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Bleak Outlook

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  4. Da WAE

    in Alliance Announcements (IC)

    Posted · Edited by Bleak Outlook

    On 1/27/2018 at 6:47 PM, socrates said:

    *loud sniffing sounds*

    Your forgot to post the picture of the gigantic, grandma panties to go with your post.

     

    Also, happy birthday GATO and your rotten, stinking meme.

  8. Response to Recent Events in Farkistan

    in Alliance Announcements (IC)

    Posted

    God you guys are tools..

    nnnughgghgghghghhhh! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God! Your annoyance! Your frustration! Your sweet and warm buzzing discontent! It's like a ten-thousand-year orgasm for my eyeballs! I will orchestrate an endless parade, a whirlwind, an infinite flood of announcements exactly like this one if only to draw out every last drop of your succulent ire. I LOVE YOU. Feed me more of your gape-mouthed critiques! Abuse me, great Abuser!

     

    I will start working on next month's announcement immediately. 

  17. And the Short Bus Rolls Again

    in Alliance Announcements (IC)

    Posted

    The above beer reviews are horrid.

    So post a better one! :P

    Here's one I did a while back for the Farkers:

    My reviews look at

    Color(including texture/head), smell, taste, other.

    Ratings:

    1=Old flat beer found in an ashtray in a long-abandoned, sleezy bar.

    5=Your average, every-day beer. Nothing special, but it gets the job done.

    10=Surely this beer was brewed by God himself, for you will orgasm just by looking at the bottle.

    So I went to Kroger's and bought a build-your-own 6 pack. This looked interesting enough:

    michelob_jacks_pumpkin.jpg

    Jack's Pumpkin Spice Ale

    A Michelob Brewing Co. product which features a stupid-looking scarecrow/pumkinhead and so much text that it runs over the picture on both sides. Boasts of nutmeg, cinnamon, and clove and weighs in at 5.5% alcohol by volume. Nice.

    Color:

    The head came out thicker than I expected. It kind of looks like sea-foam but has a nice cream color. The beer is a friendly tranparent-red-amber, and the head is very insistent about covering the entire top of the glass. It has a light carbonation and a slightly-mediumish weight. Goes down pretty easily and feels like a lager. Definitely gets you thinking about thanksgiving/holiday season.

    Smell:

    Well, my nose is a little stopped up right now, which sucks because this beer smells good. It's a combination of a cinnamon rolls, pumkin pie, and beer! Hell, if women smelled like this, I'd have at least a dozen restraining orders against me... ok ok ok. a dozen more :blush:

    Taste:

    Tastes a lot like it smells. I imagine this is what beer would taste like if I swigged some immediately after swallowing a bite of pumkin pie. The clove and nutmeg are fairly present, and the beer is pretty flowery and malty. The aftertaste is heavy on the alcohol then quickly gives way to a pleasant savoryness. This is where the cinnamon really comes out. And oh! a foamy burp! Yum!

    Other:

    I'd call this a nice desert beer. Not something you'd pound down while watching the game, but something you'd sip for a while after a nice meal. Then you go, "ah, that was nice. Got any normal beer?"

    6.4/10

  23. Pour an ice cold IRON

    in Open World RP

    Posted

    There is something horribly wrong with this picture...

    :huh:

    You mean that two of them are open? These are stock photos I found online. Best one I could find. :shrug:

    Am I missing something?

    Also, I just tried the blonde again while dead sober. Still awesome, but not quite the level of awesome that it was last night. Definitely notice the bitterness more when sober, but still has a nice toffee/coffee flavor. I love beer!

  24. Pour an ice cold IRON

    in Open World RP

    Posted

    Ok, so last night after reading the beer reviews I got thirsty. REAL thirsty. I present to you, my reviews! Fair warning, I was fairly buzzed towards the end.

    So I wanted to drink and saw something cool. A six pack of assorted beers called "Shiner Family Reunion" this is my review of the six pack.

    FamilyPack1.jpg

    Shiner family reunion is a six pack of their most popular beers. Kinda nifty if you're in the mood to do beer reviews.

    FamilyPack2.jpg

    It features Shiner Black, Bock, Blonde, Kosmos, Hefeweizen, and Light. I drank and reviewed all these beers within the course of a little over 2 hours. So please take the reviews with a grain of salt.

    Reviews look at

    Color(including texture/head), smell, taste, other.

    Ratings:

    1=old flat beer found in an ashtray in a long-abandoned, sleezy bar.

    5=Your average, every-day beer. Nothing special, but it gets the job done.

    10=surely this beer was brewed by God himself, for you will orgasm just by looking at the bottle.

    Shiner Bock

    A fine Texas brew recognizeable by its distinct dark yellow label and the bighorn staring you down.

    Color:

    This is a reddish-amber colored beer that shines in the sun and beckons those around to quit working for the

    day. The high carbonation is visible in its tendancy to leave streaks of head down the glass after you sip.

    Also note the light coca-cola like burn on your tongue as the beer fizzes wildly. The texture is a nice

    combination of watery drinkability with a foam-induced heaviness at the end.

    Smell:

    Surprisingly sugary, bready, and wonderful. Imagine what a fresh-baked cinnamon roll would smell like if it

    did not have any cinnamon on it.

    Taste:

    Not quite as sweet as it smells, but very sweet nonetheless. It brings forward a distinct taste of alcohol

    with mild coffee undertones. Somewhere in these layers there is a bitterness (same for the beer too!). The

    aftertaste needs work. It leaves a sudden acrid iron taste, which gives way to a flowery "I just dranks some

    beer." On second thought, make that "did I drink beer, or eat oatmeal?"

    Other:

    The high carbonation and sweet flavor makes for some interesting burps. The beer is somewhat refreshing, but

    feels more like something that should be paired with a meal, rather than swilled to get drunk off of. Works

    in a pinch. 6.6/10

    Hefeweizen

    Shiner's take on Hefeweizen. An unfiltered wheat beer. The pumkin-orange label boasts that it is brewed with

    orange and lemon peels, and has a touch of honey added. (note: the normal label has a creepy two-headed dude

    reversible bottle)

    Color:

    Strange. It pours as a clear, mellow beige but in the glass appears cloudy and tan. The head is very

    thin and fine... millions of tiny bubbles working in coordination to give the appearance of foam, without

    actually being foam. It breaks up pretty quickly. This again has a fizzy texture, but no where near the

    fiziness of the Bock. It swallows smooth and clean, and the bubble only slightly tickle the tongue. It feels

    a little heavier, and coats your tongue.

    Smell:

    Touches of honey, wheat, and citrus, but also cream. Think orange yogurt. The smell is hauntingly mild

    and refreshing in itself. Like a fond memory played out as a daydream during a boring conversation.

    Taste:

    The label was right! I distinctly taste lemon, orange, and quick wisp of honey. The orange is a little

    strong. There is a little bit of that chalky wheat feel, but not much taste. Finishes with a crazed orange

    zest in your face aftertaste. It's wonderfully refreshing, especially since it was balls-hot today (102

    degress F).

    Other:

    I want to drink four more of these. It's like some magic orange soda that gets you drunk. Not the best

    hefeweizen I've ever tasted, but it is a good start. They need to tone down the orange/lemon and bring more

    wheat into this wheat beer! Aftertaste needs work too. However it is refreshing and clean-tasting, and is

    better than your average beer. 7/10

    Blonde

    This American Pale Lager features an inviting blue label which normally features an artsy depiction of a

    blonde chick on a swing. My bottle has weird depression-era brewmeisters standing in front of a vat.

    Color:

    It pours a very very light yellowy-gold, and appears a normal transparent gold color in the glass. Not

    much head to speak of, but I may have simply poured it too slowly. Again, the thousands of tiny bubbles

    indicate a fair amount of carbonation which forms in a contrastingly white-ring around the glass. The texture

    is very watery and moderately carbonated. It burns the tongue a little but is not unpleasant.

    Smell:

    The aroma is toffee and hops and bitter and almost salty. When you smell the caramel malt, you want to

    taste it! Peanut brittle comes to mind. There is just a little bit of skunkiness to it, but it adds to the

    smell. don't be fooled though, the smell is mild. I nearly slurped some beer up my nose trying to get a

    better sense of it!

    Taste:

    Oh sweet heavens above,

    surely divine sparks hath descended upon my tongue

    for I taste bitter-sweet nectar which drags me under

    down, down into ecstatic dreams of beer!

    Yeah, that was poetry. I am in Farking love! The beer is sweet with toffee and roasted peanuts. There is

    enough bitterness to remind you that you are indeed drinking beer, and enough hops and malty goodness to

    remind you that it is Farking good beer! It goes down like silk with a pleasant aftertaste of hops.

    Other:

    Corn, grain, peanuts, toffee, coffee, sugar, oats. This beer is cheerful and smooth and it makes me

    sad that I drank it all. The minus is the slight skunkiness in the aftertaste and smell, and it was a bit

    watery, which is a shame. I don't have a large selection of Pale Lagers to compare it with, but I think for

    now, this is my favorite! 7.5/10

    Black

    A "bohemian black lager" which comes in a morbidly dark bottle with a solid black label. Ironically, the

    label encourages you to "spread cheer with every beer!" but I feel downtrodden just looking at it.

    Color:

    Um... black? During pour, it is very dark brown, and in the glass it is opaque and foreboding. The

    head is a dark tan with some larger, soapy bubbles intermixed that just wond dissipate. Think RC Cola or

    regular coke if you suck at life and refuse to drink anything outside of the coke/pepsi autocracy. There is

    no burn or watery-ness to be had here. This beer is thick and milky going down. Very little carbonation and

    the foam oozes down the sides of the glass after each gulp... err... sip. Yeah, sip.

    Smell:

    Smells of coffee with too much creamer. A strangely sweet smell is hiding behind those thick chocolate

    -with-nuts smells. Curiosity drives the taster to dig deeper, compelling him to taste the black ooze again.

    Taste:

    Chocolate milk. Coffee. Cream. Roasted nuts. Earth! By your powers combined, I am captain drunk!

    Seriously, it tastes of old fires, milk, toffee, and caramel, but doesn't forget to throw in some hops. It's

    sweet and savory, thoughtful and resentful, wonderful and innocent. very very very nice.

    Other:

    Look out, blondie, You've got competition! This beer is smooth and very drinkable. It's heavy, but not

    irritatingly so, like my ex girlfriend. This beer is what cola dreams of becoming. Drawbacks are this: when I

    said it tastes of old fires, I meant 'burnt'. Someone BURNED my Farking BEER. What. The. Fark. Still, I'd

    call this a toss-up with the Blonde. Fake edit: I went for a smoke after this beer and hocked a nasty loog.

    The farking beer makes your spit turn brown! I'm giving it a .2 penalty for that, since no one wants to swap

    spit with you when they realize that. 7.5/10 7.3/10

    Kosmos Reserve

    Another American Pale Lager. Tan label with "Prosit! To the original brewmaster of Shiner" (includes picture

    of creepy "Kosmos Spoetzl" holding a beer glass)

    Color:

    See my descriptionm of Blonde. Add in a more reddish color to the mix. Light burn on the tongue and

    cool watery texture.

    Smell:

    Again similar to blondie over there. This one is milder though. The smell itself has a shiatload of

    hops smeared with peanut butter and sugar. YUM!

    Taste:

    More refreshing than blonde, but also seems more watery. Plus I drank a bunch of beer already, so that

    doesn't help. There's those hops again! Peanut brittle, toffee, sweet caramel, sexy. I also taste some good

    malt and this funky metallic taste like you'd get from drinking a can of 3 year old coors. Ther aftertaste is

    like fruit-flavored morning breath. Yyych.

    Other:

    Hey! It's beeer! I think blonde is better, but this ain't your everyday beer. It's delicious and sweet

    and makes me think of some kind of bizarre desert in a far off european country that I'll never see. Some

    roasted nutty flavors. What really murders this beer is the aftertaste and that weird metallic undertone to

    the whole thing. Guess their "original brewmaster" Farked up somewhere. Still, I can't !@#$%^ too much, since

    the beer is getting me toasty drunk! 6.8/10

    Shiner Light

    Well, I figure I've saved the worst for last. Let's find out. This bottle is hiseous and gray. Camofluage

    (Fark I can't spell right now) gray. It features a picture of the original brewery which looks suspiciously

    like the alamo with a whore house built on top of it. Is this win?

    Color:

    For a light beer, this is surprisingly red and darker. I was expecting piss yellow swill. It has a

    slightly fizzy bite and a head similar to the Black from earlier (larger bubbles and thick around the edges).

    Smell:

    Sweet and bready. If you've ever smelled beer-bread, you've smelled Shiner Light. For a second I

    caught an unpleasant fart smell which could be skunkiness, or me (I just drank a six pack in about 2 hourse.

    Fark you). Theres also a flowery boquet mizxed with hay and a crispness that I'm probably imagining.

    Taste:

    Kind of honey, kind of sharp, kind of caramel popcorn. But ugh, the aftertaste! It's like bile and

    aluminum. Despite it all the beer is cold and bubbly and sweet, which = refreshing and pleasant.

    Other:

    Not sure what to think of this beer. I was expecting a piss-water Bud light knock-off and got a nice

    crispy bubbly treat. The aftertaste leaves much to be desired and it's just a little too Farking sweet. I may

    be slightly inebriated. Heh. Beer kicks $@!. Oh right ummmm, we'll call this a 6/10

  25. Pour an ice cold IRON

    in Open World RP

    Posted

    Oh this is b-e-a-utiful!

    Shan Revan: I've had Foster's several times. Believe me when I say you're not missing out on anything too special. I'd put it as a hair better than most of the American light beers. Maybe. Anyway, I found your angle of including their advertisements to be unique and interesting. Kind of makes me take a second look at the beers I drink!

    MCRABT: Newcastle is wonderful! Also, I must agree with the sentiment in this thread that the pictures of Grolsch make me thirsty! Nice review of some fine beers that I will now have to spend weeks and dollars trying to find in the states.

    I salute you both!

    O\ Hali?

    ^_^

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