editor's note: The following is a draft describing Minyeshi's armed forces, originally prepared to brief fellow members of the GDA on the fighting capabilities of their ally state. It was prepared early in the CnG-TOP war.
ARMED FORCES OF MINYESHI
Best known for losing every war it has ever fought, Minyeshi's military is typically ignored during peacetime and funds itself mostly through piracy, prostitution and witchcraft. The most significant branch is the Commonwealth of Minyeshi Army, or COMA, possibly a reference to Nam-Lugal Yawambe's usual activity level.
COMA has patterned most of its military tactics on the hypothetical wartime experiences of the Ancient Sumerians, along with the movie Zulu (1964), starring Stanley Baker and Michael Caine. Accordingly, wartime Minyeshi is well fortified with sand bags and upturned wagons.
THE MINYESHI ARMY
The standard Minyeshi soldier is dressed in a bright scarlet uniform and wears a white pith helmet. Critics say this brightly colored uniform attracts enemy fire and have proposed a new battle dress. Inspired by the Sailor Moon cartoon series, it resembles the uniforms worn by Japanese schoolgirls, only camouflaged. The standard infantry sidearm is a local copy of the British Lee Enfield bolt action rifle, a vast improvement over the common spear.
COMA's ranks have recently been augmented by a large number of cloned sapient squirrels, the genetic template of which was graciously provided by GDA member GrannyInAction. As some unknown genius decided it would be a good idea if these fuzzy little buggers could hide, each warrior rodent is dressed in a miniature camouflaged uniform and armed with acorn-shaped mini-grenades and the cutest little submachine gun ever designed.
The Minyeshi government is currently filling a request to export its War Squirrels to the West Artic Republic, each in custom-tailored duck costumes.
THE MINYESHI NAVY
With the recent war scare, Yawambe has ordered the modernization of Minyeshi's fleet. The Navy has accordingly traded in its powerful fleet of war canoes for more metallic vessels, armed with guns and guided missiles instead of crossbows. Despite long-standing traditions of seafaring and freebooting, many of Minyeshi's sailors are unsure how to operate ordinance with great precision, resulting in the accidental sinking of several whales.
CRUSTACEAN BATTLE TANKS
Having commissioned a large Navy in a short period of time, Yawambe's government had little steel left to build land vehicles with. While managing to build most of its military trucks out of straw, for armored vehicles this approach proved impractical.
Taking inspiration from the humble hermit crab, which adopts the shells left by other animals, Minyeshi engineers designed a walking tank shaped like a large crustacean with a large cannon on its nose. This small, lightly-armored vehicle is capable of welding its way into the hull of disabled tanks, crawling inside, and using their husks as temporary protection.
STRATEGY DEPARTMENT
Believing that Minyeshi's past defeats are thanks partly to slow reaction times, inadequate build orders and general strategic incompetency, COMA's high command has ordered the cloning of famous South Korean professional StarCraft players to direct Minyeshi's armies with greater efficiency.
Trained in both real-time-strategy games and modern military tactics, clones of SlayerS_`BoxeR`, Bisu, Jaedong, iloveoov, NaDa, sAviOr and other famous champions direct Minyeshi's network-centered army by sitting in computerized bunkers and clicking furiously. These strategy clones have quickly grown popular; many admirers write them love letters and celebrate their achievements by waving large plastic tubes in the air.
