DragonGem

August Erection Results and IRON Surrender Terms Enforcement The Government Castle cleaning lady (we swear she is legally documented) made a horrific discovery when she went in to clean the Hall of Orgies Discussion Chamber. Every member of the Farkistan government was dead. Several busted harnesses and seven incredibly confused horses were also found in the room. Painted in giant letters on the ceiling was the ominous phrase "YOU SHOULD HAVE ENFORCED THE IRON SURRENDER TERMS." Erections were hastily held and Farkistan is proud to present its new government: Submitter - Quadriplegic Squirrel - dontcareaboutmyid TotalFark Council Raving_MainyYak (SotC) Janquel Randomly Jim fireguy15207 ironone Though all were happy to be part of the new leadership of Fark, they were equally nervous about enforcing surrender terms to avoid the fate of their predecessors. The tentative seven called a town meeting to ask the citizens of Farkistan which surrender terms were not being enforced. "ARTICLE 10!!!!" the assembled crowd shouted in unison. "Remind us again about Article 10" said the baffled new gov. "Article 10 - As additional reparations for their larger involvement in the war, the following leaders of IRON; FinsterBaby, Shan Revan, Peron, Griffon, MCRABT, Matt Miller, Grizz Goose, Krash, and bay102174 are required to conduct a thorough evaluation of at least five beers. Any member of the IRON leadership with a weak liver, insufficient age, or other impediment to a proper evaluation of said suds may instead conduct a similar study of at least three variations of bacon. Their final report must be submitted to Pope Rodger, then Squirrel of Farkistan to be published in the CyberNations Forums within 30 days of the signing of this agreement. Any evaluation of a malted beverage that contains the word "light", "lite", or "ultra" will be considered a crime against humanity and said evaluator shall submit to public ridicule until this matter is forgotten." yelled the gathered citizens. With eyes bulging from his skull the brand new Submitter addressed the masses. "You can't seriously be suggesting that the leaders of IRON failed to fulfill on that term in the required 30 days? I mean, those were due by June 25th. I've got them right here in a manila folder I found underneath a pile of inflatable dolls. Here is the review from Grizz Goose, the one from WorldFed, the one from Krash,...." A few minutes of stunned silence followed. When the subby faced the crowd again there was a new look of constipation determination in his eyes. Quadriplegic's voice was that of icy steel (as opposed to overwrought iron) as he vowed, "We shall make the other seven pay!" The combined voices of the faithful people of Farkistan rang out - "Go get them! And make sure you are wearing lycra when you do it!" The magnificent seven (hey - that has a nice ring to it) new members of government huddled together for a moment to hatch their plan. After a round of low and high fives among themselves, Subby Quadriplegic faced the crowd and proclaimed, "We seven shall ride out and visit each of these IRON nations and collect those reviews!" Thus, the Tour de Fark was born..... One new member of government rode out to each term violator; Subby Quadriplegic to Naboo (home of Shan Revan), dontcareaboutmyid to Llabesuf (home of Peron), Raving_MainyYak to Asgard (home of Griffon), Janquel to Diligo Vito Venerati (home of MCRABT), Randomly Jim to Bubbler Nation (home of Matt Miller), fireguy15207 to Acme States (home of FinsterBaby) and ironone to Dixie (home of bay102174). STAGE 1 - Naboo Admittedly a bike ride to the middle of the Pacific Ocean is no easy undertaking. Thankfully the lycra added a touch of buoyancy and the Subby arrived none the worse for wear. Local beer options were scarce, but, like every citizen of Farkistan, Quadriplegic had his mobile beer kit with him. Thanks to Shan Raven's predilection for Hello Kitty paraphernalia - he was easy to find at the local swap meet. Quadriplegic confronted him, pointed to his beer kit and said, "drink 5 and tell me what you think of each; you have 10 minutes to comply." Eager to get back to haggling over "an adorable Hello Kitty shower curtain" (his words), Shan Raven immediately complied. As Quadriplegic remounted his bike for the return trip home he turned to Shan Raven and said, "I expect to see those in the forums shortly. Don't make me have to come back!" STAGE 2 - Llabesuf News of the visit to Naboo rapidly reached the other IRON nations and word was given for the IRON faithful to hop on their bikes to intercept the Farkistan government members en route. dontcareaboutmyid, on his way to visit Peron, snapped a photograph of his would be pursuers. dontcareaboutmyid, in an act of unnecessary kindness, waited for Peron to finish his remedial Pilates class before cornering him. Though the exchange was a tad awkward thanks to Peron's exercise outfit consisting of a mesh speedo, orange leg warmers and a paper Burger King crown, dontcareaboutmyid pointed to his beer kit and explained why he was there. Not wanting to miss out on the post-Pilates class group shower, Peron quickly drank his beers and promised to get his reviews up on the forums ASAP. STAGE 3 - Asgard Raving_MainyYak ("Yak" to his friends, if only he had any) caught a bit of a break. As he entered Asgard he saw Griffon pedaling furiously towards him. After spitting the bottle out of his mouth Griffon hailed Yak, "See...I've got my beers! Give me a few moments to drink these and I promise I'll get my reviews up as soon as my computer gets back from the Geek Squad. I learned the hard way that KY is not a good lubricant for a squeaky CD ROM tray." In a magnanimous move, the Yakster agreed to the extension provided the reviews were promptly posted. STAGE 4 - Diligo Vito Venerati Janquel was well into Diligo Vito Venerati to see MCRABT when he saw his first IRON cyclists. Sensing that they were no threat he continued on in his search for MCRABT. He finally found him sitting in the front row of the nation's only movie theater as the annual Julia Roberts Film Festival was in full swing. Though MCRABT initially refused to join Janquel outside because, "the scene where Richard Gere climbs up the fire escape to her apartment is almost on," he finally relented. Janquel opened his beer kit and explained to MCRABT what he must do. MCRABT hastily agreed so he could get in before Hook started. "She plays the cutest Tinkerbell" he squeaked. STAGE 5 - Bubbler Nation Randomly Jim rolled in to Bubbler Nation and immediately felt a pall of sadness and despair. No riders met him at any point on his journey. Jim almost gave up entirely after not seeing a single soul at all. Then, out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Matt Miller. Matt Miller was passed out in a field, surrounded by half-empty Zima bottles. Randomly Jim took pity on Matt and approached him with compassion. "What happened here Matt? At one time you were the leader of the biggest nation on all of Bob. You're better than this." Matt just bobbed his head in agreement and said nothing. Jim placed a fatherly hand on his shoulder and said, "Matt...you can rebuild. You can be back on top in no time at all. You just need to take the first step; and that first step is your beer reviews. Drink any 5 from my kit and post your reviews in the forum. With that weight off your shoulders - I know you'll be back on track." As a single tear fell down his face, Matt showed the barest hint of a smile and thanked Randomly Jim. STAGE 6 - Acme States fireguy15207 rolled into Acme States eager to track down FinsterBaby. He had a brief moment of trepidation when he spotted dozens of IRON riders headed his way. That trepidation quickly turned into laughter fueled relief when the leaders of the pack spotted a pair of tickets to an upcoming River Dance performance and the inevitable melee ensued. fireguy located FinsterBaby as he walked out of a Hannah Montana concert. Initially thrown off by the amount of glitter make-up he was wearing, fireguy confirmed FinsterBaby's identity by comparing the man before him to his Smoking Gun mug shot. "Andy...I mean FinsterBaby!" shouted fireguy. "We need to speak." "I know why you are here. It is about Article 10, isn't it?" replied the sheepish FinsterBaby. "That's right. Now man up, drink any 5 of the beers you find in my mobile beer kit and post your reviews on the forums for all to see. Then we can put this whole mess behind us." Sticking around long enough to see FinsterBaby agree...fireguy headed back to Farkistan. STAGE 7 - Dixie ironone had no trouble eluding the riders sent out to intercept him. Apparently the rumors about Dixie were true....they do all have tiny bladders. ironone spied bay102174 chasing butterflies around a field and giggling madly. ironone was momentarily reluctant to bother bay102174, as the IRON leader pranced and scampered about in a leopard print onesie, without a care in the world. Then ironone remembered why he was here and marched over to confront bay102174. "Hey there little guy?" cooed ironone. "Can you come over here for a second?" bay102174 skipped over thinking he was about to make a new friend, but came to a screeching halt as soon as he realized who it was. "My riders swore they would intercept you! How did you get by them?" he demanded. "I didn't have to piss" commented ironone. "Now get your onesie covered behind over here and comply with your alliance's surrender terms!" "I don't want to," wailed bay102174, "and you can't make me!" In a patient, but firm tone, ironone said, "You are one of the leaders of one of the biggest alliances this game has ever seen. Your own sense of honor should be enough to compel you to comply with your surrender terms. If frolicking after butterflies is worth more to you than personal honor...I'm not sure we even want your reviews." Head hung in shame, in a barely audible whisper, bay102174 said, "I'll do it." Their first task as gov complete, Subby proposed a friendly competition before they had to return and immediately begin masturbating furiously the business of government: First one back to Farkistan wins one of Jaromayo's famous bacon weaves! And wins a date with the Queen of this year's Bacon-Fest: With renewed vigor at the promise of bacon goodness, the Magnificent Seven sped home. As Randomly Jim crossed the finish line ahead of the rest after a closely run race, he raised his arms in victory, only to realize he'd been beaten by the unlikeliest of competitors: Congrats to these ethanol powered athletes, the new leaders of Farkistan: Submitter - Quadriplegic Squirrel - dontcareaboutmyid TotalFark Council Raving_MainyYak (SotC) Janquel Randomly Jim fireguy15207 ironone