Zephir

You know, I like and respect our former opponents in this war, they were quite classy throughout, and it was an enjoyable battle. CN's going to be kind of boring again now that that's happened. If it weren't for treaties and stuff, I almost feel we'd be doing the same thing right now and all. However, I find I am still disappointed. Not because I really want to fight against you guys, or that I want to fight for NPO. Certainly neither. All the same, I remain disturbed that we have actually admitted defeat. I'll be honest, I didn't really see that coming. At all. I dunno, it just bugs me. \o MK \o STA \o NSO \o ML \o DOOM Edited fer contentuation.

What's this I hear about NpO being DOOMed? Have fun kicking their assets, DOOM. It will be a glorious battle to be sure. \o DOOM P.S. Hahaha! Allergy medicine high.

In order to assure that this war ends sooner and with less casualties on the ML side, I have decided to fart in your general directions. This isn't as harmless as it sounds. Breathe deeply, for it may be your last! WAAAAAGH! Eh, right. In either case, party on!

Indeed we shall.

Something like this. Only, you know, with guns and stuff.

Sweet, more fights to go around. If we do go out, this is a glorious way to do it. That said, it still makes me sad. I still like MK. Haven't dealt with STA or NSO before yet. Sure hope they're classy. Wouldn't want my only fun war to be with the MK guy I'm on.

o/ ML! o/ MK! Alas, this battle makes me sad. For I like MK. Hopefully this will be resolved soon and we can tackle other opponents on the same side. Until then, let's do this thing. Likewise, it should be an interesting fight. My hat's off to you all. Good luck.

KSwiss2783 Struck by Terminal Gender Flip! Earlier this week, KSwiss2783, Minister of Foreign Affairs for Molon Labe, was diagnosed with terminal Gender Flip disease, a disease which causes those affected to swap genders, usually at the derision and laughter of their friends. KSwiss2783 has always had a mild case of Gender Flip Disease, causing those that didn't know him to mistake him for the opposite gender. However, the disease took a turn for the terminal last week when KSwiss2783 was hit by a bus full of juvenile deliquents on their way back from high school. KSwiss2783 had this to say about the incident. "Maybe I can get those aliens to abduct me and fix all this," he said. "They seem like they probably could." Local Despot TheShoveler had this to say in rebuttal. "No big loss if you don't," The Shoveler said, cracking a wide grin. "Not like you ever had the correct parts anyways." KSwiss2783 was later seen fantastically drunk in a bar, trying to grab his drink, a Shirley Temple, from the bar and failing. Doctor Patrick Hobkins of the Great University of Isengard has suggested a highly controversial, highly experimental surgery to rectify the Minister of Foreign Affairs' condition. "The risks involved are great, of course," Doctor Hobkins said. "For one thing, it could turn him into an eunich. Or an angry elder god. We don't think it'll turn him into the incredible hulk, but that's only because we felt the risk of using gamma radiation was simply too great." In other news, a juvenile deliquent was caught earlier spray painting profanities on KSwiss2783's mailbox and has been made into a human targetting device for a random one of Glocknation's nukes as punishment.

Aliens Make Deal with Molon Labe! Today, an alien ship, closely resembling the alien ship that visited the Molon Labe MoFA a month prior, was seen above 9mm Heaven City again, this time apparently to trade cargo with Molon Labe's MoFA. Large metalic crates were seen being lowered from the UFO by unknown mechanisms onto large trucks which drove away with the mysterious cargo. More trucks drove up with cages full of noted anti-gun lobbyests and were abandoned by their drivers. Noted anti-gun lobbyest Sandra Bradley had this to say from within one of the cages. "They're gonna trade us to the aliens for alien technology and weapons! I think they're going to dissect us to learn about human physiology or something! But more importantly, they're going to give Molon Labe weapons which they could defend themselves with! And I just can't stand for that kind of thing! Oh shi-" The trucks were then lifted into the alien spacecraft via some unknown method, perhaps the same as was used to lower the cargo crates. Local gun aficionado Ron Perlestein had this to say about the situation. "I can't believe we'd stoop so low as to trade annoying anti-gun nuts for weapons," he says, shaking his head. "Though I will admit, the town square is a whole lot quieter and less annoying now." Local coffee shop owner Les Norman had this to add. "I'm going to go out of business now," he says, crying into his hands. "Those anti-gun nuts made up 90% of my patrons! How will I overcome this loss?" In other news, crowds, celebrating the removal of some of the most annoying residents of the city, congregated in town square to drink, dance, and shoot off their guns. The death toll is already in the hundreds.

Ah, so this is where these go! I wasn't sure, things weren't entirely too clear after the reorg. Thanks!

Zephir to personally produce gas for warfare purposes! Today, Zephir, Minister of Internal Affairs for Molon Labe and administrator of the Isengard province, announced plans to utilize his own natural fumes as an agent of warfare, sources report. Zephir's flattus, specifically banned by the Geneva convention, is known to be 100% fatal to most creatures with a sense of smell, with the odd exception of the German Shepherd, which seems to find the noxious fumes akin to catnip for cats. Zephir has to conduct all of his business in a specially built wind tunnel to prevent accidentally killing those he works with. "That he'd even think of weaponizing it," says Jason Foxkin, shaking his head, "just goes to show just how off his rocker he's become." Even though things have become relatively stable with the saboutage of the '1000 years of darkness' solar shade plan, this new development threatens to throw not only Molon Labe into chaos, but the world as a whole. Just one average emission is known to be enough to kill more than 10,000, and Zephir is capable of producing 100 emissions daily. "We're looking at an unprecedented potential for mayhem and destruction," Hubert Farnsworth of the Isengard Great University says. "Oh yes, great distruction. Now where did I leave my assorted lengths of wire?" Zephir has assurred the world that the gas will not be used except as a last resort. Still, the world is left to wonder whether the slightly less than mentally stable MoIA can be trusted not to unleash his silent but deadly horror on the world.

Yup! ...Wait, what?

Zephir elected Molon Labe MoIA! Millions tremble in fear! Late last night Zephir, self proclaimed Molon Labe Fall Guy and former insane asylum resident, was elected for the position of Minister of Internal Affairs for the Molon Labe alliance under what are suspicious circumstances. Local despot Atrocities had this to say about it. "When was the vote held?" Atrocities demanded angrily. "Well its nice to know that I was cheated out my vote. I wonder who else didn't get the f****** memo that voting was taking place. Would have been god d*** nice to get an announcement. I am f****** disappointed. No, to say that is an understatement. Strike one." Zephir was sworn in shortly after the tally of votes, measured in whole or partly chewed pieces of bacon, was counted. He then proceeded to start making his first acts as MoIA, in accordance with his somewhat dubious campaign promises. "Thank you for electing me," Zephir said at the podium. "I would like to now announce that, as a man of my word, I will now live up to my campaign promises as best I can. However, I'm going to need everyone to meet me halfway on this. First, I require your immortal souls, so as I may traffick them. Secondly, I want to know if you want your eternal pain and suffering "Holy crap it burns" flavored, or if you want it "Where the bloody h*** did my appendages go" flavored. Finally, I would like to announce that the "1000 years of darkness" solar shade plan is well on its way to completion. Should be just in time for the summoning of Cthulhu, in fact." A surprising number of Molon Labe denizens have already agreed to these terms and have turned over their immortal souls as well as eternal pain and suffering preference to Zephir. An even greater number, however, are either fleeing the country or buying all ammo off of Molon Labe markets as assurance against the inevitable horde of demons Zephir will end up bringing in. "I knew it was a mistake," local woman Trisha Lionheart was quoted as saying. "But no one thought he was serious! I gotta, I gotta go." Indeed, this is a dark day for Molon Labe, and a dark day for humanity as well. In other news, the results of the election. Molon Labe Government: MoIA: Zephir MoWaD: OD45 MoFA: Kswiss2783 MoTaF: Bast4rd Congress: Pepper ThatFalGuy Oedipus Rex Spinr Psychic Bacon

Molon Labe Flag starts spontaneously moving! Thousands Injured! Earlier today, Molon Labe's flag, which up until now was incapable of independent motion, spontaneously started moving on its own while on display in the national mall in Helloistan, Trapista region of Molon Labe. The resulting beautiful waving motion of the flag immediately tore apart the support columns to which it was lashed, resulting in the entire national mall collapsing inward on itself. No one has been reported killed, but the injured number in the thousands, including Molon Labe Congressman ThatFALGuy, whom was giving a speech on Second Amendment rights at the time of the incident. Local woman Monica Primrose had this to say about the event. "It was just standing still... Then it started to sort of start to move in a waving motion," she said, an expression of terror still on her face. "At first it moved sort of stutteringly, but then boom! It started waving in full and the pillars it was attached to just came right down on ThatFALGuy, whom was making a speech on something or another. The horror..." Local man Gordon Frohman had this to say on the matter. "It was like it was ... a load bearing boss or something. Once it started moving, boom! Everything was gone." Congressman ThatFALGuy escaped with only minor injuries despite his proximity to the event. He was seen clawing his way out of the rubble with only minor scrapes and bruises. Local man Gordon Frohman had this to add with regards to the congressman. "And then he pulls himself out like one bad*** mother******. But not as bad*** as I am of course. But then, no one sees it when I'm bad***."

o/ Molon Labe! o/ SCORN! o/ Pants!