Schattenmann's Odyssey

Entry posted by Schattenmann April 5, 2010

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<Schattenmann> So, I'm sitting here at 8:35 on Easter Sunday procrastinating an Economics essay that's due by 11:55 PM

<Subtleknifewielder> uh oh...

<Schattenmann> I hate econ so much

<Schattenmann> This is an easy essay

<Schattenmann> I can write this in 30 minutes

<Subtleknifewielder> But it's boring?

<Schattenmann> I wrote a 5-page essay about CN in 2 hours from 1-3 AM once but I can't write this econ essay

Assignment:

The Bureau of Economic Analysis provides profit data for various industries in the United States. Go to www.bea.gov and find National Income and Product Account Table 6.16D on Corporate Profits by Industry. Based on the most-recent figures, which of the following categories of industry classifications has the greatest profits: (a) financial or nonfinancial; (b) manufacturing, transportation, wholesale trade, or retail trade; © durable goods or nondurable goods? Compared to the same quarter a year earlier, which sectors had the largest and smallest percentage increases in profit? Which sectors, if any, experienced losses? What are the implications of the profit changes for expansion or contraction of the particular industries?

8 years ago I began the most nightmarish odyssey that I have ever been exposed to in my life. College. I hate college, I hate it more than anything on Earth. I would rather work as an organ harvester specializing in infants than be in college. I hate college because I like to learn.

Here's the lowdown for anyone out there who has not yet entered college: The first two years are high school over again. English, biology, math, foreign language, study skills. Why did I even attend the last two years of high school? I want to be a teacher. I don't want 3 months off/year, I don't want state benefits, I don't want to be off by 3 every day. I want to teach. So, I went to Longwood, which is where you go to be a teacher in Virginia. I went nuts. I became nocturnal, playing Diablo II and watching Law and Order re-runs from 4PM to 5 AM every day,commuting home evry weekend. Honestly, I could have murdered my super-broseph roommate and hanged myself with his intestines. Clearly, I failed out of Longwood in one semester. Where do flunkies go? Thaaaat's right, community college. I've been in community college for 5 of the last 8 years. At this point I hope less people read blogs than I imagine do, but seriously I think you guys all know Schattenmann well enough to know that I don't give a damn about your snickering over that figure since I am confident that I am more intelligent than most of you regardless.

Back on point.

In 1924, Longwood was the "State Teachers College at Farmville." You went there and they taught you to be a teacher. That was 86 years ago. If you're not familiar with Education now, basically, you major in a subject area (history) and minor in education (elementary, secondary, etc). This means a lot of pissing around, jumping through bureaucratic hoops.

As a history major, here's a sampling of what I have to take: 2 semesters of a foreign language, 1 econ, 2 science, 2 math, an art, 2 english, 1 physical eduation, 1 literature. Look familiar, teeny-boppers? That's right; as I said, it's your high school curriculum.

-Foreign language: I took 3 years of Spanish and 2 years of German. I tested as a fluent speaker in German when I entered Longwood, reprieve due to knowledge already present? No, German culture class instead of grammar. I detest Spanish as vulgar, so of course the community college I'm in doesn't offer German.

-Science: Two BIO courses are suggested. I gene-spliced bacteria in 8th grade. I goddamn took the DNA out of mold and put it into bacteria to produce antibiotic-resistant bacteria! When I was 14! I HAVE BIOLOGY DOWN, GODDAMNIT! I took ecology/oceanography in 4th grade, I took general science in 6th, life science (biology) in 7th, biology in 10th, ecology in 12th. I have proven my scientific abiliies.

-Math: Math has absolutely nothing to do with teaching anything except math. It just !@#$@#$ doesn't.

-Econ: Ok, economics is a social science. Microeconomics and macroeconomics, however, have nothing to do with the study of history. A general knowledge of either will help in interpretation of events, but not to a degree that either needsbe studied by someone going into my field.

-Phys Ed: Yeah, you read that correctly--I have to take weightlifting, ice-!@#$@#$-skating, nutrition, or some other bullsmack class to be a teacher. A history teacher.

-English/Lit: Welcome to English 111 and 112, hopefully you saved all your high school essays because we're writing the same essays all over again, except this time it's gonna cost you $500. I scored in the 99th percentile in writing in every standardized test that ever beleaguered students in my school district. I am write and so can you!

-Art: Yes, art. Here's your art: I had 13 ceramics pieces displayed from 8th-10th grade. Art is my !@#$%*. The art history class I'm taking this semester to satisfy my art credit? It's the same as the Western Culture class I took to fill a humanities credit.

The problem is that colleges and universities are no longer institutions of learning. They are sports franchises and prestige machines. Why create a high quality teacher in 2 years when you can squeeze 4 years' worth of tuition out of him? If knowledge had anything to do with college the knowledge you possess when you get there would matter. Why did I take an extra year of math and Spanish in high school to get an Advanced Diploma when it doens't make any difference? Why shouldn't I give up for 4 years and work in crappy jobs if the !@#$ just keeps flowing? Do I live in a Pink Floyd album?!

What's the answer? I !@#$@#$ dare, no, I beg all of you to go to your counselor/academic advisor/whatever your college calls it and ask why an art student has to take an economics class and I will also bet each of you that here's what you get: "We want well-rounded students."

"Well-rounded" is the job of goddamned elementary and secondary schools. AND HERE IS THE CAUSE OF THE PROBLEM in that very realization! I'm taking high school English because college is high school, and I'm surrounded by morons because high school doesn't count!

I want to die. I just want to die more than I want to teach anymore.