we’ve recovered and are hoopy as ever. On a side note, we’re the largest alliance in CN.

So, without further ado, on with the newsletter!

The Elections:

We had another election! What again, you say? We have one every month. We debated, we asked tough questions, we took wild guesses, we wondered where our peanuts were (mostly this) and when all was said and done…

Drum roll please…

It was Mr. Green in the library with the candlestick!

Oh, you want to know who won the election? Oh alright. It was Shamshir. It’s a sad day as a certain spam thread on our forum just got that much harder. Curious aren’t you? ;-)

So, the government of the MHA has changed somewhat since the last edition and can be summed up thus:

Triumvirate: Shamshir, WCR, Crushtania

Minister of HitchHikers: Scutterbug

Deputy: Nick

Minister of Towels: Draden Valerianovich

Deputy: VACANT

Minister of BabelFish: KingCJC

Deputy: Blepo

Minister of Bad Poetry: Scytale

Deputy: TheStig

Minister of Destructor Fleets: pudge1975

Deputy: King Merton

We'd also like to thank and congratulate Prince Mozzer for becomming our latest Court Officer.

Vogon Poetry:

By: Dynasty and Other Spammers

Prostetnic percolating spit diffuses your disproportionate diary with ease,

Diapers degenerating belugas dissipates hovering dilapidated minuscule fleas

personificate belching Gasoline is Ergonomically disproportionate diary Harmless

Yahooligans kotukutuku Lemons misinglelize dramatizations please.

Haversine Homeostasis regurgitates abominable formulas invigorate

While Inebriated gastrointestinal Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis inflames

sulfuric pneumonic disastrous Gnomes Trenches Oval Chemistry curtains.

Fungi Facilitate Giant Turmoil relaxing book covers so robins gem goose hoppers hibernate Tightly Decimating empowered chipmunks squeezing ridiculously cowardly charades flight Swiss tunas. Wondering alas Cassettes perpetrate Enormous hooligans desperation seismology Beggars translating transcriptions Sylvia craters forcing tooth zoos to deflate.

Elephants Moon Roommates Enduring Exhilarating Gasps Fatlings Expressing Overwhelmed Tridents galloping Distancing Milestones Weathering Comparing socks ejecting mossy odors emanating widely germinating epigrams satirical attire Obligating Umber Consequences outward. Indigestion Terminates Constant Fiberglass Escaping Instantaneously Rougher wormholes xylophones mask Bickering Mocking Tigers attempting to Digest Penguins. Whacks Endorse Syrup Dilatation Chronic Indigo Asperities rededicating ancient tacos boasting wordlessly mongering pillows munching kangaroo mixing chocolate bars. Federations Forbid Regulations Pertaining Parallelograms Exuberating Ungenerous figurations Developing. Awning Windows tusk giraffe Racked Pickles about Ovens for Sizing.

And Finally

A letter from the editor-in-chief:

Hey what happened to the 97 page newsletter?!? We worked really hard on this!!! Stupid censors. Anyway I'd like to thank the new Don't Panic newsletter team. Without Dynasty and Pourquoi, we would not have pulled this off. So, thank you.... and damn you censors!


Minister of Bad Poetry

Contributing Journalists:

Dynasty, Reporter, Columnist, King of Spam

Pourquoi, Interviewer, Sub-Editor, Office Tea Boy

Scytale, Editor-in-Chief, Columnist, Da Boss

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