Sir Keshav IV Posted July 13, 2008 Report Share Posted July 13, 2008 Bump.. I'lll bring :popcorn: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archers92 Posted July 14, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 14, 2008 mmmmmmm and caek! and we have beer, but don't tell anyone we had to sneak it past Hawk . as in sneak i mean we gave him a 6 pack and he was cool with it :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archers92 Posted July 14, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 14, 2008 oops forgot the joke It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Bobby's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a ducktail hairdo. At the front door Peggy Sue's father answers and invites him in. 'Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?' he says. 'That''s cool.' says Bobby. Peggy Sue''s father asks Bobby what they are planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie. Peggy Sue's father responds, 'Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it.' Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby and he says, 'Whaaaat?' 'Yeah,' says Peggy Sue''s father, 'Peggy Sue really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!' Bobby's eyes light up and he smiles from ear to ear as he mentally revises the night's plans. A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her saddle shoes and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door while Dad is saying, 'Have a good evening, kids!' About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her father: 'Dammit, Daddy! The twist! It's called the twist!!' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Keshav IV Posted July 14, 2008 Report Share Posted July 14, 2008 :popcorn: Hi there again.. Follow teh Beer in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archers92 Posted July 15, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 15, 2008 B double E double R U N beer run! now all we need is a beer emoticon... hmmm A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot" The teacher replies "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking." Then Little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?" The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone" To which Little Johnny replied, "The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archers92 Posted July 20, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2008 A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face. "Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside. He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud. "Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home." The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep. "You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said. "Uh, yes," he said sheepishly. "How did you know?" "You left your wheelchair at the bar again." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Keshav IV Posted July 21, 2008 Report Share Posted July 21, 2008 BUMP!\\ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archers92 Posted July 21, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2008 bump Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Keshav IV Posted July 22, 2008 Report Share Posted July 22, 2008 :popcorn: bump Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archers92 Posted July 23, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2008 :popcorn: bump A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye, too. He says to him, "Hey, this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes; mind if I ask how you got yours?" The other guy says, "Well, it just happened, it was a tongue twister accident. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the most massive breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying, 'I'd like two tickets to Pittsburgh,' I accidentally said, 'I'd like two pickets to Tittsburgh'....so she socked me a good one." The first guy replied, "Wow! This is unbelievable. Mine was a tongue-twister too. I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife, "Please pour me a bowl of Frosties, honey.' But I accidentally said, 'You have ruined my life you evil, self-centered, fat-assed !@#$%*.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordRazgriz Posted July 23, 2008 Report Share Posted July 23, 2008 Bump Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Britanicca Posted July 23, 2008 Report Share Posted July 23, 2008 o/ CMEA bump Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archers92 Posted July 25, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2008 thanks Fife Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.'" "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir Keshav IV Posted July 27, 2008 Report Share Posted July 27, 2008 BUMP Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archers92 Posted July 28, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 28, 2008 It seems there was this couple from Minneapolis, Minnesota, who decided to go to Miami Beach for a few days to thaw out during one particularly cold winter. The airlines have crazy frequent flyer rules, and the wife ended up on a flight the day after her husband. The husband made it down to Florida and arrived at his hotel. Upon getting to his room, he decided to open his laptop and send his wife back in Minneapolis an email. Unfortunately, he didn't notice he had misspelled his wife's email address In South Carolina, a widow had just returned from the funeral of her husband, a Methodist pastor of many years, who had been called to glory just a few days earlier. She decided to check her email because she was expecting to hear from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first email, she let out a loud scream, fainted and fell to the floor. The woman's son rushed into the room and found his mother on the floor. He glanced up at the computer screen and saw the following email message: To My Loving Wife: I've just been checked in. Everything has been prepared for your arrival here tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Your Devoted Husband. P.S. Sure is hot down here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archers92 Posted July 31, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 31, 2008 (edited) Stages of Drunkeness 0 - Stone cold sober. Brain as sharp as an army bayonet. 1 - Still sober. Pleasure senses activated. Feeling of well-being. 2 - Lager warming up head. Pretzles are ordered. Barmaid complimented on choice of blouse. 3 - Crossword in newspaper is filled in. After a while blanks are filled with random letters and numbers. 4 - Barmaid complimented on choice of bra. Partially visible when bending to get packets of crisps. Try to instigate conversation about bras. Order half a dozen packets of pretzles one by one. 5 - Have brilliant discussion with guy on the next bar stool. Devise fool-proof scheme for wining lottery, sort out Denver Broncos defense problems. 6 - Feel like a Demi-God. Map out rest of life on $@tail napkin. Realize that everybody loves you. Call parents and tell them you love them. Call girlfriend to tell her you love her and she still has an amazing $@!. 7 - Send drinks over to woman sitting at table with boyfriend. No reaction. Scribble out message of love on five $@tail napkins and Frisbee them to her across the room. Boyfriend asks you outside. You buy him a Slim Panatela. 8 - Some slurring. Offer to buy drinks for everyone in room. Lots of people say yes. Go round the bar hugging them one by one. Fall over. Get up. 9 - Head-ache kicks in. Michelob tastes off. Send it back. Next bottle comes back tasting same. Say, "That's much better". Fight nausea by trying to play old Space Invaders game for ten minutes before seeing out of order sign. 10 - Some doubling of vision. Stand on table shouting abuse at all four bartenders. Talked down by bartender's wives, who you offer to give a baby to. Fall over. Get up. Fall over. Impale head on corner of table. Fail to notice oozing head wound. 11 - Speech no longer possible. Eventually manage to find door. Sit and take stock. Realize you are sitting in pub cellar, having taken a wrong turning. Vomit. Pass out. 12 - Put in cab by somebody. Give home address. Taken home. Can't get key in door. Realize you've given address of your local gym. Generally pleased at way evening has gone. Pass out again. Edited July 31, 2008 by Archers92 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aisrep Posted August 5, 2008 Report Share Posted August 5, 2008 Got any more? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archers92 Posted August 22, 2008 Author Report Share Posted August 22, 2008 During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer: "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out." He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said: "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?" The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes," then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: "I thought we had a deal." The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered: "She made me a better offer." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soberuler Posted August 23, 2008 Report Share Posted August 23, 2008 hi, im a new nation and im very intrested in joining, but all the alliences iv looked at have thare own forums and u HAVE to register thare, and i dont feel comfertable doing that. can i register for the CMEA on this thread please? my nation is Yuktabonia. thank you for your time Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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