[Official IRON Dispatch]

I may be three sheets...
*takes another shot*
...four sheets to the wind here.
But this seems kind of familiar. I would check this out but that would eat into my drinking time.

[Farkistan March Erection Results]

These people are all FAN spais!
They've already sicked the People's Front and the Popular Front on one another to hide the truth.
I'm next - they will try to silence me - was that the front door - oh god they're her+++CARRIER LOST+++

[Zenith Beer Review]

I heartily approve this beer review! Boulevard Irish Ale is tasty, tasty stuff.

[The New Sith Order Offers Individual Surrender Terms]

I'm surprised you could get this info out Ivan - what with you have Zero infra, Zero Tech, and Zero purchased land now. Perhaps you should look into our surrender terms

[Farkistan Erection Announcement]

Do snow pigs make snow bacon?

[Farkistan Erection Announcement]

♪♫

Its beginning to look a lot like Farkmas

Everywhere you go

Take a look in the corner bar,

There's Farkers from near and far

With beer and fun much in store!

Its beginning to look a lot like Farkmas

Bacon in every pan

But the prettiest sight to see

Is that delicious BLT

And when you're done you'll ask for more!

Its beginning to look a lot like Farkmas

but the mod's wouldn't let me sing this verse

Suffice it to say

The word begins with 'B'

If you can't guess you're too young to know!

Its beginning to look a lot like Farkmas

I think this board is inane

Dullards and fools

who all think they're cool

you can all kiss my tuckus

Yes it is beginning to look a lot like Farkmas

My song is nearly at an end

We've laughed and we cried

The dude - he shall abide

Goodnight and fark off!

♫♪

[Fark Declares in Support of Ragnarok]

Engage!