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Anglo-Saxon Diplomacy


Markus Wilding
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The following message was sent to the British foreign ministry:

 

 

To whom it may concern,

 

I have been instructed by Director Wilding to secure an audience with the British high government. It is my hope that we can discuss matters of mutual importance. We can host a representative in Vienna, or I can head to London directly to discuss these topics.

 

Regards, Finn Powers

 

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Secretary Hague's plane would be met on the tarmac, and then led to Minister Finn Power's office. From there, Finn would stand, a bottle of whiskey and two glasses already present on his desk, and greet the British secretary saying in Irish-accented English, "Welcome to Vienna, Mr. Secretary. Care for some whiskey?" Regardless of the Secretary's response, Finn would begin to pour one for himself, continuing, "First of all, we were hoping for an economic treaty of some sort. Should that be agreeable, we'd also like to open up the possibility of military cooperation, nothing big like an MDP right now due to obvious problems, but perhaps an officer exchange program, or something similar."

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Looking at the bottle of whisk[i]e[/i]y, the Foreign Secretary frowned, afterall, it meant it a product of either the dreadful colonials or the dirty smelly irish.  He himself preferred proper Scotch whisky.  "If one must." he said forelorned way thinking to himself [i]lie back and think of England.[/i]

 

"What would you be looking for in these areas more specifically?"

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"In terms of economics, I'm sure we can find agreement in a free trade treaty. In addition to that, a good number of German engineering companies like Krupp, Porsche and BMW are owned by us, so I'm sure both the civilian and military sectors will benefit from loosened restrictions on both our ends. And as I mentioned before, with military we were thinking a non-aggression pact and an officer exchange program. Stop me if you disagree with anything I'm saying."

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"To what extent would a non-aggression pact apply, we have no land borders and you have no coast for maritime disputes.  If we were to sign such a treaty and doing officer exchanges we'd want it to also apply equal weight to any alliances we both have as i would be very hard to imagine either of us drawn into direct confrontation."

Edited by Triyun
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Finn would sit there, completely bewildered as he listened to Secretary Hague ask about the non-aggression pact. "You're %*#@ing kidding me, right?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. Shaking his head and sighing, Finn continued, "Look, it's simple from my end. Alvonia takes no military or economic action to undermine Great Britain, Great Britain takes no military or economic action to undermine Alvonia. Should there be a conflict where we're somehow drawn in to fight against one another, then we simply don't fight each other, given our already existing treaty obligations to not fight each other. That good enough?"

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"Only in my difficulty in understanding what you are saying because of your absolutely dreadful accent.  If Alvonia wishes a non-aggression treaty along those lines it is fine however, we must be clear that such a treaty would only cover the territories of Britain and Alvonia and their protectorates as well as direct confrontation.  We have found the recent incidents regarding France and Alvonia not just supporting but speaking for France something highly irregular.   This practice would not be covered under a non-aggression treaty to be clear."

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Finn looked at the man for several minutes, his face contorted in confusion. After what seemed like an eternity, Finn suddenly burst out laughing. After taking the time to compose himself, he said as he wiped tears from his face, "I'm sorry, but you've really gotta be %*#^ing with me. If that isn't the most ridiculous, restrictive, insane definition of a non-aggression pact, then I don't know what the &$*# is. No, here's what the treaty is going to be. We don't fight each other in any way, militarily or economically, anywhere. Not on your land, not on our land, not on France's land, anywhere that we come across each other we're going to sidestep the hall. If god forbid we're called in on a conflict of any kind, whether we're part of the original conflict or not. That's how a goddamn non-aggression pact works."

 

"As to that incident you're talking about, I don't give a %($* if you like what we're doing or not. I don't like that you just waltzed into my office, insulted my character, and are apparently so dumb that you don't know how a non-aggression pact works. But that's how international relations work, doesn't it? We don't have to agree on every little issue, but if you don't like what Alvonia is doing then I highly suggest you #&@$ off and get out of my office. I had hoped that we could be reasonable people, but no. If you'd like to get back to London, I know a few nice fellows that can help you out." With the snap of his fingers, three Schwarze Korps agents appeared at the door, their arms in front. The third soldier placed himself between the minister and Finn, again with his arms in front of him. After they finished placing themselves, Finn said, "I'll let them out if you decide you want to play ball, otherwise I can have these two fine gentlemen help you out."

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"Your state is clearly irrational if you do not think it relevant that you are representing another state in place of it, and you think we are somehow then obligated to extend our treaty to a third state.  Beyond that you are rude and incapable of statesmanship.  We have no desire to conduct further business with you.   We'll show ourselves out." the Brits said as they left the meeting.

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